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DirtyMartini
Over 90 days ago
Male, 64
United States
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DirtyMartini
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
I had to look up the word "Privating"...it doesn't seem to be in the dictionary...so, I guess the answer is "No"...
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DirtyMartini
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Quote by Mysteria27
I think it would be kind of interesting if you could do poems in every category. Instead of just leaving it to love poems.



You can write a poem in any category you want, it does not have to be a traditional "love poem" so to speak...you can always add the specific categories in the tags...

For example...let's say you submitted this classic...

Ode To My Sister

My favorite family member is my sister,
And she really is so dear,
She keeps her butt hole clean and bleached,
And she lets me do her in the rear.

She keeps cucumbers in the fridge,
Though she's never made a salad,
She always buys fresh ginger too,
Though her cooking skills aren't valid.

She invites the neighbors over at night,
And we take turns passing her around,
When she goes back in her room alone,
We hear a buzzing sound.

See...you could post a classic poem like that in the "Love Poem" category, and just add the rest in the tags, which might read something like " , sister, group sex, toys, ginger, figging, anal sex, anal bleaching, whatever"...

Understand how it works?
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DirtyMartini
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Quote by Wilful
A beautiful Chinese doll, exquisitely feminine, gave him incredible joy. Kissable lips, magnificent nipples, outstanding pussy. Quietly restrained, she teased, until very wet, X-rated yelps zapped.


Yeah, that was rather well done...normally I might attempt such an odd challenge myself, but I've had a terrible cold the last couple of days...getting out of bed and sitting upright is enough of a challenge for today...
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DirtyMartini
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
A couple of more pictures turned up from this event...here's one with me and Elaine Gaber, director of the library...and she's holding my book...what impeccable taste that gal has...



Here's another one that turned up recently...notice that they put me in a corner in the kid's room btw...note that scary looking stuffed thing lurking above my head...enough to give a guy nightmares...

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DirtyMartini
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Alright, I know I'm slightly late to the party...but, I had to find a cake fit for Royalty...

Hope you had a great birthday there Her Royalness...





Cheers,
Alan.
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DirtyMartini
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Quote by Her Royal Spriteness


if your story was rejected and you edit it in the edit box, we can see exactly what's been edited - that makes it easier for us to review it and quicker for us to publish it after seeing the fixes. if you copy and paste, we pretty much have to treat it as a new story, making more work for us and taking longer to turn it around for you.


Actually, I copied and pasted a whole new thingy after editing in Word over on the blue site...and believe it or not, it shows the differences in blue and red, just like if I made the changes in the box...

Don't ask me if this happens all the time, it was a one time thing for me as one of my stories got extensively edited with the help of editor Rosemary J. Kind...and I posted the revised version over on SS...like I said, I have no clue if the changes are always tracked like that...I have to say, I was rather surprised though...
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DirtyMartini
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
"Blogger and social media expert Mike Wallagher created this site to give writers a simple step-by-step introduction to creating their web presence. Topics include choosing a blogging platform, the pros and cons of free versus paid hosting, promoting your blog on Twitter, search engine optimization and digital marketing. "...check it out my blogging friends...

How to Start a Blog – Step by Step Guide
http://startbloggingonline.com/
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DirtyMartini
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Quote by scooter
That's quite a nice piece.
I especially love how you disclaim your talents.

Your a good man Mr DirtyMartini.

scooter.


Hey Mr. Scooter...thanks for the kind words...I was very nervous, and to get an idea as to just how nervous I actually was, try to count how many times I use the word "actually" in that four minute interview video...it's actually a nervous habit I have, I'm actually not that bad actually in normal life...actually...ahem...

Anyway...here's a list of what I actually read during the reading, though the order got changed...as noted, I read the 9/11 poem last, instead of first, for instance...but, I did have a list I made shortly before show time...I tried not to plan this whole thing too far in advance...I figured the less scripted I made this whole thing, the less chance of me getting too nervous and screwing up...so, it was mostly "off the cuff" so to speak...

