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1ball

Over 90 days ago

Straight Male, 69

United States

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6 Jun 2012

I am very attracted to the full ginger package. Red hair from a bottle doesn't do it for me, but natural red hair, blue or green eyes, fair skin with freckles and that 'soft' look is really a great combo. Other natural redheads are attractive also, but I think the attraction goes back to this one Irish-American girl that I went to school with since kindergarden.

3 Jun 2012

Quote by CoopsRuthie
A stiff dick on it's own, without a man attached, isn't that attractive. Just posting pictures of your dick makes me think that you think it's the defining thing about you.

Please allow me to use your quote as way to adress many of the responses. I'm not going to speak for all guys, but I can say that the point, for me, isn't "to attract" or "to impress with my attractiveness" or "to turn on". In my case, it's "to amuse" and "to reveal something very personal", but then, in order for you to realize that might require a better understanding of my nature. The defining thing about me is not a visible part of my body. The defining thing about me is my mind and that comes through in my stories. I'm not going to attempt to turn a woman on with my body, because I'm not here for that. If I'm going to seduce a woman, it will be with my mind, through my words.

But unfortunately, I have to prevent any connection between my real name and my nom de plume. Because I reveal the dark corners of my mind, it's the responsible thing to do. Both the foreground and background of a photo could be used to discern an identity, even when the face is concealed. Some people can get away with posting photos of their face and writing erotica. I can't. So I have to confine any posting of images to those that don't define me, in order to not have to inhibit what I write. It's a trade off.

I could choose, as many of the authors have, to post no photos at all, but that seems almost unfriendly, considering how openly so many others reveal themselves. So I post what I feel I can dare to. In my case, an appropriate comment on any of my current photos would be "That's hilarious!". Maybe I had more ego on the line when I was younger, but I try not to take any "shortcomings" I may have too seriously now.

3 Jun 2012

Someone asked on the Ask the Guys Forum why guys show their dicks (in their profiles). I always thought just because it's naughty was reason enough. I think women should show their naughty bits on their profile, if they don't have a particular risk reason not to, because it is a liberating experience and we can all use more of those. But there seems to be a subset of women who think men shouldn't. Why?

2 Jun 2012

Quote by WmCutterBlack
I suspect it's because they don't realize it's not foreplay. It may work in the animal world; in the human one not so much. Yes, yes, I know humans are animals, too. Work that mind and put your dick away until it's called for.

Unless you would be telling the women to not show their goodies, too (and I sure hope not), I see no reason for the guys to quit. The truth is, exposing yourself is just plain naughty and no other reason is required, because this site is about having fun being naughty. Sure it's a cheap thrill, but it has two things going for it: It's a thrill and it costs nothing.

2 Jun 2012

Why not?

2 Jun 2012

Quote by Niceassgirl
Would there be a technique as my friend wonders

Yes, there's a technique but it requires two things; a flexible enough spine and a long enough cock. I've read about it and I've seen photos of guys doing it. The guys who can do it usually can only get just the glans in. Some of those don't have to use the technique because they have very flexible spines and can do it from a seated position.

The technigue is to start into a somersault but have a wall preventing you from completing it. Essentially, all of your weight rests on your shoulders and the back of your neck so the floor is pressing your head up and your weight is pressing your torso down. You have to be young enough and lightweight enough where this won't cause injury and if you stay in the position too long, you will slowly suffocate. Supposedly, if you do this daily and you aren't too fat or muscular, your spine will curve more and more as your spinal tendons stretch. Eventually you'll make contact. Assuming you can then time yourself so you can achieve ejaculation while in the position, you'll come in your mouth and you'll probably wonder why you went to so much effort.

I tried to get into the position once when I was much younger. My cock would have needed to be about 4" longer. I gave up wiser.

1 Jun 2012

Quote by p4ml

New to this thread, but this SO reminds me of HitchHikers Guide to the Galaxy

That's what I was thinking! I miss Douglas Adams. Some of the best hours of my life were spent reading his stories.

Sometimes the difference between bad writing and clever writing is the delivery and sometimes it's the context. For example, when writing the first person narrative of an unsophiticated storyteller, you can get

My eyes was pulled to her boobs like they was uh... eye magnets or somethin'.

and if that is true to the character of the narrator, it wouldn't be wretched writing. But If I read a similar third person narrative

His eyes were pulled to her breasts as if a billion gigawatt tractor beam had grabbed them.

I would be thinking "that had to hurt and now he's blind".

