Whether she wanted it or not, naive, eighteen year-old Nicky has just been ‘rescued’ by her older stepbrother Mike while just beginning to have sex with one of his rugby-playing friends in an alleyway down by the waterfront.

***

I don’t know how long I clung to Mike in the darkness, trembling, crying with confusion, relief and shame. My own stepbrother had just caught me with a boy’s cock actually inside my body! He truly believed he had rescued me – that he, the Hero had saved his little stepsister from a fate worse than death.

And the worst thing was that he was wrong. He had certainly saved his little stepsister from one of the worst decisions of her life but when it had come to the moment Max’s cock had entered my body, I had actually wanted it to happen. I would have let a boy I hardly knew fuck me against the dirty wall of a litter-strewn waterfront alley.

I would have instantly become ‘one of those girls’ and maybe even ruined my young life.

But I knew I couldn’t ever tell Mike that and as the enormity of what had just happened – and nearly happened – bore in upon me, I felt a wave of shame wash over me. I clung to my big stepbrother, small tears running down my cheeks as he hugged me.

Eventually I became aware that my jumper was under my armpits, my leggings were still around my ankles, my bottom and vulva naked and my boobs exposed. It was getting cold.

When my trembling had subsided a little, I released him, bent over unsteadily and tried to pull my leggings up to cover my nakedness. My hands were still shaking too much, my free foot caught in the shiny, tight material and I had to grab onto Michael again for balance. He dropped to his knees in front of me and gently eased the leggings over my feet then pulled the tight sparkly material up to cover my exposed flesh.

Despite my confusion, I was very much aware that his face was merely inches from my vulva. He could not have failed to notice my total absence of knickers and the wet, sticky evidence of arousal on my mound and upper thighs.

But to my relief he said nothing.

I lifted my top myself, unavoidably exposing my tiny boobs to his gaze once again as I re-fastened my bra. Again Michael said nothing, but when I was decently dressed, he wrapped his jacket around my shoulders, followed it with his arm and we began the long unsteady, uphill walk back to his house, followed by two large, muscular friends from the rugby club.

***

Half an hour later we were back in his bedroom.

“I’m so sorry,” I cried, sitting on his bed.

The journey home had passed in near silence, as had my showering and changing into my short night dress and a pair of panties. I didn’t usually wear panties in bed but it seemed appropriate as I was sharing a room with Mike, who had changed into his pyjama trousers while I was in the shower.

Despite my modesty, I was acutely aware that my stepbrother had not only just seen my boobs and private parts in extreme close up, but had also seen them in a highly aroused state.

“It’s okay. But I did try to warn you about him,” he replied softly but sternly.

I sobbed, “I’m sorry. He was just so nice!”

“I know,” Mike sat next to me on the bed and wrapped my shaking body in his strong arms, my head resting on his powerful shoulder. I could smell his familiar aroma and it reassured me. “But if you dress as sexily as that, boys can get the wrong idea.”

He paused.

“It was the wrong idea, wasn’t it Nic? You weren’t really trying to get laid, were you?” he asked in a deceptively measured tone.

“I feel so ashamed,” I sobbed, deliberately not answering directly; still wondering the same thing myself. “I was so silly; so naïve. I should have listened to you.”

“Shhh,” he whispered, nuzzling my ear.

“You’re the last person in the world I want to see me like that,” I cried, “You’ve seen me naked! All of me! All my private places! All the things my body did as if I wanted him to...”

“Shhh! It’s okay, I promise. No-one will ever know.”

I slipped under the duvet, still holding his hand for security.

“Would you cuddle me a while,” I asked tentatively. “Like you used to?”

Mike smiled and slipped under the duvet alongside, snuggling up in the half darkness. His arms hugged me closely, the warmth of his strong body reassuring and comforting.

“There you are Nic,” he whispered in my ear. “You’re safe now.”

Indeed I did feel safe in his arms and finally began to calm down though my earlier exposure still made me feel ashamed.

“Do you hate me now?” I asked. “I’ve embarrassed you in front of your friends and you’ve seen me - like that!”

“Nah!” he laughed, interrupting. “My friends really like you and they’re up in arms about Max. You’re not the first sister he’s tried to have his wicked way with.”

I felt a little better as he carried on, “And you mustn’t ever worry about all the rest. There’s nothing about you I would ever, ever find anything but beautiful.”

