Lush Limericks

I’ll attest to Lynn’s preference for femme

I’ve tried and suggested, ahem,

That we meet offsite

For a noon delight

But the whole idea she condemned.

Who cares if you're AC, or DC, or even FM

As long as you're pounding again and again

In any hole you can find

Even if it is a bit of a bind

With a guy, gal, frog, or even a fem!

James want to bury his pole

And the pronoun rigmarole

Just slows his advances.

He'll take his chances

He knows "any hole is the goal."

A Polar's more than just bare

When he goes out on a bit of a tear

He does licks and he sucks

With his prick he does fucks

Into any passerby's derrièrre!

There once was a student from Gloucester

Whose sports-star beau cheated and lost her

With revenge as her aim

She stayed after the game

And fucked everyone else on the roster

Some photos I took with my webcam

To send to a lady in Birmingham

But an error occurred

To Rob they transferred

Fortunately they went by

Telegrams I could endorse

But Lynn sends her pictures by Morse

And, what is more,

She'll use semaphore

For the most revealing, of course

Perhaps smoke signals should be the norm

To send picts of a feminine form

Though coughing a lot

They might be hot

Or just get doused out in a storm

My pre-dawn morning sasses

Cavorting naked out in the grasses

Might be curtailed

And even derailed

'Cause Rob bought night vision glasses

Springsteen said he was Born To Run

Lauper said Girls Wanna Have Fun

The Doors had Strange Days

Hendrix took Purple Haze

The Beatles sang Here Comes The Sun.

Of popular music, I know not much

My tastes run to Medieval, Renaissance, and such

But I've learned a few ditties

Which do arouse my titties

So they will do in a clutch

Chamber music, the ‘music of friends’

Its popularity never ends

Performed through the ages

By groupings of sages

Would you like it? That depends.

Candice does well in her classes

She's nerdy with pimples and glasses

Though some think her lame

She gets dick all the same

By guys who love how cute her ass is

She had an unusual taste

For things down south of the waist

For guys not so much

But ladies she'd touch

With her strap-on firmly in place

A sexy professor from Dallas

Fancied a ripped student's phallus

One day after school

She fucked his stiff tool

While watched by her shy T.A. Alice

The Harvest Moon is bright

Lighting much in the night

I'd step outside

But couldn't hide

And might give the neighbors a fright

His sexual desires were naughty

His brain apparently faulty

He liked touching midgets

Til they writhe and they fidget

Such a devient shorty

His mistress delivered her orders

To bend over while crouching on all fours

The bottle went "glug"

As she lubed up the plug

Goddamn those anal bead hoarders

Reading the stories on lush

She held in her hand her hairbrush

No don't put that there!

It's for combing your hair!

But my word did that cause quite a gush

There was a Carribbean lady

Who joined with pirates so shady

After performing each duty

To help them get booty

She'd fuck a new fortunate matey

With her tongue she had a great skill

There 'twixt my legs she caused quite a thrill

When we had finished

Lust still undiminished

But we paused for a hydration refill

Good rhyming and meter.

There was a young man of the Rhine

Whose cum tasted just like red wine

When girls heard this was true

They formed an orderly queue

And I was the head of the line

The old man loved the stories on Lush

To his penis the blood would rush

When he thought he would faint

He pressured his taint

And instead he came with a gush!

The zucchini she bought from the store

Was 10 inches long, maybe more

But she's on a diet

So rather than fry it

She fucked herself with it, the whore.

The pumpkin Rob took from the patch

He thought would make a good match

So cutting a hole

He slipped in his pole

And pretended it was a young snatch

Lynn said to me "I beg your pardon,

What are doing in my vegetable garden?"

"I was going to elope

With your ripe cantalope

Your melons made part of me harden."

Rob had a dry martini

With his creamy fettuccine

Then visited my garden

Said 'Beg your pardon'

For he had left his hard zucchini

All this bickering in the garden

About who's got the biggest hard-on

Is unseemly and foolish

Especially in seasons ghoulish,

But it's not my place, so I beg your pardon!

Some people, I tell ya, good lord,

Deserve a doublethink award

With a snide snippy knife

Cut you out of their life

And then say they're being ignored