Chapter 1

It had been a busy weekday morning as usual for Susan. Like most weekday mornings, getting her two younger children – 11-year-old Sophie and 10-year-old Lucas – ready for school was a struggle. Luckily, Nathan, her 18-year-old, had helped her with breakfast as he often did. She appreciated how responsible and attentive he always was with her.

Before rushing out the door, she pulled him into a firm hug and kissed his cheek. After dropping Sophie and Lucas off at school, she went to the gym, which she generally did four times a week, alternating between aerobics and strength training. Today was strength training day, and as she walked out of the gym, she felt good about her workout.

By the time she got home, Nathan had already left for the local college that he had recently enrolled in, and there was nobody else at home except for her adorable black Labrador Retriever, Archie, who was ecstatic as usual to see her back at home. Her 50-year-old husband Mark was out on business travel, as was the case most weeks Monday through Friday.

She took a quick shower, and before taking Archie out for his customary long morning walk, she took a quick look at herself in the mirror. She liked how the slightly tight white cotton top clung to her slender waist and firm breasts and how the light green skirt stopped just above her knees, leaving her shapely legs on full display. She was 5'6" with a slender frame and was proud of the way she had been able to keep herself in great shape even though she was 48 now.

As she stepped out of the house, she wondered if the attractive neighbor who lived a few houses away would be watching her from his porch as she walked in front of his house. He usually did, and she did not mind it. She liked attention from men she found attractive. It made her feel seen and sexy, and it enhanced her private sessions with her little vibrator, which she used regularly to compensate for the lack of much passion in her marriage.

Her neighbor was indeed sitting on the porch as she walked by. She could feel his gaze on her body. She intentionally slowed her pace and even paused to let Archie sniff around a bit.

The park was mostly empty when she arrived, and so she decided to let Archie off the leash. He dashed off immediately, and she smiled as she watched him run around excitedly. It was around 11 a.m. by the time she and Archie came back from the park.

On the way home, she picked up the mail and started going through it after giving Archie his dog food. Most of it was junk except for a couple of letters for Mark and the National Geographic magazine for Nathan. She left Mark's mail on his desk and then walked upstairs to Nathan's room to drop off his magazine there. She put the magazine on the desk in his bedroom.

She turned and was about to walk out of the room when she stopped all of a sudden. There was something white sticking out just a little from under the mattress of his bed. She looked curiously at it, walked over to the bed, and carefully lifted the mattress a little bit.

There were a bunch of sheets of paper stapled together with some printed text on them, probably printed on their home printer downstairs. She was confused initially when she saw the heading on the very first page "A Mother's Love", but her heart skipped a beat as she started reading through it. She could guess what it was, and as she skimmed through the next couple of pages, her suspicion was confirmed. It was a taboo porn story that he had likely printed off the internet.

She quickly glanced through the rest of the sheets. She found one more story, and this one was titled "My Beautiful Mom". She knew it was unnecessary, but she still read parts of it to confirm that it was similar to the first one. She paused for a moment, unsure what to do. Then, with slightly shaky hands, she put the sheets back under the mattress, being careful to leave them just the way she had found them.

Her legs felt unsteady and weak as she walked out of his room, and then downstairs to the living room. As she sat on the couch, the most important question in her mind was what all this meant – was Nathan just interested in those kinds of stories, or was he also thinking about her in that way? She hoped it was just the former, but the more she thought about it, the more unlikely it seemed.

She did not have a specific reason to think that way, but that's what her intuition told her. He wasn't dating anybody. He was 5'10", good-looking, smart, and witty, but he wasn't yet confident around girls. He had only briefly dated a girl a year ago, but she had quickly broken up with him and had started dating another guy in the school. Susan knew that had really hurt him, and he had still not recovered from it.

She knew all this because he shared a lot with her, and there was little that she did not know about him. They enjoyed a closeness that most mothers with a child this age would envy. She could see how that closeness and safety he felt with her, combined with his unease around girls his age, could lead to these kinds of feelings for her. She was his mother, but at some point she probably also turned into the safe, attractive female that he constantly interacted with. All it would have taken to kindle the fire was some kind of spark. She wondered if there was anything in her behavior or the way she dressed that provided the spark, but she could not think of anything.

