It was deep in summer now and the katydids sang every night, it seemed. The air was thick and humid on the night. The coolness only came to the earth in the late hours of early morn. Often, a faint, gentle fog would settle along the ground of the drive-In.
They were in Rick's turquoise and white '56 Chevy. Even in the dark, it was radiant. The pride of his life, it was. She was fairly certain that he loved it more than her. Yet he was good to her. She wondered if that was love... being good to each other. She was new to the idea of adult love and it fascinated her.
She believed that her mother and father loved her. They were good to her. As for her younger brother, she was convinced that he only cared for himself. He was just immature, she decided and her thoughts moved on.
It was already dark and the show had started when they drove past the harried gatekeeper who droned out her usual, "Two adults, that'll be five dollars please."
She did not tell her mother of her plans. Mummy did not approve of even the picture show and certainly would cancel her plans for a show at the drive-in. She learned that a movie she wanted to see was playing, so she agreed to go. The movie was Vivre Sa Vie. She had seen the little ad in the local paper. It spoke of the life of a Parisian woman and her, "slow descent into prostitution in a series of douze tableaux." She was in her first year of French and knew that it meant twelve tables, but could not yet relate that to her limited knowledge of this thing called prostitution.
Rick was immediately uninterested when she told him which show he wanted to see. He only liked action films and had wanted to see that Bond movie. She insisted, however, and he relented, mostly because he still could not believe that she had really agreed to go with him. He had been coaxing her to go for months now, and she had steadfastly refused. He was not a genius, but he usually did know when he felt he was ahead of the curve and thus, he decided to, "keep an open mind".
Happily, there were lots of cartoons to start and she had not missed the beginning of the movie. Rick had run off to the concession stand immediately, and she sat in the car trying to adjust the muffled sound of the awful microphone hanging off the car window. At last, she could understand what was being said. Rick returned with the massively buttered popcorn and a cola... with two straws. She had to admit that she loved the taste of that greasy butter and all the chemicals they put into the buttered popcorn at the movies. She suspected that it was not good for her, but sometimes, she thought, you simply must have what it seems your body craves.
Rick was fidgeting from the start but when he found out the movie was in French he let out a huge groan and did not engage the story again. She was able to pick up bits and pieces of the dialog but, it was, after all, only her first year in French. Yet she was fascinated by just watching the pictures that flashed across the screen. She thought the girl was so beautiful. Her face was round and her hair was short and black not unlike her own. It seemed to her that, often, she looked sad.
After a few minutes, Rick could tolerate it no longer and he said he thought he had seen the guys on his soccer team three cars over. He slipped from the car before she had time to object, and there she sat, alone, save for the buttery popcorn and Anna Karina. She thought that Anna smoked too much but otherwise was horribly attracted to her. Paris seemed so far away from her small Indiana town along the Ohio River. She was fascinated by the lights and the bustle of the Parisian streets. All the people moving about in their own little reveries.
She was fascinated to watch how Anna dealt with each man who approached her. She had a quiet confidence in herself that Jampu admired. She appeared kind and yet never taken with their words completely. This admittedly was difficult to tell, given her limited understanding of the dialogue. Just as the ad had said, she changed slowly. It was her body language that Jampu watched.
Sometimes, a barely concealed detachment, an understated curiosity on occasion, yet never did she seem to display a sense of affection. Jampu wondered how she would feel in such circumstances. Cold and detached, simply wanting the money or perhaps a bit more empathetic and loving of them. After all, they were men and she would have what they desperately needed.
Sex yes, but Jampu felt it was more that they needed. She was trying to understand. Mummy had said that men could be so callous at times. She said that she should save her heart for, "one of the good ones."
"Yes Mummy, but how will I know if he is a good one?"
She only smiled and said, "The same way we all know, Jampu. The same way we all know," repeating it, as if for emphasis. "You are a woman now and you have to learn how to throw out the chaff and save only the good seed in men."
Her mind drifted back to the movie. Anna was in the arms of her client now. He had paid her. Now she was undressing. Jampu felt strangely aroused as she watched. She wondered if she was cute as Anna. She had asked Rick once if he thought she was cute and for once in his life he seemed almost overwhelmed as he said that she, "was his dream." That had not been her question, but she decided that being a dream might be good too.
She loved the contours of Anna's body and the way she walked. Elegant. Poised, even in what had to be for her such a new situation. Jampu would be as such. Elegant and poised. Yet, she wanted to be more than Anna. She wanted to engage with each man. She wanted to understand, to let him know of her genuine affection for them. She wanted them to know that she understood that she needed them, she needed to know that they trusted her enough to tell their secrets. She wanted them to feel her desire for them.
She remembered a new word that seemed to express this desire in such a raw manner. It was last year when Mummy was reading Matthew 5:28 during church service. "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery in his heart." She had looked up lust in the dictionary and found it to be stated as a "strong sexual desire, a sexual appetite." This left a lot to be understood, but she fell in love with the word, repeating it to herself again and again.
She liked the way it flowed across her tongue and understood implicitly that it was forbidden to her. That was its essential attraction. She wanted to live for a day in a forbidden world, to enjoy the intensity of not knowing what would come next when she placed herself in the forbidden lair. She wanted to immerse herself in the myriad of possibilities that might flow from such an encounter.
She was thinking that she had not yet looked up adultery when Rick suddenly popped back in the car breathless, having run all the way from the concession stand where he had purchased a pack of Milk Duds.
Impulsively, she took them from him and pretended that she was going to eat them all. He reached for them and she pulled them away. He lunged across the seat falling upon her before as she kept his Duds just out of his reach. They were both laughing and wrestling together now, lying on the seat. His body was warm. No, it was hot and sweaty, yet he smelled fresh and clean.