I bang the worst dudes Brief stories from hell....I love this site.
After a night of drinking, I go home with this guy I had casually slept with a couple times before. Previous instances of sex could never be completed due to an unfortunate male condition known as “whiskey dick.” MYSTERIOUSLY, his condition never appeared during rounds of BJs. To top it off, he had a soul patch – more like “this-is-the-only-fucking-place-on-my-face-I-can-grow-hair patch.” We ended up back in my room and before beginning the first minute of what was sure to be hours of ecstasy, and I decided to make a stop to the bathroom. When I re-entered my room, I was greeted by the most GOD.AWFUL. stench ever to reach my nostrils. It took everything I had not to vomit right there. I look at him tucked in my lovely, fluffy, clean bed…the hugest smile appears on his face as he begins to FLAP MY BED SHEETS UP AND DOWN while laughing and saying “Oh maaaan I REALLY had to fart.” I was unable to function due to shock and somehow managed to navigate through the cloud of sheer asshole and get into bed. Awkward groping began while that scene of him flapping my sheets replayed in my mind with the stench of 1000 rotting cabbages stuffed into dirty diapers still in my memory. Surprisingly, I couldn’t really get into it and even with gallons of lube at his disposal he offered a suggestion and asked- “Have you ever put it in there before?” and NODS at my back door. I declined, he urged.. and then i just turned over and pass out. I wish it was possible to burn memories.
I had just separated from my husband after 8 years together and I was looking for some pick-me-up sex. I wasn’t being picky, I was just looking for someone attractive, clean, and willing. Well I certainly had no problem finding a suitable gentleman, but his pubes were about 4 inches long and grew half way up his dick of approximately the same length. When I tried to ride him, his pelvis flopped around like a seizing fish out of water. I’m assuming he had forgotten my name, as he kept referring to me as “ohhhh, woman. WOMAN!” I faked an orgasm about 3 minutes in hoping it would turn him on enough to at least get him off and thus OUT of my house. Instead, he asked if he could take the rubber off now that I was finished so that he could get off as well. Um, no. Just. No.
I met this nutter through a mutual friend. He seemed nice and was alright looking so we started hanging out. One night, he invited me over to his place and we started fooling around. As so as his penis entered vagina, his speech changed to this lispy homosexual high pitched voice. He kept calling me ‘honey’ and talking dirty in a really unappealing way. He told me “your thighs are so thick” What woman in the world wants to hear that! I couldn’t hold it together and I asked him to take me home. He called for weeks, but I didn’t pick up.
* Most all of us have endured at least one really horrid date/night/short term affair...Either spill here - or post one on the site above and tell us about yours.
Damnit - may I have a mod assist to move this to the correct thread? arrrgh
Constant Gardener
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
