Project Semi Colon: Lush Style

Quote by etairay



Good morning beautiful reader ..know you are enough, beautiful soul .. tight polar bear hug from me to you ..bring it in group hug ..stay strong and positive ..keep pushing forward ??

Quote by etairay





Good morning, you ..have a supadupa amazing week ..tight huggles you all ..stay amazing ..keep pushing forward ??

Quote by vanessa26
I have been meaning to come in here....I just always put it off
but with this month being a insanly bad month for me...I thought why not

( I apologize for how long this in advance )

Quote by vanessa26
I have been meaning to come in here....I just always put it off
but with this month being a insanly bad month for me...I thought why not

( I apologize for how long this in advance )


At the end of this month, I'll have been dealing with PTSD for 13 years
each year around this time I just start to beat myself up..because I have wasted so much time
being in a cage...Its basically like the people who made you a victim also gave you a prison sentence..

Its a bit of a long story ( I'll go into most but not all )
but when I was a teenager I went for a walk with a friend in the park
we went every day so I felt safe and like nothing would happen
but we got followed by a group of people in a car, Who tried to hit us
I had a temper and I yelled and basically that was the last time in my life I ever really raised my voice
They got out there were about 5 of them and I froze, I didnt really know what to do
and before I knew it I was getting beaten, stomped and kicked
I must have blacked out at some point when I woke one of them had a knife to my throat
but then I blacked out again and when I woke the next time they were gone and paramedics were waking me
they told me that they were driving by and saw what was happening and stopped
had they not happened by at that very minute I would probably be dead
as for my friend she never once tried to help me, and it was only more recently that I found it in me to forgive her
I realize she must have been scared...
but because of that it took about 9 years for me to start allowing people back into my life...and to this day I still don't trust people and find myself constantly on guard just waiting to be attacked..Its a miserable existence
I don't sleep most the time, Sounds scare me, if anyone comes up behind me I have a panic attack
I'm beyond awkward out in public, I only more recently started making eye contact again.


When this finally went to court It went no where, I was told that I probably deserved it, and after some pushing I dropped it.
these people have continued over the years to do similiar things to other people and they have not once gotten in trouble for it.

My depression was bad long before that incident though, I have dealt with it for as long as I can remember
my first suicide attempt was at age 12, next was at 15, I usually have to wear long sleeves when I go out or pile on the bracelets.
It was a long time before the next one..which was last summer, I was going through a lot and trying to deal on my own
and I just couldn't handle it so I tried again but my mom found me...and so I am still here.

Sometimes I find that I am very happy with living but most days, I just close my eyes and hope that tomorrow never comes
( Sorry I know that was dark )

So this month is hard..I keep trying to distract myself but I am not able to completely do so..I just wonder if I would have been fucked up no matter what or if I would have actually lived a normal existence had none of that happened...

I'll end there, and I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read that.

Quote by vanessa26
I have been meaning to come in here....I just always put it off
but with this month being a insanly bad month for me...I thought why not


I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read that.

Quote by kiera
How is everyone? Sorry I haven't been about much but remember I'm always able to see my inbox if you need to talk.

I've been a bit down in the dumps. A friend of mines husband hit on me a while back. It upset me; I spoke to Rach about it at the time, I thought I'd made it pretty clear that I wasn't interested. I gave him the benefit of the doubt because it hadn't happened before and well because any form of confrontation with men is something I avoid.

Just over a week ago he did it again but didn't beat around the bush; he outright asked me to fuck him. You know, there's just something about me, his wife doesn't understand him like I do because they have nothing in common like we do (he means that we both take our sons to football) he's never considered cheating on his wife before and blah. I refused obviously, but he wouldn't drop it. Somehow I ended up apologising because I wouldn't have this affair with him he wanted to have.

I mean WTF? Now I feel so shit. Firstly he insulted me by asking, didn't give a fuck about what would happen if I had and we got caught because you always do and he would be just fine, I would be blamed for it all. The widow with no man, so she steals someone elses. I didn't fucking stand up for myself because it's ingrained in me to keep the peace and not rock the boat lest I be beaten the shit out of or worse.