31 May 2012

What I hope that the readers that I target do and what I think at least some of them do is get caught up in the story and feel what the character they've identified with feels, at least to the point of satisfying arousal. I'm not trying to get them to orgasm, but they're certainly welcome to use my story to do that and it would be flattering. I'm more interested in seducing them into a state of mind where they feel whatever other emotions I've added to the story. I like to trigger responses that people like to have and some that they might not, but that are crucial for the realism that results in others. I might cause tears or laughter or disgust. We have an oral tradition of telling ghost stories around a campfire at night to people who are camping and if I can tell a story well enough to thrill in a manner similar to that, while also telling a sexual tale, that's all the better for the readers I'm targeting. I've written emotion laden true stories (not erotica) and heard from readers that they enjoyed the ride, so I think that way about my stories now. They take the reader, if the reader is amenable, on a ride and I like readers who like to go on rides.

All of the above explains why I publish here. I write for the joy or for whatever other emotional release I get from it. I don't masturbate while I write, although I do get aroused at times, because the mind is a sex organ.

30 May 2012

Pretty much whatever I want, as long as it doesn't cost too much. I don't need no stinkin' job.

30 May 2012

The easiest thing to write is a true story. The story is already written in your mind if you lived it. That is why "my first time" stories are a good first story for a beginning author. Of course, the fantasy of how the first time woulda/shoulda gone is also already written in your mind and might make a better story, because you've embellished it to suit your tastes.

The challenge that grabs me as an author is to get the reader to imagine herself in one of the really interesting roles in the story without resorting to the I-do-this-and-you-do-that cheat. When a reader comments that they've imagined themselves in a role that I hoped would appeal, the genre doesn't really matter, because I got inside the reader's head and took her for a ride that left her satisfied. This doesn't necessarily mean sexually satisfied. Just glad she went on the ride.

30 May 2012

I just lean over and whisper, "Just smile and look innocent and everybody will think I did it." This is particularly effective when there's nobody else in the room. clown

clown

But to answer the question, no it isn't a turn off, unless it smells so bad that it would knock a buzzard off a gut wagon.

30 May 2012

Quote by sprite

umm... you should re-read that bit and see how funny it sounds - would you say you're easily offended? sorry, but i couldn't resist. *giggles and runs*

That was humor to make a point. clown

clown

30 May 2012

I feel compelled to say that I am offended by how easily some people are offended and disturbed by how readily some people succumb to an impulse to censor. That is an ugly, ugly desire. There are no dangerous ideas, that need to be suppressed. Potentially dangerous ideas need to be exposed so that salvo after salvo can be fired at them to see how well they hold up.

But the idea that Doms and subs are driven by cravings that we loosely call addictions or needs is not a dangerous idea. Much of human behavior is centered around the satisfaction of cravings or the fulfillment of emotional needs. We all have "dark" desires and the BDSM lifestyle offers a way to channel some of those into safe and mutually consensual outlets. But there is also a "naughty" aspect to the lifestyle that attracts people who act as if they are sadists or masochists. They pretend to be satisfying a desire to dominate or submit while they are actually satisfying some other craving by going through the motions of role play. There is nothing wrong with this, but it also does not make these people automatically better than those who use the lifestyle to directly satisfy their dark desires. How could it? They are doing the same things. And then there are the people who believe they are just actors playing a role and pretend to be, but who just don't want to admit to themselves that they are driven by the dark desires.

All three groups, the actors, the sadists and masochists who aren't in denial, and the sadists and masochists who are in denial are all being very human in that they are engaging in impulsive and compulsive behavior for the satisfaction of cravings. And it's all good as long as it's all consentual. It's just a little difficult to understand for someone whose desires (dark or otherwise) don't include dominant or submissive cravings. That is a group that will be underepresented in the BDSM lifestyle, because the satisfaction of their cravings (with respect to other people) requires an absense of all but self-control. This group is likewise, hard to understand by those whose cravings require others with some element of control in the relationship. There is no need for anybody to be offended by any of that. It is just recognition that these groups exist.

29 May 2012

Quote by Pixie
MistressS and 1ball I suggest that you both try to stay out of each others way.

Noted. And thank you for your patience.

29 May 2012

Quote by MistressS

Ok, I am really tired of this now, I have tried to be civil about this, and as I said, I have never tried to make you change what you think. I merely stated that it has offended many and have defended myself and those in the lifestyle from what seems like a verbal attack on us by this point.
Clearly you are just trying to goad me now. I have said what I will in response to your original points, I'm not going to continue this further. I'd appreciate if you don't either.

The polite option would have been to ask for clarification, rather than playing the offense card over and over and over. You may stop trying to control me now.

29 May 2012

Quote by MistressS

If I have made it appear like that, and I'm told by many others that I haven't, then I apologize.