He leaned over and kissed me comfortingly on the forehead, twice. I snuggled up closer, my head against his strong, reassuring muscular chest. His arms enfolded me and the tension finally began to release me from its grip.

After a long, silent cuddle, I rolled over and snuggled against him, my bottom pressed against his midriff, my back now against his chest as if we were two spoons in a drawer. His arms were around me. I felt tiny tears running down my cheeks but I felt safe, listening to his slow, deep breathing behind me.

Safe, but confused.

My head was spinning, and not just from the unaccustomed alcohol. For the first time in my inexperienced life I had felt my body behaving beyond my control and it frightened me.

Had I really wanted Max to have sex with me? To fuck me? I barely knew him; it couldn’t be thought of as making love?

Had I really waited until his cock was actually part way inside me before saying ‘No’?

And if I had, what did that make me? Max had called me a prick-teaser. Was that really what I was?

When it had come to the final penetration – I hadn’t told Mike that Max had actually succeeded in getting his cock inside my vagina - my mind had finally taken back control. I had at even sort-of tried to stop him from taking me completely but not with any conviction. Up to that point, my body and my sexuality – lust even - had been in overwhelming control.

This had simply not happened before, not even with David when we had ‘gone all the way’ and I had lost my virginity.

My head told me I had just had a lucky escape, that I had been rescued from a fate worse than death in the nick of time. But at the same time, my body had unquestionably been ready, willing, eager and, as Mike cannot fail to have noticed, obviously aroused and very prepared for full-on sex.

In truth, it felt as if something deep within me still needed that penetration; was still prepared, still ready and eager, still deeply unsatisfied. It was almost as if I had been taken all the way to the finishing line and then prevented from crossing. As if something was still missing.

I felt a strange tingling emptiness between my thighs and carefully reached down with my fingers. To my shame I found I was lubricating again at the mere thought!

It troubled me and for a long time I lay with my back pressed against Mike’s chest and tummy, feeling the reassuring heat of his body against mine. I snuggled further into him strong body, pressing my bottom against his midriff.

I must eventually have dozed for a few minutes because the next thing I remember is Mike nuzzling the back of my neck and the strange, very pleasant feeling of his hot breath and soft lips on my upper back. His arm now rested lightly on my side and as I pressed backwards again into his warm body, my mind dimly registering the presence of a hard lump pressing against my lower buttocks. I wriggled against it and dozed a little longer.

A little later I stirred again in my sleep. The hard lump was still pressing against my bottom but now it was underneath my night dress, pressing against my panty-covered vulva which was tingling terribly.

Half asleep I didn’t quite realise what it was or what was happening but it made me feel warm and slightly strange ‘down there’. There was an arm around my waist too and fingers were lightly stroking up and down my side and just touching my left breast. I could feel my nipple hardening as the fingers gradually moved over my boob.

“What?” I mumbled softly, surprised but not alarmed.

Mike’s knees were gently rubbing the back of my thighs from behind. Then I felt a series of tiny, delicate kisses falling on the back of my neck.

“Mmmm! That feels nice,” I murmured in my doze.

Something finally registered as not quite right and I turned my head slightly towards him, puzzled. Before I could say anything he kissed me on the cheek, hugging me even more tightly. I felt the hard lump moving rhythmically very gently against the underside of my bottom. It felt really nice; strangely wrong, but grew more pleasant with every soft, slow stroke.

“Mmm? Mike?” My voice sounded dopey, slurry. “What are you doing?”

Still somewhat dazed, but puzzled rather than alarmed, I began to roll over on the mattress to face him but as my mouth drew level with his he kissed me lightly on the other cheek. It wasn’t quite the brotherly kiss I was used to.

Then he kissed me again. It was definitely not brotherly.

“Mike, what are you doing?" I began, my voice still woozy from alcohol and sleep.

Then he kissed me full on the lips. I froze, dimly aware that this wasn’t supposed to happen.

“Mike! Don’t,” I mumbled unconvincingly.

He kissed me on the lips again. This time I definitely knew that something was wrong; that this shouldn’t be happening but... well, I don’t know what the ‘but’ was... because a warm and soothing sensation came over me.

