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The Letter

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SarahBeara18
Active Ink Slinger
Dear Travis,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but our affair is over. I think I realized it when i finally changed my underwear in your car and I sit on your 'My litte Pony' collection. I'm sure you're middle class enough to understand that you need a sex change. I'm returning our matching snoopy underwear , but I'll keep your collection of butterflies as a memory. You should also know that I told my psychiatrist about the bruises and you ruined my attempts at another world war.
Kiss my butt,
Sarah







Here's how you do it:
Dear (someone you recently talked to),
I don't really know how to tell you this, but (1). I think I realized it (2)(3) and I (4)(5). I'm sure you're (6) enough to understand (7). I'm returning(8) , but I'll keep(9) as a memory. You should also know that I (10) and (11)
(12),
(Your name)
then tag 10 people





1) What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - I'm in love with your cat
Red - Our affair is over
White - I’m joining the Convent
Black -Our romance is over
Green- Our socks don't match
Grey - You're a leprechaun
Yellow - I'm selling myself for candy
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - Purple hedgehogs want to destroy you
Other -I dislike your eyelashes

2) Which is your birth month?
January - That night you picked your nose
February -When I quoted Forest Gump
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on peanut butter
May - When I finally changed my underwear
June - When you put cuffs on me
July – When I saw the purple monkey
August - When you smacked my butt
September - Last year when you peed your pants
October - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
November - When your dog humped my leg
December - When I threw up in your sock drawer

3) Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Chicken- In your car
Pasta - Outside of your office
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner
Lasagna - Outside the mental hospital
Kebab - With Jean Chrétien
Seafood - In your closet
Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert
Pizza - At the Mental Hospital
Hot dog - Under a street light
Annat- With George Bush and Stephen Harper

4) What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Ignore
Red - Put whipped cream on
Black - Hit on
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - bite off
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the pants off of
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive over

5) What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My boyfriend
White - My father
Grey – The Catholic Priest
Brown – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie
Purple - My corned beef hash
Red – My knee caps
Blue - My salt-beef bucket
Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana
Orange - My Blink 182 cd
Pink – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection
Other --The elephant in the corner

6) What do you prefer to watch on TV?
One Tree Hill - Senile
Heroes- Frostbitten
Lost - High
Simpsons- Cowardly
The news - Scarred
American Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Open
Top Model - Middle-class
Annat -shamed

7) Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful you are
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That I get turned on only by garbage men
Angry - That your smell makes me vomit
Depressed – That we’re related
Excited - That I may pee my pants
Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you
Worried - That your Ford sucks
Apathetic - That you need a sex-change
Silly - That I'm allergic to your earlobes
Sleepy - That Santa doesn't exist
Ashamed - That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid
Other - That your driving sucks

8) What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
Grey - Your toe ring
Yellow - Your love letters to me
Red - The pictures from Vegas
Black - Your pet rock
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - Your car
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your nose hair clippers
White - Our matching snoopy underwear
Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your Hannah Montana underwear

9) The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your neighbours dog
C/D - Your photo with the mustache drawn on it
E/F - My virginity
G/H - The oil tank from your car
I/J - Your left ear
K/L - The results of that blood-sample
M/N - Your glass eye
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X – Your sucide note
Y/Z - Your credit cards

10) The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Love your sweet, sweet butt
C/D - Always will remember the pep talks
E/F -Never will forget that night
G/H – Will not tell the authorities that you stole the whale from the backyard.
I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly
K/L - Hate your cooking
M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching
O/P - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises
Q/R - Get sick when I think of your feet
S/T - Always wanted to break your legs
U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart
W/X - Am better off without you
Y/Z – haven't showered in a month

11) What do you prefer to drink?
Wine- Our friendship is ruined
Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon
Soda – I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo
Milk - The apartment building is on fire
Water – I'm scratching my butt as you read this
Cider– I have a passionate interest for mice
Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war.
Snapple/Vitamin water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked out
Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird
Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey
Beer – I threw up yesterday
Other – you should stop picking your nose

