Cliches that should die

25 Mar 2017

Quote by browncoffee
i hate when say a girl's introduced to a sex interest and it's like 'her panties were soaked'. i mean, she met him thirty seconds ago. did she fucking wet herself?

lol

Yes or this:

Guy: Hey.
Girl: Hi. Nice to meet you, random stranger. I'm 5'6" and 34DD.
Guy: Let's fuck.
Girl: Okay.
Followed by 6-700 words of rough sex in which she has multiple squirting orgasms.

Don't believe everything that you read.

25 Mar 2017

Sometimes male orgasms can get a bit ridiculous, where the guy is pumping out buckets of semen, and shooting it all over the place.

Don't believe everything that you read.

9 Apr 2017

I get annoyed when the characters names are inserted after every line of dialogue. Generally, there are only two people speaking during most dialogue here. It is equally unnecessary for the characters to say their partners name every time they are addressed. Makes my eyes cross a bit.

"Baby, right there," says Jane.

"Where? Right here Jane?" says Dick.

"Yes, there Dick!" says Jane.

"Then, cum Jane!" says Dick.

"I will cum on your dick, Dick!" says Jane.

9 Apr 2017

Quote by Just_A_Guy_You_Know

lol

Yes or this:

Guy: Hey.
Girl: Hi. Nice to meet you, random stranger. I'm 5'6" and 34DD.
Guy: Let's fuck.
Girl: Okay.
Followed by 6-700 words of rough sex in which she has multiple squirting orgasms.

Or a variation on the theme:

Girl: I am married, and it would be entirely inappropriate for me to have sex with you, since you are my boss.
Guy: I have an 8 inch penis and it's thick too.
Girl: Fuck me, big boy!
Followed by a similar 6-700 words of rough sex...

16 Jun 2017

Quote by littleduchess
I get annoyed when the characters names are inserted after every line of dialogue. Generally, there are only two people speaking during most dialogue here. It is equally unnecessary for the characters to say their partners name every time they are addressed. Makes my eyes cross a bit.

"Baby, right there," says Jane.

"Where? Right here Jane?" says Dick.

"Yes, there Dick!" says Jane.

"Then, cum Jane!" says Dick.

"I will cum on your dick, Dick!" says Jane.

Absolutely. This is a bugaboo of mine. Trust your readers to have the brain power to follow and track who's talking. Upon review, you can see for yourself when who the speaker is becomes unclear. Instead of lazily sticking the name in there, it's better to use gender (in a hetero story) or physical position to maintain the speaker's identity:

If it's Tom and Susan:

"Your pussy is so sweet." (obviously spoken by Tom)

Or in a 69, establish who is above, who below (if a MM scenario)

He strained upward, moaning, "Your cock is so hard, baby. Did I do that?"

Most people in real life don't constantly use each other's first names in conversation.

25 Aug 2017

Misnomers like "she was a petite girl with 40DD breasts".

1. the '40' refers to the measurement around the torso - she will not be petite.
2. 'DD' and petite - she will either have chronic backache or be vertically challenged - a lot.

Also, they go like bunnies for ages and 'pop' all done. Where's the sweat, the thirst for air, the writhing, the intense moaning? Or am I doing it wrong?

Or was it a dream sequence and it was just a massive wank because the female wasn't there at all? Takes two to tango.

And my biggest pet hate.....

Write some ok-ish story about some mundane event that turned into the most explosive sex ever and the author's avator is a pair of breasticles (usually the authors). Cue tens of salvating fans giving feedback on the work as if someone has reanimated the corpse of Hemingway and persuaded him to come to Lush to bang one out (a story).

Note to self: Get some fantastic tits.

*nearly drops the mic*

25 Aug 2017

Quote by TheTravellingMan
Misnomers like "she was a petite girl with 40DD breasts".

1. the '40' refers to the measurement around the torso - she will not be petite.
2. 'DD' and petite - she will either have chronic backache or be vertically challenged - a lot.

Also, they go like bunnies for ages and 'pop' all done. Where's the sweat, the thirst for air, the writhing, the intense moaning? Or am I doing it wrong?

Or was it a dream sequence and it was just a massive wank because the female wasn't there at all? Takes two to tango.

And my biggest pet hate.....

Write some ok-ish story about some mundane event that turned into the most explosive sex ever and the author's avator is a pair of breasticles (usually the authors). Cue tens of salving fans giving feedback on the work as if someone has reanimated the corpse of Hemingway and persuaded him to come to Lush to bang one out (a story).

Note to self: Get some fantastic tits.

*nearly drops the mic*

But, but... you have great legs ?

25 Aug 2017

Quote by latecomer91364
Trust your readers to have the brain power to follow and track who's talking.

With all these monster cocks among the Lush members there may not be enough blood available to keep those brains running properly. So, unless your story is just boring you might wanna take into account the monster cocked readers here and help them out a bit.

=== Not ALL LIVES MATTER until BLACK LIVES MATTER ===

25 Aug 2017

I am not a fan of stories where everyone mentioned just conveniently happens to be in the mood in a usually nonsexual situation or scenario. They usually go 0 to 60 in a matter of seconds and the story burns out.