Before I realised it I was returning his kiss, lightly and tentatively; once, twice, three times, each kiss a little bolder than the one before until suddenly our lips were pressed hard together, our mouths open, our teeth clashing awkwardly. Mike’s arms were around my shoulders, our barely clothed bodies pressed hard together under the duvet. His tongue plunged into my welcoming mouth; I wrapped my own around it then thrust back into his mouth in return, snogging passionately like two teens at a school disco.

And as we kissed, I felt his strong hands begin to explore my body; first my back, then my sides, then my buttocks, pulling me hard against his fit, athletic body. I felt his palms on my boobs, kneading them firmly through my night dress exactly the way I liked it – not too rough, but not too delicate either - like Max had done in the alley only much, much better. Before I knew it, his fingers were on my nipples, pinching their tips between his knuckles, sending new sensations of pleasure and pain that felt so good they shocked me.

“Mmmm! Miiike!!!, We mustn’t! We... Oh God that’s good!”

An inner voice within me seemed to be telling me to stop; that this wasn’t right but by the hot passionate feeling Max had started had returned to my belly with a vengeance. This time it didn’t frighten me and the warning voice was simply overwhelmed.

My hands stroked Mike’s bare naked back, powerful arms and flat tummy as his hands played with my boobs, then I squeezed his tight, firm buttocks through his pyjama trousers as we rolled gently back and forth, mouths locked, bodies pressed tightly together, arms wrapped around each other, kissing until our lips were almost numb and my mind swam with new-found passion.

After what seemed like an age, his lips suddenly left mine and for a moment it felt like I had fallen off the world into the darkness. I protested weakly as if frightened it was all ending too soon, but I needn’t have worried. Mike gently pushed me onto my back and kissed me once more before his mouth descended to my boobs. To my amazement he began to breathe hot air onto my nipples through the thin cotton of my night dress.

The new sensation was incredible; I heard myself moan aloud in surprise and genuine arousal. His hot lips pressed against my cotton covered nipples and he sucked them gently, first one then the other, kneading the small globes beneath with his fingers as he drew the teats into his mouth. The pleasure surging from my boobs was simply amazing and the heat in my belly grew stronger still. My knees rose automatically as my body responded to his touch, bunching my nightie up around my waist.

Mike’s lips returned blessedly to my own and as we kissed deeply once again, I felt my night gown being raised almost to my chest. His hand was active underneath moving swiftly over the bare flesh of my tummy and upwards towards my so-so-sensitive boobs.

It never crossed my mind to stop him; if I had enjoyed his touch through the thin cotton of my gown, the feel of his bare flesh on mine took me to another level. My nipples hardened until they hurt as his fingers teasingly tweaked and toyed with their firm dark centres and his tongue once again found mine.

As I reeled in the unfamiliar pleasure, my legs must have parted without my knowing because suddenly Mike’s strong hand was between my unresisting thighs, cupping my vulva through my panties. For the second time that night I felt the heat of arousal rising within my groin as his fingers explored my swollen, aroused mound through what was now dripping wet white cotton.

Again something deep within me began to register that this was wrong; that this shouldn’t be happening; that I ‘wasn’t that kind of girl’, whatever that meant. But again that weak inner voice was simply drowned out by the roar of arousal now coming from my overheating body.

I gasped as Mike’s probing finger found its target and began to trace the panty-covered outline of my slit, tentatively at first, as if expecting a refusal.

But no refusal would come – I was too far gone in lust. Instead I moaned into my stepbrother’s mouth and pressed my vulva wantonly against his hand, my body in complete surrender. My baffled mind abandoned all attempts at making sense of what was happening to me. I yielded control completely and just enjoyed the startling new sensations all around.

Mike’s fingers rose from my dampening panties to stroke my tummy for a second then I yelped as he slipped his whole hand over my naked belly button and deep inside my knickers, covering my pubic mound with his palm and sliding his middle finger the full length of my bared slit, its wet lips still stiff puffy and sensitive from my encounter with Max.

I gasped and grabbed his shoulders, my head rising wide-eyed as he plunged his finger into me, probing deeply into my vagina - like Max had done but a thousand times more gently and a thousand times more welcome.

“Oh God! Oh Mike,” I gasped, pulling my lips away from his in an attempt to breathe more easily.

A wall of heat began to build within me and I began to tremble in his arms as he stroked and probed a part of me I had never expected my stepbrother ever to see, let alone finger and explore.

