Person above you awakes in hospital bed and YOU say:

30 May 2014

A dildo on a pogo stick!?!? Dude, you cannot be serious...you put a dildo on a pogo stick?

31 May 2014

No playing with the wolves, they chewed you up

31 May 2014

Pet, you have to keep away from those bunny boilers, I've told you before!

31 May 2014

Trinket, are you alright? You dropped a bag of sugar, while cleaning it up you hit your head on the cupboard door, which caused you too stumble and flip the macaroni pot off the stove. Just rest now...all of us are going to bubble wrap your house before you're released

31 May 2014

Bad news is it was the mumps good news is you no longer need a vasectomy

The Duchess of Tart

Please check out my new story, co-written with the amazing Wilful.

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/straight-sex/long-time-coming.aspx

And my latest poem, The Temptation.

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/erotic-poems/the-temptation.aspx

2 Jun 2014

You had to get a rabie shot because the neighbors cat got attacked by a raccoon, you tried to bite everyone who came near you

2 Jun 2014

You had an all night session and the doctor said you went into an orgasm coma. I'm glad to see you waking up!

2 Jun 2014

Ffs keep that loin cloth together better the dog thought you were feeding him salami

2 Jun 2014

If you brushed you hair out of your eyes you would be able to see where you were going

2 Jun 2014

I TOLD you to wear a shirt didn't I? If you had, you wouldn't have been stampeded by that buncha tartlettes from down the street!

2 Jun 2014

Told you not to stand between Josh and that bunch of tartlettes from down the street, now your both in here.

2 Jun 2014

Well I saw YOU throw yourself into the middle of the buncha tartlettes, that's why YOU"RE here...

2 Jun 2014

I was trying to save you Trink.... honest Whistle

3 Jun 2014

You passed out having trying the new toys that trink brought over

3 Jun 2014

You wrenched your back and hurt your shoulder trying to spank yourself! Give me a call next time Usagi! I'll come a running! Lol

3 Jun 2014

The procedure to clip your wings was a success. Now you will not have to worry about getting so high that those jets will not knock you off course when you are flying over the nudist colonies.

3 Jun 2014

Turns out you have developed an allergy to chocolate your life is over

Hey Allie Big Hugs

The Duchess of Tart

Please check out my new story, co-written with the amazing Wilful.

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/straight-sex/long-time-coming.aspx

And my latest poem, The Temptation.

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/erotic-poems/the-temptation.aspx

3 Jun 2014

You got hurt but trying to do back flips from the highest cliff on our vacation, you only sprained your neck and back

4 Jun 2014

A fire hydrant? What were you thinking?

4 Jun 2014

What was with the tiger and the elephant? At least no one was harmed

4 Jun 2014

Girlie girl ... Next time you swing off a chandelier
Make sure there's something soft below you

4 Jun 2014

We had a problem before the surgery, once we had you prepped, we could not find anything wrong.

5 Jun 2014

You got the lube and super glue mixed up

6 Jun 2014

How many times do we have to tell you, you're just being freaked out about the stalker that we took care of for you is gone

6 Jun 2014

What were we thinking?! Running in to fight Doomsday. You're lucky Green Lantern came to save you!

6 Jun 2014

How do you gotta "kiss" that wall?

6 Jun 2014

Can't believe that you drank all that whiskey on accident, luckily the biker guy forgave you after you puked most of it

7 Jun 2014

WTF Bunni...that's twice this week. What is it with you and fire hydrants.

7 Jun 2014

What's with the bikers coming over and threading you? You should be careful and I was trying to cool off

8 Jun 2014

You really shouldn't have pet that bunny bunny