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What should I do?

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Guest
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Hi Lush,

for a year now I've been I thought I wouldn't fall in love ever again.
But a week ago I was at a party and a girl ( I know her cause we have the same classes in uni) kissed me and we had a pretty amazing night together ( no sex but super nice).

But then the day after she acts like she regrets it, so I act like I don't care that much too. But I think I love her, and I think she loves me too.
Lush, I'm scared she will reject me and break my heart trowing me back into that awful state...
Guest
Lurker
Gonna be a harsh older brother here dude, so here it goes. She may have thought of you fondly and tested the waters and didn't like the experience. She may be a dick tease. She may have seen you're aloof approach after the fact somewhat disheartening. You will never know or actualize a woman's reasons, just follow your heart and do what it tells you. You will get kicked in the ass several more times in life, and a "No" is the least of the beating.
Guest
Lurker
well i need to ask....

how much time have you spent with her and how well do you know her? from your post it seems like she really wasnt a lot more than an acquaintance before your evening together. and if that is the case can you really be "in love"? perhaps if like the next day you were spouting love poetry to her you scared her off a bit? women really do like a man that is in touch with his feelings and can articulate them but we dont like to be slobbered on.

just saying perhaps you went a little fast...evoitis is right, take it easy, follow your heart and see where it leads and best of luck to you smile
dan17
Active Ink Slinger
go... let her know your feeling its fine to reject that is part of a human life than to regret for your whole life not even try to tell her.
Magical_felix
Wild at Heart
Quote by Scribe
Hi Lush,

for a year now I've been I thought I wouldn't fall in love ever again.
But a week ago I was at a party and a girl ( I know her cause we have the same classes in uni) kissed me and we had a pretty amazing night together ( no sex but super nice).

But then the day after she acts like she regrets it, so I act like I don't care that much too. But I think I love her, and I think she loves me too.
Lush, I'm scared she will reject me and break my heart trowing me back into that awful state...


So if she rejects you, you will still be at the same place you are now cause it seems like you're not being intimate, even after your 'nice' night. The best advice I could give you would be to keep playing it cool. Don't act like you don't care, thats dumb. You should just try to be cool and as attractive as you can be. Do nice things for her but DEFINITELY do not smother her. Smothering a chick with affection when she is not sure wether she likes you or not is one of the biggest mistakes a guy can make.
Swollen
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by Scribe
Hi Lush,

for a year now I've been I thought I wouldn't fall in love ever again.
But a week ago I was at a party and a girl ( I know her cause we have the same classes in uni) kissed me and we had a pretty amazing night together ( no sex but super nice).

But then the day after she acts like she regrets it, so I act like I don't care that much too. But I think I love her, and I think she loves me too.
Lush, I'm scared she will reject me and break my heart trowing me back into that awful state...



Ah, bless you, so sweet !! ......... Swollen takes you to her breast and gives you a long hug xxx
Dancing_Doll
Alpha Blonde
Quote by Scribe

But then the day after she acts like she regrets it


There are two possible reasons for this:

1. She actually does regret it. Maybe she was drunk, trying to get back at some other guy she's interested in, she was feeling lonely or horny or whatever. Now she's acting a bit distant and cool in order to just put it in the "casual friend hookup vault" and avoid any awkward conversations about what happens next between you.

2. She's not sure how you feel about it, so she's doing a counter-move by playing it cool until she gets a better read on whether you just considered it a random hook-up. By you acting like you don't really care... this is kind of reinforcing her suspicions by the way.

I can't call it for you since I don't know exactly what she's doing that leads you to believe that she might regret it. I do think the onus is on you to make the next move though so if you're interested, you're going to have to switch things up from your current strategy. I'd suggest just biting the bullet and asking her out on a casual date or get together... maybe to watch a sports game together, play pool, or just grabbing some drinks. If she says no, or makes an excuse, then you have your answer and I'd suggest backing off. But at least you know one way or another. As long as you keep it a casual get together, there's no reason why it should feel like a formal rejection... no big deal, life will go on.

Personally I'm more in favour of the "just ask the person out" strategy rather than pining for her from afar and getting fixated and then coming across as obsessive or creepy. Take charge of the situation, it makes the guy seem way cooler and more confident, in my opinion. Girls know right away if they are interested in knowing more about you after that kind of hook up.

And... as LMB said, it's not 'love'. It's attraction or infatuation at this stage in the game. You need a lot more interaction for things to go there. Take it slow...