It felt astounding, as if every square millimetre of my slit was alive with electricity. Up and down my slit his finger passed and I growled and flexed in his strong arms with each stroke until, unaccustomed to a boy’s intimate touch, I began to get sore.

As if sensing this, Mike gently withdrew his finger from my vagina. For a second I felt empty and disappointed, then to my astonishment he began to rub his fingertip in small circles around the very top of my slit on a part of me I had barely heard of, didn’t yet understand and which even today can surprise me - my clitoris.

I thought I would die on the spot!

A bolt of half-pain, half-pleasure and complete surprise shot through my whole body as he toyed with my hard, over-sensitive nub. My legs went weak and fell open, my arms rose to his shoulders then simply fell away again as a second, stronger bolt hit me and my head flopped on the pillow.

Oh my God! This was like nothing on earth! I didn’t know whether I wanted it to stop immediately or go on forever.

Mike’s finger dipped deep into my vagina again then rose and circled my painfully hard clitoris once more, before rubbing firmly along its underside. A wave of unbearable heat radiated out from my vulva and washed through my entire body. I held my breath, my chest hurting then gasped in short, sharp gulps of air as the first real and frightening orgasm of my life held me tightly in its grasp.

Nothing any other boy had ever done to me came even close to the incredible pleasure my own, sexy, gorgeous stepbrother was bringing me now. Nothing I had done to myself in bed could compare with the feelings he was inducing in my body. The unfamiliar intensity was almost terrifying; my whole body helpless in his hands, shaking and convulsing in totally unfamiliar orgasm as he expertly fingered me - there, under his duvet, in his bedroom, my body now completely surrendered.

I tried to call his name but no sound would come out of my mouth. Instead I jerked and twisted as his fingers rubbed my clitoris, then plunged back into my vagina, then returned to the part of my body I had never realised could feel so, so good.

And then his hand was gone. I lay on my back stunned, trying to make sense of the force that had overwhelmed me. I was half aware of Mike’s shape wriggling alongside in the darkness and dimly realised he was taking off his pyjamas.

Slowly I began to understand what that meant; what he intended to do. It didn’t frighten me – after what had just happened, it felt only natural. And God knows how much I wanted it!

I felt him move back alongside me then rise over me until his tall, strong body blocked out the little remaining light in the room.

I felt his hands on the sides of my damp knickers, sliding them down my legs and away, exposing my young, bare, inexperienced vulva.

I felt my legs being firmly parted and the heat of his hairy thighs between mine, pressing them forcefully apart.

I felt his strong hands either side of my shoulders, holding his chest above my face.

I turned my mouth to his arm and kissed it. My head was still spinning from the astonishing feelings my first ever proper climax had brought but I now understood what was about to happen and realised that my aching, eager body wanted it badly, whatever my bewildered mind told me.

It’s hard to remember which thoughts went through my mind at that moment, waiting for my gorgeous stepbrother to penetrate me and which came to me later as we lay in each other’s arms, but the effect was like an epiphany.

Suddenly I knew everything really was alright. Suddenly everything fell into place like a revelation; how I had idolised him most of my life; my lack of interest in other boys; my desire to dress like his girlfriends, however inappropriately. Even my two real sexual encounters to date had been with his best friend and look-alike. And my immediate infatuation with Max had been driven by my unrealised love for Mike.

I suddenly understood that I had been in love with my stepbrother ever since he had come into my life and at that moment, wanted nothing in the world more than to be united with him in every way.

I wanted him to make love to me; right there, right then! I wanted him to put his penis in my vagina and make me completely his.

I could feel my whole body opening up for him as he mounted me, the arousal I had felt with Max returning but much, much more powerfully, filling my thighs, belly and chest with the newly-discovered heat of desire. My legs automatically opened wider and my arms wrapped themselves around his shoulders as he positioned his body above mine, his erect penis stabbing wildly at my vulva.

I took one hand from his neck and reached down between my thighs. For the second time that evening I found an erect penis in my hand, but this time everything was different. I was different. I wasn’t scared of it – far from it. This was something I wanted; something I needed and my body was unquestionably ready for it.

I guided its head anxiously and carefully towards my opening.

For a moment its size, warmth and smoothness worried me; surely my little body could never accommodate such a huge invasion.

I felt the smoothness of its head against my engorged, sensitive flesh, parting my inner lips.