12) To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand – Greetings to your frog, Leonard
Australia - best of luck on the sex change
France - Love always
Spain - With tears of sadness
China – You make me sick
Germany – Please don’t hurt me
Japan - Go milk a cow
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
USA - Warm tingly sensations
Egypt – Kiss my butt
England - Go drown
Guest
Lurker
dear dick cheney,
i don't really know how to tell you this, but are a blight on the usa. i think i realized it when evidence has proved you lied, profited, bullied, ignored, exaggerated and generally fucked every american thoroughly in the ass all while sneering in that callused cynical way that you have. i'm sure you'don't give a flying fuck about what any of us know or feel about you, you cold hearted, unfeeling rat bastard. i'm hoping that your eternal legacy in the annals of history will put you not merely at the top of the list of worst vice presidents ever but at the top of list of worst politicians ever. meaning that you never cared about serving the public interest just your own selfish, selfserving, to-hell-with-anyone-else attitude and ways, but i'll always remember you as simply as an ass wipe. you should also know that the damage you have done will be restored in time and the americans, the iraqis, the afghans, and all the other people you have personally tired to destroy will simply forget about you in time. i'll sign off using one of your own lines, you remember, the one you used on the floor of the us senate when you passed by a democratic member of the senate?
go fuck yourself,
g

wait...i think i messed this up a bit!
SarahBeara18
Active Ink Slinger
yeah....i think you did!!! lol

but the concept is still the same....lol
LushPrincess
Active Ink Slinger
Dear Eliazar,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but Your nostrils are insulting. I think I realized it when I threw up in your sock drawer in your closet and I Sit on my corned beef hash. I'm sure you're cowardly enough to understand that I'm allergic to your earlobes. I'm returning your nose hair clippers, but I'll keep your credit cards as a memory. You should also know that I Always will remember the pep talks and you should get that embarrassing rash checked out.

Love always,
Ziomara
rxtales
Active Ink Slinger
Dear J,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but I’m joining the Convent. I think I realized it When I finally changed my underwear At the Elton John concert and I sat on my knee caps. I'm sure you're high enough to understand that I’m allergic to your ear. I'm returning the couch cushions. , but I'll keep Your collection of butterflies as a memory. You should also know that I Hate your cooking and I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo.
Please don’t hurt me,
Sarah

hmm.. This might actually work as a break up letter except I would have to change the cooking part, because it has just never happened
Zafia
Lush Legend
Dear Shoe Clerk that gave me poor service,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but our romance is over. I think I realized it when you put cuffs on me in your closet and I sat on your “Little Pony” Collection, I'm sure you're open enough to understand that I’m allergic to your earlobes. I'm returning your Hannah Montana underwear, but I'll keep your glass eye as a memory. You should also know that I always will remember the pep talks and our friendship is ruined.

Your everlasting enemy,

Zafia


I would not end a romance because cuffs were put on....maybe if cuffs were never used....LMAO!!!
"Love all, trust a few, and do wrong to none."
Catnip
Internet Sensation
Dear Durrash.
I don't really know how to tell you this, but I'm in love with your cat and our affair/romance is over. I think I realized it last year when you peed your pants, outside the mental hospital and I hit on and pulled the clothes off my boyfriend(and a tribal corned beef hash xD). I'm sure you're shamed enough to understand that santa does not exist. I'm returning the cut toe nails , but I'll keep your neighbours dog as a memory. You should also know that I told in my confession today about the moose poaching and our friendship is ruined.
Go milk a cow,
Catnip


(The multicoloured catnip... does everyone have socks that match athome?)
Zafia
Lush Legend
LOL@Cat.....
"Love all, trust a few, and do wrong to none."
nicola
Matriarch
You know I was thinking about creating a story generator for the site along the same lines, seriously.

I thought it would be fun, as this one is
Catnip
Internet Sensation
You know I just started to think about what I should wear to create the ultimate letter...
Since I got two last names I could also switch between them!
fystee
Active Ink Slinger
Dear Pixie,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but our socks don't match. I think I realized it When I tripped on peanut butter In your car and I Sit on My boyfriend. I'm sure you're Middle-class enough to understand That we’re related. I'm returning Our matching snoopy underwear, but I'll keep Your collection of butterflies as a memory. You should also know that I Told in my confession today about the moose poaching and I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo

Warm tingly sensations,
fystee