Two days had passed since I first pleasured myself while thinking about my son, and during this time, I learnt to live together with my sin. It wasn’t easy, however, the Josh inside my head got a firm hold of me, and the previous nights didn’t help me to get over him. He and Kate kept doing it shamelessly, making it impossible for me not to touch myself. And every time, my imaginary Josh was there, helping me to reach climax. Reliving that guilty pleasure over and over again steadily washed my shame away. I knew I couldn’t stay in my room forever; they were worried for me. Kate was especially kind, even bringing breakfast to my bed in the morning. I felt so sorry for her. Eventually, I told them I was feeling better, and we began spending time together once again.

Being close to Josh was really disturbing. I needed all my remaining self-control to keep my eyes off him. It worked mostly, but when he leaned just a little too close or touched me for a moment, heat ran through me, as if I had become a silly teenager again. This couldn’t have been a real attraction to him, but rather the idea of what getting intimate with him meant: a youthful, passionate lover I knew I would never have had. The fact that it was even forbidden just gave it an extra flavor. I had never felt so disgusted with myself, yet so aroused.

Even though I yearned only for a fantasy, his proximity kept challenging my restraint. I became bolder around him. I touched him more often than I used to, laughed at his jokes more desperately than I should have. I even began wearing more revealing clothes, doing everything I could to get his attention. The riskiest moment was when I slipped out of the bathroom in front of him, wearing only a towel wrapped around me. Then, as I passed him, I let it slip down, flashing my naked body for a moment, before I picked it up and anxiously rushed away. His shocked expression was priceless. I was careful, of course. I had never done anything suspicious when Kate was around, but when she wasn’t in the room, I played my little games with him.

Josh didn’t catch on to them at first. But after a while, I caught his lingering glances when he thought I wasn’t looking. He had the look any man had when noticing a woman. The thought that he had started seeing me as a woman made me tingle. Although I couldn’t tell where I was going with this. There was no way he’d do anything with me, and I was too much of a coward to push it too far. At least for now.

Our week together was coming to an end. I was preparing to say goodbye to him for another semester. Deep down, I was relieved. With him back in college, I could find a real partner to direct my affection to and finally get over him.

However, unexpectedly, Kate needed to leave sooner. Some family matter she didn’t really share the details in front of me. Josh wanted to go with her, but she insisted that he stay to spend the remaining time with his mother. Oh, Kate. I wished I could have told you somehow what a grave mistake you were making. I was caught between excitement and horror about the possibilities that opened for me.

Rushing Josh wasn’t going to work. It was important to make him want what was about to happen as much as I did. I didn’t have much time, so I had to be a little more direct than before. We were sitting on the couch, watching some movie. I made sure to complain to him all day about my aching leg. Finally, after putting on another pained expression, he offered to massage it. I insisted that he take down my pants, so he could have a better grip. I wore a nice pair of panties on purpose. Not a remarkably erotic one, but still something he had never expected to see on me. As I revealed myself, he was stunned and quickly turned away.

My heart throbbed. I had made him too uncomfortable. But then, he gently grabbed my foot and began massaging it. I swallowed. His touch was so firm, and he was slowly making his way upwards. I could barely keep my cool. As he reached my lower thighs, I couldn’t take it anymore. Moisture pierced through the fabric of my panties. He noticed it too.

Shock flashed across his face. I leaned back and let out a quiet sigh to let him know I didn’t mind what he was doing. To my horror, his expression grew even more troubled. He lowered his head and returned to massaging my feet, then after a minute, he stopped, telling me that he was finished. I thanked him in a very grateful tone and offered to return the favor, but he said he was tired and wanted to go to his room. It was late anyway. I had gone too far. I was sure I had ruined everything; however, as he stood up, I noticed that his jeans could barely contain his hardened manhood.

