The transistor radio blasted the new Captain and Tennille song “Love Will Keep Us Together,” prompting Nicole to sneer at her husband and wonder what was keeping them together. It sure as hell wasn’t love. As she relaxed on a lawn chair in her mother’s backyard, Nicole watched the loser she was married to frantically waving his hand at the black smoke that billowed from the barbecue grill. The annoyed housewife lifted her...

The new “All In the Family” episode was about to start when President Gerald Ford preempted the Saturday night broadcast with a speech about his plan to fight inflation. Margaret groaned. “Ugh, I don’t want to watch this horseshit.” “Me neither — I hate that baldheaded asshole.” Nicole snapped her fingers at her husband. “See what else is on.” Jimmy clambered from his spot on the floor and flipped the TV to Channel Five,...

The Sitting Bull Bar & Grill was a sprawling facility on Front Street near Pine, the busiest intersection in Harvest Springs, although Sunday traffic was relatively light and there were only two cars in the tavern lot when Jimmy chugged up in his Gremlin. After checking himself in the rearview mirror and popping a zit on his chin, Jimmy slipped out of his hatchback and pressed toward the bar to start a job he didn’t want....

The Elvis clock in Marlene’s basement was broken, so Jimmy had no idea what time it was. Not that he cared. Nicole was “having breakfast” with her macho ex-boyfriend, and nothing else mattered. Breakfast? Jimmy scoffed. He was certain they hadn’t gone to any restaurant — probably a motel, he thought with a snarl, or maybe Mike’s place, which Jimmy figured was probably some fancy swinging bachelor’s pad. The scrawny milkso...

Nicole squinted at her thumbnail and dabbed it with the brush. As she applied a second coat of Shanghai Scarlet, a voice from behind made her flinch. “Um, excuse me. Nikki?” “Goddamn it, Jimmy, why are you sneaking up like that? Now I gotta do my thumb all over again. What the fuck.” “S-sorry.” Nicole frowned. “What do you want?” Jimmy settled on the couch next to his wife. “Um, I was hoping we could talk for a minute bef...

The men’s room door creaked open. Jimmy hunched forward on the toilet holding his breath. “Jimmy?” Lisa called. “You in here?” “Uh, yeah,” came the reply from inside the locked stall. “Everyone’s looking for you. Where have you been — sitting on your ass pretending to be using the damn bathroom? Or jacking off?” “Um, no, I … I have asthma, Lisa. I just had an attack.” “Oh. Wow. Shit, I’m sorry. You okay?” “Yeah, I am now....

The burlap moneybags called Jimmy’s name in stereo. He squirmed in the driver’s seat of his parked Gremlin, telling himself that he wasn’t a crook while the devil on his left shoulder screamed at him to make like D.B. Cooper and split with the cash. There was more than five grand in the two bags — enough money for Jimmy to start a new life, as Mike had jokingly suggested the previous evening when he’d directed his newest...

It curved to the left, had a freckle on top and smelled like oysters. Red wiggled it. “Beg, pansy.” “Um, please?” “Please, what?” Jimmy gulped. “Uh, please can I … s-suck it?” “Say please again — the way I like, goddamn it.” “Pleeeeeease?” “Pretty please with sugar on top.” “Uh, pretty please with, um, sugar on top?” Red patted the kneeling man’s head. “That’s a good lil pansy. Come and get it.” As Jimmy scootched forward...

Jimmy sucked in a lungful of oxygen, yanked open the front door, and stepped into Marlene’s living room, where Nicole and Mike were chilling on the couch with their feet propped up on the coffee table. “Um, hey, guys,” the third-wheel hubby muttered. “Where’s Marlene?” “Dottie took her to Bingo.” Nicole leaned forward, scooped up her pack of Virginia Slims, and shook loose a cigarette. “How’d it go at Red’s? Did he get of...

The living room sloshed back and forth, up and down and around in circles. Jimmy hugged the wall to avoid falling on his ass. Mike leaned back on the couch and chuckled. “Damn, Pee-Wee, you’re that drunk from one glass of wine?” “Um, I took an aspirin earlier,” Jimmy muttered as he sank into the easy chair. “I think it weakened my system.” A voice from the bathroom doorway cut in: “Well, I hope your system isn’t too weak...

Jimmy strutted into the Sitting Bull with his chest puffed out. DeeDee’s scowl deflated him. “Where the hell have you been?” The bar manager pointed toward the back room. “There’s Blatz and Miller cases piled up — you’re supposed to get here an hour early on delivery days, goddamn it, and you’re a half-a-fucking-hour late.” “I-I’m sorry, uh … Mike wanted some stuff done; he said it was okay to come in late.” “Bullshit. Wh...

Jimmy was on his knees cleaning puke off the floor when he glanced up and swooned at the sight of Nicole and Mike strolling into the bar looking like Barbie and GI Joe. The power couple made a beeline for Red’s booth. The old man stood and hugged Nicole before giving Mike a hearty handshake. After the trio sat down, Red waved Jimmy over. The porter hopped to his feet and scurried across the bar. “Hey, guys.” Jimmy smiled...

Marlene slurped her coffee with a furrowed brow. “Uh-oh, something’s up.” She shifted in her recliner, gazing at her daughter and Mike, who sat knee-to-knee on the sofa while Jimmy stood nearby twiddling his fingers. “What’s going on, you guys?” Nicole grabbed Mike’s hand. “Well, Ma, we have something to tell you: The three of us … well, we have sort of an arrangement now.” “Huh?” Marlene arched her brow. “What arrangemen...

With a straight face that disguised his disgust, Jimmy sat on the carpet licking his lips. Red smirked down at the wimp and shifted in his favorite easy chair. “How’s my cum taste this morning, pansy?” “Um, delicious, sir.” “As usual?” “Y-yes, sir.” “Ah, yes, that’s my little faggoty pansy.” Red scratched his balls. “Now, hand me that newspaper over there — as we say in the lumber business: I gotta go drop off a few logs,...

Missouri’s tax code contained tricky language although Jimmy noted with a smile that Illinois offered tantalizing loopholes for franchises. After spending hours poring over microfilm and other reference material at the Millville Public Library, the Sitting Bull Bar & Grill executive assistant learned more than he’d ever wanted to know about out-of-state ordinances and statutes. He took copious notes before driving to his...

Nicole and Mike reclined on the sofa playing footsie and watching Jimmy scurry back and forth in the kitchen. “Did you use that provolone you bought?” Nicole called. Jimmy popped his head through the doorway. “Yes, Ma’am, and I made sure to pack the mayonnaise separately, too, just like you said, Ma’am.” “Good.” Nicole crinkled up her nose. “I hate soggy sandwiches.” “Yes, Ma’am, these will be nice and fresh.” Mike’s hand...

The Corrigan Rocking Chair Company employees were sent home early when the plant lost power just after lunch. It made for a slow night at the Sitting Bull, leaving plenty of free time for the bar staff to fuck with the low man on the totem pole, Jimmy the porter. When DeeDee got the news that the factory had shut down, she called Mike to see if she should send people home, since the usual rush wasn’t going to materialize....