Ways to Avoid Repetition of “I” in First-Person Writing

Quote by Kee
The following is excerpted from: https://kathysteinemann.com/Musings/i-i-i/

Quote by Kee
The real estate agent acted as though she had expected my call when asked to take the FOR SALE sign off the lawn.

Quote by Kee
My voice was firm. “Yes, my mind is made up. … Understood. … You’ll still receive your full commission.”

Quote by WannabeWordsmith
Her soft moans thrilled my hardening cock.

Quote by Grace
"Prague? Are you serious?" "This had better be worth my while." "A man? You want me to fly halfway around the world to meet a man?" "If he tries to touch me I expect you to bail me out." "Okay. Make sure there's a driver waiting for me at the airport." "Ah go fuck yourself." "Yes dear, I know you will." Slam!!!

Quote by Grace
"Prague? Are you serious? ... This had better be worth my while. ... A man? You want me to fly halfway around the world to meet a man? ... If he tries to touch me I expect you to bail me out. ... Okay. Make sure there's a driver waiting for me at the airport. ... Ah go fuck yourself. ... Yes dear, I know you will." Slam!!!

Quote by GraceW
Speaking of ellipses, since I am in the company of such great writers, I would like some advice.

Grace wrote:
"Prague? Are you serious?" "This had better be worth my while." "A man? You want me to fly halfway around the world to meet a man?" "If he tries to touch me I expect you to bail me out." "Okay. Make sure there's a driver waiting for me at the airport." "Ah go fuck yourself." "Yes dear, I know you will." Slam!!!

Is that good? Is this better?

"Prague? Are you serious? ... This had better be worth my while. ... A man? You want me to fly halfway around the world to meet a man? ... If he tries to touch me I expect you to bail me out. ... Okay. Make sure there's a driver waiting for me at the airport. ... Ah go fuck yourself. ... Yes dear, I know you will." Slam!!!
[/Quote]

Hi Grace. I’m certainly no expert when it comes to writing and I’ll be the first to admit it. I would like to offer my thoughts about your two submissions, then I’ll sit back and see what some of the very talented authors have to say.

Referring to your first version, I would not enclose every sentence within quote marks as you have done. When I read that, I kept wondering who the second speaker was. Of course, there is only one person, or you would have split the dialogue into separate paragraphs. I found this to be very distracting.

My choice for the best version would be the second one, simply because you wrote it with only one set of quote marks. What I question here is was it necessary to use any ellipses? I could be wrong, but my understanding of their use is to show a pause in the dialogue. Thinking about the way a person would speak, would they pause after every sentence? There could be a hesitation after the word ‘serious’. Like the use of the word ‘I’ in the original poster comments, I think they are overused here. As I read these words, I found my eyes lingering on each ellipse, which broke the smooth flow of the words. I’m sure you’ll agree that it’s never a good idea to have anything that distracts the reader’s attention.

Okay, that’s my two cents for whatever it’s worth, and as you know, a penny isn’t worth much these days. I’m anxious to read other people’s comments.

Quote by GraceW
Speaking of ellipses, since I am in the company of such great writers, I would like some advice.

Quote by LikeToWrite


Hi Grace. I’m certainly no expert when it comes to writing and I’ll be the first to admit it. I would like to offer my thoughts about your two submissions, then I’ll sit back and see what some of the very talented authors have to say.

Referring to your first version, I would not enclose every sentence within quote marks as you have done. When I read that, I kept wondering who the second speaker was. Of course, there is only one person, or you would have split the dialogue into separate paragraphs. I found this to be very distracting.

My choice for the best version would be the second one, simply because you wrote it with only one set of quote marks. What I question here is was it necessary to use any ellipses? I could be wrong, but my understanding of their use is to show a pause in the dialogue. Thinking about the way a person would speak, would they pause after every sentence? There could be a hesitation after the word ‘serious’. Like the use of the word ‘I’ in the original poster comments, I think they are overused here. As I read these words, I found my eyes lingering on each ellipse, which broke the smooth flow of the words. I’m sure you’ll agree that it’s never a good idea to have anything that distracts the reader’s attention.

Okay, that’s my two cents for whatever it’s worth, and as you know, a penny isn’t worth much these days. I’m anxious to read other people’s comments.

Quote by WannabeWordsmith
Nice! I often find myself applying this technique (though not eradicating 'I' entirely: it has its place) at the expense of having to find inventive ways to avoid using the passive voice too much.

My standard trick is to comb through the story after I've hammered it down and look for any occurrences of words like:

1) felt / feel
2) heard / hear
3) saw / see

Quote by Verbal

I don't use them often, just when someone is cut off, or someone who trails off when talking.

Quote by GraceW

"Prague? Are you serious? ... This had better be worth my while. ... A man? You want me to fly halfway around the world to meet a man? ... If he tries to touch me I expect you to bail me out. ... Okay. Make sure there's a driver waiting for me at the airport. ... Ah go fuck yourself. ... Yes dear, I know you will." Slam!!!

Quote by PhilU


My :

I love ellipses and (over)use them quite often, but this is a bit over the top. Could you space it out a bit with some description (which makes the reader pause a bit)? And/or cut down the number of different phrases?

E.g.

"Prague? Are you serious?" Her expression turned sour as she listened. "A man? You want me to fly halfway around the world to meet a man? If he tries to touch me I expect you to bail me out." She sat stony-faced for a few seconds, then sighed. "Okay. Make sure there's a driver waiting for me at the airport... Ah go fuck yourself." She managed a wry smile. "Yes dear, I know you will." Slam!!!