I am sorry you misinterpreted and felt the need to pretend that offense gives you the authority to attempt to suppress the ideas of others.

28 May 2012

Quote by MistressS

At no point have I acted like I alone speak for the lifestyle,

I disagree.

All off your posts have used the word 'need' in the sense that they need control in the same way they need air or water,

On the contrary, I have made it clear all along that I am talking about emotional need and psychological addiction as opposed to physical need and addiction. I have explained that if this need is not fulfilled, it will result in self-destructive behavior, not physical injury.

Yet again I'll say, abuse is abuse, it doe not matter if a sub feels they deserve that abuse, it is still abusive and no Dom/me should be abusing anyone, if they do then they are not a Dom/me, simply an abuser.

Speaking for the entire lifestyle again? A torturer will rarely define torture to include his behavior. But a torturer will do the same things that some people in the lifestyle do. Does that make him not an abuser? Doesn't the answer lie in the consent of the used/abused?

If these people you have talked to really feel they need so much control to be happy, I strongly advise that they seek help for that, people who need something that much to be happy will become forceful in their search for it and they will need more and more of it as time goes on to stay happy, and they will end up hurting those around them. As I said in one of my first posts, Dom/mes enjoy being in control, it is not necessary for their happiness.

Do you even know what the SM in BDSM stands for? I clearly do. You seem to want to sweep it under the rug.

I have never said that there are not those who feel they need control, there are, but there are very few, and those who do believe they need control will always end up abusing people to get that control.

It must be interesting to live in a world with no gray areas. The people I spoke of did not escalate. One of them matured out of the need to control others. At least that's how he perceived it. The others, to my knowledge, have only mellowed as they aged.

I am not wanting to control what you think,

Only what I do?

Now, again can we please stop with this argument.

Am I holding a gun to your head to compel participation? You are free to stop at any time. All that requires is a demonstration of self-control.

28 May 2012

Quote by MistressS

I never said that I alone was speaking for the lifestyle,.

What you never said contradicts the way you act.

I also never said people never want control in their lives, I said that Dom/mes do not NEED it, neither do most people out there, there are those few who really feel they do but as I said before, those who do NEED to control do not look for a Dom/sub relationship, they simply take that control, and abuse those who they try to control..

You're stumbling over the word need. They don't need the way we need air or water, but they need the way that people mean when they say they need love. Technically speaking, nobody needs love, but if their happiness depends on it, it's perfectly acceptable to say they need it.

As for how you say the point it becomes abuse is up to the sub, if someone would beat on their partner whenever they got angry, Would you say that was abuse? Of course you would, even if the person being abused said they were ok with it, they say this because they are afraid it will get worse if they say anything. Abuse is abuse, regardless of what the person who is receiving it says.

It's not up to what the sub says. It's up to what the sub believes. If the sub believes they deserve it, the sub has drawn the use-abuse line beyond it. We can look from the outside and say it's abuse, but if we did something about that, we would be taking control away from the sub. That seems controlling to me.

These people you have asked who have told you they use it to exercise their 'control fix' as you put it, I highly doubt that they meant that they have a 'need' to control, and I doubt what they said iis the same as how you have written it.

You can doubt all you want. They said it as if their happiness depends on being able to control others. They struggled to exercise enough self-control to not overcontrol their subs and lose them. They provided enough care to keep their subs so they could continue controlling them. They took advantage of the sub's needs and the sub took advantage of theirs. If a sub required too much care and offered too little control, they would look for another sub. You can argue all you want that this is not "NEED", but it looks like "required for happiness" to me.

I also never said that you were attacking the lifestyle, what I said is that what you have said and how you said it is very offensive to many on here that are in the lifestyle.

I guess I don't worry all that much about offending those who might be using offense as an excuse for attempting to control away an unpopular viewpoint. I'm calling it like I see it and I see people pursuing happiness by attempting to get their control needs fulfilled, not just in the lifestyle, but in humanity in general. I've offered that as an explanation for why Doms might overcontrol and why subs might not mind rules that others would not tolerate. I have not judged the people in the lifestyle as being inferior to people in general. I commend them for finding safe and mutually acceptable outlets for their urges.

28 May 2012

Quote by MistressS

If you feel the need to continue this, then message me, rather than staying in this thread.

No. I think I have something to say that others might want to read. I don't think you can presume to speak for the entire lifestyle. To say "we are people just like everyone else" and then to deny that people in the lifestyle struggle with control issues is a contradiction. Everyone else is dealing with the fulfillment of their control needs, why not the people in the lifestyle? I am not judging the people in the lifestyle by pointing out that they use it to fulfill their control needs any more than I would be judging skydivers for using airplanes to fulfill their needs for high speed approaches to planetary surfaces. I don't judge people who need to control others, I judge how they accomplish it. That's where they can cross the line between use and abuse and that is dependent on the sub's perception.

