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Person above you awakes in hospital bed and YOU say:

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awwwww nikki, don't worry, you can save up for the other one


Pull your hamstring again playing naked Twister with KK...you have got stretch before playing with her
Guess you shouldn't have applied that turtle wax.


kawabunga !!!! KK
How many times have i told you to keep your hands away from your buttocks?
awwwww ajax, i warned you she bites. doc said he'd sew your cock back on if he can find anyone with balls enough to retrieve it


Sorry KK but when you said you were so horny you wished someone would fuck your brains out......


Speaking of brains, we did an x-ray and it looks like you need a hamster transplant
Speaking of xrays... dude... here's yours... and the docs and nurses said after they saw it that everything makes perfect sense now...

I am sorry Mr Chatnstroke but we are finding the excuse that you tripped over your teatray a little hard to believe!

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good news kitty, no broken bones. bad news, they found your car key.fmuWK6eRWTpMg8LM


Next time you spray your hair Miss Ginger, do make sure you don't fall again!


Hairspray can up the rectum!
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To infinity and beyond! I told you to use Woody instead.
Next time you go for a Brazilian wax, make sure the keep the superglue out of the way!
We did warn you that all the sex with the lovely Lush ladies would lead to a repetitive groin strain injury!
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Kitty I know you love your profession and agree you are incredibly good at it, but seriously?? Hula hooping in a bikini in the snow what were you thinking, you got frostbite on your nipples and they had to be removed...your clit too unfortunately

The Duchess of Tart

Please check out my new story, co-written with the amazing Wilful.

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/straight-sex/long-time-coming.aspx

And my latest poem, The Temptation.

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/erotic-poems/the-temptation.aspx
Kiera 17 orgasms with out rehydrating is a little ambitious, any way while you were asleep I carried out a tummy tuck, now I am running away
"Trauma team to the ER...STAT!! While having really rough, physical sex, a glass light fell on to her head
You're gonnna be on TV! "Sex Landed You in the ER"
I need to take you to my private clinic, we won't be disturbed there
I told you not to try and spank me, but you wouldn't listen.....Dr. just has to come and re-set your broken nose where I kicked you
Sorry, but your mouth got you in trouble this time, but they said the jaw will heal in time.
trying to take your boat in to the drive-thru at McDonalds was not a good idea
I told you that my PDFs might not hold the two of us up. You almost drown
Doctor prescribed you, me.