It was a restless night. The thin walls barely contained the moans coming from the other room. I tried to dismiss them, but my hands slowly wandered toward my hips. As I rolled onto my back, my panties pressed against me, leaving the fabric damp. Hearing my own son and his girlfriend like that shouldn’t have affected me this way. But my hormones were all over the place after being alone for so long. My fingers kept moving up and down over my thighs, getting closer to my most sensitive part. I couldn’t let desire take hold of me; it was way too inappropriate. Yet, just like in the novel I was reading, where the heroine tried to push the guy away, knowing he was bad for her, it only made things more heated. The noise from behind the wall intensified. It sounded as though Kate was trying to stay quiet, but the pleasure was just too much for her. Josh, on the other hand, didn’t try to be considerate. He growled like a wild animal devouring his prey.

Oh, God, when was the last time I was fucked like that? I asked myself.

Sadly, I couldn’t recall that it had ever happened. I knew if I let my hands roam free, I would have had the most intense orgasm I had in years. Another somber realization about myself. The thought of having such a heated experience while lying alone in bed, listening to Josh and Kate, was miserable. Yet my embarrassment only fueled my yearning further; I was now completely wet. How much longer would they keep going? I grabbed the sheets and crossed my legs, as if that would help anything. Abruptly, the tension that had been building up on the other side peaked in a series of explosive bursts. The muscles in my hips tensed after each sound, almost as if they were begging to belong to the woman beyond the wall. Then silence fell over the room; only my thoughts remained loud. I felt sick about what had just happened. My body wasn't nearly as guilt-ridden, still urging me to get what it wanted. Thankfully, the commotion that had driven its desire was over, giving me a chance to calm down. I turned onto my side and tried to fall asleep. They’d be home from college for a whole week. They wouldn’t be doing it every night, right?

The next morning I shuffled into the kitchen to make breakfast. I was still under the influence of the previous night. It lingered in the back of my head, urging me to do what I didn’t want to. I had always considered masturbation a necessary evil when there was no one to take care of my needs. Nothing could replace the touch of a man, which offered so much more than I could achieve on my own, not just physically. Unfortunately, at times like this, I had to resort to the soulless solution. I had broken up with my last partner more than a year ago, and I hadn’t been intimate with anyone ever since. One-night stands were never my thing, and I didn’t like having friends with benefits. But I didn’t dare to help myself while I wasn’t alone. Josh and Kate were planning to go for a trip later that day, leaving the house all to myself. I just had to keep it together till then. I sliced some vegetables; the cutting helped to blow off some steam.

Footsteps echoed through the house. Kate entered the kitchen first, with messy hair and bags under her eyes, greeting me with a wide smile. She almost sparkled as she glanced back at Josh, closely following her. Her night had been much better than mine; that was for sure. Josh wore only boxer shorts; his face was rough but wore a smug expression, as if he had just conquered the world. His body seemed more muscular than I remembered. He mentioned that he’d worked out. Well, it showed! His manhood bulged out, as if it were getting ready for another charge. Blood rushed to my cheeks. I quickly turned away before anyone noticed. My hormones were acting up again. I couldn’t believe that I was ready to jump on any man, even on him! I really needed to clear my head…

Kate stepped beside me and helped prepare the food while we made some small talk. Just by her gestures, I could tell that she was walking on air. I envied her so much. I wished I had someone making love to me like that. Not that I hadn’t had my fair share of pleasure with my past partners, but it was nothing compared to what I had heard from these two. My chances of experiencing something like that were slim.

As I grew older, the dating pool kept shrinking - not just in quantity, but in quality as well. I still looked fine for my age, but the glances I got from men had noticeably decreased. What would it be like to have a young partner like Josh, full of life, filled with desire to prove himself?

When I thought they weren’t looking, I kept peeking at him. He had really become a man. It was hard to believe this was the same boy I raised; something about him was so different. I wondered what had transpired yesterday in that room. Where had he touched Kate, in what way? Was he passionate and giving, attuned to every subtle signal her body revealed, down to the smallest twitch to learn how to bring her the most intense pleasure? Or was he selfish, taking from her what he wanted without remorse, steadily breaking her, bending her desires to his own? I had to stop myself from thinking about that before I soaked my underwear. This was so wrong, but I couldn’t help it. We kept chatting, but I barely registered what they were talking about.

