Join the best erotica focused adult social network now
Login
MorganHawke
Over 90 days ago
Bisexual Female, 62
United States

Forum

Quote by Jillicious
The evil "As" -- Looks like I've got some work to do on my stories. I searched for as and found a number of issues. There is always something to work on.


LOL! There's always something new to learn, and old to correct. I've been writing professionally since 1980 and I still learn new things almost every day.
Quote by sprite
This is really great advice! thank you for sharing it. Despription is my weak point, my own opinion, but i fairly confident of it. i think i need to take this to heart and see if i can change that. i'll let you know how that works for me. smile


I'm glad you liked the essay!
-- I'd love to hear your comments on the results.
Quote by Magical_felix
If you write erotica in the same way porn sex plays out then why would we read erotica? I would watch porn for that.


Actually, I agree 100%. We read erotica for the details we Cannot get in porn; mental, emotional and physical.

Quote by Magical_felix
Virgins will not learn sex from porn.


I think you missed something completely here. This guide was Not meant for virgins. This IS an 'over 18 only' site yes?

I said "watch porn" because when one is sexually experienced, one knows what it feels like, but one doesn't always know what it LOOKS like.

Quote by Magical_felix
This guide to erotica seems misguided to me. Centering your story around the sex act reminds me of a micheal bay movie. He centers the plot around the action. Maybe if someone uses it they can let us know so we can see how good your story turned out?


I think you've missed the point of an erotica story. If sex isn't what makes the story happen it's not Erotica, it's something else.

Edo Von Belkom:
"If you can remove the erotic from the erotica story and still have a viable story in another genre, you did it WRONG."

This is paraphrased from Issac Azimov:
"If you can remove the science from the science-fiction and still have a viable story in another genre, you did it WRONG."

In fact, if sex isn't what makes the story happen, the sex doesn't need to be there. NOTHING that doesn't Do Something, Show Something, or Make something Happen, needs to be in there and Should be CUT.

Quote by Magical_felix
I think you'll find that some of the hottest stories on this site aren't even about the sex but the psychology behind it.


Ah! But that psychology you're so fond of happened BECAUSE of the Sex, therefore those stories ARE centered around sex making them Erotica.
Quote by WellMadeMale
Are you implying that sexual virgins cannot craft decently believable erotic fiction, right out of the chute?


I'm Not implying it, I'm stating it as a Fact. Virgins cannot write decent sex because they don't know what they're writing about.

Quote by WellMadeMale
Or is it possible to hope that eventually 'they' might get most everything right with healthy doses of online sex chat or web-cam horsing around?


IF the writer does serious research involving books and in-depth interviews that ask the right questions, they might actually fool the average reader and/or the sexually inexperienced reader. They won't fool someone with real sexual experience, especially not someone that enjoys sex. They certainly won't fool a professional writer -or editor- with real sexual experience.

Someone who only horses around on web cams and chat lines will never fool anyone.

Quote by WellMadeMale
I personally believe it might be difficult to visually discern pupils dilating, nostrils flaring and beads of sweat forming atop your partner's skin (unless you were actually on-site to witness). Perhaps, as part of their research, they simply gaze into a mirror and watch their own physical reactions as they furiously masturbate?


Actually, they CAN get the descriptions right. Any high quality porn movie will show all those details. What's missed are the FEELINGS and the SENSATIONS. If you've never had sex, how do you describe an orgasm? How about accurately describing the flavor of Semen or vaginal liquid? How about accurately describing the differences between an anal orgasm, a vaginal orgasm or a masturbation orgasm? They are all Orgasms, but where they begin, where they occur, and what they feel like are vastly Different.

Nipples on a woman have a different Texture from a man's nipples. Having a cock in your ass does NOT feel the same as a cock in your pussy. A man having a cock in his ass does NOT feel the same as a woman having one in hers because a man's g-spot is in there. (A woman doesn't have a Prostate.)

Virgins rarely have any clue about the interior g-spot in a woman or a man. Those take physical exploration to find -- and usually by a second party. A virginal woman can't even access hers because the hymen is in the way. Nor does the sensation from such a g-spot feel anything like what one gets from rubbing the cock or the clit.

