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Show, don't tell.

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Ok, a pet peeve of mine that seems to crop up in a lot of erotica. A laundry list of heights, weights, and measurements. It really kind of takes me out of the story, this is just my personal taste, of course, but it's just too... sterile.

for example - how not to write for Sprite:

Tom was 6'5" and weighed 250 pounds. his wife, Tammy, was 5'6" and weights 120 pounds and had red hair and green eyes. her breast were a DD cup.

How to write for Sprite:

Tom was exceptionally tall and with chunky build. He reminded me of the sea, his hair sandy, his eyes ocean blue. His wife, Tammy, despite being of average height, looks small beside him, her crimsons curls offsetting emerald eyes and spilled over her large, ripe breasts.

comments or opinions are welcome! smile

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

If you're going to put in measurements in a story it had better be when talking to the police or if you're having a contest or bet on who can guess the right bra size of the swim team.

I usually talk to people about this, specially since I do not really know how much a pound is(I hardly even know how a kg looks on a person), or how tall is that person in cm? It's really helpful to any writer to avoid this sort of thing if you want to be compatible with a wider public, seeing there are more than one way to measure things. And not every person have a job where they learn to measure by the eye.

Also I have no clue how anything smaller that 15" would look.. (that's the smallest pc monitor I've had so far.)
i think you r so right sprite. i used to do that but i try to cut that out of my stories nowa days
Yeah gotta say I like Sprites description a whole lot more.
Veni, vidi, vici" Julius Caesar 47 BC
What Sprite said, me too. A 'police blotter' list of vital statistics is an all but automatic backspace hit for me, especially if it's in the opening.

Elmore Leonard's rules for writers includes: don't begin a story with the weather, and don't begin a sentence with, 'suddenly'. To his list I'd add: never give a numerical list of your character's physique.

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I liked Sprite's version much better too. I find when I'm reading the stats on someone my mind starts to wander. Her's make me "see" them in my mind and I'm more interested.
Quote by Moderator Spriteness
his wife, Tammy, was 5'6" and weights 120 pounds and had red hair and green eyes. her breast were a DD cup.



5'6" red hair, green eyes and DD cup???

I really don't see anything wrong with that description at all, if you really want to know...I think you're just trying to cause trouble again...

I might have to actually meet her though...just to check if she does indeed "measure up"...just saying...

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I think the list of weights and measurements sounds very clinical, like a shopping list...

The descriptive thing works way better for me too... A list is a turn off...
I might mention here he has the most gorgeous smile, a smile that makes his eyes sparkle. Arms that hold me and just
make snuggle closer. Height and weight are irrelevant sometimes. Totally agree with Sprite.
I agree with the Lady Sprite BUT since she became a Mod I notice she doesn't Show us her panties anymore, far less Tell us about them.

(And I'm not the only one who misses that!)

xx Steph
I agree with Sprite completely. It makes your audience think of numbers
instead of the characters being described. It's especially worse when your
reader(s) are from...I dunno...the UK, and you're using inches. Now we're
thinking of a calculator.

I don't usually give up on the story, though. I skip over the specs and just
impose my own random idea of the characters over theirs and keep it going.

biggrin
Are you truly awake?
Tom was exceptionally tall and with chunky build. He reminded me of the sea, his hair sandy, his eyes ocean blue. His wife, Tammy, despite being of average height, looks small beside him, her crimsons curls offsetting emerald eyes and spilled over her large, ripe breasts.




I know when I write I slip into telling, so thanks for keeping me on track!

Showing has so much more feeling.

I sometimes forget when writing which I should be doing, is it tell or show? But reading your Showing wuote helps me, becuase if I don't feel it when I re-read what I've wrote then I must have been Telling instead!!!!

Thanks Sprite Xxx
One of the old adages of writing classes is the "Show, don't tell" one and it's valid, up to a point. The art of the storyteller, however, is just that, in "telling". Ever heard the phrase "a telling detail"? You should have, it's important to the skill set of good writers."

I thoroughly agree about measurements except where it's significant, say, as in distance. The more specifically you describe your characters, the less each specific reader can identify with them. If the character is blonde and the reader is brunette, you lose a point of identification (unless the brunette always wanted to be a blonde). If the reader is short and the character you want them to identify with is 6'5" -- well, you get the point

What is important in story writing is "putting the reader" in the story. That takes concrete details which are interestingly written. For example, instead of saying "John was six feet tall and ruggedly build", you might write "Sally had to look up at John. He was much taller than she was. She admired his broad shoulders and strong arms." A lot has to do, as well, with who (narrator) is telling the story. Getting the Points-of-view sharply defined can add depth to the story even if it's merely a stroke-tale.

Where and what you need to "show" are the building blocks of a good story. The scene and ambience, the dynamic actions and reactions of the characters -- the who, what, where, when, and how details (same as in journalism) -- should be as real seeming as you can possibly write them. Many beginning writers get so caught up in the what, they forget the how and why (either implicit or explicit). The what can be: "John wanted to fuck Amelia", but the reader wants to know how and why as well. The how: "He wanted to fuck her bent over the dining room table in his passion, pushing all the plates and silverware on the carpet, and making her moan loudly." The why: "She reminded him so much of his first girlfriend who'd never let him even touch her breasts." Like a murder mystery suspect, John needs to be allowed means, opportunity and motivation for his actions. Add a dash of reluctance, or remove one the three key elements (means, opportunity, etc.), and you've added a great dynamic key: suspense. When will John get the opportunity, for example? Suspense builds tension and sexual tension (versus "He did" "She did") keeps the reader wanting more.

Showing the tension is a writer's way of "telling the story". This is not the same as description or "the plot" though it can include them as well. Telling the story, as opposed to just a plot or action bits, is all about the changes or lack of changes wrought on the characters. How are they different (or not) at the conclusion of the story? Think about these elements until they become second-nature and you'll have a powerful skill set to bring to your next story. A postscript as always: Your mileage may vary. These are just suggestions from a long time writer.
Quote by sprite
Tom was exceptionally tall and with chunky build. He reminded me of the sea, his hair sandy, his eyes ocean blue. His wife, Tammy, despite being of average height, looks small beside him, her crimsons curls offsetting emerald eyes and spilled over her large, ripe breasts.

comments or opinions are welcome! smile



Which is all very nice, little sprite, and far more developed than a list of numbers but it is still 'telling' rather than 'showing'. Showing involves placing a character in a situation and leaving the reader to make a reasonable deduction from the information given ...

And if anybody is uncertain as to what that involves then they should read the opening chapter of 'Pride and Prejudice' where Jane Austen exposes the characters of Mr & Mrs Bennet almost entirely through directly reported dialogue.

And here is a link in case you are interested ...

http://www.austen.com/pride/vol1ch01.htm
Yes, you should have a hazard label on you, "warning CG will be your every fantasy"

I think that with height, it's OK to give a measurement but with weight and chest size and stuff, it bugs me a lot. And i try not to say the characters 'pretty'.
I do agree with Sprite and find that describing your characters without resorting to numerical data (and cup size) teaches me to become a better writer.
And that is why I joined Lush.

In hindsight I do recall my teenage years, I would see an adult magazine and had to read her "Stats", all those wonderful numbers and letter sizes. Yet they could never express to me how my pulse could quicken when meeting someone new or how she would feel in my arms.