Orientation is about inclination or drive. If I ask a guy to blow me, that's a step towards gay. If I picture a guy blowing me, regardless of whose mouth I'm in, that's a step towards gay. If I'm picturing a girl while a guy is blowing me, that's a step towards straight (or at least bi). If I think it's my gf and am thinking about my gf and only find out later it was a guy, that's not remotely gay.
Just to flip the question: if someone, who you thought was your bf, crawled up under the sheets and ate you to a thundering climax, and you later found out it was a woman, would that mean your a lesbian? Hell no!
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WorkAlone
Over 90 days ago
Heteroflexible Male, 55
0 miles · Toronto
Forum
Cogent Sensualist
Quite a series of questions you ask there, lass. I'll see if I can answer them all.
Oh, you have no idea how incredibly sexy a strong, confident woman who owns her own sexuality can be......hmmmm, I may need a minute before continuing here....
We've all been told nasty things in the past and we all have baggage. My experience (as a straight male) is that a lot of women have been told a LOT of negative things about themselves, both directly (bfs, gfs, Moms, etc.) and indirectly (media is a biggie here). Basically, there's nothing unusual about a woman who is senstive about something about her appearance. In reality, if you look around, how many women fall into the "fantasy" category? So, I think the reality is that we all get attracted by things other than just looks. Willl we walk across a bar for personality? No, because we can't see that, but believe me, it counts for a lot more than popular media will lead you to believe. (let's be honest though, you wouldn't walk across the bar for a guy who's a 4 in the hopes he has a "personality" to compensate either, would you?)Here's the direct answer--it wouldn't take anything, if I'm interested in a woman, I'll do what I can to make her comfortable and to help her see what I see in her.
The answer to this is pretty obvious: if you're into someone, you put in the time and effort. In a lot of ways, men and women really aren't so very different. There are limits to this, of course, but yes, of course I (and likely many of the royal "we") would put in the effort and be patient with someone we're interested in.
Again, the honest truth is we're all scarred so dealing with self-esteem is pretty much just the cost of dating.
Someone who won't go there at all isn't worth your time.
She's worth it if I'm happier with her than without her. Basically if the reward is worth the effort (reward here being expressed in terms of affection and happiness, not just "eye candy" or "points"--we're not all that shallow).
Of course I have said hurtful things. Just about anyone who's been in a long-term relationship has been in a fight and fights beget hurtful comments sometimes, in offense or defence. No, in my case, it has never been about appearance because, frankly, it's not that important to me and I know it'd be hurt for the sake of hurt. I have, however, been on the receiving end of a lot of such comments. When I have said something hurtful, of course I regret it. I'll own the part that's a true reflection of my feelings, of course.
I hope that helps.
Quote by Shylass
I know a lot of you guys say a confident lass is a sexy lass, and I understand that; I get it.
Oh, you have no idea how incredibly sexy a strong, confident woman who owns her own sexuality can be......hmmmm, I may need a minute before continuing here....
Quote by Shylass
However, what about the lass who you like for her nature, personality, and character, even if her looks are not what you would fantasise about? What would it take for you to want to put in the time for her to learn to trust you, and learn to feel more confident around you when she has been told not-very-nice things about herself in the past? Like, if she wanted to trust you and be comfortable around you, but her past experiences meant she felt bad about many aspects of herself, and she was afeared you would hurt her too.
We've all been told nasty things in the past and we all have baggage. My experience (as a straight male) is that a lot of women have been told a LOT of negative things about themselves, both directly (bfs, gfs, Moms, etc.) and indirectly (media is a biggie here). Basically, there's nothing unusual about a woman who is senstive about something about her appearance. In reality, if you look around, how many women fall into the "fantasy" category? So, I think the reality is that we all get attracted by things other than just looks. Willl we walk across a bar for personality? No, because we can't see that, but believe me, it counts for a lot more than popular media will lead you to believe. (let's be honest though, you wouldn't walk across the bar for a guy who's a 4 in the hopes he has a "personality" to compensate either, would you?)Here's the direct answer--it wouldn't take anything, if I'm interested in a woman, I'll do what I can to make her comfortable and to help her see what I see in her.
Quote by Shylass
Would you be able to be patient with her? Would you be prepared to put up with low self-esteem and fear of being hurt if you really liked her, and she showed she was able to grow into the relationship?
The answer to this is pretty obvious: if you're into someone, you put in the time and effort. In a lot of ways, men and women really aren't so very different. There are limits to this, of course, but yes, of course I (and likely many of the royal "we") would put in the effort and be patient with someone we're interested in.