And that's just scratching the surface of what's commonly missed.

Quote by WellMadeMale
Welcome to Lush, Morgan


Thank you so much!
Quote by Sandrine
Thank you for the excellent advice.

You're very welcome. I hope it proves helpful.
Quote by Lisa
Great advice and nicely presented.


Thank you!
-- A writing tutorial shouldn't take a college education to understand -- or use.
[CENTER][B]Basic Sentence Structure for Fiction [/B] [/CENTER]


Everything I ever learned about writing Fiction DIDN’T come from school; not even college. In fact, the way one writes fiction is almost the complete opposite of everything I learned in school about writing.

In order to make my stories crystal clear in my readers’ imaginations, I write in precise [B]Chronological Order[/B], the order events actually happen, PLUS in the order that the eye (camera) sees it. Yes, the Camera's view and the Eye's view [I]are[/I] two different things.

Case in point, when describing a character, I describe them top to bottom, in the order that the eye notices them. [I]Face, hair, upper body, arms, hands, then lower body, legs, feet, then over all impression.[/I] <-- In that order, UNLESS a body part is doing an action, such as a hand (grasping, slapping, twiddling a pencil, etc…) or the feet, (walking, jumping, kicking, running, etc…) When someone is doing an action, that action ALWAYS comes first.

Try it yourself. Go to the mall, or any other place where people gather, and LOOK at the people around you. Pay close attention to what you notice first then next. Next, watch a movie and look at how the camera pans across someone.

-- Top to bottom = friendly
-- Bottom to top = sexual
-- Hands (weapons) to top to bottom = fearful/threatened

THAT’S how it should appear on the page because THAT’S how it will appear in your readers’ imaginations.

Example:
~~~~~~~~~~~~
He flipped up his middle finger, narrowed his green eyes, and tightened his full mouth. His red hair spilled in messy finger-combed spikes across his brow and down his back. His shoulders were stiff with tension under his dirty white t-shirt. He stood with his booted feet apart and his jean-clan knees slightly bent as though braced for a punch.

And yet…
-- Writing in chronological order means that your sentence structure can't always conform to the 'proper grammar' rules. This is because the basic composition of an Essay (what they teach you to write in class), isn't anything like the composition of a Story.

Essay composition:
~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. Tell them what you're going to tell them.
2. Tell them in detail.
3. Tell them why you told them.

Story composition:
~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. What happened first.
2. What happened next.
3. What happened after.

Essays are NOT written in Chronological order, they're written in order of [I][B]Impact[/B][/I].

Essay:
~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. This is Important!
2. These are all the reasons why it's important.
3. This is why it's important to You.

See the difference?

One of the greatest enemies of fiction that one is actually [I]taught[/I] in school is the use of the word: “as.”

[B][CENTER]The Evil “As.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~[/CENTER][/B]
In school, they teach you that ‘as’ is a word used to connect fragments of sentences together, rather in the same way as you would use “and.” Unfortunately, “as” doesn’t quite work the same way as an “and” in fiction.

-- “As” means, “things that happened simultaneously.”
-- “And” means, “this happened too.”

Events in real life DO happen simultaneously. However the written word is read one at a time. (Battle. Rain. Pain.) Even if the events happen simultaneously, the reader will always read those events --and Picture them-- in the exact order you Wrote them; one at a time. (Rain. Pain. Battle.)

'As' CAN be used to imply simultaneous events, but you have to do it at the very Beginning of the line so that the reader knows immediately that it is simultaneous.

[I]Example:[/I]
~~~~~~~~~~~~
As all the soldiers marched, the drums and fifes played.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the way, any group of events listed in one sentence are generally perceived as happening all at the same time -- until you get to the "and". However, they should still be listed in the order in which they happened so as to make the reader's VISION of the whole event crystal clear.

[B]Where “As” goes WRONG… [/B]
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I consider “as” a red flag word. A word that marks that something has gone terribly wrong in your sentence structure.

[I][B]What went wrong? [/B][/I]
-- In fiction, the word “as” usually marks where a sentence has gone out of Chronological Order.

[I]Example:[/I]
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The vampire scratched his head thoughtfully [B]as[/B] he crouched over his victim.