Not sure if that's an improvement or not, but it's maybe something to think about.

And a big thanks to Kee for the initial post - I like first person, I write in it often and I need to watch out for excessive use of 'I'.

Quote by Grace
"Prague? Are you serious?" "This had better be worth my while." "A man? You want me to fly halfway around the world to meet a man?"

Quote by Grace
"Prague? Are you serious?"

"This had better be worth my while."

"A man? You want me to fly halfway around the world to meet a man?"

Quote by GraceW

I am telling the story in the first person. It starts with a telephone conversation, of which you, the reader/listener, can only hear one side. When I write flash I do not include extra words. You do not need to know my expression. All you need is what I said, and an indication of when he was speaking.I agree the ellipses are excessive.

I am wondering if there is a better way to do it than the method I used.

Quote by Lauradj
Excellent thread, with some great advice. It seems to have gotten a conversation started, which is always good.

Quote by LucaByDesign


Thanks, Kee. Great post.

This is something that has never occurred to me. I have a first-person story almost ready to upload and decided to give it a read through in light of what I have just picked up from this thread. My-oh-my. Was I shocked to see how much I could re-phrase!

Again, thanks for the heads up.

Quote by PhilU


Okay, flash makes everything harder. I was just suggesting that if punctuation doesn't make it clear what's going on, then words might be needed. I don't need to know any more, but I am clearly still a little confused just reading what you've written (regardless of punctuation).

Also, one thing that is often hard with first-person is - why is the narrator, who can obviously hear the other side of the conversation, not telling us about it? We're not a distant listener; we're in her head. I can understand that you (the author) don't want to tell us both sides. But... maybe third-person would work better here?

Quote by RejectReality
Personally, I worry less about eliminating the word, and more about limiting how many times it is the beginning of a sentence in succession. That's what's visually jarring. ( Applies to any word, really, but names, pronouns, etc. are the most common repetitions ) It sticks out when it begins several sentences in a row. Anywhere else in the sentence, the eye passes right over it without so much of a speed bump. The same applies to having it start multiple paragraphs in a row, when you're writing with the shorter paragraphs suited to reading on a screen.

If you go overboard with eliminating the word, it doesn't come off as natural. To me, the goal is to keep the narrative sounding as much like natural speech as possible, while making it more visually appealing.

I'm talking about natural "storytelling" speech, which is a different animal from conversational speech to begin with.

Quote by GraceW


Damn, hoist on my own petard. I have a nasty habit of assuming that because I know what is going on my reader must also know.
<snip>

Quote by RejectReality
Personally, I worry less about eliminating the word, and more about limiting how many times it is the beginning of a sentence in succession. That's what's visually jarring. ( Applies to any word, really, but names, pronouns, etc. are the most common repetitions ) It sticks out when it begins several sentences in a row. Anywhere else in the sentence, the eye passes right over it without so much of a speed bump. The same applies to having it start multiple paragraphs in a row, when you're writing with the shorter paragraphs suited to reading on a screen.

If you go overboard with eliminating the word, it doesn't come off as natural. To me, the goal is to keep the narrative sounding as much like natural speech as possible, while making it more visually appealing.

I'm talking about natural "storytelling" speech, which is a different animal from conversational speech to begin with.

Quote by GraceW


Damn, hoist on my own petard. I have a nasty habit of assuming that because I know what is going on my reader must also know.

The protagonist in my story had me write it as she told it to me, She started by letting me hear her on the phone. I never heard the other side, so I have no idea what her boss said.

Quote by Liz
Write in the third person.

Quote by PhilU
I can write badly from any point of view.

Quote by Liz
Write in the third person.

Quote by Liz


Phil answered the irresistible beckoning of the backyard. Brightly colored birds frolicked in the breeze as they fluttered their way toward the winding creek. He closed his eyes and felt the warmth of the sun on his skin. The delicate scent of the clover underneath his bare feet teased his senses. The fragrance was so sweet he could almost taste it on his tongue. Fledgling robins twittered their chourused song in a nearby tree as he stretched his arms high above his head and farted loudly.

"God damnit, Phil!" shouted his neighbour from an open upstairs window. "Stop farting like an airhorn! And put some fucking clothes on!"

Quote by Kee
The following is excerpted from: https://kathysteinemann.com/Musings/i-i-i/

First-person narrative engages people in a way they don’t experience with second and third person. Readers see the world from your narrator’s perspective, including intimate thoughts and feelings. However, it’s easy to overplay constructions such as I did this and I thought that and I wanted something else.

Quote by WannabeWordsmith
Nice! I often find myself applying this technique (though not eradicating 'I' entirely: it has its place) at the expense of having to find inventive ways to avoid using the passive voice too much.

My standard trick is to comb through the story after I've hammered it down and look for any occurrences of words like:

1) felt / feel
2) heard / hear
3) saw / see

And remove them by rewording that sentence in a more direct manner:

I heard her soft moans and felt myself hardening.

becomes something like:

Her soft moans thrilled me, hardening my cock.

Quote by Grace


I don't know about anyone else, but I rarely have a choice. I often don't write, I take dictation. My characters tell me what to put. When I am the central character I tell the story from my perspective.

Apparently I, or my characters, reallylike first person. Ten of my eleven stories are first person. The other is written in second person. I wonder if I can write in the third person.