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Leesi
Over 90 days ago
Straight Female, 155
United States
Forum
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by MrsDikDango
It wasn't a one off. Since this all started day after boxing day I've lost count the amount of times he has hit me in someway or another. Even him poking his finger right into the skin below my ear lobe really hurt. Throughout the years we have both been violent, I tend to throw things. I had a black eye a few months back and right now I have a bruise on my tummy where he grabbed my phone and slammed it on me. I am not a victim, well I don't feel like a domestic abuse victim but I suppose I am in a way a victim just now because o haven't done a thing wrong except confront him over what he has done. Its 7.55am here and before he left for work I got poked in the face for asking him why I couldn't find him on imigur yet he has 100's of followers..... I need a long hard think. I can't go on like this. I feel better when he is at work because I know he has no internet and can't do anything. I'm constantly on egg shells when he is home. I just can't believe I was so fucking stupid! He came home from work had dinner went upstairs and that was him! Never sat with us in the sitting room never took us anywhere never came when we were going anywhere. All that time he was either watching porn or talking to girl on here or twitter. That is a hard pill to swallow. He also has a gambling addiction that he admits to...what a catch! I know what I need to do but doing it is a different story altogether.
Domestic violence victims don't see themselves as victims and often blame themselves as the cause of the beating or emotional abuse. Sounds like you both need to learn to communicate verbally as opposed to being physical with each other, and it's a good idea to get some counseling. I think you both need cooling periods and would be better off living separately until you figure out how to move forward.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by mrd82
my brief thoughts on domestic violence--
i have never thought that someone who commits one act of violence (depending on the level of that violence) is an inherently abusive person who will continue to be violent and continually get worse. in my job i've unfortunately seen a great deal of domestic violence.
i don't think it's right to judge someone for the rest of their life over one terrible thing they did. far more telling is how they respond to it. does the person realize they did something terrible, and get whatever help they need to make sure it never happens again? or do they continue to deflect blame and escalate the violence? if it's anything other than the former, then something is seriously wrong and they probably will never change.
With regards to domestic violence, it's unacceptable for any man or woman to hit their partner. I do agree that judging someone for one incident may be unfair, but it would totally depend on the situation and if the person was truly sorry for what happened and it's never repeated. Forgiveness is a gift you give but only if the person deserves it.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by MrsDikDango
I knowthat's what hurts more than anything that I know he would rather have that than me. He even said if I didn't stop going on about it he was leaving, deleting and blocking my number and never seeing the kids again!!! They are 15 and 10. I don't know what to do because I cannot trust him to be good. I've stopped going to friends houses on a weekend because I cannot trust him.
Honestly, after reading a bit more information on your situation, I retract the advice I gave you privately. This guy is just not worth it and it sounds as if he's never going to change, and please don't believe for a single moment that he will. I'm speaking from experience. There are people who are so set in their ways that nothing you do, say or try, will make them change. You waste your energy trying to help them or trying to get them to see how they behave and how their behavior affects your relationship, and they don't care. You will be better off without him and so will your children. I highly doubt he devotes time to being the kind of father they need so it's best to just move on and find someone who will cherish and love you. It will be difficult, but if you don't make a decision, you will spend another 10 years in the same boat. I see a lot of the members are giving you some great advice, and I ask that you consider your options and take action.
J
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by Verbal
If he is violent you need to leave now, dear. Please. Find a friend or a family member or a woman's shelter and just go, don't tell him where you are, don't answer his calls. I am sure you love him, and I'm sure it will be hard to do, but he is hurting you, and you (and all women) deserve better.
Excellent advice, Verbal.
