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I am sure it would be educational

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Well, I hope my mind.... but my husband rather likes my boobs

Quote by kiera


You know we all love you, right? Especially me. You can't quit on me we have a castle to build in Spain and I'm buying you a sea monster for xmas (hopefully I won't get outbid on ebay)

Seriously, I think Christmas is such a hard time of year. I wrote this on FB the other night, I've been struggling a bit too. I am in a bit of a panic tbh, all my focus has been on getting this god awful year over with and now I almost have and it's like WTF am I supposed to do now? Did i think 2017 would magically get better, no other year has before, WTF was I thinking?

I worry myself sick over how this first Xmas without Paul for the kids is going to affect them, I think every time I have I've got them another present...This is what I put, i was pretty upset.

You know, my sole focus since Paul died has been just to get us through it, me and the kids. Make this year as good as I can possibly make it so that my kids don't just look back on 2016 and remember that he died. I think I have done as good as I possibly could have done, they are happy and I wanted to do that and get this god awful year over with. Now it's almost over and tbh I have achieved what I wanted but I am in a bit of a WTF do I do now kinda mode, I never thought further ahead than this. I miss him, I don't want to do Christmas without him, it just won't be the same, it never will be. I worry myself sick over the kids all the time in case I haven't done enough or am not doing enough. All the presents in the world won't make up for their dad not being here Christmas morning. It's just another one of those firsts (probably the hardest one) I've got to get thru, I suppose but for the record they truly suck Sorry feeling really melancholy lately

Anyway, I don't know what it is but I just feel exhausted. My optimism that I have held onto all this time that if I just get 2016 out of the way with as much damage control as humanly possible things will be ok has gone. What was I thinking? Things never get better, life is just one fucking big challenge after another and I feel wiped out.

Instead of feeling like 2017 is going to be a new start for us, i just feel like what the fuck is 2017 going to throw at me and will I be strong enough? atm I am so exhausted i think if it through a bit of fluff at me I would break.

But I have you all and I know I can come here. I know I am strong, I have proved that this year but don't you just get so tired of having to be strong? it's exhausting and I am so tired of it.

I do love you all so much though, especially Rachel and I am so grateful I can come here and just say what is on my mind.

What is 2017 going to throw at me/us? who the fuck knows? but I do know that we can all get through it together and that gives me hope.

xo