Being Insulted: How Should Men React?

How Should Men React?

6 Apr 2014

Being insulted: how should men react?

In situations where you're in public with your man and another man (or any number of them) insults you, which reaction do you expect?

These kinds of situations happened to me a few times, and I've always wondered what would be the most appropriate way to react.

One time a group of young men threw a 'moderate sexual commentary' from across the street at a girl that I was dating (eg. "Woah girl, you're totally hot!"). These guys weren't really impressive physically, but as I turned around to tell them to 'Fuck off', I noticed that the girl was actually smiling at it and I decided to just let it go. Personally it offended me, but apparently the girl took it as a semi-compliment.

Similar situations also happened at times (eg. guys whistling at my girl), and it seems to me that when it's just a moderate remark the girl often doesn't care much about it, and I usually just let it go. Not to mention that these remarks are often thrown from a certain distance (eg. across the street, guys driving by in a car, etc.). It happened that I told the guy(s) to piss off though (the remark was particularly insulting); sometimes I responded with humor too.

One other time a guy that was much taller/bigger than me threw that kind of remark at my girl as we passed by him, and I spontaneously ignored him and just exhibited a 'whatever' facial expression. I should mention that this specific guy didn't seem all that mentally stable, and I really didn't want to risk ending up in a fight (especially since that also could have endangered the girl, or ruin our evening).

So, do you enjoy seeing your man defending your honor (at the risk of causing trouble)? Should he just let it go and enjoy his evening with you? Do you even bother when men throw remarks at you?

Does it depend on the situation and/or insult?

Thanks for sharing!

7 Apr 2014

Quote by SereneProdigy

Does it depend on the situation and/or insult?

In a word, yes.

Someone saying whoa your hot is not an insult to me. same with wolf whistles ect.

What I find to be insulting? "you couldn't do this" "youre pretty fucking stupid" or others.

so to the first, I would prefer my date to ignore. The latter, I expect my date to stand up for.

7 Apr 2014

Quote by SereneProdigy

In situations where you're in public with your man and another man (or any number of them) insults you, which reaction do you expect?

These kinds of situations happened to me a few times, and I've always wondered what would be the most appropriate way to react.

One time a group of young men threw a 'moderate sexual commentary' from across the street at a girl that I was dating (eg. "Woah girl, you're totally hot!"). These guys weren't really impressive physically, but as I turned around to tell them to 'Fuck off', I noticed that the girl was actually smiling at it and I decided to just let it go. Personally it offended me, but apparently the girl took it as a semi-compliment.

Similar situations also happened at times (eg. guys whistling at my girl), and it seems to me that when it's just a moderate remark the girl often doesn't care much about it, and I usually just let it go. Not to mention that these remarks are often thrown from a certain distance (eg. across the street, guys driving by in a car, etc.). It happened that I told the guy(s) to piss off though (the remark was particularly insulting); sometimes I responded with humor too.

One other time a guy that was much taller/bigger than me threw that kind of remark at my girl as we passed by him, and I spontaneously ignored him and just exhibited a 'whatever' facial expression. I should mention that this specific guy didn't seem all that mentally stable, and I really didn't want to risk ending up in a fight (especially since that also could have endangered the girl, or ruin our evening).

So, do you enjoy seeing your man defending your honor (at the risk of causing trouble)? Should he just let it go and enjoy his evening with you? Do you even bother when men throw remarks at you?

Does it depend on the situation and/or insult?

Thanks for sharing!

These things just aren't insults *to me* when they happen.
They are insults *to you* because they're intentionally disrespecting your physical presence. And that is the point behind these actions and words - to anger YOU, not to insult HER.

Albeit, I've had quite a bit more of it without my husband around, but it's a bit different when he's not around, honestly.

So why am I not insulted by such things? If I'm not in the mood to hear it I might get a bit irritated or annoyed, but that's no different than the level of irritation I feel toward the woman at the checkout who always comments on all my items I'm buying.

But aside those times: I like hearing that I look decent, pretty, hot, sexy, nice. They might be crass but it's reassuring (especially at my age and after having several children) that I still look appealing.