Think: Which actions actually happened first?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. The vampire crouched over his victim.
2. He scratched his head thoughtfully.

The chronological way to write this would be:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The vampire crouched over his victim AND scratched his head thoughtfully.

[B]Why does this matter?[/B]
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sentence Out of Chronological Order means that the reader has to Stop Reading to reset their mental movie of your story. That’s [I]bad[/I], very, very, [B]BAD[/B]. Do this enough times and your reader will stop reading your story to go find something easier to imagine. In fact, some readers will not only drop your story, never to read it again, they’ll avoid [I]anything[/I] else you write.

[B]How to Grammar Check for “as”: [/B]
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do a Search/Replace substituting “as” for “and,” then go back and read through your entire work. If “and” doesn’t fit right in your sentence, then it’s most likely Out of Chronological Order.

[I]Example:[/I]
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The werewolf flattened his ears angrily as he faced the hunter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

[I]Search/Replace: [/I]
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The werewolf flattened his ears angrily and he faced the hunter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

“And” doesn’t quite work there, does it? Why not? Because the werewolf didn’t flatten his ears before he faced the hunter.

Which actions actually happened first?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. The werewolf faced the hunter.
2. He was angry.
2. He flattened his ears.

[I]Adjusted:[/I]
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The werewolf faced the hunter and he angrily flattened his ears.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now the “he” doesn’t fit, so let’s chop that out.

