Defending you?

10 May 2010

Quote by javier
Imagine a situation where you are with your man at a public place, and some hoolligans say something dirty to you.

Option a is just ignore them and walk away.
Option b is your boyfriend reacts in a violent way, (just as he is supposed to do), and gets seriously beaten up.

Which one would you prefer? Would you secretly feel dissapointed if he went for option a? Would you feel bad but secretly proud if he went for option b?

Your initial question involved a moderate verbal assault. The answers so far, have addressed this. I suppose that option b, as you have professed is a natural way to behave, is perhaps a cultural phenomenon specific to the environment in which you were reared.

A violent reaction, in a verbal sense - is ludicrous and serves no purpose. I call that woofing, and in the culture where I have been both raised and have lived...I see that woofing can lead to physical violence, eventually. But only if you respond with a verbal woof in return.

It has often been best (in my experience) to merely escalate beyond the woof woof...and depending upon the numbers of verbal assaulters; deliver a quick shot to said assaulting perpetrator's adam's apple. Real life is not Hollywood. If you know that a physical assault is impending, it's best to take a preemptive shot yourself. But you had better be sure that you cannot get out of that situation in any other method and you need to know that a physical altercation is extremely likely, before initiating your own first shot.

What if those perpetrators have a knife, handgun or similar weapon which drastically alters odds beyond your physical and mental control? By escalating the initial conflagration, you have screwed yourself and your companion.

Cowboy diplomacy is what our last US President deployed. See how well that's worked out?

Otherwise, diffuse the situation quickly by playing deaf, ignoring the assault and leaving the area with your significant other, as quickly as possible. While you are engaged, your female companion is also engaged and that is the last thing you wish to accomplish - to involve her and yourself - further into a desperate situation.

As my grandfather told me once, "You have the brain, use it."

The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.

10 May 2010

Quote by javier
In fact, I dont think there's any new, let alone machoist, about this hit or run reaction, everybody behaves like that since we were living in caves and hunting dinosaurs (or whatever they hunted).

If a mother goes walking down the street with her kid and some nutjob assaults her wont she hit or run? If granny goes walking down the street and some nutjob assaults her wont she hit or run? Obviouly you'd expect a mother or granny just running away scared, but if the nutjob cornered them in a cul-de-sac they'll definetely hit, any mother would kill at the sight of somebody hurting her kid.

You're moving beyond your initial question, as WellMadeMale has also pointed out to you.

Something else is that in your initial hypothetical situation, you referred to hooligans, plural. So in addition to all the other potential dangers that WMM listed, there is the possibility that you are confronted by several hooligans, and it isn't a one-on-one confrontation. That is even more reason, in my opinion, to ignore and walk away if possible.

Kyle gave an excellent description of how such a situation he was involved in was handled.

There is a huge difference,in my opinion, between the very natural impulse to defend the most vulnerable amongst us, in this case and example, children, from the original situation you asked about.

When I see little children who are momentarily separated from the adults they are with, I keep my eyes on them until they are safely held by the hand again or put into the carriage or whatever. When I come face to face with an adult who is walking with children, I move to the outside of them as a group in order to pass by them, so that I don't separate a child from the safety of the group.

I do it because of a certain awareness and vigilance which is sadly needed these days. It's diffferent from your original case.

10 May 2010

I have been in a situation where my boyfriend and I were attacked by two drunk assholes. They hit him with a ripped off window screen wiper and he dropped to the ground and protected his head. We had done nothign to provoke the situation but these guys were looking for a fight and my b/f didn't give it to them. When I tried to pull the of the guys off they back handed me into the road and then threw a street sign at us while they took off laughing their heads off. If my b/f had tried to fight back he would have been badly hurt. I had to take him to A & E and get his head stitched up. violence begets more violence. He took the beating so I didn't have to and I respect that about him instead of trying to prove something

10 May 2010

I can think of a couple times that I've been yelled nasty stuff, or touched in some way, by other guys when I was with my man. I always defend myself, and whatever abuse I take, I give back twice as much- I don't give warnings, I let people know exactly what they did wrong when the do it. Especially in cases like this, where some fool either wants to embarass me or is drunk and thinks he's going to impress me. Guess what? He's the one that's going to get embarassed.

But back to how that affects the guy I am with- I admit that it puts him in a bad spot where he has to back me up after I have lost my temper or at least popped off on the guy. Once it worked out okay, the other time, not so much- my boyfriend got beaten up and I end up swinging my purse at the other guy's head until finally he leaves while I'm screaming at him.

What if my boyfriend had done or said nothing? Well in these cases, that would almost be impossible after I have already retaliated. That would basically be an example of my boyfriend not standing up for me, which would not be acceptable. I don't want him to get hurt, but if the guy comes after him, what is he supposed to do? I guess it could go down like Lois's boyfriend, and just take a beating and move on, but it never ends up that way.

I also admit that I enjoy feeling protected, that I'll be stood up for if somebody comes around and disrespects me, but to just start throwing punches to prove how hood he is, how much of a man he is? That's pretty stupid. But to defend me if he didn't start it- I admit that I'd rather him do so than just lay down and hope that nothing happens to me after he surrenders.

10 May 2010

Words? Not so important to me or hubby. In fact one guy made a rather crude comment a few years ago, and hubby just laughed at him and said "Jealous much?" A minor touch or grab, in a crowded place is harder to deal with. One time I felt a hand flat out grab my ass in a club we were at watching one of my favorite bands. I let it go, but afterwards I asked hubby about it and he busted out laughing. It was an all ages show, and he told me it was a kid of about twelve or thirteen years old!! Hubby said he was laughing too hard to do anything. If a guy makes a serious grab or something? Hubby can take care of himself fairly well and will stomp the guy. In his book, there are certain rules and limits we don't cross.
The funny thing is, in a reverse situation, I'm much more liable to fly off the handle and go for some woman making a comment about my man. If she dares to touch him? I'd probably kill the bitch. Yes, I'm way too possessive of my man and still insecure about myself.

"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere." - Groucho Marx

13 May 2010

I dated a gang member for awhile. If someone had touched me in front of him I would have been really afraid of what he might have done. Mexican men can be very agressive in situations like that. After having seen guys get beaten badly, I would not want to again. Id rather be groped and just be quiet about it.

13 May 2010

If it's only word I could care less, shooting him a "C'mon man!" look. Why let a stranger you don't care about affect your emotions.
If it gets touchy, I would act differently though, but the safety off my girl is what counts. If you run in foolishly, you leave your girl vulnerable too. And that's the last thing i would let happen.

1 Jun 2010

Just comments smart thing is to walk away. Both you and you man. Well my husband would take a lot of guidence from me to walk away.

Should it go further than comments, I am more than capable of making the jerk change his mind and wished he had been more respectful.

2 Jun 2010

I've received a lot of unwanted attention from strangers and it usually ended in me blowing up, not my boyfriend. But it really depends on the remark. But I find a man who can keep his cool after his woman has been shot a dirty comment is a man worthy of my time or any other woman.

19 Jun 2010

Personally, i don't condone violence. if the extent of the encounter was a simple dirty remark, i'd prefer to walk away from the situation and go somewhere else. if i was dating somone who felt the need to get involved in a physical altercation based on some rude, but ultimatly harmless, remark, i'd soon rethink my choice, wondering if i need to worry about him getting physically violent with me during a heated argument.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.