I stare out the window, with my earphones on with the volume up high to avoid thinking. To resist the temptation of contacting him again.

I look at my phone, debating whether I should call him or not.

I know it's a bad habit. I always call him and tell him to come to me because he can make me feel alive. He fills an ache that I have and always succeeds in making me believe that I am worthy of love during our time together even though deep inside, I know it's not true.

At least, not anymore.

I always feel like a piece of fucking crap after he leaves and the darkness swallows me up again. I can never bear to look myself in the mirror as I pass it to go into the shower. The dead, crazy look in my eyes that holds too much.

I can't look. I can't bear to look into my own haunted eyes.

He has become my bad habit, my addiction. The anesthesia to my pain. I crave his mouth, his tongue on my skin, his touch and his beautiful cock that stretches me to fit him.

I crave him so much that it hurts and makes it hard to breathe until he pulls me into his arms and fucks me like a man out of control.

I love it when he buries himself deep inside me. Nothing else matters when he touches me. Not even the annoying voices in my head. It's just me and him.

I scroll through my contact list until I find his name. I click on it and his information pops up with his picture.

I can feel the familiar warmth as it travels down to my pussy, making me ready for him. I'm always ready for him.

You shouldn’t. It’s not right. You have to stop this, Kat. You know what happened the last time he left.

My annoying conscience is talking again. I wish I could slap her and tell her to shut the fuck up.

I look away from my phone and stare at the angry red mark on my arm.

She’s right though. That wasn’t a pretty night... after I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror...

There's other ways to deal with this, Kat. You can find help.

“Shut the fuck up,” I mutter under my breath.

I turn my attention back to my phone again. His picture still smiles at me. I click on the call button and hold my breath.

Why am I so fucking nervous?

One ringtone. Two. He picks up on the third ring.

“Hello?”

His cool, calm voice causes another delicious, aching warmth to travel down to my sweet spot.

“Ch- Chris?”

“Hey, Kitty Kat. What’s up?”

My lips curl at the nickname.

“I need you again…” I say breathlessly.

“I’ll come over in 10," he answers automatically.

“I'll leave the door unlocked for you. Just come in when you get here," I hang up before he says anything else.

We have an understanding. No relationship. Just friends with benefits. I want nothing more from him. I have made it clear from the beginning, and he accepts it.

It's what every guy wants, right? No strings, no commitments. Just hard, raw sex whenever I need it.

It's a perfect arrangement for me. No drama. No feelings.

I turn away from the window and make my way to the front door to unlock it before walking to the kitchen to pour myself a drink.

Tequila. My very own, best friend.

I gulp it all down in one swig, enjoying the burning sensation as it glides down my throat and reaches my stomach.

Fuck, I love that.

Kat, stop this madness. What would your parents say? What would -

"Don't you dare finish that sentence," I mutter under my breath, squeezing my eyes shut.

I let out an exasperated sigh and open my eyes again, staring at the wall. I push myself away from the counter and walk towards the hall.

God, I can't believe I just fucking threatened myself. What a fucking lunatic.

I am about to walk down the hall when I hear the door open. I turn around and see Chris step inside before locking the door behind him. We stare at each other for a while before either of us moves.

I run to him, throwing myself at him in desperation. I need to feel him. I need him to shut my conscience up, to take me to another place.

I kiss him, throwing all my pent up emotions at him. My fingers curl in his hair and I yank it hard towards me as I bite down on his bottom lip.

Chris growls angrily and throws me against the door before pushing his body against mine to pin me there. His lips smash against mine roughly before he rips my robe open and tears it down my arm.

His big hand covers my right breast and squeezes. I can feel the heat of his hand through my thin lace bra, but it’s not enough. I need more.

As if on cue, he grabs a hold of my lace bra and yanks it hard. He tears it from my body, breaking the clasps from behind. I yelp as the pain curls around the pleasure and throws my body into a crazy whirlwind of excitement.

His big, warm hand grabs my now bare breast and squeezes hard. I groan in pleasure and bite down on his lips again, hard enough to draw blood. He slaps my breast, making me let him go as the pain reverberates through my body deliciously.

