How do you handle not having sex for a long time?

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 2 Dec 2011

I had a sexless marriage for seven years. When I got out of it I was physically ill with emphysema and so the lack of sex has just carried on.
You learn to handle, but, I get times when I just want a soft body to hold and inter-act with. What happens then? I call on "Mrs Palmer
and her five daughters", of course with Lush and other stimuli to accompany me.

frogman1

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 2 Dec 2011

So I understand the question and alot of the advice, but what do you when you have tried to romance and make them feel sexy, But it doesn’t help?

Do you stay in the relationship for the love, maybe it's strong enough to handle it and what does the other person do to help satisfy their needs?

Will the other person be able to not feel less about themself for the other person taking care of his / her needs masturbating?

Is the other person willing to help the other person to reach that satisfaction no and then and stay in the relationship?

Or do you say what it is why they don't want to have sex, love, or whatever you want to call it and if not workable, do you walk away and give up what you built up in the relationship with emotions.
:dontknow Big Hugs

Espresso

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 2 Dec 2011

Quote by Dudealicious
I have actually lived out this scenario, I was in a sexless relationship for almost 5 years of my 10 year marriage. I am a very sexual person and started to wonder if it was me that was the cause of the problem. I asked on numerous occasions and was told that it was actually her that had the problem. I tried to be as understanding as I could but over time it became a friendship to me, not a relationship anymore.

Then one day hit, and I had enough of it. I called off the 10 year marriage and have found someone with a sex drive that equals mine....I have never looked back.

If there is no sex in a relationship, wouldn't it be just a friendship?

Thanks for this Dudealicious! I'm so glad you found a happier situation. Compatibility is a very real issue, isn't it?

I do indeed think sex is important in a marriage. Here's the thing - It's like a recipe for a cake. Each ingredients builds on the other. Each works to hold it together and give you that sweet creation you just want to devour. So is sex the cake or the icing? I think it's one or the other for some folks. That's the sex drive.

You can make substitutions for some things. There are reasons why people no longer have sex with their partner (especially if were on the same page before!!). And until that is dealt with it's like throwing a cup of salt in your cake batter. And I tell you, you don't want that on your dessert! Actually, it's not even a dessert anymore - it's bitter, the sweetness is gone and you will want to throw it out or hide it away or something.

Check out my tumblr and follow me: indecentespresso

Dudealicious

Wise Ass

0 likes 2 Dec 2011

Here's some of my own thoughts based on my experience.

Quote by frogman1
Do you stay in the relationship for the love, maybe it's strong enough to handle it and what does the other person do to help satisfy their needs?

That's why I stayed an additional 5 years, with my very high sex drive and without the intimacy I could have been living with a best friend.

Quote by frogman1
Will the other person be able to not feel less about themself for the other person taking care of his / her needs masturbating?

Without human touch from another person doesn't masturbation get a little mundane? Isn't the biggest sex organ your brain as well. It's not like I was stuck in traffic wondering which hand I was going to use to wank off later that night. Or if a lubed glove would produce a different sensation. Ohhh baby!

Isn't it more fun to plan out role plays etc with a partner? My ex didn't care if I masturbated, however she would have if I looked for sex outside of our marriage!

Quote by frogman1
Is the other person willing to help the other person to reach that satisfaction no and then and stay in the relationship?

Nope nor for me anyway. When one person in the relationship doesn't want sex and has to "help the person reach satisfaction" they start to resent the whole sexual act. Would you like to have to do something you didn't like? Not many people do.

Quote by frogman1
Or do you say what it is why they don't want to have sex, love, or whatever you want to call it and if not workable, do you walk away and give up what you built up in the relationship with emotions.

Yes for my well being and happiness I had to walk away. I was very lucky that we didn't have kids. She took a whack of fuckin cash in the divorce, but that can be replaced.

The night that changed my life, a four part series of a married man lusting after his co-worker

[URL=http://www.lushstories.com/stories/reluctance/the-night-that-changed-my-life-1.aspx][IMG]http://i.imgur.com/WPPsy.jpg[/IMG][/URL]

Guest

Lurker

0 likes 3 Dec 2011

I've been living this on and off for 12 years. I take care of the need. The bad part is the loss of the emotional tie, it does be come friendship like. Until the resentment starts to build.

Michael

Author

0 likes 4 Dec 2011

Quote by Espresso
What happens to you and the relationship when you go with out sex for awhile?

Sorry, if I wasn't clear before. I hope that helps.

Is the lack of sex due to falling out of love? If this is the situation, it is best to break it off, the sooner the better.

But if the lack of sex is for other reasons, it will only increase the desire. This will lead to frustration, which will cause friction within the relationship unless it is addressed.

The obvious action is to first identify why the relationship no longer includes sex, and take steps to remedy it.

evets3

Advanced Wordsmith

0 likes 23 Dec 2011

Get married and it then comes naturaly d'oh!

Magical_felix

Wild at Heart

0 likes 23 Dec 2011

Your favorite game becomes tug-o-war. And your favorite opponent becomes your dick.

Guest

Lurker

0 likes 23 Dec 2011

My man is away from home at least two weeks in every month. Working on the logic that what he doesn't know won't hurt him I have a married lover who himself needs total discretion. Living without sex can make me irritable, moody, even depressed sometimes and that's no life for anyone.

