Believe me... a couple of transient ischemic attack
gives you an incentive
Do not piss about with alll the mumbo jumbo advice
Just put your phaser on stun
That means ....My goldfish has fin rot
I may be wrong though
Retired deck chair attendant
(Survey by Thomas Cook and ABTA)
"I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."
"It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned."
"On my holiday to Goa in India , I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."
"We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels."
A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a waterhole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel "inadequate".
A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she'd been locked in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the "do not disturb" sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room.
"The beach was too sandy."
"We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white."
A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.
"Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women."
"We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five Euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake."
"No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."
"It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took the Americans three hours to get home."
"I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."
"The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'. We're trainee hairdressers - will we be OK staying here?"
"There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners."
"We had to queue outside with no air conditioning."
"It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."
"I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite."
"My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."
Picked my new signature
Do you like it ...
And mine ! 2 lines of text with a max of 65 characters would be good
Whateverever happened to the good old days when signatures on forum was a line of text
now its seems to be huge adverts for some nonsense or just look at me
Im sure a bleeding feature film will be the next thing I see... its getting stupid
Billy was a good Floridian ...
Start wearing a Merkin and see his face when that falls off ..
perhaps this explains it better
MEN’S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let’s have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. What’s wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question
8. May I have this dance? = I’d like to have sex with you
9. Can I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you
10. Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you
11. Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you
12. Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for other men to have sex with you
13. You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you within the next 3 mins.
14. Let’s talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and then I’d like to have sex with you.
15. I don’t think those shoes go with that outfit = I’m gay
