The Elvis clock in Marlene’s basement was broken, so Jimmy had no idea what time it was. Not that he cared. Nicole was “having breakfast” with her macho ex-boyfriend, and nothing else mattered.

Breakfast? Jimmy scoffed. He was certain they hadn’t gone to any restaurant — probably a motel, he thought with a snarl, or maybe Mike’s place, which Jimmy figured was probably some fancy swinging bachelor’s pad.

The scrawny milksop closed his eyes and pictured Mike fucking Nicole on a heart-shaped waterbed beneath a ceiling mirror, with the room bathed in a blacklight’s purple haze and the cloying scent of sandalwood. As Jimmy slipped his hand into the front of his tightie-whities and squeezed little Jimmy, he imagined his wife’s feet on the muscular combat veteran’s shoulders, her moans mixing with Marvin Gaye’s seductive baritone that oozed from the top-of-the-line quad hi-fi system.

“GET UP HERE, JIMMY!”

Marlene’s screech broke up Jimmy’s pity party, which had morphed into a morose sexual fantasy. He rolled out of bed with a three-inch boner, yanked up his pants, and trooped upstairs.

“I’m almost out of smokes,” Marlene barked as soon as Jimmy entered the living room. “We need milk, too.”

“Okay, uh, I’ll head out in a minute. Can I have money?”

Marlene smirked. “If you were any kind of man, you’d have your own money. My daughter wouldn’t have to put you on an allowance like a goddamn nine-year-old.”

Jimmy huffed. “Why are you always ragging on me, Marlene? What the fuck. I’m doing the best I can.”

“Well, your best ain’t doing the trick, is it? I’ve had it with you, Jimmy. You’re worthless. My daughter’s too good for your skinny little ass.”

“Yeah, I know. You told me that before the wedding — and you never stopped.”

“Because it’s true.” Marlene lit a cigarette and blew smoke at her son-in-law. “You’re a loser, Jimmy. I could smell it on you from the start. Nikki finally sees it, too.” She chuckled. “I’d be worried about Mike if I was you. He’s always been sweet on her.”

“Well, it’s obvious who you like better.”

“No shit, Sherlock. I think it’s obvious who Nikki likes better, too. I’ll let you in on a little secret, Numb-Nuts. She never stopped loving Mike — she married your sorry ass on the rebound because you were making good money at the time. And now that you’re not working, you’re useless.”

Tears formed in Jimmy’s eyes. “W-why do you hate me so much, Marlene? What the fuck. What did I ever do to you?”

“I don’t hate you, Jimmy — I think you’re pathetic, and I don’t want my daughter being married to you. You may have had her fooled with that big job in Centerville but not me. Sure enough, you got fired because you’re nothing but a pussy — and here we are. A loser, living in my goddamn basement. You’re dragging her down, Numb-Nuts. You’ll never be able to give her what she needs, and I’m not just talking about that little pecker of yours that she’s always complaining about. Why don’t you just leave and be done with it, for chrissakes? She’s gonna end up divorcing your loser ass anyway.”

Jimmy covered his face with both hands to stifle his sobs. He got no sympathy from his mother-in-law, who smelled blood.

“Look at the waterworks, like a little fucking sissy.” She sneered. “Pathetic. You don’t have a clue how to be a man, do you? No fucking clue.”

“Well, what do you want me to do?” Jimmy bleated. “I’m trying. I’ve been trying. What else can I do?”

“You can start by going to the store and getting my damn cigarettes and a gallon of milk, like I told you.”

After several seconds of silence, other than the wheezes from Jimmy’s labored breathing, he nodded. “Okay. Uh, can I have some money, please?”

Shaking her head, Marlene handed her son-in-law a five-dollar bill.

“I’m trying the best I can,” Jimmy repeated as he slogged from the room.

The party store was almost a mile away, but Jimmy decided to walk, hoping the fresh air might clear his head and perhaps cheer him up a bit. It didn’t work. His dour mood worsened when he got back and saw Mike’s cocksure muscle car in Marlene’s driveway next to his dinky hatchback — an obvious bit of symbolism, Jimmy thought with a grimace.

Steeling himself, he skulked into the house. Nicole and Mike relaxed on the couch, too close for Jimmy’s liking, while Marlene occupied the easy chair, leaving no place for the nervous hubby to sit. He handed Marlene her cigarettes and headed toward the kitchen with his head down.

Nicole frowned. “Where are you going?”

“To put the milk in the fridge. Then downstairs.”

“No, you’re not. Put the milk up and get back in here.”

After stowing the milk, Jimmy edged toward his scowling wife and her smirky ex-boyfriend. Clearing his throat, the milquetoast ventured the question that had been burning in his gut for hours. “W-where were you, Nicole? It’s after three. That’s a long time for breakfast.”