The people I've spoken with who are in the lifestyle say they are there because it gives them a safe way to get their control fix. Are they lying to me? They also say they were not satisfied with relationships that did not offer them the control they desired. Were those lies or did they just not understand? I've watched them struggle with attempts to find compatible subs and when they failed I watched them attempt to control others, just to get what they were missing. I'm standing by what I wrote. You're feeling a need to defend something that wasn't being attacked.

27 May 2012

Quote by MistressS

This thread is about the trust between Dom/mes and subs, if your comments really weren't aimed at Dom/mes and subs, and I highly doubt they were not, then they aren't really relevant to this thread, and the wording of it has offended myself, and several others in the lifestyle.

It seems to me this thread is about the people beneath the "lifestyle" mask. At least that's who I assume Shylass was trying to understand. It did not seem that she was asking about the mechanics of living the lifestyle. For Dom/mes and subs in the lifestyle who are true to type, what I said is true and if a Dom is too resentful of their depenency on subs, they will overcontrol because truly dominant personalities are one-trick ponies. Abuse until they have to make up is their cycle until they learn self-control, which the truly dominant personality is usually poor at achieving. If you're going to tell me that none of the Dom/mes in the lifestyle are true to type, then be prepared to be disbelieved. Overcontrol by a true-to-type Dom is a sign of fear borne from dependency. Addict behavior.

If you want to talk about Dom/mes who are not true to type, who willingly allow their subs to set the rules and dictate their behavior, then the issue isn't really trust, but display of trust, in other words play acting. In that case, you can possibly turn around what I said and find Dom/mes who are seeking a sense of self-worth in their sense of place and subs who are at risk of overcontrolling their Dom/mes out of dependency.

27 May 2012

Quote by MistressS

I suggest you remove your posts here, and read up more on the lifestyle before you try to comment on it, and try listening to those who actually have experience in it.

I'll let my comments stand. If you reread them carefully, you'll see that I was speaking to the underlying motivations of people who have truly dominant or submissive personalities. If that does not apply to you, you have nothing to be pissed about. I was attempting to help one who is struggling to understand the trust issue. The line between use and abuse is set by the sub in a play acting relationship and that can be the one with the actual dominant personality.

27 May 2012

Quote by Shylass

Woooooaaaaaaaaah! Let's just back up here a bit!

I am simply trying to understand a lifestyle or certain preferences (depending on how one chooses to look at it). It's something that interests me, yes, but not as a participant. I know full well it's not a situation I would be happy in. I am merely trying to understand the draw for others, and to attempt to get into the mindset so that I can understand it, not be part of it.

I didn't mean to imply otherwise, Shylass. I'm only pointing out that you might not be able to understand it without understanding the underlying needs. We each are a balance of master-slave-loner. Our happiness is tied to to how well we achieve the balance. Some people see this triangulation as leader-follower-loner, but the leader can be a slave and the follower can be a master. That is why the sub in a play-acting relationship is often in a postition of greater power and is often more able to take-or-leave the lifestyle than the Dom. They are emulating the slave, but setting the rules for the ruler. They hold the key to power by exercising their ability to walk away when their desires are not met. My point it that you appear to be balanced toward the loner point of the triangle and thus not understanding the needs that drive the behavior of the others.

27 May 2012

Quote by MistressS

You may want to reword that, as it is going to offend almost everyone who is in the lifestyle.
Being a Domme myself, I have never felt I 'need' to have control over my sub, I enjoy being her Mistress, but I do not need to be. Nor has any Dom/me I have ever met, felt they 'need 'to control others.

Those who have Dom/sub relationships, it is a choice, it is something they both enjoy. It is certainly not a need, those who need to control others, tend to be abusive, and that is certainly not what the lifestyle is about. As for subs needing to be controlled, I don't know any sub who cannot function without someone to control them. There are some subs, who will feel lost or confused without their Dom/me, but (as far as I've seen) this is only the case for subs who are in a relationship and are used to having their Dom/me controlling them, subs who haven't got a Dom/me are typically just like anyone else is.

