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Freaking Bomb Story ready for kindle as soon as you help me proof & edit - excerpts within

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TheSinnerSaint
Advanced Wordsmith
HI dear Lush members.

I have finished writing a long short story (21,000 words) that I will be publishing to kindle soon. I could really use another set of eyes to help me edit and prep for publication. I don't have a whole lot to spend but I would love to work out some sort of trade or reciprocal editing situation - you edit mine I'll edit yours type of thing. please let me know if interested of if you have any feedback about the work.

Below are a few short excerpts Much longer passages can be viewed on my blog: http://thesinnersaintdiary.com


“Morgan and Paula intently watched Lisa's hand as it pumped Paul's wedding tackle. My own equipment had been swelling up to where it was becoming noticeable. I caught Paula noticing and immediately made eye contact with her to show her I knew. I think the night’s mischief, preceded by nearly a decade of dutiful matrimony, had sprung open Paula’s reservoir of pent up desire and from deep within her fumes of lust were escaping.”



"Rick proudly removed all of his clothes accept for his little brown and red striped man panties. Paula didn't appear the least bit bothered and tried to look half amused. Why should she mind? After all, Rick had a body any wife could be proud of and his designer underwear wasn't much less than the Speedos he wore. Rick was sculpted, thin and six foot one with a washboard stomach, sharp chin, and a dark, full head head of hair. Rick was the kind of "former-swimmer", not-too-hairy articulation of handsome that most women would call hot. The women among us were impressed enough to ogle. Rick stripped to his bikinis and the girls smiled and "wooted" compliments..""

Manager of the famous group: Salacious Interrogatory https://www.lushstories.com/groups/salacious-interrogatory
TheSinnerSaint
Advanced Wordsmith
Calling all cast members:


I have a college degree in Theatre Arts and I am seriously considering adapting the story into a play and finding a venue that could accommodate adult theatrical entertainment of this nature

So any of you actors out there, keep an eye on future developments with DARE and perhaps we could hire you for one of the roles.



I have been exploring the idea of creating a new type of theatrical production where performances would incorporate the unique themes and explicit nature of erotica art.

Productions of this nature would require some non-typical considerations as to venue, talent and audience. The form or medium of acting might define itself somewhere north of Madam Butterfly and South of Porno Acting with perhaps some strippers and exotic dancers sprinkled into some non-speaking or general cast roles to help perform and keep real some of the more explicit aspects of the stories being enacted. The venue is tricky. A custom venue would be ideal, but perhaps night-clubs, bars with stages, gentleman's clubs or dinner theaters could be looked at.



As far as the audio version of the story, this will be a fun production with lots of sound effects, emotional dynamics and non-linguistic sexual dialogue between the primary characters that will need to be honest, believable and when necessary unrestrained.






Cast/Characters

Sinner Saint 35-SWM, - Main character & narrator, primary T/D participant

Morgan 36-SWF, - Sexy, wild, Party hostess, primary T/D participant

Paul - 35-SWM, Friend to SS, primary T/D participant.
Lisa - 34-SWF, Drug rep friend of Morgan's, Fiancee to Paul, primary T/D participant

Paula - 38-MWF, M,organ's best friend, primary T/D participant
Rick - 42-MWM, Morgan's Husband, T/D participant

Tina - 35-SWF, Morgans tenant, drug rep, primary T/D participant
LInda - 51-DWF , Senior drug rep, T/D participant

May -37-SFF, Filipina, drug rep, primary T/D participant
Bob - 42-SWM, 2May's new boyfriend, T/D participant

Manager of the famous group: Salacious Interrogatory https://www.lushstories.com/groups/salacious-interrogatory
TheSinnerSaint
Advanced Wordsmith
Theatre Reality-Erotica


if there is are any wealthy, interested investors or benefactors out there who are interested in investing in a venue for and/or a production of this nature please contact me. I have the creativity, vision and talent to forge new ground successfully bring together a production as well as the balls to challenge the current direction and limits of theatre.