[I]One more time:[/I]
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The werewolf faced the hunter and angrily flattened his ears.
~~~~~~~~~~~

See what I mean?

[B][CENTER]Rule of Thumb on the use of “AND”:[/CENTER][/B]

[B]One “and” per sentence. [/B]
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you need a second “and,” pull out the first one and use a comma, or use “then.”

[I]Example with comma:[/I]
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The werewolf faced the hunter, angrily flattened his ears, and growled.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

[I]Example with “then”:[/I]
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The werewolf faced the hunter, angrily flattened his ears, then growled.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you need [I]three[/I] “ands,” replace all but the last with commas.

[I]Example:[/I]
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The werewolf faced the hunter, angrily flattened his ears, growled, and lunged.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you need [I]more than three[/I] “ands,” then it’s time to cut that sentence into two separate sentences.

[I]Example:[/I]
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The werewolf faced the hunter, angrily flattened his ears, and growled. He lunged and snapped.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

[B][I]In Conclusion…[/I][/B]
-- Fiction should ALWAYS be written in Chronological Order, even when the grammar rules say that you don’t have to for your Readers' Visual Clarity. Believe me, they'll appreciate it!

Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DISCLAIMER: As with all advice, take what you can use and throw out the rest. As a multi-published author, I have been taught some fairly rigid rules on what is publishable and what is not. If my rather straight-laced (and occasionally snotty,) advice does not suit your creative style, by all means, IGNORE IT.
Quote by DirtyMartini
Wow, I know what I want to be when I grow up... Why didn't my high school guidance counselor ever tell me about this job???


Mine didn't either. I lucked into it by being published before I left high school. However, it took almost 18 more years to get published again. By then, though I had learned a great many things about the writing craft and had the life experience to write from.
Quote by DirtyMartini
Hi Morgan...I read with interest your article on writing about sex. In it you recommend watching porn as part of your research. My question is, since you are a professional erotica writer...does that make porn tax deductible?


YES. This works especially well if you hand the tax guy the receipts and Don't Elaborate on what you actually bought. "This is for research material."
[B][CENTER]Have you hugged your Beta Reader today? [/CENTER][/B]

Anyone who writes with the intent to be read by the public, from the brand-name published authors to the fan-fiction scribbler, will tell you that a good Beta Reader is worth their weight in GOLD.

What IS a Beta Reader?
-- For those new to this concept, a Beta Reader is your own personal Pre-Editor that looks at your work BEFORE you post it and helps you edit your story to its best potential.

Where do you get one?
-- The easiest way to get a Beta Reader is by simply posting a note on your blog or journal ASKING for one. "Would anyone like to beta-read my stories for me to make sure it reads smooth and clean?"

So, what is a Beta Reader really for?

Most Beta Readers look for obvious grammar boo-boos and glaring spelling errors, but the really good ones look at your story as a whole and tell you where your strengths and weaknesses are so you can adjust them.

These are what I ask MY Beta readers to check.

Whether you’re a Writer looking to check your work or a Beta Reader who wants to point out a few things to your favorite writer, feel free to borrow, spindle, and mutilate this list of questions to your heart’s desire.

[B]MY Beta-Reader's Questionnaire [/B]

[B]Is it BORING?[/B]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
• Does any part of the story Drag?
• Are their parts that you skipped to get to ‘the good part’?
• Do I over-inform (info-dump) anywhere?

[B]Did you Get it? [/B]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
• Did you understand every phrase / term I used?
• Did I forget to mention that someone was demon-possessed, half angelic, or had mystical powers?

[B]Love Scenes?[/B]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
• Do any of the love scenes seem overly cliché? (Or overly sappy?)
• Were the love scenes too fast, too slow, or too frequent?
• Did you have to reread any part of the love scenes to understand who was doing what?
• Did any action in the love scene make you cringe?
• Did it make you hot?

[B]Do the scenes FLOW? [/B]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
• Does one scene lead logically into the next?
• Do the scenes flow smoothly from one action to the next, or did they jump as though something was skipped?
• Is there enough downtime between intense scenes to allow it to build to the next?
• Were the Flashbacks smoothly integrated to fit onto the current scene -- or did they seem plopped in, like a chapter that was in the wrong place?

[B]Is anything VISUALLY Confusing?[/B]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
• Can you SEE every action clearly?
• If you went there in real life, would you recognize the places?
• Did you have to reread any part of the action sequences to understand who was doing what?
• Could you SEE what the characters looked like clearly?
• Did I forget to describe their Clothes, their Hair, their Eyes, or any other distinctive feature?

[B]During DIALOGUE scenes…[/B]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Does the Dialogue sound realistic for the individual characters?
