These are all texts that have been sent to my phone in the last couple of months. I don't do forwards so I am just gonna post them here...
(This one is my favorite)
You are riding a horse at full speed. There is a giraffe beside you, an elephant in front of you and a lion behind you. What should you do?
You get your drunk ass off the carousel...
How many animals can you get in a pair of pantyhose?
Two calves, an ass, a beaver, a whole bunch of hares, and a fish nobody can find.
A little girl walks past her parents room, looks in the key hole and say to herself, "And this bitch gets mad when I suck my thumb!"
(The next two might offend some people)
I am soooo pissed right now...I lost 3 retards today...1 at Chucky Cheese, 1 in Wal-Mart, and now WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU AT?
Just a reminder, tomorrow is hug a retard day so don't freak out like you did last year...No one is trying to take your freakin helmet.
(And finally, a sweet one)
Any man can love a million girls but only a real man can love one girl a million ways...
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Birdie
Over 90 days ago
Bisexual Female, 47
0 miles · Indiana
Forum
Seeker
I, too, will not vote if I don't like the story much. It makes me feel bad. But you just need to remember that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that is what the voting is there for. It's not really disrespectful, it's feed back. What matters most is what you think of the story. When you post a story you just gotta realize that you can't please everyone all the time. When I post my stories I just sit back and expect the worst sometimes and sometimes people surprise me. Everyone gets a lousy vote now and then....And sometimes they get lousy or sometimes nasty comments, too. Take a look sometime. You will see....
Seeker
Birdie,
I have this trailer, oh, about 12' x 12' that you can move into. Not only do I not have a tv, but if I did, the remote would be all yours, as I have never learned how to use one very well.
Yeah, I know, like my brother told me when he heard that I don't:
watch sports on TV (except for Olympics);
own a grill or have my own BBQ sauce;
know what engine size are in any of my cars;
know much about models of power tools;
own a motorcycle;
take nights out with the guys;
haven't been hunting, ice fishing, or to a strip club;
don't burp, ect...
my brother told me to turn in my man card.
Guess I am short on personality too, since I don't have all of the above to talk endlessly about?
Where do you get one in the first place? The man card. Not the personality.
Oh, about the trailer, Birdie. There is no kitchen for you to have to slave in and only one window to clean or in which to hang curtains. Just a small fridge and a coffee pot in the corner. The latrine is about 60 yards away, but the showers are closer, by about 15 yards. Lots of eye candy for the ladies, as long as you like military hair cuts..... Just look for a flight to Baghdad.
Chase,
Would you like to borrow MY man card? Because from what you have described I feel that I may have one in my back pocket. Because I do:
Watch sports on TV: NFL....Love the Steelers and the Colts.
Own a grill
Know what size the engine is in my car...Plus, exactly how much oil it leaks onto the ground each week.
Love power tools and know how to use each and every one of them.
Don't own a motorcycle, but would LOVE to have one.
Do take nights out with the guys and have a beer after work.
Have been hunting once, fishing several times. I love fishing...
Have been to the strip clubs more times than I could ever count...
And I burp just to piss off my live-in. Everyone burps, even you...
Tell me, are you gay? Or do you just not enjoy any of these things? No disrespect intended...Please do not be offended...
And about the trailer. If there is no kitchen, does that mean someone is going to serve me breakfast in bed? Only one window? That is insane...Mind if I do a little home improvement? Are the showers, shared showers....with the eye candy? Sounds a lot like camping to me...I love camping...
Seeker
Stuck? No Way...I will have you know that no bird can really be stuck and all men can be replaced with something with a little more, um...personality...you know what I mean?
I don't need a knight in shining armour...I just need new batteries and a good drink....and maybe an apartment...
I don't need a knight in shining armour...I just need new batteries and a good drink....and maybe an apartment...