Manager of the famous group: Salacious Interrogatory https://www.lushstories.com/groups/salacious-interrogatory
nicola
Matriarch
Quote by TheSinnerSaint
Theatre Reality-Erotica


if there is are any wealthy, interested investors or benefactors out there who are interested in investing in a venue for and/or a production of this nature please contact me. I have the creativity, vision and talent to forge new ground successfully bring together a production as well as the balls to challenge the current direction and limits of theatre.


Good luck with that!
Unknown User
Quote by nicola


Good luck with that!


Hey, ya never know. Maybe there's a covert patron of the arts lurking on here.
TheSinnerSaint
Advanced Wordsmith
Quote by seeker4


Hey, ya never know. Maybe there's a covert patron of the arts lurking on here.


Doesn't hurt to try I guess. Seriously though, don't you think it would be cool to see some of these great erotic stories adapted into plays and performed live? Obviously, there would be theatrical and devices of the craft used to dramatize the actual acts of sex like anal and intercourse, etc, but you could get pretty close to and include most of the stuff.

Manager of the famous group: Salacious Interrogatory https://www.lushstories.com/groups/salacious-interrogatory
Liz
Scarlet Seductress
You sure you're picking a large enough font size there, buddy? lol.

I only got through the first paragraph in the above excerpt before I decided I didn't want to read anymore. Not because of the content, but I think you need to spend some time working on your sentence structure.

TheSinnerSaint
Advanced Wordsmith
Quote by Liz
You sure you're picking a large enough font size there, buddy? lol.

I only got through the first paragraph in the above excerpt before I decided I didn't want to read anymore. Not because of the content, but I think you need to spend some time working on your sentence structure.


Yes, well, that probably wasn't the best passage to share out of context as an excerpt. They aren't my sentences. They are quotes taken from a fantasy that one of the characters had written down at request of her boyfriend/fiancee.

Thank you for your feedback.

Manager of the famous group: Salacious Interrogatory https://www.lushstories.com/groups/salacious-interrogatory
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
Quote by TheSinnerSaint


Yes, well, that probably wasn't the best passage to share out of context as an excerpt. They aren't my sentences. They are quotes taken from a fantasy that one of the characters had written down at request of her boyfriend/fiancee.

Thank you for your feedback.


so... you didn't actually write them? that's plagiarism, ya know...

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
Quote by TheSinnerSaint


My mind wrote them but it was the character's writing/writing style.



question - how do you get your mind to type? does it have fingers? if so, i need one of those - can i borrow yours?

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
TheSinnerSaint
Advanced Wordsmith
Quote by sprite


question - how do you get your mind to type? does it have fingers? if so, i need one of those - can i borrow yours?


Nope, no fingers. It has USB port and I use BTR (brain text recognition) software to output to WORD.

Manager of the famous group: Salacious Interrogatory https://www.lushstories.com/groups/salacious-interrogatory
David_LeRoy
Internet Philosopher
Quote by TheSinnerSaint


Tough audience these moderators






You have no idea. Those were the NICE ones.

The Wild Girl anthology need not be read in any order but does take place in the following timeframe

Wild at Heart- 1968. The story of Dani’s Great Aunt Evie.

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/first-time/wild-at-heart

Wild Oats. Part 1&2. -2021. Dani is 16 and sets her sights on her stepfather.

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/taboo/wild-oats-part-1

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/taboo/wild-oats-part-2

Wild Child. 2025. Dani is now 20 years old.

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/taboo/wild-child
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
Quote by Milik_the_Red



You have no idea. Those were the NICE ones.


who you calling nice? *growls and swats you* jerk.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
David_LeRoy
Internet Philosopher
Quote by sprite


who you calling nice? *growls and swats you* jerk.


I was... Um... Just getting him to lower his guard???

Ahh. *runs and hides*

The Wild Girl anthology need not be read in any order but does take place in the following timeframe

Wild at Heart- 1968. The story of Dani’s Great Aunt Evie.

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/first-time/wild-at-heart

Wild Oats. Part 1&2. -2021. Dani is 16 and sets her sights on her stepfather.

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/taboo/wild-oats-part-1

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/taboo/wild-oats-part-2

Wild Child. 2025. Dani is now 20 years old.

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/taboo/wild-child