“Fuck me, Chris. Now,” I demand.

A sly smile forms on my lip as he rubs and squeezes my right nipple between his finger and his thumb. He licks his lips as I bite my bottom lip lustfully.

He pulls his shirt off, his eyes, full of crazed lust, never breaking the gaze.

God, his eyes are so fucking beautiful.

“I need you to fuck me hard, Chris. Cause me pain. Spank me. Do whatever the hell you want to me. Just fuck me hard," I whisper with fervor as I trace my hands up his bare chest to his shoulder.

His eyes light up with intense fire as his fingers snake up to my hair and yank my head back. He scrapes his teeth against my earlobe, causing goosebumps to erupt all over my body as his hot breath hits my ear.

I moan and shudder with pleasure as he slides his tongue down from my ear to my neck before biting me . I groan and drag my nails down his chest.

"You want hard and rough, Kat? Earn it," he growls deliciously against my lips before biting down on my bottom lip. He sucks on it and pulls, making me moan some more.

He unbuckles his belt and yanks the pants button apart before pushing it down in haste. His hard cock springs free, leaking his delicious precum, just as my knees hit the carpet floor with a thud.

I stare at it, stuck in a momentary trance as all my senses becomes hyper alert. Everything slows down until the only noises that are projected is mine and Chris's rapid breathing. My heart pounds against my ribs in titillation. Each gasp of air through my lips fills my lungs with his beautiful male aroma, it is intoxicating and so very tempting.

Chris wraps his hand into my hair and pull me towards him. I open my mouth willingly, allowing his precum stained prick to touch my tongue.

The taste of him makes me moan as the primal need to have more takes over. I wrap my lips around it greedily as Chris pushes deeper, aiming to hit the back of my throat.

"Fuck!" he growls, as he tightens his hold on my hair and settles into a hard, rough fucking.

My hand moves on its own accord to cup his heavy balls in my palm.

I roll them in my hand, loving the weight of them. My saliva drips down to my hand as he continues to thrust himself into me, abusing my throat. I rub them around his balls, applying just enough pressure to make him feel a little pain to go along with his pleasure. He hisses and tightens his hold on my hair, grunting as he thrusts his dick deeper.

His grunts and growls turn me on big time. I can already feel how soaking wet my panties are.

"Fucking hell," he growls, pulling me up by my hair.

His big hand grabs my face and squeezes my jaw as he stares at me with his determined, lust filled eyes. He brings my face to his and kisses me hard, biting my lip as he pulls away. I gasp as the pain from his bite goes straight to my pulsing cunt.

"Your mouth is so fucking pretty and nice, which makes for a damn good fuck , but now my cock wants to be buried somewhere else. Follow me, you slut."

He grabs my hand and pull me behind him as he makes his way to my bedroom. As soon as we pass the threshold, he turns on me and wraps his hand into my hair before his lips smashes against mine again.

He breathes roughly as he leans his forehead against mine. His eyes burns with need as he leans in to bite my bottom lip.

"Go lay on the bed, my pretty little slut. I want to taste you before I fuck you," he says, his voice husky.

He slaps my bottom as encouragement to lay on the bed, and my eyes narrow at him playfully. I want to tease him. I purposely walk slower, swaying my ass, knowing full well where his eyes are.

Before I know it, I'm in the air for a split second before I hit the bed with a large thump and am dragged to the edge. The rush of adrenaline pumps in my ears and I gasp.

Chris growls hungrily as he yanks my underwear off me and throws it behind him. I smirk as I see his crazed look.

He dives his head down and devours my dripping pussy, making me scream as he clamps down and sucks on my engorged clit.

"Fuck!" I hear myself scream.

Two fingers enter me and start to finger fuck me as his mouth continues to attack my clit. I grasp at the bedsheets, pulling on them as if they're my anchor to earth. My head is thrown back and I am gasping for air as I feel the oncoming storm of my orgasm.

"Chris!" my voice screeches.

So close. So. Damn. Close.

