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Sexless marriages - Is it ok to cheat? Options · View
whysoserious
Posted: Friday, March 05, 2010 1:51:32 AM

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My marriage isn´t completely sexless, but very frequent.

I just wondered what people thought about getting the sex elsewhere if you still loved your partner and it was just the sex that you weren´t compatible with any more?
MMonroe
Posted: Friday, March 05, 2010 7:07:49 AM

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Joined: 4/10/2009
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Location: United Kingdom
No, no and NO!

There are 1001 reasons why your marriage could be sexless and the way to fix it is to talk through it not fuck someone else!



*Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?*



Davnibbles
Posted: Friday, March 05, 2010 7:29:40 AM

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Posts: 13

Generally something has gone wrong ina marriage if the sexual contact has stopped. I lasted five years, supporting the family and then the only way i could survive longer was to pay for escorts
LadyX
Posted: Friday, March 05, 2010 7:31:32 AM

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guys like this keep girls like me in the money lol
MMonroe
Posted: Friday, March 05, 2010 7:44:21 AM

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Location: United Kingdom
Davnibbles wrote:

Generally something has gone wrong ina marriage if the sexual contact has stopped. I lasted five years, supporting the family and then the only way i could survive longer was to pay for escorts


But surely the best thing to do would be to talk it over, try and find out the reasons why the sex has stopped. People assume its just cos she's gotten frigid or something but most of the time its a medical/hormonal reason



*Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?*



Guest
Posted: Friday, March 05, 2010 8:15:35 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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If you need to cheat in a sexless marriage, you need counseling. If that doesn't work you need to consider divorce.
LadyX
Posted: Friday, March 05, 2010 8:17:39 AM

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here is a question, why would anybody be ok with a sexless marriage?
thepainter
Posted: Friday, March 05, 2010 8:36:33 AM

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Location: hell, Netherlands
It's not so much about being ok with a sexless marriage.
What the other women are saying is that cheating is sort of the easy way out. If you're married then you have an obligation to your partner to try and make things work as much as possible. This is where communication comes into play. If both partners talk openly and keep communicating then there should be a solution which works for both. If all fails then divorce is the final option.

Personally I would agree that cheating is the easy way out. Doing the right thing and actually act like a grown-up is hard to do at times but you owe it to yourself to follow this through. Unfortunately a lot of people can't manage to hold it together and mess around, with all the obvious hurtful consequences.
Maybe I sound like an arrogant and self-proclaimed morally superior person but I am not even capable of cheating. I have never done it and never will.

Insert typical super smart ass comment courtesy of thepainter here.
mercianknight
Posted: Friday, March 05, 2010 8:54:27 AM

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ali2teaseu wrote:
If you need to cheat in a sexless marriage, you need counseling. If that doesn't work you need to consider divorce.


When I see the term 'sexless marriage' to me it is not just about the nookie, but the loss of intimacy. The snuggling and cuddling.

About 7 years ago, when it happened to my wife and I, I was able to be patient for almost 2yrs - it was not easy and I took a lot of flak. The counsellors didn't help either. Most of them had obviously been watching too much Oprah because they just assumed it was my fault by spouting how I "needed to understand" and "give her room". Bollocks.

I eventually just confronted the missus, told her to fess up and put out or we're done. Guess what? She fessed up her REAL concerns out of fear of losing me and, within 6 months we were (and still are) intimate. Sometimes you just have to confront the issues head on.



"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element

"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
thepainter
Posted: Friday, March 05, 2010 8:58:20 AM

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Location: hell, Netherlands
mercianknight wrote:
Sometimes you just have to confront the issues head on.

Agreed, good point.

Insert typical super smart ass comment courtesy of thepainter here.
Guest
Posted: Friday, March 05, 2010 10:05:15 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,516
God Almighty !!! (if such a deity exists - and I doubt it) At the risk of being shot down in flames yet again by my hypocritical counterparts - usually American - and usually female .. can I state my point.

Marriage, certainly in the UK is alive and well - but then so is the incidence of extra-marital affairs. I know not of any marriage whereby both parties are serenely happy. Don't know of a single couple who after 3 or 4 years can honestly (hand on heart) say they are just as sexually compatible as they were on their wedding night.

A male was never intended to be monogamous - and in this day and age neither are females. Show me any... supposedly .... happily married male and I'll show you a potential adulterer. If anything .. the sexless marriage is alive and well.

Now let's have the onslaught.
Guest
Posted: Friday, March 05, 2010 10:11:02 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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Laurenxxx wrote:
God Almighty !!! (if such a deity exists - and I doubt it) At the risk of being shot down in flames yet again by my hypocritical counterparts - usually American - and usually female .. can I state my point.

Marriage, certainly in the UK is alive and well - but then so is the incidence of extra-marital affairs. I know not of any marriage whereby both parties are serenely happy. Don't know of a single couple who after 3 or 4 years can honestly (hand on heart) say they are just as sexually compatible as they were on their wedding night.