It took them almost forever to finally leave the house. I hurried to the bathroom and threw my clothes on the floor. I was shaking; my nipples had already hardened even before I touched them. I turned the faucet just enough and let the showerhead spray water down the side of my neck. I imagined a man holding me from behind, young and muscular. He was giving tender kisses on my neck while I pretended that the hand folding my breasts wasn’t mine. He kept telling me that I had done nothing wrong. That I’d been just lonely and exhausted, but he’d come here to take care of that. I turned around to reward my imaginary lover with a deep kiss for his kindness, but his face was Josh’s. Before I could stop myself, he pulled me closer. My breasts pressed against his hard chest. I could feel it moving up and down as he panted. His heartbeat quickened when he looked into my eyes, and his rising manhood reached the gap between my legs.

Oh no! I trembled. As if I had just been splashed with cold water, I finally came back to my senses. I shook my head and took a deep breath. I despised myself at that moment. I shouldn’t have had such thoughts about him. It was disgusting. I wanted to storm out of there, but my body wouldn’t let me leave until I gave it what I’d come here for.

So I pressed on, pushing Josh away, replacing him with someone else. I kept carassing myself until my body eased once again. I squatted, then directed the shower stream between my legs and let myself be taken over by pleasure. At first, it worked. The heat spread slowly between my legs, but couldn’t really ignite. No matter how I played with the water pressure, or used the help of my fingers, the closure I yearned for kept slipping away from me. Maybe it was because the image of Josh still lingered, trying to crawl back. It was impossible to fully immerse myself in what I was doing while I had to concentrate to keep him at bay.

I became desperate. Even recalling the last night crossed my mind. In retrospect, I shouldn’t have done it. But back then, I thought it couldn’t be worse than what I had almost committed. Remembering how I had deprived myself of pleasure finally got me going. However, the moans I heard that night grew louder in my head. Kate had been so immersed, and Josh had been so wild. I couldn’t help but wonder what he did to her. I imagined Kate being pinned down on the bed, with Josh on top. Each thrust of his hip pushed her closer to what she needed, just as my fingers were doing to me. Then, in a careless moment, when I was really close, I dropped my guard. Josh slipped back to me.

I found myself on the bed in Kate’s place, with my legs spread. I was embracing Josh; his sweaty body clung to mine, as if we were meant to be stuck together. I felt so small and fragile beneath him. I tried to ask him if it was really okay doing this, but his manhood slipped inside me without resistance, turning my words into an incomprehensible moan. Before I could catch my breath, he began moving inside me ferociously. Heat blazed through my vagina with each thrust, melting me away. He whispered my name, promising that he would make sure I would never be alone anymore; my needs would never be left unattended.

I couldn’t help but tighten my grip around him, digging my nails into the muscles of his back. This made him please me even more relentlessly, pushing me to my breaking point. I could tell he was struggling, depriving himself of climax just to make sure I reached it first. He wasn’t my son anymore, but a beast that couldn’t rest till he satisfied me completely. And I stopped being his mother, becoming just a woman who, for the first time in her life, let her desires roam free. I exploded. I lost my balance and needed to lean against the shower wall to keep from falling as involuntary shaking overtook me. My voice rang through the room uncontrollably. Warmth kept running all over me long after I got back on my feet.

When they came back from the trip, I locked myself in my room, telling them I felt sick. I really did feel sick. I couldn’t look at Josh. I was too ashamed of myself. Even being near him was disturbing. What I did was disgusting and unforgivable. I crawled onto my bed and sobbed all afternoon. I swore to myself that it would never happen again.

That night, I couldn’t sleep. The moans from the other room broke into mine. To me, it seemed that they were trying to test my resolve, or rather confront me with my sin. I really wish I could tell you that I passed the test and reached absolution.  But the pleasure I experienced during that filthy fantasy of mine corrupted me. I couldn’t restrain myself anymore. I didn't even want to. My fingers ran wild, treating my body as if it were an instrument of lust. While I listened to their lovemaking, I kept imagining myself being the woman in the other room, held down, ravaged to the point where morality lost its meaning. I had to cover my mouth so I wouldn’t be heard, while tears kept running down my face. They’d be here for the whole week. If they kept doing this every night... I wasn’t sure if I could stop myself from doing something unthinkable.