I start to pant as I thrust my pussy up toward his mouth, grinding. My fingers dig into his scalp, holding him there.

"Fuck! Oh my... fuck !" I scream, just as Chris uses his teeth to scrape against my clit.

My body spasms beneath him, but he doesn't stop. He turns me onto my stomach and enters me in one quick motion.

I scream again as the sudden penetration brings on another round of body shaking spasms. My pussy muscles clench down on his dick as I bite down on the sheets, grunting.

I hear the loud clap of skin on skin before I feel the stinging burn on my bottom. I suck in air through my clenched teeth, and groan loudly as Chris's palm comes back down on my bottom.

"You like that?” Chris growls, slamming his hips against me.

“You hot bitch. Ughhh... Fuck . Your pussy is so fucking tight."

He spanks me again and groans along with me.

"Damn it. Sexy bitch! Fuck, your pussy is squeezing me so fucking tight!"

Another spank, and he growls wildly. He digs his nails into my hips and starts to drive into me harder and faster.

“Fuck me like you mean it!” I snarl, whipping my head back and meeting each and every thrust.

I scream and moan, yelling at him to give me more. I want more. I need it just like I need to breathe.

He pulls my hair back, making me look up at the ceiling as he continues to fuck me from behind. He presses his face right next to mine and breathes hard with each thrust.

"You're my fucking whore, aren't you? You’re my cum slut, aching for my cock. Fuck, I love fucking your tight little pussy."

He buries his head in the crook of my neck, moaning as my pussy clenches around him again. The glorious heat enveloping us both. We are moaning, moving, and fucking like animals. No other thoughts, except the need for pleasure.

"Chris," I moan.

He sinks his teeth into me and I gasp as the pain shoots through my shoulder.

"Fuck! Oh god, yes!" I scream.

"Yeah baby, I'm your fucking God. Keep squeezing me, bitch. Damn!"

He turns me over again, onto my back, and doesn't waste another minute before he slams himself back into me.

I throw my head back and grasp his arm tightly, digging my nails into him. I can’t think. It’s too much.

God, I fucking love this!

Chris holds my legs up, spread wide open, and drives into me with purpose. He's staring at me, my breasts, his dick going into my drenched cunt. His eyes are wild with lust. I’m sure my face shows the same type of feral attitude.

I sink my nails deeper into his arm, not caring whether or not I break his skin. All I want is release.

He lets go of one leg and slaps my breasts. I arch my back, thrusting my chest up. He slaps it again, then grips my nipple between his fingers and squeezes. It's so hard and painful, but it is exactly what I want and crave. What I need.

I groan and start panting with pleasure. I'm so close, again.

"Please, please!" I scream.

Just a little more. I just need a little more.

"Fuck!"

"Cum for me, bitch! Fucking cum! I'm going to cum in your pussy and fill you up like the fucking whore you are!" he growls, pulling my hair back so that I am looking at the bed frame.

"Ooohhhh fuuucckkk!" I scream, just as he begins to grunt and slam his hips into mine.

His dick twitches inside me and I moan softly. The tremors of pleasure roll through my body deliciously, making me dizzy with the high.

"Oh fucking hell. That is so fucking good," Chris says, rolling off me.

My eyes are squeezed shut and when I feel Chris slide off of my bed, I finally open them slowly. The high from the pleasure fades almost instantly, leaving me with just a small glow.

I almost want to ask him to stay, to make me forget again, and take away the pain for just a little bit longer. Almost, because I know what is coming, but I can't bear to be around anyone.

He knows he has to leave. I hear the shower in the bathroom across from my room turn on, and I wait.

I can hold myself together long enough until he leaves.

The shower turns off and silence fills the house. It's coming. I know it. I squeeze my eyes shut, hold my breath, and curl my fingers into my palm.

The front door opens and closes.

Fuck.

I begin to gasp for air as a crushing weight jumps on top of my chest. I open my eyes and am blinded by blurriness. I close it again.

I hear someone sobbing and gasping for air from a distance. I realize it's me.

I open my eyes and my room comes into view.