As she slowly weighed the possibility of him having romantic and sexual feelings towards her, something new arose in her – a sharp sense of unease and guilt. It came as she noticed that a part of her was flattered and pleased. That part was not all that different from the way she had felt just an hour ago under the desiring gaze of her attractive neighbor – seen, wanted, sexy. The more she became aware of this, the more unsettled she felt.

The special closeness that she felt with Nathan added an additional layer of complexity to her feelings. She had never admitted this to anybody – while she loved all three of her children intensely, he had a special place in her heart. She did not quite know why, but it was probably because of how sensitive and perceptive he was and how easy it always felt for them to be understood by each other.

The mother in her tried to suppress the intrusive thoughts and feelings that were floating around in her mind, but she soon realized what most people do when trying to deal with unwanted thoughts and feelings – that they are often not easy to suppress. Luckily, Archie came to her rescue when he wandered over to her with his tail wagging and looking to be petted. Responding to him helped break her chain of thought.

Soon after, she remembered the work deadline that she had coming up the very next day in the part-time marketing consulting job that she did from home. She went to her desk and became busy with the assignment, which needed a lot of focus from her. She was glad that it did.

Sophie and Lucas were back home later in the afternoon, and they filled her day again with maternal responsibilities. Nathan did not return until a little later in the evening that day. The extra time allowed her to gain some level of control over her intrusive feelings and the memory of the discovery that afternoon.

Part of her felt proud of how she was able to mostly act normal with him except for being a bit distant. The hug she gave him was less firm than usual, the kiss on the cheek was quicker and more fleeting, and the eye contact was the least that she felt she could get by without him noticing.

After putting Sophie and Lucas to bed, she resumed working on her work assignment. By the time she was done with it, it was quite late. The unwanted thoughts and feelings returned when she got in bed. The fatigue from a long and hectic day eventually helped her fall asleep. However, that was not until after her mind lingered on those printed sheets of paper under Nathan's mattress - the small font, the titles of the stories, some of the snippets that she had read as she had skimmed through them, and the worn-out look as if they had been held and read many times.

Chapter 2

Over the next couple of weeks, she learned to cope better with her unease. Her life mostly went on as usual except for some subtle differences. When Mark was back at home during the weekends from his business travel, she normally preferred him taking Sophie and Lucas to their activities by himself, but now she often chose to accompany them to minimize the time alone at home with Nathan. She also continued to maintain some distance from Nathan in subtle ways that she hoped he would not notice.

Another difference was in a nightly routine that she had adopted several years ago. While Mark was out on his trips and she was in bed alone at night, she would often let her mind wander while touching herself and then eventually climax with her trusted vibrator. She generally did that two or three times a week, but she had not done it even once since the discovery in Nathan's room two weeks ago. She was uncomfortable with doing anything like that and did not even want to articulate to herself the reasons for that discomfort.

However, that dam finally broke on Monday evening when Mark was gone, and she lay alone in her bed at night. The need in her body was strong and unrelenting. She finally yielded to it and let her mind linger on some sexy memories from the last couple of days as she touched herself – the neighbor gazing at her earlier that morning as she walked Archie, and another very attractive and sexy man who had thrown repeated glances at her in the grocery store the previous day.

She was starting to really enjoy the sensations in her body, but then her mind recalled another memory from a couple of days ago. She had run into a friend at the coffee shop after her gym session. Her son was with her too, and she had caught him looking at her legs. He had quickly turned his gaze away when he noticed that she was looking at him, but she could sense his embarrassment in the brief eye contact that they had. He was exactly Nathan's age. The moment her mind registered this fact, her thoughts pivoted to Nathan.

She recoiled at this pivot, and her fingers stopped moving, but the chain of thoughts did not stop. She recalled once again the printed sheets under the mattress. A moment later she imagined Nathan holding them in his hands while lying in his bed and thinking about her as he read those stories. Her guilt was sharp as her mind took this turn, but it was hard to control it in her already aroused state.

She did not want to resume touching herself, but the urge was too intense. She finally gave in and also allowed her imagination to go a bit further. As the pleasing sensations in her body escalated, so did the permissions she granted to her fantasies. Before long, she thought about Nathan being in bed with her – both of them naked and her arms wrapped around him as she kissed him lovingly. The image was so powerful that she soon found herself climaxing as she continued touching herself. She had not even needed to reach out for the vibrator. She hardly remembered the last time that had happened.