“Never mind about me. Mike needs to talk to you.”

“We met with Red, that’s where we were.” Mike pushed his hair back. “You can keep your job. He says you didn’t do anything wrong — he was just fucking with you. DeeDee said he was drunker than a skunk, and he can get pretty stupid when he sets his sights on someone like that. Red’s a strange dude. The real rich guys always seem a bit off.”

“He did seem weird,” Nicole said, brushing knees with her ex in a way that made the hair stand up on the back of Jimmy’s neck.

Mike nodded at his employee. “Just don’t do anything to piss him off from now on. That crazy son-of-a-bitch is real excited about making the Sitting Bull into a franchise, and he’s got money to burn. I don’t want to fuck that up — so, if Red Corrigan tells you to shit, goddamn it, you squat and ask what color. Are you hearing me?”

Jimmy gritted his teeth. “Yeah, yeah, I fucking hear you.”

“You better check yourself.” Nicole lit a Virginia Slim. “I don’t like your goddamn attitude.”

“What?” Jimmy held out his hands. “The guy’s psycho — he pissed all over the bathroom wall while I was in there cleaning. He did it on purpose, to make me have to wipe it up.”

Mike and Nicole looked at each other for a split-second before falling into fits of laughter. Marlene joined in the merriment while Jimmy stood there fuming.

After catching his breath, Mike sneered. “Well, Pee-Wee, all I can tell you is, the next time Red pisses on the wall, make sure you hand him a towel to wipe his hands with. You kiss that man’s ass, you hear me?”

“Yeah, okay.”

“I’m gonna call DeeDee and tell her to keep an extra-close eye on you to make sure you don’t fuck things up.”

Jimmy mumbled, “Uh, I’ll be cool; you don’t need to do that.”

“Sure, I do, Pee-Wee. I don’t want any problems, and DeeDee’s my right hand over there. So, until you hear otherwise, consider yourself on probation — and consider DeeDee, the person who’s gonna decide if you pass or not. Got it?”

“Yeah, I got it.”

Nicole’s lip curled. “Now, apologize to Mike for being an asshole.”

“Why? What did I even do, Nikki?”

“Apologize, goddamn it.”

“Alright. I-I’m sorry.”

“No problem, Pee-Wee.” Mike stood up, stretching his 6’5 frame. “Well, I gotta split. It’s Monday, so we’ll be getting a shipment at four. You’ll want to get there early today to take the cases to the basement. It needs to be done before the factory rush.”

Jimmy blinked. “F-factory rush?”

“Yeah, it gets crazy when the chair factory lets out over in Millville. You only worked a Sunday shift; that’s our slow night.” Mike chuckled. “You might want to wear your comfortable shoes. Ol’ DeeDee’s a slavedriver — she’ll keep you running, Pee-Wee.”

“Uh, could you please not call me that?”

Mike’s eyes danced. “What? You don’t like the name ‘Pee-Wee?’”

“No.”

“It’s just a nickname, Jimmy. Shit, one of the best shortstops in history was named Pee-Wee — Pee-Wee Reese from the Dodgers. My dad took me to see him play at Sportsman Park a few times.”

“Well, I don’t like the name, man.”

Nicole’s jaw dropped. “I can’t fucking believe how rude you’re being. You need to apologize — now.”

“Damn it, Nikki, I don’t like being called ‘Pee-Wee.’ What the hell, honey. I don’t like the name, alright?”

“Why?” She snorted. “Are you afraid people will think it’s because your dick is so little? Well, that is the reason — Pee-Wee. Now, shut the fuck up about it.”

“Come on, Nikki.”

“Come on, my ass. Apologize to my friend for being rude.”

“Nikki—”

“Apologize, goddamn it, or get me the Yellow Pages. Right fucking now. I’m not kidding, Jimmy. Don’t test me.”

Jimmy sighed. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry, alright?”

“No problem.” Mike glanced at Nicole for an instant before turning back to Jimmy. “Get to work early today, Pee-Wee, and get those cases out of the way before the factory crowd gets there. M’kay?”

“Um, yeah.” Jimmy licked his lips. “I will.”

With a final smirk, Mike hugged Nicole and Marlene and strolled out of the house.

Jimmy turned to his wife. “Um, do you care if I go try to get a little sleep before I start work? I’ve been up since yesterday.”

Nicole shrugged. “Go ahead — Pee-Wee.”

As the devastated husband plodded toward the basement with tears in his eyes, Margaret stuck out her bottom lip. “Aw, poor Jimmy, don’t you worry about Mike’s mean ol’ nickname — you’ll always be Numb-Nuts to me.”