I really thought I'd come so far. I haven't had a drink in well over two years, and everyone knows that was my coping mechanism before Paul died. I haven't had a panic attack in just as long, and now, I feel anxious a lot of the time. He talked about popping over, even after I absolutely said no, and sorry he said he'd call me in the morning. I feel stupid and weak tbh. I'd like to think that if/when he starts up again I will stand my ground but the evidence of me not being able to is overwhelming.

I'll be ok; Rach has been there for me, keeping up my spirits with movie nights and telling me I'm beautiful inside and out and that I still would be even if I were green. Shit like that is what helps; not many people would accept me if I were green. She also said she wants to strip him naked, smother him in honey and tie him to an anthill. She's a true friend.

Anyway, I'll be fine. I have to be my kids need me.

On a better note, I haven't been around much this year because my son was taking his SAT's so we were really busy with that. He aced them and got into the school we wanted so most things really are ok. I just didn't need this shit with the married bloke is all.

Quote by vanessa26
I have been meaning to come in here....I just always put it off
but with this month being a insanly bad month for me...I thought why not

( I apologize for how long this in advance )


At the end of this month, I'll have been dealing with PTSD for 13 years
each year around this time I just start to beat myself up..because I have wasted so much time
being in a cage...Its basically like the people who made you a victim also gave you a prison sentence..

Its a bit of a long story ( I'll go into most but not all )
but when I was a teenager I went for a walk with a friend in the park
we went every day so I felt safe and like nothing would happen
but we got followed by a group of people in a car, Who tried to hit us
I had a temper and I yelled and basically that was the last time in my life I ever really raised my voice
They got out there were about 5 of them and I froze, I didnt really know what to do
and before I knew it I was getting beaten, stomped and kicked
I must have blacked out at some point when I woke one of them had a knife to my throat
but then I blacked out again and when I woke the next time they were gone and paramedics were waking me
they told me that they were driving by and saw what was happening and stopped
had they not happened by at that very minute I would probably be dead
as for my friend she never once tried to help me, and it was only more recently that I found it in me to forgive her
I realize she must have been scared...
but because of that it took about 9 years for me to start allowing people back into my life...and to this day I still don't trust people and find myself constantly on guard just waiting to be attacked..Its a miserable existence
I don't sleep most the time, Sounds scare me, if anyone comes up behind me I have a panic attack
I'm beyond awkward out in public, I only more recently started making eye contact again.


When this finally went to court It went no where, I was told that I probably deserved it, and after some pushing I dropped it.
these people have continued over the years to do similiar things to other people and they have not once gotten in trouble for it.

My depression was bad long before that incident though, I have dealt with it for as long as I can remember
my first suicide attempt was at age 12, next was at 15, I usually have to wear long sleeves when I go out or pile on the bracelets.
It was a long time before the next one..which was last summer, I was going through a lot and trying to deal on my own
and I just couldn't handle it so I tried again but my mom found me...and so I am still here.

Sometimes I find that I am very happy with living but most days, I just close my eyes and hope that tomorrow never comes
( Sorry I know that was dark )

So this month is hard..I keep trying to distract myself but I am not able to completely do so..I just wonder if I would have been fucked up no matter what or if I would have actually lived a normal existence had none of that happened...

I'll end there, and I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read that.

Quote by vanessa26
I have been meaning to come in here....I just always put it off
but with this month being a insanly bad month for me...I thought why not

Quote by GraceW
My #2 husband, the shit, was nearly the last man who touched me. I found some wonderful people who helped me realise my path lay with women, and 40 years ago I came out.

I get depressed sometimes when I remember what I went through with #2. I was once diagnosed with depression and prescribed Prozac. Prozac fucked me up physically and mentally. I mean REALLY fucked me up. After three days I realised that no matter how depressed I got it wasn't going to be worse than this. Probably my depression is mild compared to that which some of you live with, I consider myself very lucky indeed on that count.

I had been getting depressed recently, I think 17 years without sex may have contributed to it. I found Lush three months ago by complete chance. Talking to people has been the most wonderful therapy I could ever wish for, and cybersex, while not perfect, has proved to be very helpful too. Not only has my mental state improved, but it has had a physical effect on my husband, giving me hope that he will one day be able to leave these four walls with me.