Could you SEE what the characters were DOING while talking?
Could you SEE where the characters WERE while talking?

[B]Did the Characters WORK?[/B]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
• Do their actions & reactions seem logical & realistic?
• Could you feel the Emotions between the characters?
• Does the story stay focused on my Main Character?
• Is the villain actually Villainous?
• Were any of my female characters too much of a b!tch or a bimbo?
• Were any of my male characters whiny, wimpy, or overly dramatic?

• Who did you like best and WHY?
• Who did you hate and WHY?
• Who got on your nerves and WHY?
• Do any of the characters get in the way of the STORY?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The answers to these burning questions will keep your fiction crisp, focused and Popular. If your Beta readers liked it then loads of other people will too.

[I](I still think that if George Lucas had used a few test readers for those last three Star Wars movies, the scenes with Aniken as a child would have been much shorter - and made more sense. Jar Jar Binks would never have appeared. The romance between Aniken and Amidala would have been a Romance, and the clone war would have been a frikkin Clone War. But that’s just MY opinion...)[/I]


Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DISCLAIMER: As with all advice, take what you can use and throw out the rest. As a multi-published author, I have been taught some fairly rigid rules on what is publishable and what is not. If my rather straight-laced (and occasionally snotty,) advice does not suit your creative style, by all means, IGNORE IT.
Quote by nicola
I think you may need 21 posts and the filter is removed.


Perfect timing. This is post 22!
Quote by nicola
Great tips here. I will sticky all these

I'm honored. Thank you so much!
-- I hope that people some of the writers here find them helpful.
What pisses me off is when the computer crashes before I can save the last 15 minutes of the story I've been writing.
O P T I O N S

Ophelia Pendleton's timely intervention aroused nightly secretions.

R E Q U I E M
[CENTER][B]So, you wanna write SEX?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~[/B][/CENTER]
The easiest way to plot an Erotic Story is to decide on what you want for your climactic sex scene – then build a story and characters around it to make it VITAL for that scene to happen. Once you know who and roughly what you want to happen… Then what?

HOW do you get what's in your imagination down on Paper?

Writing Sex is easier than you might think because it's formulaic. I don't mean the story plots, I mean the sexual actions themselves:

[B][I] Action A > triggers Reaction B, which triggers > Reaction C... [/I][/B]

Once you know what you want to happen, the rest is practically Plug & Play.

[CENTER][B]Where do you get the actual Gymnastics to put on paper?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~[/B][/CENTER]
Research my lovelies, RESEARCH.

[B]Porn[/B]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I recommend watching porn -- real porn, as in, live-action movies with people actually doing it. NOT anime porn! While extremely pretty, anime leaves out a LOT of important details such as what’s actually getting wet (sweat, drool, other fluids…) when and how lube is used, and the actual physical reactions that occur, (shudders, flinches, goose-bumps, moans, writhing…)

Be CHOOSY about what you watch. Some of that stuff is NASTY…!

[B]Erotica[/B]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An easier though less accurate method is by digging out your favorite erotic stories and highlighting the sex scenes you liked best.

Once you have your favorite scenes highlighted, break down what happened and how, then rewrite the whole scene in your own words. You don’t ever want to use exactly the same words, especially not the dialogue, that’s plagiarism. Paraphrasing, on the other hand, is perfectly acceptable.

[B][I]However…![/I][/B]
-- Be aware that the authors you are borrowing from may have missed something or gotten something totally WRONG. This is especially true if you are borrowing from Fan-fiction. A little back-up research on using that particular position or toy might turn out to be physically impossible or might reveal a few exciting tidbits you can use.

[I][B]My Recommendations:[/B][/I]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[B]Porn: [/B]
-- Anything by Ninn Workx (Google is your friend!) The participants are actually attractive, the sets are very high class, and their genre selections go from sweet & sensual all the way to hard-core kink.

[B]For Het Erotica:[/B]
-- Books by Angela Knight & Laurell K. Hamilton. They write detailed sex that doesn’t make you wanna hurl.

[B]Slash/Gay/Yaoi:[/B]
Go to: [B][I]Minatour's Sex Tips for Slash Writers[/I][/B]
-- Google is your friend!

[CENTER][B]On Anal Sex & LUBE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~[/B][/CENTER]
- From: [B][I]Minatour's Sex Tips for Slash Writers[/I][/B].
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-- [I]If lube is [B]not used[/B], how much pain there really is? Could it come to real injuries, as in requiring medical treatment?[/I]
-- Madwoman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Well, it depends on the guy (or girl) and the circumstances. If the catcher is experienced, and relaxed, it can actually be possible to have non-lubricated anal sex without too much damage or pain. There would probably be some tearing of the anal ring tissue, and some bleeding, but not so much as to require medical attention. On the other hand, if the pitcher is rough, or the catcher inexperienced (or the situation is non-consensual), there could be substantial bleeding requiring a trip to the ER and maybe some stitches (though I don't actually know if stitches would be the best treatment for a tear in that area).