During the orgasm and for several moments after that she was too lost in the intense sensations in her body. However, she was overcome by guilt as they started fading. She could not believe what she had allowed to happen, and she wondered how she would forgive herself for it. Sleep evaded her for a long time that night.

The next morning was hard on her. She eventually felt better and was able to forgive herself after she decided that she would not let it happen again. She restrained herself for a couple of days, but then it happened again. Her fantasies started out innocuous but soon took a darker turn despite her resistance. At the end of it, the guilt resurfaced but was less overpowering this time.

Once again, she decided to not let it happen again, even though she knew deep down that her resolution was not going to hold. The cycle repeated itself a few more times, with guilt increasingly losing its edge and instead turning into a cost that she was willing to pay for the pleasure she was experiencing. Her orgasms were more intense than ever, and she loved not needing to use the vibrator at all.

Eventually, a day came when her pragmatic side took over. She reflected calmly and came to the conclusion that it was pointless to feel guilty about it. It was all in her mind and harmless. So she might as well learn to enjoy it without the accompanying guilt. This pragmatic shift gave her a renewed sense of equilibrium in her life.

However, it also led to expanded boundaries of how far she allowed herself to go. The boundaries first stretched when she was all alone at home one afternoon, and she went to Nathan's room to drop something off. Instead of turning back and leaving, she found herself gravitating towards the bed. She hesitated initially, but then she went ahead and lifted the mattress a bit to pull out the printed sheets of paper, which were still roughly in the same spot.

She then sat on a chair nearby, paused a bit, and then started doing what she had been wanting to do for a few days now. She read the first story slowly and found herself very aroused as she read how the mom in the story discovered the son's attraction for her and then eventually started developing reciprocal feelings. As she read about her decision to act out her desire and the hot seduction scene after that, she could feel the wetness between her legs. The second story was similar, with more graphic scenes. The detailed scene of the mom seeing and touching her son's erection for the first time left her almost breathless.

By the time she finished reading them, her body was aching with desire. She put the sheets back where she found them and headed to her bedroom. The boundaries stretched again as she undressed and got into the bed. Her own fantasy was now detailed and rich, and started with a slowly unfolding seduction scene. The arousal she experienced was so strong that it led to a powerful orgasm even before she could reach the sexual part.

The expanded boundaries bothered her a bit at first, but the unease faded soon since she had become increasingly adept at compartmentalizing her two selves. Over the next several days, she settled into a new equilibrium in her life. She was no longer distant with Nathan. The firm affectionate hugs returned, and she was no longer trying to minimize eye contact with him. Sometimes she caught herself observing him more closely than she should have, but she shrugged it off as something inevitable and harmless.

Chapter 3

About two months had passed since the discovery, when things shifted again one Saturday evening. Mark was out with Sophie and Lucas. She was about to head out to a party that her close friend was hosting. She was wearing a top that she really liked and had not worn for a long time. The neckline was a bit lower than what she usually wore, but it felt perfect for the occasion.

She stepped into the living room to say bye to Nathan. As he looked at her, his glance went lower for a brief moment before he looked up to say bye. In the brief eye contact that happened between them, she could sense unease. It was no different than what she remembered seeing in the coffee shop a few weeks ago when she ran into her friend and her son. As she gave Nathan some instructions for dinner before stepping out, he fiddled nervously with the remote in his hand, and he kept looking at the coffee table rather than her. Those signs were not lost on her female intuition.

By the time she returned home from the party, the children were already in their rooms for the night, and Mark was reading a book in bed. She took a quick shower and slipped into bed with him. They cuddled and chatted for a bit, and then Mark kissed her good night and announced that he was tired and was going to sleep. She kissed him lightly on his lips and caressed his hips, hoping to get him interested in having sex, but did not succeed. He repeated how tired he was feeling. Susan felt disappointed for a moment, but it also sharpened the contrast between him and Nathan in her mind.

As she now lay next to Mark, her mind refocused its attention on Nathan and replayed the scene from the evening that happened with him in the living room. This was the first time she had seen a concrete outward behavior that showed his interest in her. It had sent a thrill through her body. She knew...