The next day was breakfast with the family, followed by everyone splitting up. I went to the store early while my parents went on a walk and grabbed the biggest, cheapest bottle of rum the store sold.
I hid it in Jolene’s bag, figuring that if I was going to blame the girls, I was going to do it right. To remind the girls who was in charge, I emptied some of the rum into a bottle of coke and took it down to the pool.
Despite my better judgment, I found the girls and joined them.
“Did you get me my treat?” Jolene asked me with an evil smile.
“I did. And if you girls behave, I’ll tell you where it is.”
“Like you’re good at finding hiding places? I bet we could find it faster than it took you to hide it,” Brandy said.
“Maybe,” I said as I took a sip of my drink. “Coke?”
“Fuck off.”
“God, you’re blonde,” Jolene said to her friend as she grabbed the bottle and sipped it. “Aww, that’s the shit.”
“What?” my little sister asked.
“It has rum, dumbass,” Jolene said as she gave me another smile. This one caught me off guard. It looked… genuine?
“Oh! Give it here!”
Knowing my limits, I went back for shade after the girls helped me finish the bottle. I headed back to the gaming room. To my delight, the hot girl was there behind the counter again.
I didn’t have a plan, but I figured I would come up with something on the fly. I knew it was the rum, but I went with it.
“Hello,” I greeted the girl innocently.
She gave me a very uninterested look, considering there was no one else there and she had nothing keeping her entertained. I changed my tactic, steering away from charming to attempting to be interesting. “Have you seen a couple of girls in here? A blonde girl with a black-haired girl with brown skin?”
Better to base a lie on reality, I figured. Easier to keep details straight.
“No,” she said, still looking uninterested.
“Shit,” I said. “They’re late for the photoshoot.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, I’m a photographer,” I said, instantly regretting my cliché story. “And we’re wasting a great shooting day. That’s the problem with models, you can’t rely on them.”
“What kind of photoshoot?” She asked with a lot more interest.
“Sunglasses,” I pulled out of my ass. “Damn it, my client is going to be pissed if I don’t get the shoot.”
“No, I haven’t seen them,” she repeated. “But-”
“Well, thanks anyway,” I cut her off before turning around and beginning to walk away.
“Wait!” she called after me.
“Yeah?”
“Do you think…” she paused. “I’ve been told by a few people that I could be a model.”
“Sunglasses model?” I asked as if looking at her for the first time. “I’m afraid you don’t quite have the face for it.”
She looked like I slapped her.
“No offense, it’s not that you aren’t pretty, it’s just that sunglasses models need to have a certain shape to pull off all the different styles. I would say you would make for more of a swimsuit model.”
Her smile returned. “Really?”
One more compliment followed by a deep insult and I knew I’d have her.
“Definitely. Although it would have to be for one of my new clients, the Monroe brand.”
“Monroe?”
“Based on Marilyn. Did you know that by today’s standards she would be considered overweight? That’s why it’s a brand for ‘thicker’ girls.”
She looked like I’d slapped her again and then spat in her face.
“Oh.”
“Not that you’re overweight, by any means. It’s just customary for the models for bigger girl brands to be curvy, in a good way. That’s how they sell the brand.”
“Oh!”
This girl had little conversational skills. But now that she was smiling, she was even more gorgeous up close, so I figured it was worth the dice roll.
“Why, are you looking for representation?”
“Absolutely!”
“Well then. What time do you get off work? It’s looking like I might have a clear schedule now.”
“I had an opening shift, so I’m off at five today,” she said as she bit her lip.
“Excellent. I could come by...”
“Hey!” She interrupted me. “These look like the girls here!”
“Hey, Dan.”
I turned around to find Brandy and Jolene. Shit! Why did I use actual descriptions?
“You found them!”
“Want to play Cruisin’ USA?” Brandy asked me. It almost made me smile. Perhaps a small piece of my sister was still in there under that overdeveloped rack.
“Later,” I told her. “We need to get going.”
“What?” Jolene asked.
I realized I still needed to confirm with the girl behind the counter. “Hey, could I get your name?”
“Lucia.”
“Nice to meet you,” I said. “And, if I have time, I’ll come back at five.”
“Okay!”
I put my arm around the shoulders of both girls and began leading them out. “We need to get back.”
“Why?”
“I hope your photoshoot goes well!” Lucia called after us.
I caught Jolene’s eye. She smirked.
I turned to Brandy, trying to convince her to go with it. Her grin was evil. I shook my head, warning her not to. She broke away.
“Hey, what did my brother tell you?”
“What? Who is your brother?”
“That’s Dan. He’s my brother.”
“Oh! He was looking for you guys.”
“Why?”
“To get back to the photoshoot.”
“Ha! That’s what you told this poor girl?”
“Do you want your rum or not?” I whispered.
“You’re cute,” Brandy told the girl, “but your dark hair doesn’t change the fact that you are blonder than I am.”
“You were just hitting on me?” Lucia asked me.
“Obviously, sweetie. Don’t worry, he’s just attracted to your type. His first lay was our maid, and he likes to relive the experience whenever he sees girls that look like they just got off the boat.”
“The fuck, Brandy!” I was seeing red.
“And he’s a pervert who wants to fuck my friend here even though she grew up with us.”
“You were just lying to take advantage of me?” Lucia asked.
“I- no! I mean...”
“That’s disgusting.”
I stormed out, followed by the girls. The moment the door closed, the girls fell into giggles.
“Oh my god! I wish I had recorded that!” Jolene said between fits of laughter.
I kept walking.
“Wait, are you really mad?” she called after me.
“What the fuck was that!?”
Brandy tried to stop giggling. “Are you kidding? I can’t believe you were trying to take advantage of that girl.”
“Well, who the fuck else am I going to go after?”
“You were lying to her, dude.”
“No shit! Look at that girl! How many leagues is she above me?”
“I don’t know. Like, seven?”
“Exactly. I worked up the courage to go talk to her, and she didn’t give me the time of day. I pulled some bullshit out of my ass about being a talent scout to get her to agree to meet up with me after work where I was going to come clean and offer to take her out to dinner.”
“Oh.”
“Then you came in like a train wreck, not only cock blocking me but making up some bullshit to make me sound like a fucking predator, not to mention calling the poor girl racist ass insults.”
“So?”
“So next time you are talking to a dude, how about I cock block the shit out of you? Not just chase him away, but insult the shit out of him and ruin any chance you have with him, just for the hell of it, despite having told you the night before we had a peace treaty?”
“I...”
“I gave you a chance, bitch. From now on, you aren’t my sister. You’re a fucking tumor that is attached to my family that can’t be removed and we all have to deal with, embarrassed by the ugliness that is growing right in front of us. So enjoy your vacation. The bottle of rum is in Jolene’s bag. Enjoy. But leave me the fuck alone.”