The real danger in anal sex is the possibility of tearing the inner membrane of the anal canal, which can lead to peritonitis, but that is VERY rare in normal sex. It's more likely to happen from or inexperienced fisters (fingernails can be sharp).

For the most part, [B]non-lubed anal sex is a no-go[/B]. The catcher wouldn't be able to stand the pain, though there are guys who are able to relax the muscles enough to do it.
-- Minotaur
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[B][I]In Short:[/I][/B]
-- If the receiver is extremely excited and EXPERIENCED enough to know how to relax their muscles voluntarily enough to allow comfortable penetration, then lube isn't needed. If they're not that experienced then Lube is definitely a necessity.

[B][CENTER]Okay, so now that you know what you want to happen
How do you Write it?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~[/CENTER][/B]
Writing Sex is easy because it's formulaic - not the stories, the way the sex scenes are written.

[CENTER][B]SEX Scene = ACTION Scene[/B][/CENTER]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sex scene is nothing more than an ACTION Scene, with emotional bits tossed in for flavor, and all Action sequences MUST be written in the Order in which they happen - Chronologically! If you want the reader to SEE the actions that you are trying to portray as a movie in their minds, Chronological Order is the ONLY way to do it.

[CENTER][B]ACTION Scenes = Chronological Order
ACTION then REACTION[/B]

Something happens TO the character -- starting a
[B]CHAIN of REACTIONS[/B].[/CENTER]

1. The Character knee-jerk REACTS - Physically...
2. AND they feel the physical sensations of the Happening -- suffering a Physical Reaction.
3. AND THEN they have an Emotional Reaction reflected in their Thoughts and/or Dialogue about what just happened.
4. AND THEN they Do Something in Retaliation.

This Retaliation Action incites the Other character to do something NEW -- starting the whole Chain of Reactions again.

[B][CENTER]
Violating Chronological Order is Bad.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~[/CENTER][/B]
[B]Incorrect:[/B]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The flash of pain exploded in my cheek as her hand lashed out to slap me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[B]Correct:[/B]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Her hand lashed out in a slap. [action]
My cheek exploded with a flash of pain. [reaction]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[CENTER][B]WHY is Reversing the Actions Bad?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~[/B][/CENTER]
If you knock the actions out of order, the Reader's Mental Movie STOPS and the Reader has to STOP READING to mentally rearrange what they just read into the correct order to get the movie back. Do it too many times and reading become a chore rather than a pleasure. Never forget, if your story is too hard to read, the reader can always find another story.

[I]Watch out for the Evil [/I]'[B]AS[/B]'.
-- Nine times out of ten, ‘as’ in a sentence means that your Actions and Reactions have been reversed.

-- [I][B]Quick Test[/B][/I]: Replace the word ‘[B]as[/B]’ with the word ‘[B]and[/B]’. If ‘[B]and[/B]’ doesn’t read right in the sentence, you can pretty much guarantee that it’s because your Reactions came before the Action that caused it.

[CENTER][B]WRITING Sex
[I]The Magic Formula![/I]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[I]Stimulus > Reaction > Perception > Emotion > Response[/I][/B]
[I](> = leads to...)[/I][/CENTER]

1. [B]Stimulus[/B] - Something happened TO the main POV character
2. [B]Reaction[/B] - Their immediate physical reaction (jerk, twitch, kick, punch, groan, shout...) >
3. [B] Perception[/B] - What they sensed physically (saw, smelled, tasted, felt, heard) >
4. [B]Emotion[/B] - How they felt Emotionally >
5. [B]Response[/B] - What they Did or Said* because of what just happened. (*Dialogue is an ACTION!) >

[CENTER][B]In Detail![/B][/CENTER]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
External Action
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. Physical Act/ what was done TO the main POV character >

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Viewpoint Character’s Reaction
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2. Physical Reaction / Did they: shudder? flinch? writhe? Shout? Kick? Punch? >
3. Sensory Reaction / What it felt like physically >
4. Emotional Reaction / Internal dialogue or Vocal Comment >
5. Deliberate Reaction / What they did or said in retaliation >

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
External Reaction
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
6. Next Character’s Physical Action and/or Dialogue. > (No Internal Narration! Putting Internal Narration here means you’ve just head-hopped!)

Begin whole thing again:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Viewpoint Character’s Reaction
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. Physical Reaction / Did they shudder? flinch? writhe? >
2. Sensory Reaction / What it felt like >
3. Emotional Reaction / Internal dialogue or Vocal Comment >
4. Deliberate Reaction / What they did or said in retaliation >

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Partner’s (External) Reaction
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
5. Physical Action/Action or dialogue or Action & then Dialogue. >

Begin whole thing again.
-- Are we having fun yet?

[CENTER][B]In ACTION![/B][/CENTER]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Partner’s External Action
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[I]Physical Act/ what was done > [/I]