I felt him press forward, stretching my entrance.

I closed my eyes and bit my lip as the invading penis stretched me tighter and tighter until finally with an incredible shock of pleasure and fullness, his head unexpectedly broke through my resistance and almost with a ‘pop’ entered into my body.

He was inside me! My stepbrother was making love with me!

It felt...

unbelievable! I gasped as my vagina struggled to accommodate the enormous presence within me, my body tight around his shaft, surrendering more and more every incredible second.

His body now within me, my arms returned to Mike’s neck and I pulled his face down, my mouth opening wide as our lips touched. We kissed with a new passion and before I could fully adjust, he thrust his cock forcefully into me, taking me by surprise.

I squealed into his open mouth as the massive invader penetrated me. He pulled back and thrust again. Oh my God! Deeper and deeper he plunged, robbing me of breath, penetrating my belly, my heart, my lungs, my soul until a few thrusts later the thick base of his erection was stretching me even wider and his pubic mound ground hard against mine.

There was no more to come; his entire, amazing erection was within my body.

He paused, buried deep within me which blessedly gave my body a few more precious moments to adjust to the huge intruder. I gazed adoringly into his eyes; big and deep brown with black pupils made massive by the semi-darkness of the room.

These were eyes you could fall head over heels in love with and I was already tumbling!

“Are you okay?” he asked. All I could do was nod as I looked into his handsome face.

Our eyes locked together as he drew himself slowly back. I felt a strange emptiness as his erection almost left my body. Then he thrust into me again and filled me quickly and completely. The sudden thrust shocked me and I heard a strange incoherent choking sound escape my lips as a wave of sensation passed through me.

“Sure, Nic?” he asked once again. Again I nodded, blinking.

And then we made love - real, deep love. I surrendered totally to this strong, handsome man I had loved without knowing it for so many years.

Looking back, it would be more accurate to say that he made love to me – I was so inexperienced that I could do little other than lie there and try to comply with his desire, allowing my body to mould itself with his every movement.

It was the best moment of my eighteen-year-old life.

I remember worrying that I wouldn’t be any good at it; that I would be a disappointing lay; that he wouldn’t want me again; that he wouldn’t love me because I was no good in bed. But nature can be kind and to my amazement, after very few thrusts my body had adjusted to his size, my copious lubrication had eased his way and I truly began to enjoy the raw physical pleasure of sex as well as the joy of making love.

My two previous encounters had been brief, surreptitious and filled with fear of discovery. This was something entirely different. Mike made love to me in long, slow strokes that took me from a terrible empty feeling as he pulled back, to a fullness I had never imagined possible as he bottomed out inside me. I could feel the ridges on his shaft as they passed my tight inner lips and the grinding of his pubic hair against my mound as he reached his deepest point.

My fingers stroked his chest, then his sweet face in the darkness, then ran down over his muscular shoulders to his waist, then on to his firm, tight buttocks as they moved back and forwards rhythmically, driving his penis deep into my welcoming body. I could feel the heat of his body against mine, his chest on my boobs, his hips driving my bottom hard into the mattress with each increasingly powerful thrust.

The warm feeling I had encountered with Max grew stronger and stronger with every smooth thrust of Mike’s cock. My sensitive slit became more sensitive still and the entrance to my vagina felt on fire; every ridge and undulation of his shaft sending a bolt of pleasure through my belly. My chest felt tight and a warm glow began to radiate outwards from my groin, through my belly and into my chest.

So this was what making love was really like! This was what all the fuss was about! Finally I began to understand!

I heard a soft gasp from Mike’s sweet face only inches about mine and his pace changed, his thrusts became stronger and wilder and he began to grunt. I began to feel a little frightened, not realising this meant he was building up to a climax. He thrust harder into me and the room filled with wet slapping sounds; he thrust faster and faster, my inexperienced vagina now beginning to feel sore but oh-so-sensitive.

I bit my lip again and gripped his upper arms, feeling him tremble and then grunt; short coarse noises coming from his throat as his body shook and pulsed. His head within me seemed to swell to an enormous size...

And then, without warning, Mike pulled his throbbing cock almost violently out of my vagina. After filling me so completely, his sudden withdrawal was a shock and I squealed aloud in protest. But before my sex-fuddled brain could grasp what was happening, my tummy was covered in pools of hot sticky fluid. My stepbrother was ejaculating wildly onto my body, his own body in strange, ugly spasms; low, animal sounds coming from his half closed mouth.

