You know, just to be clear, I don't really care either way.
I'm simply amused by the fact that it's still an argument or an issue at all, much less its own fetish.
Reading through this thread, I see there is a general consensus here on a couple of points.
One of those points is that punishments should be given based on the crime, and that one standard punishment for everything isn't really practical. Which, except for certain circumstances, is something that I agree with.
The other major point is that punishments which are sadistic are somehow bad. Which, as a sadist, thoroughly amuses me. Punishments are not supposed to be pleasurable.
Now, when it comes to the whole punishment thing in general, there are three things which I think are very important and which I use.
1) Communicate. These things should rarely be made up on a whim and tossed out on a dime. While that can be done in certain relationships, that level of power exchange is something that comes from years of knowing each other and understanding what is and isn't appropriate. Until that depth of understanding is accomplished, if it ever is, communicating about this is necessary. Talk about what methods of punishment are okay and what is too far. Talk about what things are punishable, and what can be overlooked. Communicate. Even the silent treatment has its practical uses, but just like everything else it should be talked about first.
2) Respect boundaries and limits. Through the communication phase, a lot of these will come up. When there is something that they are not okay doing, do not make them do it to punish them. Be okay with the fact that they aren't willing to do certain things, and find other ways to enforce discipline.
3) Reward. Punishments are nice and all, but I have found that including a potential for rewards usually works better. With a desire to please me and experience something enjoyable, that alone is often more than enough to not need a punishment. And, again, communication is necessary to figure out what is rewardable and what isn't.
Another thing to keep in mind is that a lot of people are simply different. One submissive might rather scrub the bathroom floor with a tooth brush instead of taking on the Tabasco challenge mentioned earlier, and another might rather be whipped for a solid hour than spend one fourth of that time scrubbing the bathroom floor.
That is why communication is important. There is no one size fits all to anything. You have to learn your partner as you go, and that requires talking.
With the advent of the internet and chatrooms, as well as other aspects of the modern world, the BDSM community has grown. A lot. With large and sudden growth, standards are lowered. Not necessarily by intention, but simply by reflex--not everyone bothers to educate themselves on the standards of a community they jump into, and not everyone within a community cares enough to offer that education in the first place.
I, for one, still stand by the old standards and completely agree with you. How can someone who cannot even control himself maintain control over someone else? No matter what their ego tells them, they can't.
One's journey to mastery must begin and end as a journey of self-mastery.
Shortly after I was introduced to BDSM, my "read everything!" tendencies kicked in. Being a little under 18 at the time, I was too young to buy books on the subject where I lived, and so I looked up every online essay and article I could find on the subject. One of the websites I eventually came across introduced me to the concept of a "sensual sadist." Someone who is sadistic and enjoys torture, but is also gentle, caring, and perhaps even a romantic. The kind of sadist that might bring his partner to orgasm from several hours of lightly touching her with a feather just as easily as he might achieve the same by using his whip or flogger, and perhaps even preferring the feather over the more violent tools.
A couple of years and countless hours of research later, I worked up the courage to join a small website on the subject and it came time for me to devise a user name. I was stumped for a moment, and then I remember the old concept of "the loving sadist." Given that I had already accepted my sadistic tendencies as well as my hopeless romanticism I thought this represented me quite well, but more as a joke (at the time) than anything else I typed it in and there I was.
And so, my name simply means that I am sadistic, caring, and (usually) gentle. For better or worse, it has stuck with me, and this has been my primary user name throughout the community ever since I took it.
I like it, but an answer to the question of why I wouldn't is simple. Cleanliness is important, especially for that kind of play.
I seem to be a rarity, but I really don't like listening to music when I am exercising. I like to focus on the training its self.
I think it depends on the story its self.
There are some stories that are best expressed in good first person style in order to express the feelings underneath the words and draw the reader in. Sometimes, third person doesn't pull me in close enough to let me experience the full perspective of the story as well as first person can.
Then there are other stories, such as those with several characters or POV switches, where third person is easier and better expresses the events in the story. There may still be some events which aren't "fully experienced" in third person, but because there are multiple points of view it can be easier to manage everything from a birds eye view.
And in first person, it is also important which character has the point of view. I had one story that I had to rewrite several times because of this issue. The first time I wrote it, the woman who I wanted the story to focus on came off as looking too weak because it was written from the man's perspective. Then in third person, the emotional intensity of the story dropped, and on top of that she still came off as looking weaker than I wanted her to be. In the end, that story was best written through her own eyes, so that the reader could directly relate to the feelings that he inspired in her and see the story that she experienced.
The most important thing to consider, both as a reader and a writer, is the balance of the story. Some stories just need to be told in certain ways.
It amuses me that nobody has simply said "practice."
Men who masturbate regularly in order to explore and control themselves tend to have more stamina and control than men who don't, which leads to better and longer lasting sex.
I've been interested in things that would be called "kinky" for as long as I can remember, I just didn't know what they were until I was older and was introduced to this lifestyle.
Yes, and I still do.
For those who think it is impossible, I'll kindly ask you to do a bit of real research on [url=]Polyamory[/url] before making emotional judgements about something you simply don't understand. You may not understand it anyway, but at least you can make an informed decision.
It is not just an attraction, it is not an excuse, and it is not always a choice. It is not different or inferior, either. Some people can only love one person at a time, and that's fine. Real monogamy has its virtues. Others are comfortable opening their heart to more than one at a time, and that is fine, too.
The important part is to simply understand your own true nature, and simply be true to yourself.
