I wouldn't try breeding one yourself. And you want to bring it home to the USA. Go for the smuggling. If you're fat, it won't work. If you're not fat, sedate the dog with a LOT of drugs, and stick it under your shirt with some cushions to make it have the appearance of a large stomach. You must be careful with the legs. DO NOT let them hang out from under your shirt. Fold 'em up. Or maybe tie the dog together with some soft rope. Don't hurt the poor thing, though. Wear a long shirt and tuck it into your pants just to make sure. At security, tell them you're pregnant (you're trans, of course) and they won't touch you. But you must be white for this to work. Otherwise, you're screwed. Good luck and God bless.
Luckily for you, truth is not really a "thing" here in America anymore. We have entered the Age of the Confidently Told Lie. So when customs asks why your dog has twelve legs, say all dogs have twelves legs, and INSIST on it. Tell them you saw it on Fox and Friends. When it bites that old lady at the terminal and rolls her up in its spiderdog-web, INSIST she came to the terminal already dead and rolled up in spiderdog silk. An Old Dead Lady Rolled Up in Spiderdog Silk Travel Ban would have stopped that from happening. When it jumps onto the ceiling of the aircraft in midflight and begins laying egg sacs pulsing with hideous and deadly creatures bent on devouring human flesh, INSIST that it is just a dog pooping, which is perfectly natural and happens all the time, and if the passengers want to complain, maybe they should look at those CORRUPT CATS and their FAKE PURRS instead.
My suggestion is to let it lay eggs under your skin. Tell the people at customs that you just have a rash, then when you get home and they hatch out, you can have pick of the litter. The rest will probably eat you.
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You need to get your ass to Chile, the schnauzers are hotter.
I'm really disappointed that the beautifully constructed OP hasn't gotten back to us. I wanna know what he's thinking about this whole thing.
Methinks he's in Argentina already, preparing to smuggle - oops, I mean legally import - his new dog.
"I expect nothing. I fear no one. I am free." Nikos Kazantzakis
Why does this sound like a coded message?
“All clear to smuggle 8 German descendant hookers through the mountains now.”