His thrusts slowed and stopped. Mike held himself high above me, looking down into my eyes. I lay motionless beneath him feeling almost abandoned and empty, half frightened by the force of our lovemaking; not knowing what else to do as the spasms and trembling in his body subsided.

The whole encounter could only have lasted a few minutes but it changed my world.

Nothing in my limited sex life had prepared me for this. Drops of sweat fell from his forehead onto my face and lips. His breathing was heavy and laboured as he lowered his face to mine and kissed me lovingly again. He tasted salty.

He kissed me once more then rolled over to lie next to me in the darkness, his body pressed close to mine.

I lay there stunned, unable to move, my body feeling battered and so, so tired. I must have started to cry a little because I felt tears running down my cheeks.

“Nic? Oh sweetheart!" his voice was clearly distressed.

“I’m okay,” I snuffled, my nose filling with salty tears as the enormity of what we had just done began to dawn on me. Instinctively I pressed my thighs together as if to hide the ‘scene of the crime’ and raised my knees almost to my chest.

“I’m sorry, I... I don’t know what came over me,” he mumbled, still lying stiff alongside me.

My chest ached with fear. Had we just destroyed our relationship? Our family? What had I done to make him want to have sex with me? Apart from wanting him to do it!

“Are you okay?” he asked earnestly, “I’m so, so sorry.”

His obvious sincerity helped me.

“ Are ... you sorry, Mike? Or are you just sorry it was me?” I asked, afraid of getting the wrong answer.

“How can you think that?” he demanded, rolling onto his side and reaching over to hug me. “I really love you, Nic! I really mean it, I... Oh Jesus, yuk...”

In reaching across to hug me he had put his forearm right across my belly where it got covered in his warm, sticky semen. He reacted as if he had been burned by the gooey stuff and we both burst out laughing - excessively as if delighted to have an excuse to break the tension.

As a release, the laughter worked and we turned and hugged again tightly, our bellies pressed together, kissing happily. The pool of goo spread over both our tummies but we didn’t care, lost again in sore-lipped French kissing.

After a short time we needed to come up for breath.

“My God! We’d better get you cleaned up,” Mike said. “I’m all messy too!”

“My handbag,” I smiled, nodding to the dresser.

Mike fumbled in the darkness and passed it over. I quickly retrieved a small pack of tissues and began to wipe my tummy clean, amazed at how much of the stuff there was and how difficult it was to wipe away. Alongside me, Mike was doing the same.

“I wasn’t expecting all this mess,” I said, feeling much happier at the lightening of the mood.

“I’m sorry. I realised at the last minute we weren’t using a Durex and you probably weren’t on the pill.”

“Well you were right there,” I said, thanking God for Mike’s good sense, suddenly aware of the possible consequences of what we had just done. Contraception hadn’t even crossed my mind when it was all happening. I threw the soiled tissues in the vague direction of the waste paper bin.

When I turned back, Mike was lighting a candle on the bedside table. The low light cast shadows across his strong, handsome face. I felt myself blushing. In the darkness it had all been a bit unreal. Now, with his naked, athletic body showcased in the candlelight, his long, flaccid penis still glistening with our juices, there was no escaping the fact that my stepbrother and I had just had sex together.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Nic. I mean we’ve done something we sort of shouldn’t. I hope you don’t hate me now?” His voice became anxious. “I thought I wasn’t like Max. Really I’m not! Or am I just as bad after all?”

I stroked his worried face with my fingertips, feeling vulnerable but strangely strong at the same time.

“It’s okay Mike. All of it’s okay. I wanted it too. You’re not like Max - you didn’t make me do it. I wanted it to happen.”

The look of relief on his face was heartbreaking. He clasped my hands in his and squeezed them. We lay side by side in the candlelight and pulled the duvet over our bodies against the cool air in the room. I rested my head against his shoulder.

“Did it hurt?” His voice sounded a little worried.

“Just a little,” I replied, snuggling closer to him. “But only at the beginning. You’re very good at it!”

I felt his body stiffen a little in pride and smiled inwardly as we cuddled.

“Were you a... Was it... was it your first time?” he eventually asked, stroking my forehead.