I was on the right track; I just needed one more little push. I slipped into my silk nightgown, dabbed on my most alluring perfume, and applied just a hint of makeup to subtly enhance my allure. For someone who had long passed her prime, I looked quite stunning. In a man's place, I wouldn't have been able to resist myself. The thought eased my nerves, if only slightly. Yet now that I was so close to my goal, the weight of what I was about to commit really began to sink in. I opened the door and turned off the lights, then paused before the mirror for one last look. Shadows engulfed me, while the light spilling from the hallway danced across my womanly features. Goosebumps ran through my skin. I barely recognized myself.

"What am I even doing?"

The question had lingered in the back of my mind all week, but I was so consumed by my hormones that it hadn't burst out until now. Was I really willing to risk the relationship with the person most precious to me? Even with the best possible outcome, we would never be able to look at each other as before. In the worst case, he might despise me for the rest of my life. And for what? A chance for a few moments of physical pleasure? Was I really this desperate? This selfish?

Yet, as I thought of Josh, my knees felt weak, and the place between my legs got overrun by heat. My mind wasn't strong enough. I was at the mercy of my own body's desires. I stepped into the hallway, ready to accept whatever this was going to cost me.

I knocked on his door and took a deep breath. When I opened it, I found him lying on the bed, hastily pulling up his boxers, his cheeks red. The reading lamp beside his bed was the only light in the room, its soft glow tracing the contours of his muscular body. That was unexpected. Could it be that he was masturbating while thinking of me? The idea made me more confident. He tensed as I sat down beside him for some small talk. I pretended that I had no idea what he had been doing, as if I hadn't noticed his half-erect penis bulging from his boxers, begging to be taken care of.

I thanked him for making me feel less lonely in the past few days, while I gently slipped my hand onto his. I apologized for what had happened during the massage, explaining how long it had been since someone touched me. I could barely keep my act together. My palms were sweaty, and I hoped he wouldn’t notice. I leaned closer and closer to him while I kept looking in his eyes, telling him how difficult it was for me to be alone. I admitted that I envied Kate, seeing how lovingly he cared for her, and confessed that I longed for someone to take care of me with that same passion. He could only mumble a few words as he glanced at my breasts. After I finished my little speech, I wished him sweet dreams and gave him a long kiss on his forehead, but then didn’t lean too far away. My mouth remained close to his while my fragrance filled his surroundings. Silence fell between us.

Neither of us moved, just stayed still. I had to act before the moment passed, but then he kissed me. I kissed back right away, clinging to his lips, fearing he might change his mind if I had stopped. My fear was unfounded. He pushed his tongue into my mouth and pulled me closer, then his hands began tracing my body. I broke his kiss and pulled his pants down, releasing the thing I had been aching for so long.

They say that reality could never catch up with fantasy. That was true, but in his case, it was really close. Not the biggest penis I had seen in my life, but the nicest one for sure. No wonder Kate hadn’t been able to control herself. As I was mesmerized by his manhood, his hands finally found my most sensitive spot. His touch began melting me even through the fabric of my panties. As my voice broke into pleasure, he paused, as though he had just come back to his senses. He asked me in a shaking voice if it was really okay to do this. To me, it seemed the question was meant as much for himself as for me.

I gently gripped his penis as my answer. Stroking the soft skin made his manhood grow inside my palms. It was so warm and thick. He finally slid my panties to the sides and rubbed his fingers against my wet vulva. He was surprised how well my body was prepared to receive him. Oh, if he had known how much it was. He was now hard as a rock. I slowed down my hands when he moaned, fearing he could erupt at any moment.

I got rid of my clothes and threw them on the floor. He helped me out of my soaked panties and pulled me onto his lap. His manhood pierced through me, as though it had charged the gate of the castle it came from. I embraced him as I began moving my hips, letting the pleasure spread within me. My insufferable craving finally began to soothe. I couldn’t believe that I was finally the woman in the other room, who was about to be satisfied. The heat was too much to bear; I reached climax almost immediately. Josh didn’t leave me any time to breathe. He pushed me onto the bed and grabbed my thighs, pulling me on, as if I was just a lifeless sex doll. As he panted, he still called me mom, but the word had lost all its meaning. He told me that he knew it was wrong, but he couldn’t stop wanting me. I told him that he didn’t need to, and begged him to let his desire consume me.

