The best torture is self-administered. This is fucking with your head and has been for a long time. Tell her you're attracted to her, and if she comes across with the "I just like you as a friend" crap, you are fucking toast, it ain't never going to happen. But, you WILL know where you stand and you'll be done with the albatross you've been toting around your neck....after 3 years that bird is getting a bit ripe, wouldn't you agree?
I'll just go ahead and capitulate now- I'm all about beaver domination!
The Grand Master of SF/ Fantasy Ray Bradbury said 'I write every day." That's what some writers do, but not myself. I THINK about stories every day, may not get close to a keyboard. I write when I feel like writing, and when I don't feel like it, I don't. It'd be different if that was how I earned my way, then I'd be more apt to follow the advice of Bri'r Bradbury. I think the key is to not allow yourself to put pressure on yourself. What we do, we do for the love of it, the satisfaction it gives us. Just think about the joy it gives you, spinning tales for the sheer joy of entertainment!
Since Halloween is quickly approaching, I'll admit to having a fantasy involving the dark, a cemetery and a hot guy, and a tombstone... Any takers?
Got to check that one off my bucket list one cold fall night. Opened passenger door and she leaned across seat, legs opened. It was very good, very stimulating.
Long bed Chevy Silverado 4X4 pickup.
No...She was my first, I wasn't hers but the list was extremely short...I'm lucky I didn't end up a Papa at the tender age of 16....
used google to find definition of the word 'gamine'.
This is going back a bit, but I NEVER got what the big deal was over Julia Roberts....every time she smiles my brain cues the music from 'Jaws'.
I never knew sex could be so painful until I read that sentence.....considering a vow of chastity now.
My writing process is weird, I'll just admit it. I've had a pretty interesting life. I've been in the telecommunications industry, law enforcement, been a truck driver, along with myriad other sucky short term gigs. "I ain't seen it all, son- but I have seen a fair piece of it." I live a great amount of my time inside my own skull. I visualize things internally, sometimes to a dangerous degree. I literally once walked into a 4 story brick building because I didn't notice it was there- the images in my minds completely obscured it. The building didn't notice me either, I bounced off of it and landed on my ass. I will be immersed in thought, perhaps a memory of an actual event and I'll stop dead and think "That was kind of interesting. I wonder if anyone else might think so too." Then the wheels start to turn, I think of how to set it up, bring the senses into play, how did it feel, smell, taste...what were the emotions involved? Just drag out my mental junk drawer, spill it all out on the floor and start to make a hopefully recognizable 'thing' from the pieces. I care about the pace and flow of the story, and as is true of our mutual interest (sex), foreplay is crucial. Many times I'll hum along for a thousand words before anyone gets hot and bothered, and sometimes sex is peripheral to other themes I want to explore. I spend most of my 'story development' far away from a keyboard, so when the time comes to put it down, it usually comes together quickly. I may rewrite a turn of phrase, change the structure of a paragraph, work on the character's dialogue, but the framework is already set. There's a reason I write: it's that small boy inside of me still that runs into the room, grabs the hand of the closest adult and yells "Come look what I made!"
Vegetable beef soup made in my favorite kitchen helper, my electric pressure cooker!
This idea may have been floated before: if so, beg pardon. I'd like to see an 'up vote' or 'down vote' button here in the forum for each individual posting. In perusing the comments/ advice posted in the forum, it strikes me that they are at least as entertaining and enlightening as the stories themselves! There have been many that promoted reflection, and a handful that led to outright guffaws! If you can make me laugh out loud, you deserve kudos for it. However, I'm as lazy as the next sod, so a simple up button to give that writer an up vote (read as a pat on the back) fills the bill instead of me dashing off a personal note....
I have a similar problem in my marriage. My wife is self conscious of her body, which is quite in great shape. She's 59, very petite, and is sexy. But in her attitude she is so straitlaced she makes Mother Teresa look look a pole dancer. We no longer have sex, haven't in years. She seems to have completely lost all interest in sex. She doesn't seem to have a yen for anyone else either, so infidelity isn't an issue. I'm at a complete loss. She never did have a sex drive that came close to mine. The kids are grown and gone so it's like "Alright, done with all that nastiness. Anyone for a snack?" I have had to content myself with viewing porn and masturbating for release. Not how I intended to end up! If you get an answer, pass it along. Until then, you are not alone, my friend.
From your post I intuit that you are a genuinely caring person. You are in a relationship with a man who apparently cares much less than yourself. A marriage works when both give it 100%, and honestly it sounds like you are pulling the wagon while he rides rent free. He isn't ever going to be willing to chuck that deal out the window. He may be lazy but he ain't stupid. He's getting what he wants out of the relationship; you are not. The kids are a factor, yes, but consider what you are modeling for them by your example. Times like these are full of indecision, I know- I've been there, done that. But after hesitation is done and action occurs I've always been glad I made the move I did.