Again, the honest truth is we're all scarred so dealing with self-esteem is pretty much just the cost of dating.
Quote by Shylass
Or do you just not go there at all? How do you decide when she's worth it?
Someone who won't go there at all isn't worth your time.
She's worth it if I'm happier with her than without her. Basically if the reward is worth the effort (reward here being expressed in terms of affection and happiness, not just "eye candy" or "points"--we're not all that shallow).
Quote by Shylass
Also, have you ever told a lass things about herself and/or appearance that were hurtful, and if so, why, and do you regret it or stand by it?
Of course I have said hurtful things. Just about anyone who's been in a long-term relationship has been in a fight and fights beget hurtful comments sometimes, in offense or defence. No, in my case, it has never been about appearance because, frankly, it's not that important to me and I know it'd be hurt for the sake of hurt. I have, however, been on the receiving end of a lot of such comments. When I have said something hurtful, of course I regret it. I'll own the part that's a true reflection of my feelings, of course.
I hope that helps.
Cogent Sensualist
"foreplay" is kind of a misnomer--I love all kinds of play so intercourse isn't strictly necessary every time and "foreplay" becomes just "play". OK, semantics aside.... generally LOTS of foreplay; I love the slow build-up and have even been called a tease. My preference is for her to have cum a few times and to be almost (or preferably literally) begging for it when intercourse actually happens. Of course, there's a time for a simple "drop trou" but then the foreplay is often in the form of just being around each other, often in situations where touching isn't acceptable/possible so the foreplay is still there, just in a different form.
Cogent Sensualist
I guess I'll echo a lot of the comments here. The "zipper" look is just not attractive so keep it in moderation. I like the visual of a pierced clitoral hood, but, as noted above, it's not as if I'm not going to find the clit any other way. I think they get in the way a bit when you know what you're doing. My big concern is constant stimulation. I've heard, and believe, that circumcision was intended, in part, to desensitize the penis by exposing the glans and frenulum to constant friction. I think clitoral hood piercings would do the same thing and expose the clit to constant rubbing, thereby densensitizing it to some extent. Field observations seem to bear this out. Its a woman's choice, of coure, but I'd rather have a sensitive clit to play delicate and intricate melodies on rather than a deadened one that barely responds.
Your mileage may vary.
Your mileage may vary.
Cogent Sensualist
OK, first, I have to agree that the refractory period has been getting longer over the last couple of decades. In the early days of my sexual 'career', the damn thing never seemed to go down so, um, pretty much zero. Now, a couple decades later, the answer is a little, if you can excuse the pun, "harder" to articulate. I can get hard pretty quick with some deep kissing and making out regardless of how long it's been, but it won't last to completion if it hasn't had enough of a break. I don't know if this makes me odd or not, but there it is...
I guess I'm generally in the 15 minute or so category, but it gets longer for later rounds. I also find that each successive erection takes more time to come and more time to bounce back to full effectiveness. Round 1-2 may be 10 minntes, 2-3 may be 10-15, 3-4 is probably 15, 4-5 is more like 20, 5-6 may be 20ish, 6-7 is closer to 25 minutes. The orgasm and cum itself changes with each round as do duration, hardness, and everything.
Cheers
I guess I'm generally in the 15 minute or so category, but it gets longer for later rounds. I also find that each successive erection takes more time to come and more time to bounce back to full effectiveness. Round 1-2 may be 10 minntes, 2-3 may be 10-15, 3-4 is probably 15, 4-5 is more like 20, 5-6 may be 20ish, 6-7 is closer to 25 minutes. The orgasm and cum itself changes with each round as do duration, hardness, and everything.
Cheers
Cogent Sensualist
"let" her? Hmmm, I don't remember her asking permission, she just latches on. It's varies between a reward for doing something very right and the cost of having her as my lover. When she bites really hard, it definitely takes me out of the moment though so there's definitely a line somewhere. There are times when I can almost imagine how the male mantis feels, lol.
Cogent Sensualist
Quote by MsYumm
no disrespect to the member above me, but the term "fucked silly" is very annoying.
who is silly after being fucked? (maybe a change in partner is required??)
oh, it happens.... incoherent, babbling, half-giggling...mmmmmm
In any event, the phrase the bugs me the most is the southern thing where you say "thank you" to someone in service (server, cashier, whatever) and they respond "uh-huh". grrrrrrr.