I suppose the key to knowing whether my statement applies to you or to any other individual in the lifestyle is to ask yourself the question, "How strong will my cravings be if I do not get what I desire." That is where the parallel to addiction comes in. There is nothing more common than an addict in denial who defines addiction to exlude their own behavior. I'll stand by my statement that truly dominant personalities need to control. If that excludes you then it means that you don't have a truly dominant personality, but whether that is the case for you or many others in the lifestyle is dependant on your response when what you desire is taken from you. If your sub(s) go away, will you seek more? How much less fulfilling will your life be without them? Is it truly a take-it-or-leave-it thing for you or will the pressure steadily build until you either get another sub or become very unhappy? Only you know the answers to those questions, but I've met Doms and subs who will slowly self-destruct until they find what they crave, just like addicts. They weren't simply play acting, they were goal seeking.

27 May 2012

Quote by Shylass

Interesting. Some have said elsewhere that the two must trust each other implicitly in order to be in that kind of relationship. I don't trust at all (generally), although I might begin to when I know a person a little better, but if one has to lay rules because they don't trust the other? I struggle with that concept. I thought the rules thing was more about submitting to the control, as opposed to fear of them cheating? Or is it the same thing?

I'm not sure if I am holding up the Dom/Domme - Sub relationship too closely against a more "vanilla" relationship?

I may have just confused myself more.

It might help if you look at it differently. Most of the people I've met who have dominant personalities are almost like addicts. They need to control and are dependant on the people they control. Sometimes they resent that dependence and they overcontrol with tighter rules. The submissive people I've met are addicted to knowing their place, where they fit into the relationship, because having a place gives them a sense of worth and knowing their place, through the rules and tasks they are given, is how they know whether they agree with their Dom's opinion on their worth.

If you have neither need, you may be addicted to self-control and it may be hard to understand the other needs. That seems to be the case with you, Shylass. Your desire to command or obey seems low, but your desire to set and protect your position as an independant actor seems high.

27 May 2012

Just to satisfy my curiousity, I like to see a full shave once per woman, but it really doesn't matter. A full bush is fine with me. Sometimes long hair beside the lips actually sticks to the lips and that's kinda fun to release.

26 May 2012

I use the first, because I believe it's easier to get inside the reader's head that way.

21 May 2012

How about "another words" when it should be "in other words". I barely notice it when somebody says that, but when I see it written, my brain hits a speed bump.

21 May 2012

Quote by naughtiestmommy
As far as receiving criticism goes, I think it does us all good to consider its origin and, once you have determined what TYPE of negative feedback you've received, you can take it or leave it. If all someone does is offer negative feedback, ignore it. If they couldn't take the time to find something nice to say about your work, they are probably insincere, anyhow. Don't waste your own time worrying about their opinion.

All of what you wrote was worth reading, naughtiestmommy, but that part was worth quoting.

I received a criticism that I deserved once, not because I think it was accurate, but because I tried something tricky and it didn't work. The complaint was along the lines of "It seems you got bored/tired of writing. It was less detailed." I was trying to convey that my character, the narrator of the series was getting bored with telling of the exploits of the couple. Probably one or two sentences would have helped that reader to distinguish between the character/narrator and the writer, but I failed to recognize that need. My bad.

I received another criticism along the lines of "I was disappointed. I'm just not into the whole bbc thing, but it was well written anyway." That comment later got pulled. It was as if the commenter felt betrayed that the series had taken a turn away from where he wanted it to lead. I didn't let that bother me.

I find it very challenging and enjoyable to write stories that readers aren't sure why they keep reading them, but they can't stop. So if I get low scores, I can chalk that up to the reader feeling conflicted about the value of the story, not the quality of the writing, unless I get a comment that is relevant to the quality of the writing. That makes a difference for me. I rite the story because I want to achieve a certain result with a certain set of readers. I try to write it well, because otherwise, what's the point?

20 May 2012

Quote by Shylass

The other possibility is that people like your stories so much that they have intense Happy Time, and are so exhausted afterwards that they have lost all ability to type?

If I had that ability, I would try to expand my readership to make the world a happier place. laughing6

laughing6

*EDIT* You may find that authors respond because they have more detailed opinions and know the value of comments and responses, whereas some (but not all) readers like to read-and-go.

That's probably true for most. I'm thinking about taking away the option to vote on my stories. The score can tell something other than satisfaction level with the writing quality and doesn't address the path to improvement.

20 May 2012

Girls don't have to shave anything for guys, but if they don't, there might be consequences. Pussies are no different than armpits or legs in that respect. Guys (and girls) can decide whether they like something, but they can't decide they like something that they they don't like (or vice versa). At best, they can decide whether something they don't like is tolerable. You can decide whether to accomodate their tastes or not. Some people are turned off by seeing hair on a potential partner. For others it makes zero difference. I like to see a complete shave once, just to satisfy my curiousity, but I find hairy unkempt bushes just as erotic as baldies.