Lush Limericks

Hamlet was a Dane who was nuts
Stabbed his friend's dad in the guts
By a ghost he was guided
His girlfriend suicided
All in all, that prince was a putz.

There once was a lonely hillbilly

Whose hand was attached to his willy—

Each day, he cried, “Oh!

I can’t let you go!”

And yanked himself till he went silly.

There once was a woman whose pussy

Gave such joy that it made her feel woozy.

She collapsed in a heap

And fell fast asleep

And on waking was still very oozy.

There once was a woman whose cunt

Was so cozy it made all the men grunt

“I’ve cornered the market!

You know where to park it!“

She said to each new horny runt.

A whore, who came down from Katroo

Filled her vagina with glue

She said with a grin,

"If they pay to get in,

"Then they'll pay to get out again, too!"

Quite nude she walked down the stairs

Her intent she implicitly declares

What's on her mind

Is clearly defined

She's the answer to all of my prayers

An evening with Sandra and P:

Sandra, from work, played hooky.

They hugged and they kissed,

Then more (add some bliss).

The evening forged in mem'ry.

I met a young girl who is pretty

Slim, pale and perky of titty.

She said "I don't do guys"

Which came as a surprise

Since, at that moment, I was sucking her clitty.

.

With her thighs either side of my face

She rocked herself, setting the pace

She said "I think it's wrong

"It's not where I belong

"But keep sucking my clit, just in case."

.

She reached her peak in a trice

Cumming not once but twice

She said "I'd be rude

Not to show gratitude"

So she gave me a tug. Which was nice.

There once was a man whose erection

Shone like the sun’s own reflection.

When asked, “How do you…”

He said, “All I do

Is rub it in every direction!”

For her Zoom meeting she wore naught down under

So beneath her desk I knelt in wonder

Her legs were spread

To cradle my head

As participants thought "what the thunder!?"

The sunrise was painting the sky

She opened her eyes and said "Hi,

Last night was fun

But we've just begun

We've got much more we can try"

There once was a young man whose thing

Doubled in length every spring

When his lovers said WHOA

He swung it to and fro

And said, “That’s just my sweet ding-a-ling!”

King Dick the third is the gent

Who Springs forward in Lent.

But, alas and alack,

In six months he falls back

For a winter of discontent.

There is this horny dicalguy

Who all the lesbians asked why

Seduce the straight girls

Caress their pubic curls

To their wet pussy’s your tongue apply

There was a young woman whose bunch

Was so sweet she used it to make punch.

One day a young heir

Cried, “My glass has a hair!”

She smiled, “That comes with Bunch Punch!”

The challenge too great to ignore

He caused a Lesbian uproar

With his sly wit

Seeking picts of each tit

But slim chances of ever a score

Rob indeed is persistant

Going on and on in a rant

But alas , he won't win

He never gets in

Tries hard but he just cant

.

Still he keeps on trying

But the girls just aren't buying

They'll tease and pretend

But, then in the end

Rob is always left crying

He's an optimistic boy

With boundless wiles to employ

Those tears Cas mentions

From countless abstentions

May, one day, be tears of joy.

There once was a man from Hewett

Whose dong was so big he could chew it.

He munched and he munched

Till he heard something crunch.

He cried, “Ack! Perhaps I should stew it.”

A feisty young lady appeared

Wanting a lot, so I feared

Insatiable needs

She clearly concedes

I'm glad that I volunteered

We looked into the bedroom window

and watched Susan Osbourne put a show

on in front of Jim Rock

while he played with his cock

before letting her give it a blow.

There was a young cocksman whose glans

Was too big to be grasped by his hands.

He bought a big wrench

and gave it a clench

but then spurted all over his pants.

There once was a woman whose muffin

Badly needed a stuffin’.

When she looked around

At all the unfocused clowns,

She gave Mr. Dildo a buffin’.

Quote by sirius38

There once was a woman whose muffin

Badly needed a stuffin’.

When she looked around

At all the unfocused clowns,

She gave Mr. Dildo a buffin’.

I've totally been there. Lol

There once was a girl whose vajeen

Smelled just like a chicken tagine.

Her love gave a sniff,

Said “Ah, what’s the diff?”

And proceeded with haste to dig in.

There once was a man whose schlong,

When he came, made a very loud bong.

You could set your clock

By the sound of his cock,

And forget that the day was so long.

Quote by Sandra47

There once was a FriskyFlower.

He has a specific power. 

He shows me his meat.

It feels oh so sweet,

And he makes me scream for hours.

.

This Flower was quite a surprise,

When he held my smoldering eyes.

He’d lift up my feet 

And bite on my seat. 

So cruel, that the time always flies.

.

FriskyFlower was so adept.

My flower would always accept.

That lick felt so good,

He sucked that hot hood.

The bite on my clit… I just leapt!

.

The treatment offered, quite royal.

My body was starting to boil.

I was so ready,

My hips thrust up steady, 

My juices flowed like sweet oil.

.

The hunger grew deep in my core.

I could not help but want more.

I bit his hard chest,

Pushed him back for a rest, 

Then proceeded to coax his roar. 

.

Our passion was turning to fight.

This lust was becoming a sight.

His body was fire,

I felt the desire.

My mouth on his cock; he took flight.

.

His hard dick behind me, I need.

I enjoy the thrusting, hot feed.

His hips bucking hard,

In my luscious backyard.

My pussy to take his thick seed. 

.

Our passion's excitingly wild,

To think that it started quite mild.

Our eyes in the mirror,

As if to see clearer,

I was completely beguiled.

.

The battle is somewhat hard won.

My body and his become one.

The slap of our skin,

I feel it within.

The tremors of synchronous cum.

 .

Writhing and panting - A wreck!

I felt that hot kiss on my neck.

My body just melted,

More than I expected.

He caused the desired effect.

.

Caressing in dying twilight.

As day submits to dark night.

We lay in the bed,

His chest holds my head.

Legs tangled and bodies wrapped tight.

"The tremors of synchronous cum." Ha, ha...yeah....fun and well done....quite creatively spun.....thanks for this..hun! 😘

There once was a woman from Shloss

Whose vadge made its own special sauce.

She poured it on steak

And mixed it into cake,

And all her guests called her “the Boss.”

There once was a woman from Kent

Whose orgasms came like they went

Such was her power

That two hundred an hour

Was “a slow day,” she’d say, hardly spent.

There once was a man whose John Thomas

Had the precise texture of hummus.

His wife just said “Fine!”

And ate it with wine

And many delicious thingummies.