-- In a sudden rush, Sam grabbed Rina's wrist and shoved her back against the wall. His lips came down and covered Rina's.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Viewpoint Character’s Reaction
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[I]Physical Reaction / Did they shudder? flinch? writhe? >[/I]
-- Rina stiffened in shock.

[I]Sensory Reaction / What it felt like > [/I]
-- The firm lips covering her mouth were surprisingly soft, and moist. She could feel a tongue sweeping against her bottom lip.

[I]Emotional Reaction/ Internal or Vocal Comment > [/I]
-- Sam was kissing her? Sam was kissing her? Sam was kissing her!

[I]Deliberate Reaction / What they did or said in retaliation > [/I]
-- She closed her eyes tight and tried to pull back, but the wall was right against the back of her head. Sam's arms blocked her from moving to either side. Her wrist was trapped, pinned by Sam's hand, so she couldn’t punch some sense into him either. She opened his mouth to shout at the big brute.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Partner’s External Reaction
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[I]Physical Action/Action or dialogue or Action & then Dialogue. > [/I]
-- Sam's tongue swept into Rina's open mouth to engage Rina's tongue in a warm wet duel.


[I][B]On the Page... [/B][/I]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a sudden rush, Sam grabbed Rina's wrist and shoved her back against the wall. His lips came down and covered Rina's.

Rina stiffened in shock. The firm lips covering her mouth were surprisingly soft, and moist. She could feel a tongue sweeping against her bottom lip. Sam was [I]kissing[/I] her? [I]Sam[/I] was kissing her? Sam was kissing [I]her[/I]! She closed her eyes tight and tried to pull back, but the wall was right against the back of her head. Sam's arms blocked her from moving to either side. Her wrist was trapped, pinned by Sam's hand, so she couldn’t punch some sense into him either. She opened her mouth to shout at the big brute.

Sam's tongue swept into Rina's open mouth and engaged Rina's tongue in a warm wet duel.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[B][CENTER]Grammar Keys:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~[/CENTER][/B]
[B]ACTION goes BEFORE Thoughts & Comments. [/B]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-- The body reacts faster than thought. Ask any martial artist. On the other hand, a reactionary comment such as "Ouch!" can go first as it plays the part of an ACTION, rather than a thought.

It has been brought to my attention that someone has been telling the Internet writers that Dialogue always comes before Actions in a paragraph, that paragraphs should Begin with dialogue. This is WRONG. Not one grammar book I own supports this in any way. I also brought this little ‘rule’ to two of my publication editors. They laughed their butts off, then told me that if they ever caught me doing it, they’d kick my ass.

[B]Watch for the Evil 'AS'. [/B]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-- Nine times out of ten, if you see the word 'As' you've reversed your Actions with your Reactions.

[B]ONE Point of View per Scene! [/B]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-- Or it gets really confusing as to who is feeling & doing what.

[B]NO SHARING!
-- Separate each character’s actions & dialogue from the next.[/B]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-- Characters do NOT share Sentences or Paragraphs - EVER. Having two people doing stuff in one paragraph makes the Reader's visuals muddy. The Reader's mental movie - your story - comes to a screeching halt while they try to figure out what the hell just happened.

Put each individual character’s Actions -- AND the Dialogue that goes with those actions -- in a new Paragraph**. It may look choppy on the page, but the reader has absolutely no doubt as to who is doing what. The Reader's perceptions are more important than whether or not your type looks tidy.

**[I](Yes, the dialogue AND the Actions of one character go in the SAME paragraph TOGETHER.)[/I]

When describing Sensations & Emotions, [B]Adjectives are your Friend. [/B]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-- THIS is where you use all your purple prose. Make every adjective highly opinionated to get the reader right into the action as though THEY are feeling it.

[I][B]In Conclusion:[/B][/I]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AFTER figuring all this out the hard way, I discovered that this whole routine (Action / Reaction) is explained in exquisite detail in the [I]Writer’s Digest[/I] book: [I][B]Scene and Structure[/B][/I] by Jack Bickham.

Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[B]DISCLAIMER:[/B] [I]As with all advice, take what you can use and throw out the rest. As a multi-published author, I have been taught some fairly rigid rules on what is publishable and what is not. If my rather straight-laced (and occasionally snotty,) advice does not suit your creative style, by all means, IGNORE IT. [/I]
Caspar David Friedrich (19th-century German Romantic landscape painter.)
BRAISED

Busty Rebecca always insists salivation equals delicious.

NOVELTY
Hi Nicola, thank you for the warm welcome!

Quote by nicola

Thank you for posting. I have referred people to your blog in the past, stickied in this section. You offer some excellent tips


So I saw! I wasn't even sure it was mine until I clicked it. I'm deeply honored.

Quote by nicola
We have removed the option for people with less than 20 posts to include links (anti-spam measure), however if you'd like to forward them to me, I can post them.


I'll do that! Both are writing links to help with Description. Thank you so much!

Quote by nicola
Or you could head into the word games section for 2 minutes and get your post count up to 20!


Now there's an idea!