Quote by etairay

Hey hey everybody ..sheesh where do I begin, it has been awhile since my last post. Like Amelia, I feel comfortable and safe in here so I shall share a little. As you may or may not know, ignore my postings in games forum, I am a very shy and private person. My dear mum passed away in September, and no matter how much I want her back, it will never happen. I was her caregiver, with that came great responsibilities. My days were wrapped around her from morning until night. The once mother and daughter roles were reverse and I would not have changed it for the world. Sitting in the cubicle watching the medical staff work on her, answering their rambling questions, my family out in the waiting room. You feel so alone, so detached, you want to wake up from the nightmare, you want to be anywhere but there, you want to break but you can't. Your family is in the waiting room, waiting. The doctors tell you there's no hope and you want to tell them, stfu ..what do they know. Instead, you smile and give them all the right responses and prepare yourself to face the family. Your world is spinning out of control but you're not allowed to break, that will come much later, on your own time. We had our mum with us for three more days. Days of paranoia, didn't want to leave her, didn't want people asking the same stoopid questions, replaying this and that in my head, the guilt, the blame, it must've been me. When my mum passed away, I wanted to crawl into bed next to her and sleep the day away, never wake up. Then came the first without my mum, her first night, first Sunday family lunch, first week, first month. The first birthday without my mum, had to be mine, earlier this month. I wanted nothing to do with it. I woke up that morning and dreaded it, there was no mother to wish me happy birthday. Ok ..need to stop. This crying has given me a nasty headache.

Stay positive and happy ..keep smiling and pushing forward ..remember, you are beautiful inside and out!

Group hug and a supadupa tight one from me ..I'm slowly coming back yay

Quote by utterchaos
Yes with 2 guys who were friends. It wasn't even my idea but my boyfriend at the time. Really awkward because they decided that they didn't want to see each other's cocks. Another ex asked me for one (with another male friend) but he ended up only messing around with the other guy I went to sleep.