I am a tart, by the way. To me, there is no such thing as too much sex. That there is any sex in my life at all is amazing. I am truly grateful to the founders and staff of lush for creating a haven for people who need people. May your Gods bless you all and bless those who are helping me regain myself.

PS: Men, I'm sorry I'm hard on you. Most of you don't deserve my scorn and abuse, and I'm learning to separate the wheat from the chaff.

Quote by GraceW
My #2 husband, the shit, was nearly the last man who touched me. I found some wonderful people who helped me realise my path lay with women, and 40 years ago I came out.

I get depressed sometimes when I remember what I went through with #2. I was once diagnosed with depression and prescribed Prozac. Prozac fucked me up physically and mentally. I mean REALLY fucked me up. After three days I realised that no matter how depressed I got it wasn't going to be worse than this. Probably my depression is mild compared to that which some of you live with, I consider myself very lucky indeed on that count.

I had been getting depressed recently, I think 17 years without sex may have contributed to it. I found Lush three months ago by complete chance. Talking to people has been the most wonderful therapy I could ever wish for, and cybersex, while not perfect, has proved to be very helpful too. Not only has my mental state improved, but it has had a physical effect on my husband, giving me hope that he will one day be able to leave these four walls with me.

I am a tart, by the way. To me, there is no such thing as too much sex. That there is any sex in my life at all is amazing. I am truly grateful to the founders and staff of lush for creating a haven for people who need people. May your Gods bless you all and bless those who are helping me regain myself.

PS: Men, I'm sorry I'm hard on you. Most of you don't deserve my scorn and abuse, and I'm learning to separate the wheat from the chaff.

Quote by sprite
Kiera's a tart too.

Quote by sprite
being a little crazy on occasion works for me

Quote by LYFBUZ
I'd like to believe most decent guys ...

Quote by kiera
How is everyone? Sorry I haven't been about much but remember I'm always able to see my inbox if you need to talk.

I've been a bit down in the dumps. A friend of mines husband hit on me a while back. It upset me; I spoke to Rach about it at the time, I thought I'd made it pretty clear that I wasn't interested. I gave him the benefit of the doubt because it hadn't happened before and well because any form of confrontation with men is something I avoid.

Just over a week ago he did it again but didn't beat around the bush; he outright asked me to fuck him. You know, there's just something about me, his wife doesn't understand him like I do because they have nothing in common like we do (he means that we both take our sons to football) he's never considered cheating on his wife before and blah. I refused obviously, but he wouldn't drop it. Somehow I ended up apologising because I wouldn't have this affair with him he wanted to have.

I mean WTF? Now I feel so shit. Firstly he insulted me by asking, didn't give a fuck about what would happen if I had and we got caught because you always do and he would be just fine, I would be blamed for it all. The widow with no man, so she steals someone elses. I didn't fucking stand up for myself because it's ingrained in me to keep the peace and not rock the boat lest I be beaten the shit out of or worse.

I really thought I'd come so far. I haven't had a drink in well over two years, and everyone knows that was my coping mechanism before Paul died. I haven't had a panic attack in just as long, and now, I feel anxious a lot of the time. He talked about popping over, even after I absolutely said no, and sorry he said he'd call me in the morning. I feel stupid and weak tbh. I'd like to think that if/when he starts up again I will stand my ground but the evidence of me not being able to is overwhelming.

I'll be ok; Rach has been there for me, keeping up my spirits with movie nights and telling me I'm beautiful inside and out and that I still would be even if I were green. Shit like that is what helps; not many people would accept me if I were green. She also said she wants to strip him naked, smother him in honey and tie him to an anthill. She's a true friend.

Anyway, I'll be fine. I have to be my kids need me.

On a better note, I haven't been around much this year because my son was taking his SAT's so we were really busy with that. He aced them and got into the school we wanted so most things really are ok. I just didn't need this shit with the married bloke is all.