A male was never intended to be monogamous - and in this day and age neither are females. Show me any... supposedly .... happily married male and I'll show you a potential adulterer. If anything .. the sexless marriage is alive and well.

Now let's have the onslaught.


shockingly, I agree with everything that Lauren just said (aside from the cheap shot on the US, which is uninformed and beside the point). I don't think that by nature we were intended to be monogamous- society and love intervene occasionally to bring it about. Everyone is a potential adulterer, thus the urges and the darker thoughts of us all, but some resist- people's morals and ethics are their own business. And no, I don't know ANYBODY who, more than a few years in, is married, happy, and sexually active and content.

(though I get the feeling we'll be hearing from a few...and unlike Lauren I'm not willing to imply that those people are liars. I just don't personally know any, and know that they are few and far between)
Guest
Posted: Friday, March 05, 2010 11:04:25 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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Hi there WillinBK ... can't wait to hear about your latest sexy exploits in Thailand. You're my kind of guy.

Nothing is more dead under the sexual sun than a sexless marriage - and of course - because it's human nature to seek out pastures new - the idea .... and indeed the reality of having affairs must be given the status of being acceptable.
LadyX
Posted: Friday, March 05, 2010 12:44:57 PM

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Joined: 9/25/2009
Posts: 4,813
Laurenxxx wrote:
the reality of having affairs must be given the status of being acceptable.


I don't think any jilted wives are going to think it is ever acceptable lol. But I agree that humans are not monogamous naturally, the powers that be threatened us with religion and threatened to shun us unless we agree to this whole family thing. Someone once explained to me that they did it so we would be more productive and orderly, and I can see that.

Most married people I know are miserable, I get paid by some, they are not happy people. It is not natural.

baker992009
Posted: Friday, March 05, 2010 3:54:40 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 2/19/2009
Posts: 66
I AM one of those victims of a sexless marriage. Her reasons are not medical as far as we know... its just that she never did have a high sex drive. Our solution was simple... I can go out any time I please to fullfill my sexual needs as long as she doesn't hear about it. Its a don't ask... don't tell solution.
MMonroe
Posted: Friday, March 05, 2010 4:13:07 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/10/2009
Posts: 1,893
Location: United Kingdom
baker992009 wrote:
I AM one of those victims of a sexless marriage. Her reasons are not medical as far as we know... its just that she never did have a high sex drive. Our solution was simple... I can go out any time I please to fullfill my sexual needs as long as she doesn't hear about it. Its a don't ask... don't tell solution.


I think this situation is fine, its all about personal preference, as long as you are both fine with the situation then who is anyone else to judge. But if you're going to go out, fuck around and lie to your other half just because you wanna get some.... thats just not on in my book



*Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?*



Guest
Posted: Friday, March 05, 2010 6:56:12 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,516

<"I think this situation is fine, its all about personal preference, as long as you are both fine with the situation then who is anyone else to judge. But if you're going to go out, fuck around and lie to your other half just because you wanna get some.... thats just not on in my book"

I agree with M. Monroe. It is not the act that's wrong, it is the lying.
DirtyMartini
Posted: Friday, March 05, 2010 7:08:37 PM

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Quebec wrote:

<"I think this situation is fine, its all about personal preference, as long as you are both fine with the situation then who is anyone else to judge. But if you're going to go out, fuck around and lie to your other half just because you wanna get some.... thats just not on in my book"

I agree with M. Monroe. It is not the act that's wrong, it is the lying.


I agree with Babe, I mean Quebec...but, then I always do...


You know you want it, you know you need it bad...get it now on Amazon.com...
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Guest
Posted: Friday, March 05, 2010 7:15:39 PM

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Cheating?= NO WAY!!!! if you are talking an open marriage? then why not if your husband/wife is ok with it then why not? Otherwise the lying is a BIG deal breaker.
Guest
Posted: Friday, March 05, 2010 7:16:24 PM

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Are you my long lost twin? Lol.
Guest
Posted: Friday, March 05, 2010 8:11:42 PM

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Well, cheating is never okay. But if the marriage is going to end up in divorce anyway, go find yourself someone that wants you.
thepainter
Posted: Saturday, March 06, 2010 7:33:08 AM

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Joined: 10/23/2009
Posts: 1,353
Location: hell, Netherlands
Necho wrote:
Well, cheating is never okay. But if the marriage is going to end up in divorce anyway, go find yourself someone that wants you.


Or take the time to get back on your feet and enjoy life being single before jumping back into the rollercoaster with a new partner.

Insert typical super smart ass comment courtesy of thepainter here.
Guest
Posted: Saturday, March 06, 2010 4:46:01 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,516

To Cheat in marriage - I am presuming meaning the partner doesn't know - is not favourable in my world. If the marriage is open - I guess that's the ticket. Myself, I would not be able to function well in an open marriage.

Life is toooooo short to be "stuck" in a sexless marriage - I vote, hang it up!

Then, make your ex-partner your best friend and companion and be available to find someone who makes a marriage complete.