It's possible that your girls weren't smiling *at them* but were smiling *about your reaction*

And of course, I think it's sexy or adorable if these types of comments get my husband pissed. (Which has happened - numerous occasions). Why is that sweet? It shows he gives a shit about me.

One of my favorite things is this video:

Why? He's being a bit valiant, there. Total bodice ripper porn fodder there. I confess it inspired a few erotica stories. LOL

Every one wants to feel treasured, cared for, desired, and loved by the person they're with - such a situation can make them feel exactly that.

7 Apr 2014

Ya know, this is a really good question~ it is very thought provoking (I like that) and I really have to give this some thought BECAUSE I often feel like it depends on the situations.

Sometimes I do get a passing remark and smile and my boyfriend, I can tell, feels very insulted and angered. It annoys him and he does not like it. I feel caught in the middle but appreciate his testosterone surge.

Other times I know he has stood up for me as a Lady and would not be able to ignore certain things without atleast a verbal confrontation (things that like Naughty Nurse said, were ones worse or different than a mere cat-call, compliment, or wolf-whistle).

I have also seen him go toe-to-toe and it scares me that something bad could happen. I appreciate his loyalty and prowess, but in the world of crazy people and guns, I just get fearful.

I think to ignore is often best but awkward at times, so sometimes a dirty look will do. I am just not sure what is best, but I appreciate chivalry, I just don't want him to land in jail or get killed!

So hard to answer...
A girl will know if a guy is not up to the challenge but if she really cares she will want him to be careful and keep them both safe.

7 Apr 2014

If you have sufficient wit and sagacity, a well-placed verbal jab can cut pretty deep. Physical violence is unnecessary.

Just keep wallowing in your own chaotic insecure delusions.

7 Apr 2014

Quote by 1LovelyKinkyKitsune
Ya know, this is a really good question~ it is very thought provoking (I like that) and I really have to give this some thought BECAUSE I often feel like it depends on the situations.

Sometimes I do get a passing remark and smile and my boyfriend, I can tell, feels very insulted and angered. It annoys him and he does not like it. I feel caught in the middle but appreciate his testosterone surge.

Other times I know he has stood up for me as a Lady and would not be able to ignore certain things without atleast a verbal confrontation (things that like Naughty Nurse said, were ones worse or different than a mere cat-call, compliment, or wolf-whistle).

I have also seen him go toe-to-toe and it scares me that something bad could happen. I appreciate his loyalty and prowess, but in the world of crazy people and guns, I just get fearful.

I think to ignore is often best but awkward at times, so sometimes a dirty look will do. I am just not sure what is best, but I appreciate chivalry, I just don't want him to land in jail or get killed!

So hard to answer...
A girl will know if a guy is not up to the challenge but if she really cares she will want him to be careful and keep them both safe.

Really good answer.
There's a huge difference between a bit of complimentary banter and overt sexual inferences. The guy should always take the lead from his partner.
I have been known to be hot headed and confrontational but it really isn't the right thing to do.
The right thing to do is to get her away from there as quickly as possible, away from any danger. What would happen to her if you were beaten up and she was left alone? Luckily that never happened to me but it could have.

7 Apr 2014

Thanks for the replies so far.

Quote by Metilda
They are insults *to you* because they're intentionally disrespecting your physical presence. And that is the point behind these actions and words - to anger YOU, not to insult HER.

To be fair, it's not always what's being said that's insulting, but the fact that these guys go out of their ways and act like morons (literally) to purposely provoke me and the girl I'm with. And the point is rarely to anger/insult neither me or her, but to somehow feel 'manly' by throwing a dumb sexual comment. There's also often some form of jealousy involved, in my honest opinion.

More often than not, young groups of guys do these things (18-24 years old), and of course they usually have to hide behind each other or throw their comments from across the street to make sure I won't respond to it (though ironically they still feel like they have a lot of 'guts' for acting that way). I rarely feel intimidated by any of them though.

