I come back to lush ?! In all seriousness though, I used to spend a lot of time on this site a long time ago, on a different account. This is something I know I can bring to the table here.
My husband and I have been together 5 years. We dated for three months, I got pregnant. At 7months pregnant I found him cheating on me with 3 other women (at least emotionally/via text, he claims he hasn't slept with any of them) one of them he was telling he loved her. I stayed, because the relationship was young and had been rough. We had just bought a house. I was terrified! When our child was 3 months old, I caught him again. I moved out while he was at work and he promised me we would go to therapy so I came back. We went to 2 sessions before he decided he hated the therapist and we never went back. (So dumb, I know. I should have insisted.) I moved back in shortly after. We have been married 2 years after I thought it had finally ended.
There have been emails, texts, pictures. He still has a flings.com account. He falls into the percentile of a sex addict, but won't get help. He tells me he can just quit, like he quit smoking. (And started smoking again shortly after). I know it hasn't ended. We don't have a healthy communicating relationship, when we fight it's hurtful comments and cussing. I know this isn't healthy. I've begged him for therapy, but he works so much (I'm a SAHM currently) he says we don't have time to ever go.
So it's reached the point where if I catch a login to flings on his iPad, it's just like "I caught ya!" And we move on. I've offered to leave, to divorce, to have an open marriage where we can see other people, to become swingers. He doesn't want that, he says. He just wants me, he says. Yet continues online activity.
New things he has been doing- he setup our kids old camera in the bedroom and it sends emails to his account if there is movement in front of it. He literally knows every time I come into the bedroom during the day. I've told him it creeps me out and unplug it and he plugs it back in. Then I found a picture of MY phone screen on his iPad with an odd number on it from when I listed something on Craigslist. He looked at my phone and looked up the number that had texted me without just asking me what it was. My phone is not locked, he is free to go thru it whenever he wants. His phone is locked and if I tell him to unlock it he walks away.
I've been faithful the whole time up until yesterday, where I called up my best male friend who I have always had feelings for, and vice versa. (We spent a week together years ago and had sex, but he lives in another state.) He knows my entire situation, knows everything that has gone on in the last 5 years, and has always given me advice to try and work everything out with my marriage. he knows I don't want to just end it or throw it away. We were talking and it turned into phone sex.(and I had to unplug the freaking camera!) This is a catalyst.
Sorry for the long ass post. So what it is boiling down to is, am I down to giving my husband a final ultimatum to get therapy with me? If I've reached the point where I can have phone sex because I feel I deserve a happy moment after everything I've had to deal with, should I give any more time trying to put effort into my marriage?