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dragonking86
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 40
0 miles · Texas
Forum
Active Ink Slinger
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
Active Ink Slinger
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases.
It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.
It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy,
their 11 year old son, returned home from school.
Tommy was over 2 hours late.
'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?' asked John.
'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,' said Tommy. The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
'Son,' said John, 'this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school.'
'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.' said Tommy.
'What did you watch?' asked Marsha.
'The Ten Commandments.' answered Tommy. The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair once more.
With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.'
'I am ashamed of you son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.' The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, 'Bo y, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!'
With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.
It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.
It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy,
their 11 year old son, returned home from school.
Tommy was over 2 hours late.
'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?' asked John.
'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,' said Tommy. The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
'Son,' said John, 'this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school.'
'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.' said Tommy.
'What did you watch?' asked Marsha.
'The Ten Commandments.' answered Tommy. The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair once more.
With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.'
'I am ashamed of you son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.' The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, 'Bo y, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!'
With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.
Active Ink Slinger
An older couple Bob and Alice are playing bridge with their younger neighbours Tom and Shirley.
Tom asks Bob, “ You’ve been around awhile, how many different kinds of boobs are there?”
Bob, answers, 'Well, Tom , there are three kinds of boobs:
In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm.
In her 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After 50, they are like onions'.
'Onions?'
'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'
This infuriated Alice and so she asked, Shirley
“Do you know many kinds of 'willies' there are?”
Shirley answered, “No, I really don’t know.”
“Well” , said Alice , “ I can tell you.”
“A man goes through three phases.”
In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his 40's, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his 50's, it is like a Christmas Tree.'
'A Christmas tree?'
'Yes - the root's dead and the balls are just for decoration.'
Tom asks Bob, “ You’ve been around awhile, how many different kinds of boobs are there?”
Bob, answers, 'Well, Tom , there are three kinds of boobs:
In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm.
In her 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After 50, they are like onions'.
'Onions?'
'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'
This infuriated Alice and so she asked, Shirley
“Do you know many kinds of 'willies' there are?”
Shirley answered, “No, I really don’t know.”
“Well” , said Alice , “ I can tell you.”
“A man goes through three phases.”
In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his 40's, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his 50's, it is like a Christmas Tree.'
'A Christmas tree?'
'Yes - the root's dead and the balls are just for decoration.'