This is actually what pisses me off: that these guys carelessly intrude in our personal affairs just to have a bit of fun. Just whistling or saying that a girl is 'hot' isn't all that insulting, but the way it's expressed can be rather explicit, such as when these guys imply more or less subtly that the girl is just a sexual object to them that's only good for banging. And I've heard some raunchier stuff too (eg. "Man! You're gonna bang that chick tonight!? Lucky you!").

As you said though, the situation is a bit different when the girl is walking next to me; that way she doesn't feel as vulnerable. Most of these girls probably thought : "Well, somehow that's a nice compliment, but what a fucking bunch of silly morons." At least that's what I figured out according to their reactions and the way they discussed about it afterward.

In these situations, I really hesitate between the whole spectrum of options I've presented in the poll. My rational brain tells me to just ignore them and let it go to avoid any unnecessary trouble, but deep inside I feel I sudden desire to punch these morons right in their fucking faces. Not really because I'm insulted, but just because they're fucking morons who deserve a lesson.

It's rare that I really react though; usually I just stop walking and look at them with a 'what the fuck do you want?' glare. And I'm not really the type to warrant a fight for silly stuff like that anyway.

Quote by Metilda
It's possible that your girls weren't smiling *at them* but were smiling *about your reaction*

Nope, I can assure you that they were smiling at those remarks (most of the times they had that smile even before I reacted). Though they might have smiled even more after I reacted too.

7 Apr 2014

Quote by dpw
The right thing to do is to get her away from there as quickly as possible, away from any danger. What would happen to her if you were beaten up and she was left alone? Luckily that never happened to me but it could have.

Yep, the girl's security is always my top priority. But so is her overall well-being.

It's rare that there's any real danger involved though. As I've said previously, these guys are often just looking for a cheap-thrill and think they'll get away with it without me responding. They didn't take into consideration that I can be such a mean guy though.

7 Apr 2014

Quote by SereneProdigy

Yep, the girl's security is always my top priority. But so is her overall well-being.

It's rare that there's any real 'danger' involved though. As I've said previously, these guys are often just looking for a cheap-thrill and think they'll get away with it without me responding. They didn't take into consideration that I can be such a mean guy though.

I wasn't really refering to your case but the big problem is if it suddenly escalates and gets out of hand. As I said, at your age I would have reacted differently to what I would advise now.

7 Apr 2014

In the 70s I came across a man in our local park on top of a woman on the ground. Her blouse was wide open, and the guy was yanking at her jean zipper.
She was screaming in a very serious tone and crying "Help me... !" and looking right at me.
I ran over grabbed the guy by the hair, threw him back, he came at me I gave him a kick int balls.
He struggled back up and I was ready to lay him out when the girl jumps me screaming, "Stop it you're hurting my boyfriend. He came over and kicked me in the balls and while I'm down they're both kicking the shit out of me, then they run off.

So if I'm in a situation where ANYONE is actually being physically threatened then count me in if there's no other way out.
Otherwise we'll keep walking.
If I'm with a girl and she thinks I should have done something to "protect her honor" by getting into it with the assholes then I'll walk away from her.
Winston Churchill said "...never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense."
It makes good sense to me that protecting someones "honor" over the slights from some assholes, and possibly getting hurt ain't worth it.

8 Apr 2014

Quote by Truemalduke
If you have sufficient wit and sagacity, a well-placed verbal jab can cut pretty deep. Physical violence is unnecessary.

Until someone belts you for being witty and sarcastic.

I learned a long time ago that often it is enough to growl, but if you bite, bite deep.

The Wild Girl anthology need not be read in any order but does take place in the following timeframe

Wild at Heart- 1968. The story of Dani’s Great Aunt Evie.

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/first-time/wild-at-heart

Wild Oats. Part 1&2. -2021. Dani is 16 and sets her sights on her stepfather.

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/taboo/wild-oats-part-1

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/taboo/wild-oats-part-2

Wild Child. 2025. Dani is now 20 years old.

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/taboo/wild-child

8 Apr 2014

Quote by Milik_Redman

Until someone belts you for being witty and sarcastic.

I learned a long time ago that often it is enough to growl, but if you bite, bite deep.

Very true. If it escalates into a physical thing, all bets are off.

Just keep wallowing in your own chaotic insecure delusions.