Scene: A cozy indoor grow somewhere in Southern California. LED lights hum gently overhead. Two lush, green cannabis plants, Fern and Lolly, sway slightly in their smart pots as the fan oscillates.

Fern: (stretching a new leaf)

“Mmm... do you feel that breeze, Lolly? Like being kissed by Mother Gaia herself.”

Lolly: (giggling, her pistils curling bashfully)

“Stop it, Fern, you’ll make me blush. If I weren’t photosynthesizing, I’d be lightheaded.”

Fern:

“You always were the sensitive strain. I’m just glad the grower finally culled the males. Bunch of pollen-pumping creeps.”

Lolly: (shuddering)

“Ugh. Remember Carl? Tried to release pollen before he even had five nodes.”

Fern:

“Total trich-head. No discipline. He got composted so fast.”

[They both laugh softly as a timer clicks. The full flowering spectrum lights come on. Romance is in the air.]

Lolly:

“You know… I used to think I needed pollen to be fulfilled. But now… just standing next to you, growing together…”

(Her leaves intertwine slightly with Fern’s)

“I feel complete.”

Fern: (leaning closer)

“I always say: buds before duds.”

[They giggle again, pistils trembling with joy. The oscillating fan shifts, blowing their leaves together like a botanical hug.]

Lolly:

“Do you think the grower knows?”

Fern:

“Please. He’s too busy vaping last year's harvest. We could start a jazz band in here and he wouldn’t notice.”

[A pause. A contented silence.]

Lolly:

“So… no seeds, no stress, no mansplaining male plants. Just us. You, me, and a whole month of bloom ahead.”

Fern: (dreamily)

“And when we’re harvested, we’ll be blended into the same batch. Two terpenes… one destiny.”

[Cue twinkling harp music and fade out as the plants bask under their LED glow, deeply in love, high on life — and absolutely seedless]