I shook my head.

“Not quite,” I replied, hoping he couldn’t see me blushing in the darkness. “Could you tell?”

He looked shocked.

“Well, no. I wouldn't have guessed,” he lied.

“Don’t worry, Mike. There’s only been one boy before you and we only did it twice.”

I could tell he wanted to know who it was but I wanted to keep that to myself.

“Have you done it with lots of girls?” I asked to distract him, but half fearing the answer.

“Not many.” It was a good answer. “And none of them felt like you, Nic!” An even better answer!

I smiled broadly in the half darkness, content.

“So what made you want to do it with me tonight?” I asked, genuinely curious.

He paused for a long time.

“I don’t really know what came over me. When I saw you dressed so sexily and the way the boys looked at you, I think I saw you properly for the first time.”

“I wanted to be grown up. I didn’t want to let you down in front of your friends,” I explained, unsure of myself.

“And you were perfect,” he reassured me, squeezing my hand again. “You were still my little sister but you were so much more, too. And when Max started doing his act on you I realised that you were one of the most amazing, most sexy girls I’d ever seen.”

I glowed in pleasure the half light, his words helping me come to terms with the terrible thing we had just done.

“I think it was jealousy too – at least partly,” he continued, squeezing my hand again. “You looked so innocent and so sexy all at the same time. I knew Max would try it on with you but you wouldn’t listen. And when I realised what had almost happened I knew I couldn’t bear it if anyone - anyone else - did it with you! And when you were so close to me in bed and still so warm and sexy, I couldn’t help it. After seeing you so turned on from Max I finally realised what I’ve always known deep down...”

I waited for him to continue, hoping and praying that he would say what I felt inside. After what seemed like an age, I heard the words I will never ever forget.

“That I’m sort of... well, sort of in love you. Perhaps I always have been.”

I positively glowed inside, but instinctively knew that simply telling him I loved him too straight away would sound trite and insincere. Instead I kissed his lips gently.

“So now we both know, don’t we?”I whispered.

We lay in silence as the candle sputtered, my head snuggled against his chest, his fingers stroking me gently. I should have felt revolted, or at least guilty at what we had done, but in truth I felt neither. In the quiet darkness, I heard Mike’s bedside clock ticking and strained to look at it.

“It’s nearly three in the morning,” he whispered in my ear. “When’s your interview?”

“I’m on at nine,” I replied. “Typical! We don’t even get to lie in together. And Dad’s picking me up at ten thirty so I can’t even come back and see you afterwards.”

“I’ll walk you to the interview,” he promised. “Just our luck, eh? I suppose we’d better get some sleep if you’re going to impress them in the morning.”

In fact we make love again almost immediately. It was sweet and gentle and this time Mike used a Durex. When he came, his penis was still inside me, which was wonderful and made us both cry a little as I felt him soften within my body.

***

The alarm went off at seven forty-five like a fire engine driving through the bedroom. I woke with a start and a monstrous headache – part sleeplessness, part hangover – to find Mike fast asleep, his arm under my neck. I was naked, stiff, sweaty and sticky. So was he.

In a panic, I grabbed the first towel I could see, opened the door and ran across the landing to the shower room, hoping none of his housemates were up and about. I was lucky and, ten minutes later, came back into Mike’s room cleaner and fresher and feeling altogether more human although my vulva was very sore, my tummy ached deep inside from the battering it had received and I had a love bite on my lower neck.

Mike was sitting at his desk when I entered, massaging his arm – the one I had slept on - and was making instant coffee for us both. I dressed as quickly as I could, pulling on knickers and tights, wrapping my best skirt around my waist and tucking a fresh, clean white blouse into its waistband.

Mike handed me the hot drink while he pulled on his Levi’s and a University sweatshirt, then looked for his trainers.

“We need to talk, Nic,” he said, his face unhappy.

“We do, Mike, yes. But not until after my interview, please.”

“But Nic!”

“If you’re going to do the ‘wham bam thank you ma’am’ act on me I don’t want to ruin my chances by crying through my interview!”

“Christ Nic!” he almost shouted. “It’s not that; far from it! I just need to know if this is the beginning of something or the end!”

I straightened my tights and slipped shiny black shoes onto my feet. I crossed to the desk where he was sitting and kissed him on the lips.