Van
WellMadeMale
Posted: Saturday, March 06, 2010 5:42:56 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
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Location: Cakeland, United States
VanGogh wrote:
Life is toooooo short to be "stuck" in a sexless marriage - I vote, hang it up!

Then, make your ex-partner your best friend and companion and be available to find someone who makes a marriage complete.


Right on, Van!

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
Bunny12
Posted: Monday, March 08, 2010 12:04:39 PM

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Joined: 9/2/2009
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Location: My own little world, United States
I know most often sexless marriages did not start out that way and for whatever the reason the men I have known that are in sexless marriages do not or can not leave their wives because of children, financial reasons or they really do love their wives and do not want to leave them. The world is never perfect and sometimes you must just work with what you have. I see no reason a little discrete sexual outlet should be a problem if circumstances call for it. If I found out my hubby was cheating would I leave him - hell NO I'd just tell him to bring her home she can help with the housework!!! Yep turn her into my house bitch! hehehe But that's just me and I guess I'm not typical. The whole thing just depends on what is acceptable to you personally which is different for everyone.

Bunny12


Bunny Rabbits cute and fuzzy they want to love you but they have razor sharp teeth - don't piss them off!
Guest
Posted: Monday, March 08, 2010 3:46:06 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,516
Bunny12 wrote:
The whole thing just depends on what is acceptable to you personally which is different for everyone.


bingo.

The dude who started the thread poses the question "is it okay to cheat?". By probably a 5-1 margin, the chorus of "No! I'ts not okay!" rains down...but we're just saying if it would be okay if we were in his shoes or in the shoes of his spouse- none of us has any authority to say whether it's okay within the reality of his life.

We all have our own standard of ethics and reasons for living the way we do...we only judge through the prism of how different we are from those we observe. Does this make me a moral relativist? Yes, yes it does.

Takes all kinds...If Bunny12 caught her husband fucking around, she would sign his piece-on-the-side up for slave labor, right on.

Sometimes I love this place.
Jezziebelle
Posted: Monday, March 08, 2010 9:17:11 PM

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Joined: 11/23/2009
Posts: 274
Location: United States
WillinBK wrote:
Laurenxxx wrote:
God Almighty !!! (if such a deity exists - and I doubt it) At the risk of being shot down in flames yet again by my hypocritical counterparts - usually American - and usually female .. can I state my point.

Marriage, certainly in the UK is alive and well - but then so is the incidence of extra-marital affairs. I know not of any marriage whereby both parties are serenely happy. Don't know of a single couple who after 3 or 4 years can honestly (hand on heart) say they are just as sexually compatible as they were on their wedding night.

A male was never intended to be monogamous - and in this day and age neither are females. Show me any... supposedly .... happily married male and I'll show you a potential adulterer. If anything .. the sexless marriage is alive and well.

Now let's have the onslaught.


shockingly, I agree with everything that Lauren just said (aside from the cheap shot on the US, which is uninformed and beside the point). I don't think that by nature we were intended to be monogamous- society and love intervene occasionally to bring it about. Everyone is a potential adulterer, thus the urges and the darker thoughts of us all, but some resist- people's morals and ethics are their own business. And no, I don't know ANYBODY who, more than a few years in, is married, happy, and sexually active and content.

(though I get the feeling we'll be hearing from a few...and unlike Lauren I'm not willing to imply that those people are liars. I just don't personally know any, and know that they are few and far between)


Just because we want to cheat doesnt mean we should. Isn't part of marriage willingly giving up those opportunities, and committing to monogamy? If you have an open marriage it's clearly different, but if you committed to a monogamous marriage, then yes, it is wrong to cheat. Having marital problems and "being stuck in a sexless marriage" is just an excuse to me, and if you have to point blame at other people to excuse your actions, shouldn't that tell you that even YOU don't believe that your actions are in reality justified?

Right there. Oh yeah baby. Right there.
Guest
Posted: Monday, March 08, 2010 10:42:33 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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Jezziebelle wrote:
if you have to point blame at other people to excuse your actions, shouldn't that tell you that even YOU don't believe that your actions are in reality justified?


Probably.

I'm not condoning it as a smart thing to do (in most cases, it's probably not), I'm just saying the urges are there, and I believe them to point toward natural behavior. If you commit to monogamy, then yes, you make a choice.
mrplow
Posted: Tuesday, March 09, 2010 1:45:15 AM

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Quote:
Is it ok to cheat?


Yes it is. Don't tell anyone. evil5
Bunny12
Posted: Tuesday, March 09, 2010 7:41:22 AM

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Joined: 9/2/2009
Posts: 1,008
Location: My own little world, United States
Just thought of something. Call me crazy but I really think withholding sex from your spouse is the same thing as cheating you are cheating your spouse out of intimacy. Why is it the withholder of sex never seems to be responsible for anything I wonder??? That will make you go Hmmmmm??????

Bunny12


Bunny Rabbits cute and fuzzy they want to love you but they have razor sharp teeth - don't piss them off!
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