Sometime ago, I posted how I wanted an affair, because I no longer found my wife physically attractive (she is easily 75 pounds overweight). Someone advised to "grow a pair" and get a divorce. So I spoke with a lawyer and here's the breakdown:
600 Child support (alternative weekends, alternate holidays, two weekdays/mo)
300 Alimony
400 Extra cost in medical insurance (Women have more health problems than men, so
I am on her policy and get $400/mo cash as my employer doesn't have to pay for heath coverage)
100 Extra tax (lost of deduction for children/home mortgage interest)
1000 Rent in my new place
100 Extra commuting costs (I could pay less if I moved closed to work/kids, but my rent would
be higher).
2500 Total or $1250 "a ball"
Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
Well then cheat on your wife. Live a lie for the rest of your life. And don't think new, thinner woman on the side isn't going to cost you a pretty penny. Think about the getaways. The expensive dinners. The gifts you're going to get her, because, let's face it, you're gonna get her gifts. Hotel rooms aren't always cheap year-round. Unless the new side piece will be into the sleazy motel scene. If she is, you may wanna rethink tapping that. She's gonna demand to see you when you can't explain your absence to your wife and kids. The kids are gonna know, because kids always sense these things, no matter how well you think you conceal it. So their Christmas gifts are gonna be a bit more expensive. Because the guilt will eat at you, and you'll try to compensate for it. Speaking of kids, if the other woman has them, you'll be spending money on them as well, unless she's married, which I doubt will be the case. You'll have to do birthdays, Valentine's Day, and Christmas for both of these women. Unless of course you plan on not giving a shit about your wife.
The inevitable will happen. Your wife will find out you're being unfaithful. Your kids will wonder, "How could dad do this to us?" Yes. They won't see it as something you're doing because you can't fathom being with your wife. They will take it quite personal. They will question their self-worth and why they weren't good enough for you. You cheat on her, you cheat on them too. Sure, you just might get visitation. But what kid wants to spend time with a cheating father and his mistress? Meanwhile, your wife will tap into that hidden strength that most women don't know they have until they need it the most. She will realize that she's hit rock bottom and her husband abandoned her when she needed him the most. She'll do what she needs to do and leave you. And live her life because her kids need her. And you'll still get that nasty divorce. Eventually, that whole grass in greener cliche will ring a bell somewhere in the back of your mind, but you'll probably be too far gone.
Moral of the story: Double lives can cost you a lot in the long run, and I don't just mean money. So ponder that while you fret over your $2500 balls.
"What is the quality of your intent?" - Thurgood Marshall
I'm confused, is this supposed to make us sympathetic? Because if this makes me feel anything, it's just sorry for the wife.
Honestly, you need to sit with your wife and have a conversation with her to let her know how you feel.
You said she gained a significant amount of weight and you don't find her attractive anymore. Was the only reason you married her because you were physically attracted to her? If there were other reasons then maybe you need to remind yourself of those reasons.
Did she sacrifice her figure having your children? Women have a tendency to gain weight from being pregnant and if she did because she carried your babies then you need to cut her some slack.
On a side note, are you still the same physical specimen that you were when you married your wife? I believe it is easier for men to keep from gaining weight as they get older than it is for women but I could be wrong.
In the end, I agree with One_Winged_Angel. If your post makes me feel anything, I feel sympathy for your wife.
I'm sorry dude, but boo-fucking-hoo.
Cheating isn't the answer, and SlipperyWhenWet said it best, I do think.
Either way, you'll get fucked, and not the good kind.
Cheating is never the answer.
I vote for the someone who advised you to "grow a pair". But that may not mean what you think it means.
Here is more of the story:
About seven years my wife had gastric bypass surgery. Just last year we paid off the $20,000 ($20,000 that could go have gone to the kids' college fund if she hadn't been 200 pounds overweight!). She lost a good deal of weight, but has gained, conservatively 75 pounds back.
I have been her through all surgeries afterward, been with her when her mom died, listened to her when she got a new boss she didn't like etc. I have been emotionally supportive to her. When I've needed support, sometimes she has been there for me, other times she hasn't.
I am an active dad and a "modern" husband. I'm usually the one that takes the kids to the dentists and to school in the morning. She handles the doctor's appts and the clothes shopping. If she cooks, I clean up. If I cook, sometime she cleans sometimes I do. I do all the yardwork and 50% plus of the inside chores. I am better to her than a lot of husbands.
Last Christmas we bought an expensive exercise machine. . The model she wanted. She has used it twice. I use it 2 times a week plus go the gym once a week (or more). I'm not a perfect physical speceim, but I'm not completely out of shape either.
Why, if I'm a good to her and good to myself, do I have to take the financial hit? IF she had to take the financial hit, which only seems fair to me because I'm not the one with the weight problem, I would divorce her today.
If I cheat and get caught, dhe won't tell the kids. I changed too many diapers, helped with too much homework, went to too many open houses (she only made to about half of them) for her to turn the kids against me.
