Welcome, hef. I read the first one and found no need for improvement. Well done, and I gave you a five.
And don't let frustrations with life get you down. In my experience, it's only temporary.
I do appreciate that. I've only written these two so far, but it does help me to forget all of the crap going on in my life. I'm actually kinda surprised that both have my stories have don this well. I had a couple of female friends read them and they liked them but I wanted unbiased opinions. Thanks
That is a pretty funny video, I can see what made you think of it. The first story, the Dance, was written for a friend, using a few of her ideas. The second was actually the first one I wrote, and inspired by a few of the currents events of my life. I'm working on a theme to tie all of the stories together into the one run-down mall. I'm having fun and working on the ideas for the next one in my head. I don't even sit down to type it until I get all the story in my head.
I read 'The Dance' and found it to be quite good. I do think that the paragraphs are a little long. Usually a good paragraph should be two to four sentences... and on the same subject hopefully. A change in subject or direction should bring in a new spacing for the new paragraph. I see that you also have some issues with formatting. I too have those, for some reason, and the large space between spoken words and the story paragraphs (descriptive text) tend to cause some readers to avoid reading a story, as I've found out.
Other than those items, I enjoyed the story and hope to read more of your work in the future.
I do try to be careful about my paragraphs, but I'll be honest in that I don't usually even proofread these before I post them. I usually sit down and write them out straight through, and then just usually do a quick spell and grammar check in word. I had noticed the odd gaps in between paragraphs o here, but I am unsure how to fix that. I tried in my latest story, by deleting all of the spaces in between my paragraphs, but it still did it. Any ideas?
Sassy Red-haired Beach Kat/Dune Goddess
I know exactly what you mean about the intimidation factor. I have 3 books started and a collection of poetry that I finished and actually had a publisher express interest in...but I always find reasons to not finish the books or submit the poetry collection.
I think readers do want a quick fix. I decided to forego, to an extent, what they wanted and to write my stories to satisfy my inner piddlings. The comments I receive from the regulars here, even criticism, is what keeps me writing. I understand both sides of your issue, but on this site, other than personal satisfaction of a job well done, it's the attention span of the readers that matters.
You can tell by their language what their needs are: ur, cunt, faggots, sickos, sumtims...all those misspelled words to convey the complex world of their minds. lol
When I was a lad, the rule was 3 to 5 sentences, but things change. I fail a bit when it comes to grammar, but I always try to spell check.
over that one 