Quote by sprite


we all ask the "what ifs". really, you'll never know. would you have been 'this fucked up' if nothing had happened? probably not - it does fuck you up and turn you upside down and inside out, but yeah, get rid of the what ifs. they'll just drive you a little crazy. something i've realized from my own experiences. we spend a lot of time beating ourselves up for being weak, being messed up, being cowards. living with what you went through? that's not weak. making it to this point, sharing it, that takes strength. it's not easy dealing with being scared all the time. i went through that for a good long while, i know. get freaked out by little things, going to the store to pick up cat food was hard - lotsa times just sat in the parking lot and cried, then went home without cat food. Cats were NOT impressed. so i sold them, got better ones... errr...

anyway, you work at getting a little better. it's slow. it's never all at once. you never forget that shit, but you do your best to move on, and part of that is opening up to others, which is scary as fuck, too. thanks for letting us in. just so you know, you ever need an ear, you're always welcome in here, and you're always welcome to PM me, or BB me (gonna send you a friend request, if you'd like, accept, and you can hit me up whenever you feel the need). i won't always have answers, but i'll always listen and know that you're loved in here.

xx
rachel

Quote by sprite


you're in good company. Kiera's a tart too. *giggles* glad you're finding your way, Grace. i did the drugs for a bit - hated them with a passion. like you, i think they fucked me up as much as they helped me. being a little crazy on occasion works for me, so i deal with the downs and enjoy the ups as they come and go. you're always welcome here - glad you found us, too.

hugs and love,
rach

Quote by NEwaythewindblows
In my opinion, this jerk is nothing more than a walking, breathing, cheating, piece of garbage!, That should be taken out behind the barn, and shown some proper manners...
And then, he should be tied over an anthill (fire ants preferably ) and doused in honey!!!

Quote by NEwaythewindblows


Friend, I'm extremely sorry for your loss and for your current situation. I'm still new here and I don't really know you yet. But, I pray for life to give you strength to keep moving forward, and shield you from temptation, and all evil...
I can tell you that the ONLY one that should be feeling guilty is that selfish poor excuse to the male gender...( In other words PIG!!)

Any REAL man knows that NO means NO!!! Besides a gentleman would NEVER prey on a persons vulnerabilities.
In my opinion, this jerk is nothing more that a walking, breathing, cheating, piece of garbage!, That should be taken out behind the barn, and shown some proper manors...
And then, he should be tied over an anthill (fire ants preferably ) and doused in honey!!!

Don't EVER feel guilty with yourself, instead be angry at that worthless cheating Casanova want to be!

Although it may seems impossible at this moment, Try your very best to Stand strong, and be proud yourself, Because you're worth it!

How that we deal with adversity in our lives DOES make us stronger...

Perhaps someone should even consider mentioning this problem to his wife, because he sure-in-hell doesn't deserve her either...

Friend, please take my next words to heart," There is Absolutely NO ONE on this earth that IS any BETTER than YOU are!" Say it, and Believe it!

Try to remain confident in the knowledge that you have MANY friend that care about you, and will try their very best to always be there for you when you need them to be... Lean on us because we are there for you...
" Highest Regards, and Best Wishes"

Quote by kiera


Thank you, this really means a lot.

I did consider telling his wife when he first did it, Rach can vouch for that. I decided against it though because people so often shoot the messenger. I pretty much stopped hanging around with her after that. I know to some I might sound silly for being upset over this but I've spent the last 2.5 years picking up the pieces of what was the clusterfuck of my life, and I've been doing it well. I'm nowhere near ready for another relationship and never with a married man.

Thanks again, I really appreciate this xo

Quote by GraceW


You are right, we tarts always get the blame. She would ask him and he would say "That dumb fucking broad is lying honey, she came on to me. I think she wants to break us up. You know I love you." Or something equally preposterous. In my case, the "widower's" wife tried to stab me for my troubles.

So yes, stay away from the lying sack if at all possible, and maybe keep a cricket bat handy. Practice that rising swing. Go for the nuts. Always go for the nuts.

Quote by GraceW


Hi Sweetie.

You've got this all arranged in your mind, don't you? First chance you get you're on it, right?