And she is right. Chapter One of A Ouettecunte Family Affair has garnered comments like: "Your use of language triumphs again!" and "This story... showed true mastery of your genre. Bravo!" - disproving the oft-touted view that "Lushies don't get satire" (fancy!)
Chapter Two - up now - is a homage to one of my favourite pieces of cinemato-pornography, I've Never Done This Before, starring Nina Hartley and Kimberly Carson. As Mrs Ouettecunte explains, "We live in Enlightenment times. What was once pornographic cliché is now the height of chic." Bring it on, I say:
"And who the fuck are you?" I ask in bewilderment.
"I'm the pool-boy," says one of them. "I've brought my pole."
"And I'm the pizza delivery boy," says the other. "Wanna see my toppings?"
"Oh Jesus fucking Christ..." I moan.
"Aw come on, Daddy," giggles Claire, "it's the Enlightenment, remember? Porn clichés rule!"
"Yeah, yeah," I reply. "But I was hoping for a French maid..."
"Oh là là! Zat's me," says a girl wearing a black lace-trimmed dress, white half-apron, ruffled bonnet and high heels, brandishing a phallic feather duster. "Monsieur Ouettecunte, wanna feuck?"
Who could refuse such an invitation? Here's the link: A Ouettecunte Family Affair: chapter two