I wish you peace and happiness in life. The only thing worse than being alone is being lonely while in a relationship with the wrong person
A story may help.
Ol' Billy Bob told his friend Luke that he was sweet on Miss Emmy but didn't know how to approach the subject. This was back in 'horse and buggy' days, mind you.
Luke told his friend "Paint your horse's tail red, Billy Bob. She'll ask why his tail is red and you can tell her that happens when horses are in love and want to make a baby."
Billy Bob did as suggested and took Miss Emmy to church the following Sunday. No comment was made about the horse having a red tail, either coming or going.
Billy Bob told his friend Luke "It didn't work. She never said a word!"
Luke said "You have to be a little more obvious, Billy Bob. Paint a red circle around the horses rump, that'll surely catch her eyes! Then you can explain that a horse does that when they find another horse they love and want to be with and make baby horses!"
Billy Bob followed his friends suggestion, although the pressure to make things happen with Miss Emmy was getting VERY intense. Off to church they went the next Sunday, but not a word about that big red circle around the horse's ass.
Billy Bob bemoaned the situation to Luke, told him his balls were so swollen with lust he could barely sit down. Luke, I'm going insane with desire, I just can't take it any longer, something has just GOT to work for me!"
Luke told his friend "OK, Billy Bob, this is your last chance. I want you to paint that whole damned horse bright red and she's just got to comment. Then you can explain that horses turn red when they fall in love and want to make baby horses!"
Bily Bob painted that horse a firey red and off he and Miss Emmy went to church yet again. Miss Emmy put her small delicate hand on Billy Bob's forearm and asked "Why Billy Bob, I do believe your horse has turned red!"
Billy Bob blurted out "Why, yes he has, Miss Emmy! Wanna fuck!"
My answer is a roundabout one. Love is an energy, and energy cannot be destroyed, but can be transmuted. Love can become hate, or less dynamically become indifference. My first wife, after 8 years of mutually bashing each other's brains out, and I ended our 'marriage'. When it was finally over, the ink had dried on the final divorce decree, the dust had settled, I expected to feel a great wave of emotion. What I felt was ....nothing. I was dead inside, drained, empty of all regard, all nostalgia, even the memories had taken on a sepia tone like old photographs mined from the bottom of an abandoned old trunk. I analyzed what had happened and came to this conclusion. We both claimed to have loved the other. She married me to get away from her home where everyone was terrorized and dominated by her alcoholic father. I married her to have a constant ready source of sex. Guess who got what they were after?
So, my feelings for her died totally. I wished her no harm and no good either. My 'love' had transmuted into indifference.
An old topic but a good one as well. I fell in love with my next door neighbor when in the 5th grade. Silly but true, I know. She was a long legged filly of a girl, all knees and elbows, straight as a stick and possessed of the most amazing ability to be vibrantly alive I've ever seen in my life. I was not her choice however, and as we grew I was an observer as she dated many of my friends, but never me. It ripped at me that I was never, could never be her choice. I always knew inside that being with her would either be paradise or lead to my utter destruction. I had a couple opportunities after graduation, but either I or she was involved to some extent with other relationships, so once again a near miss. She is the one person outside of family I would rush to if she ever needed assistance. I know now that it simply will never be, and I'm good with that. I wish her well, to be happy every day in every way.
I've never been in a relationship where the age gap was significant. I did have an opportunity to date an 18 year old redheaded Miss when I was in my mid 30's. When I found she was on for a relationship, I ran like a scalded dog. I realized that the age difference would kill anything resembling an actual relationship. After the sex is finished there has to be a basis for understanding, for conversation beyond what we watched on TV. So, it wouldn't work for me, but that depends on the relationship goals as well. If the basis for the relationship is mutually understood and agreed upon, no harm, no foul, Then again, I'd probably just analyze the fuckin' thing to death anyway.....
worship...who or what I dare not say....
The male nipple is the most neglected bit of anatomy out there. Guys have sensory nerves there too, girls. A woman who engages in nipple play on her man wins extra points X 10!
Would a request to 'fuck off and drop dead' be considered strange?
Seriously, pray. When I try to pray the devil hits me with his sledgehammer, doing a damned good impersonation of Thor, knocks me stone cold OUT!
Invisible
I actually believe my purpose is to provide entertainment to my family and friends, and have with some success.
However, when I'm in a retail establishment, patiently waiting to order food or check out my selections, the clerk/cashier cannot see me. On one occasion I was up to order fast food. The order taker was a walleyed girl whose eyes didn't track together. She had her left eye looking at about 9 o'clock and the other at about midnight, neither one focused on me, as she was apparently busily ignoring me. I said "You know, this would work better if you'd look at me."
currently- breakfast....dammit!
Depends on the mood I'm in. If it's cold then PJ bottoms. Usually just boxers, but sometimes nude. I seldom wear a T-shirt sleeping as I somehow manage to get all twisted up in it....
Have you ever considered that in a former life you were a moth in an area populated by many raging campfires?