Sorry but it's called marriage and life. It's the risk you take when you get married. And when you get married you are never promised that everything will be a bed of roses. A lot of us have gone through divorces and we dealt with it. Almost 4 years after my divorce (by the way I didn't want it she did) I am still paying my wife alimony. And I will until she remarries. It's life. You deal with it and go on.
You sound like you are looking for permission or justification to cheat on your wife. Ultimately this is YOUR choice to make and as for your kids and her turning them against you, keep in mind kids grow up to have their own thoughts and opinions. They learn by what they see. They may not realize if they are young that you left because their mom was overweight and you were no longer attracted to her BUT they will understand when they are older. Things will be noticed and said and at times those things that are not said are more powerful. Bottom line is, kids are not stupid. They will find out if you cheat and you wont have to worry about your wife turning them against you, you will have successfully done that all on your own.
There had to be something there more then physical attraction in the first place for you to get married and have kids. Stop being so shallow and remember that with age, people's body and chemistry change. If you love her and are IN love with her then you owe it to your kids to work it out somehow. If you do not, well then part ways now and move on. Your kids will respect that decision more in the long run then knowing dad couldn't keep in his pants and felt his own pleasure was above their welfare and happiness.
All you will earn is the dickhead dad award. Do you really want that? As for the cost of your 'growing a pair', you've successfully shown you indeed do not possess any nor a spine.
Bottom Line.........Balls $1250 each, Character, Morals and most of all...Loyalty.......Priceless
Marriage is a partnership and an investment. Why get married if you're not dedicated for the long haul? It has to be an equal partnership.
It sounds like you are looking for an excuse to get out. You could've got her interested in physical fitness and the both of you work out together. maybe she should see the doctor about losing weight. It is not healthy to be overweight.
But to me, being a man, means dedication, sacrifice, hard work, and most of all loyalty.
If you're saying she gained 200lbs as an adult, post-marriage - that is not normal. It's either health related (thyroid/medication) or mental health related (depression/food-addiction). This is where that 'for better or worse' bit comes into play. Or if you handle what you signed up for, then take the financial hit for your mistake and get on with your life and let her get on with hers.
Divorce is pretty standard these days and some of the finances you laid out (rent, commuting etc) are basically just part of being single. It's a small price to pay for your freedom over the long haul. Cheating does hurt and if you get caught, your cost breakdown will probably get a lot uglier with the divorce settlement.
Beyond the cheating, hearing "I am miserable because you got fat, but I stuck it out with you only because I'm too cheap to get a divorce" would hurt me way more than an affair. Save up the cash over the next year, sell a few things if you have to so that you have a $-cushion and go your separate ways. You'll both be happier in the long-run and your kids won't be subjected to the issues resulting from parents that dislike each other or cheat on each other. Good luck.
just so you know most women lose weight and start taking care of themselves much better after getting rid of the annoying husband who thinks cheating is a solution- so go ahead and divorce her.. it'll be the best thing that ever happened to her.
After reading your second post I will admit I do feel a bit more sympathetic to you but I think cheating on your wife will only make matters worse.
I think the best thing you could do is get into some sort of joint counciling. There are various health and emotional reasons that could have caused your wife's weight gain. Your wife is more aware of her weight gain than you are. If the two of you got counciling she might address any emotional issues she has and get things under control.
I admittedly don't know your wife's side of the story but I am not going to jump onto the "Let's all abuse Hasabrain for being stupid and selfish" bandwagon. You need help, not abuse.
So after the divorce you get a fake SS number and a new name. Fuckin rookie.
So, instead of looking into your own feelings, your wife's feelings and maybe, just maybe discussing this with her, you are looking for vindication from a bunch of strangers on the internet? Good call! I think I know part of your marital problems.
On a serious note, the best marriage advice I ever received was this: every person in a marriage thinks they give more than the other person.
A few years into our marriage my wife had some health problems that put her out of action for many months, she begged me to fine someone to get laid with but I said after she got well we would see. It can down to us with another couple, and we all agreed it had it appeal to be with someone else. we never played without us being together and it was only when we were feeling our sex life was getting in a rut, we would agree to find someone or do something kinky like checking out the gloryholes at the xxx theater.
Hire a escort once a month and a cheap hotel ?♂️. Problem solved
You want one of us young, vapid, size 0 sluts to throw you some pussy or something? You clearly expected a certain response but I'm electing to go in the opposite direction. All I can do is feel for your wife that she has to deal with your sorry ass. She gained weight okay so what? When you said "I do" you accepted her no matter fucking what. All the bullshit you're saying about being a "modern husband" by taking care of your kids and participating in the general upkeep of a home YOU CREATED, is literally the BARE minimum that's required of the head of the household, but it doesn't make you a man. Being a man is supporting the ones who depend on you no matter what. My father always told me that marriage is all about the possibility that one day your partner could get into an accident one day and lose both legs, or became a quadriplegic, or have their face was scarred beyond recognition, would you still love them? Now nobody is REQUIRED to deal with something they don't want to, but don't expect others to provide justification for your bullshit. I'll pray for your wife tonight.