“We’ll talk on the way to the interview,” I said, and began to rummage among his shelves looking for my hairbrush and toothbrush.

Fifteen minutes later we were walking through the streets of the city on our way to the Department. Deep down I desperately wanted to hold his hand romantically but, after last night, doubted I could do it in a sisterly way anymore so I held tightly to my handbag and satchel, looking at my watch every couple of minutes and wondering how to start.

Eventually Mike began ‘the conversation’ we both knew had to take place.

“So where do we go from here?” he asked. “We’ve agreed we both wanted it at the time; that I didn’t force you to do it, thank God! Should we chalk it up as a just bit of fun but basically a mistake and get on with our lives?”

“Is that what you want, Mike?” I countered, genuinely trying to understand his feelings but it came across as quite aggressive. “I thought we both agreed that we loved each other too.”

“Of course we do!” he responded immediately. “It’s not what I want at all! But I’m not sure what else we can do. It’s not like we can go around as boyfriend and girlfriend. Everyone knows you’re my stepsister, especially Mum and Dad.”

We had reached the corner of the long road where the Department stood. I looked at my watch. Twenty minutes to go but I couldn’t afford to arrive just in time. We walked onwards.

“If we could be together – like a couple - would you want to?” I asked quietly. “And I don’t just mean for sex, however great that was.” I could feel myself blushing as I remembered how he had made me feel during the night. “I mean a real, proper relationship. Do you love me that way too?”

“Of course I do!” he replied, a little too quickly. Then I saw the uncertain look on his face and my heart ached. I knew what I had to say but it went against every emotion in my body and every instinct in my mind.

“Then I think we both need a bit of time to work it out, Mike.”

I tried to keep my voice under control. It wasn’t what I wanted at all but I forced myself to say the words.

“You’re a truly amazing guy – drop dead gorgeous, funny, caring, sensitive - I can’t imagine a more perfect boyfriend or a better stepbrother, but I’m not sure you can be both. I’m not sure you want to be both.”

For me, this was a long speech.

“So you’re dumping me?” he asked, his face like a disappointed puppy. I could have hugged and kissed him on the spot.

“No, Mike! Please understand I mean what I said. You’re coming home for Christmas in three weeks. If you still want to be with me when you come home – and if I still feel the same – then we can try and make a go of it.”

He looked relieved and pleased at the same time. I looked at my watch one more time. Eight fifty-five.

“I’ve really, really got to go now, Mike. Thanks for... for having me – in every way. See you in three weeks!”

I kissed him again, squeezed his hand, turned and went towards the main door for my interview.

“I love you, Nic!” he called after me. “Good luck!”

***

The interview went quite well and for a while quite took my mind off the extraordinary events of the previous evening, although they rushed back in upon me soon afterwards as I walked through the town to the coffee bar in which I had arranged to meet my Dad.

In the bright sunshine of the cold morning it seemed impossible to imagine that, less than twelve hours earlier I had made love with my own stepbrother and had adored every minute of it. Surely the world should look different after such a momentous event!

But it didn’t; the sun still shone, the November wind was still cold, the trees still waved in the wind. And yet my vivid memories and the undeniable soreness between my legs told me it was true; it really had happened.

I felt elated and terrified at the same time.

When I reached the cafe I noticed my overnight bag was on the floor next to Dad’s table which meant he must have visited Mike before coming to meet me.

After the predictable ‘How did the interview go?’ session he asked me how the Open Day weekend had been and what I thought of student life.

“It seems great fun, Dad,” I replied truthfully. “But I’d have to watch my drinking!” I joked.

“Hmmm,” he made a disapproving noise. “Mike said you might be a little fragile after last night.”

“Cheeky sod!” I said aloud. Dad frowned at my bad language. “What else did he say about me?” I asked, annoyed.

“I’m just joking, Nic,” he laughed. “Mike said it was really good having you there and that all his friends loved you.”

I relaxed a bit. “Well, I thought they were great too; really friendly.”

“He told me one friend in particular got a bit too friendly but he wanted me to tell you that you handled it really well.”

I frowned. Maybe Mike was trying to send me a message.

“He said it was great to get closer to you, that you gave him lots to think about and that he’s really looking forward to seeing you at Christmas.”

Dad held the car door open for me and I slipped into the passenger seat, smiled, closed my eyes and almost immediately fell asleep, sore and exhausted.