I love my man dearly but my body commands and dictates my physical needs. I do feel sorry for anyone who through necessity or otherwise has to forego the most powerful urge nature endowed us with.

Jane_Awsum

Advanced Wordsmith

0 likes 23 Dec 2011

Not well, not well at all.

TheDevilsWeakness

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 23 Dec 2011

I end up with alot of hobbies, sadly. I now know how to paint with watercolors and acrylics, make sculptures and write stories for Lush.

Michael_X

Advanced Wordsmith

0 likes 23 Dec 2011

After awhile I become kinda, Aggressive? When it comes to kissing and such. Then PDA (Public Desplay of Affection) gets kinda aggressive, like butt grabbing, grinding, etc. The sexual tension gets really high. But we usually don't have sex unless were really busy.

But if anything, she becomes.. sexier in a way? more desirable since I'm missing it.

"Do you want to live to work or work to live"

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing"

"Always hold you head up high, never come off weak"

Michael

Guest

Lurker

0 likes 24 Dec 2011

Being denied intimacy may cause resentment and a frustration that can send your man looking elsewhere. He may even at one point turn you off in his head so the lack of attention from you will have no effect and at that point he won't care about your feelings at all. If there is no sex in a relationship, wouldn't it be just a friendship instead of being lovers or partners?

Guest

Lurker

0 likes 3 Jan 2012

well if your like me and dont have sex it is a pain in the ass but i guess a lot of jacking off is how i stay somewhat sane from not having sex

Unknown User

0 likes 4 Jan 2012

I can't speak to dealing with a lack of sex within a relationship because that has never happened to me.

Outside relationships in the land of Singledom, I can say that a healthy diet of Lush (and other erotica websites), my own imagination, writing sexy stories, porn, and copious amounts of masturbation are what I rely on. The occasional fuck-buddy helps that also.

Espresso

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 5 Jan 2012

Quote by Michael_X
After awhile I become kinda, Aggressive? When it comes to kissing and such. Then PDA (Public Desplay of Affection) gets kinda aggressive, like butt grabbing, grinding, etc. The sexual tension gets really high. But we usually don't have sex unless were really busy.

But if anything, she becomes.. sexier in a way? more desirable since I'm missing it.

That's an interesting response. You better not tell her though, she may have you wait longer so she can be more attractive to you! lol

Check out my tumblr and follow me: indecentespresso

SigurdOokami

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 5 Jan 2012

I've yet to have the pleasure because of my own personal beliefs, so from the age of consent in my country to now means I've been without for 6 years. I find however that if I keep busy I don't even care or feel the need to masturbate, though I still do because its fun, and yes I know that its different for people who have been having it regularly only for it to stop, but I only know what I know.

This post comes to you from the original and highly disorganised mind of mine...be scared, I certainly am, lol

Guest

Lurker

0 likes 7 Jan 2012

i my self is in a LDR, but i am faithful i have never cheated and i never will.In matter of attraction between us it gets really really hotter. The moment u see each other next , you wont be able to lay off of each other.On cons yes u do get jealous way too much and that is bad,if u dont commit to keep the relationship alive its a lost cause

ItsJustMeIsAll

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 7 Jan 2012

I take matters into my own hands. lol Watch alot of porn read alot of stories and fantasize a bunch.. However nothing beats the real deal

cougarlovers

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 23 Jan 2012

In my case there is a lot of other things that can be also kinda of help.Watching some porn and having some voyeur eye can be helpful

yocowboy

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 13 Feb 2012

Quote by Dudealicious
I have actually lived out this scenario, I was in a sexless relationship for almost 5 years of my 10 year marriage. I am a very sexual person and started to wonder if it was me that was the cause of the problem. I asked on numerous occasions and was told that it was actually her that had the problem. I tried to be as understanding as I could but over time it became a friendship to me, not a relationship anymore.

Then one day hit, and I had enough of it. I called off the 10 year marriage and have found someone with a sex drive that equals mine....I have never looked back.

If there is no sex in a relationship, wouldn't it be just a friendship?

THis is correct. Living in one now

Guest

Lurker

0 likes 13 Feb 2012

I think I get a bit grouchy....and find more reasons to masturbate than otherwise

sprite

Her Royal Spriteness

0 likes 13 Feb 2012

umm... i just make sure not to go without sex for a long time? what does everyone else consider long? like a week, right? Embarassed

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

Guest

Lurker

0 likes 13 Feb 2012

jerk off......a lot!. haha My girlfriend live about 150 miles away, some wouldn't consider that far, but I work about 6.5 days a week at 12-14 hr shifts. I don't get a chance to see her very often. I am lucky to get 2 days off a month. So I go a while at a time without sex and to cope, I have to masturbate when the need arises and the stress builds up.gotta do what you gotta do.

mare24

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 13 Feb 2012

Find alternatives.

Guest

Lurker

0 likes 13 Feb 2012

Quote by sprite
what does everyone else consider long? like a week, right?

Yes

Actual conversation with the boyfriend a couple of days ago during sex:

Me: God, we haven't had sex in AGES.
Him: ........Um, baby, it was a week ago.

d'oh!