My motherhood was being shattered into pieces, thrust by thrust, twisting everything it had once meant into perversion. The voice that used to mean home was now nothing but lust. The embrace that meant safety degraded into pleasure. The tone I called out to him had no traces of familial bond. He leaned over me and pressed his lips around my nipple, then began sucking. He used his tongue, bit on it, refusing to let it go, just like when... fuck! That memory had become desecrated as well! Yet I buried my fingers in his hair and kept him over my breast, not letting him stop sucking. A voice deep inside my mind condemned me. I failed as a mother. I was nothing more than a harlot preying on her own just to fill the yearning caused by her own poor life. My self-loathing pushed me to orgasm, scrambling my thoughts while my body twisted beneath Josh in pleasure.

He paused and laughed triumphantly that he made me come again. But he didn't wait for my body to calm down. He began working on me more diligently than before. I ran my hands over his back while encouraging him to make me feel wanted. He didn't say a word, just kept doing what I needed him to do. He was desperate to bring me to climax once more. His face turned red, and drops of sweat fell on me. One landed inside my mouth as I moaned. It was still hard for me to process how we could have done something so wrong so passionately.

I wondered what Josh might have been thinking about this. As he was groaning more intensely with every push of his hips, I finally understood. We had already left comprehension behind. We were getting reduced to wild animals, controlled by their most basic urges. He became a savage dog, and I turned into his bitch in heat. Our transformation was completed in shared climax. He pulled out at the very last moment, letting out his essence on my stomach. The hot liquid spread across my skin, as though it was marking me as a sinner. But its smell mixed with the scent of my own juices intoxicated me so much that the thought had the opposite effect. My vagina kept pulsating for more.

I embraced him and gave him a long kiss. Despite still wanting him, I was too exhausted. I was about to fall asleep when his newly erected penis pressed against me, indicating that he was not ready to let me go yet. It was hard to keep up with this pace. Well, this is what I got for wanting a younger lover; I had no choice but to let him have his way with me again. He turned me around and entered once more. I was getting pinned against the sheets as he ravaged me. Soon, my exhaustion was overcome by lust while he kept pushing me toward my breaking point.

I thought of Kate. Had she been in my room now, listening to us, would she be able to stop herself from masturbating? I imagined her lying there, hearing her boyfriend and his mother doing unspeakable things to one another. I was sure the first thing she would have wanted to do was to rush here and stop us. Though, by the voices of our depravity, her hands would have begun ravaging her before she had the chance to reach the door. She would have been stuck in the bed, imprisoned in lust by our moans. Just as it had happened with me. The way I pictured this made me come even harder.

Josh wasn't satisfied yet, though he saw that I was at my limit. He asked me to take his penis into my mouth and make him finish. I had always hated oral; there was no pleasure in it for me. The taste was off-putting, and my mouth quickly tired, not to mention when someone tried to force himself down my throat, having fun by making me gag. But in the state Josh had reduced me to, I couldn’t say no to any of his requests.

I grabbed his manhood, licked off my own juices, and I swallowed it completely. I began using my mouth ferociously while I caressed his balls. Hearing his moans was so satisfying. His penis was throbbing; he was close. He asked me to stop. I believed he was trying to save the last shred of my dignity by not finishing inside my mouth. I refused. Deep down, I was already afraid of the next morning. What he did to me was fantastic; I couldn’t have let him regret it. I pressed my lips around his penis harder and grabbed his butt, pushing him on myself. I kept sucking as if my life had depended on it. He erupted, spilling what he still had left inside of him into my mouth.

The taste was awful as always, but it didn’t matter. I swallowed everything to the last drop. He was taken aback, not thinking that I could’ve been so wild. He kissed me deeply without a worry that traces of his essence still lingered in my mouth. We were so filthy that nothing had mattered anymore. No one had fucked me so wildly like him. Ever. I fell asleep in his embrace, hoping that this rotten body of mine spoiled him enough that he wouldn’t stop making love to me from here on. If I had become a condemned woman, I wanted to enjoy every bit of my wickedness.