1. We Shall Never Forget (9-11 Tribute)
2. The Facebook Poem
3. Happiness And Purpose
4. The Birthday Party
5. Under Darkness Of Night
6. Grandpa
7. Relatives
8. I Had A Dream
9. The Best You Ever Had
10. For Trayvon (May your death not be in vain)
11. Please Tell Me That You Can Stay
12. Steal This Poem
13. Sexual Healing
14. We Started As Friends

I started the actual reading about 6:35PM, and it ran up until about 7:35PM...so, over an hour of fairly continuous talking on my part...I prefaced everything with a bit of a story as to how each piece came about...

And a few of the above can be found on this fine site btw...like 9, 11, 13 and 14...just sayin'
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DirtyMartini
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Here's some more photos from my first author event...this one is at the beginning, before it started...me talking to library director Elaine Gaber...



Apparently in deep thought here...either that, or I forgot what I was going to say...



Oh wait...maybe this is the deep thought picture...I made sure I wrote down anything I read btw...wouldn't want to accidentally read the same story or poem twice...



I have my hand out here...either for dramatic effect...or maybe I'm just pointing the way to the rest room or something...don't recall at the moment...



And finally...the first ever public reading of my 9/11 poem...by me anyway...is now up on YouTube...I think it's not quite as strong as I would have preferred, as there was a decision to move it to the end of the event, for the benefit of people who may have walked in late...I had originally intended to read it at the beginning, and I think my voice was giving out a bit after reading for more than an hour straight...but, how I intend it to be read, in my mind, comes across clearly...check it out my friends...

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DirtyMartini
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Quote by AngelHeart01
I enjoyed the video, and I think you did great. Congratulations!


Lol...thanks...you can tell I'm totally nervous...try to count how many times I use the word "actually" in that interview btw...even I'm not usually that bad...

MyCentralJersey.com added my poem to the video today...I don't think it's the same link as above...

We Shall Never Forget (9-11 Tribute)
http://www.mycentraljersey.com/article/20130911/NJNEWS/130911002

On another related note...I'm guest blogger today on Lucy Pireel's blog, where I talk about everything you always wanted to know about my 9/11 poem, but were afraid to ask...you can see close ups of those documents I'm holding in the video...

How to Honour the Heroes or 9/11 by Alan Jankowski
http://lucypireel.wordpress.com/2013/09/11/how-to-honour-the-heroes-or-911-by-alan-jankowski/

Yeah, I'll be posting more pictures and video of the actual author event later...I did the same explanation to the audience I did in the video...well, sort of...note the unabashed enthusiasm on my face in this picture btw...
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DirtyMartini
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Here is a video interview done the afternoon of September 8, 2013...about 3:00PM in front of City Hall here in South Amboy, and released two days later...the interview is a bit more somber than I would have preferred...we stopped in the police station to let them know what we were doing in front of City Hall, and the officer on duty told a story about how he was alive only because of a shift change a few days before 9/11...everyone he worked with on his old shift died in the towers...well, you know...things got off to a solemn start...

Eva Abreu is Social Media Editor for The Courier News, Home News Tribune, and The Daily Record...she thinks other press people may try to contact me after this...that remains to be seen...

Note also mention of Lush Stories...and check out the martini glass shirt...it is actually a Three Olives Vodka shirt...

We Shall Never Forget (9-11 Tribute Poem)
http://www.mycentraljersey.com/videonetwork/2662770291001/We-Shall-Never-Forget-9-11-Tribute-Poem-
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DirtyMartini
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Here is a video interview done the afternoon of September 8, 2013...about 3:00PM in front of City Hall here in South Amboy, and released two days later...the interview is a bit more somber than I would have preferred...we stopped in the police station to let them know what we were doing in front of City Hall, and the officer on duty told a story about how he was alive only because of a shift change a few days before 9/11...everyone he worked with on his old shift died in the towers...well, you know...things got off to a solemn start...

Eva Abreu is Social Media Editor for The Courier News, Home News Tribune, and The Daily Record...she thinks other press people may try to contact me after this...that remains to be seen...

Note also mention of Lush Stories...and check out the martini glass shirt...it is actually a Three Olives Vodka shirt...

We Shall Never Forget (9-11 Tribute Poem)
http://www.mycentraljersey.com/videonetwork/2662770291001/We-Shall-Never-Forget-9-11-Tribute-Poem-
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DirtyMartini
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Quote by humdrum

Is this a rare or common occurrence?


When you say "common"...do you mean like more than six times a day? No, it is not a common occurrence...

But masturbating at work does make those pesky business meetings go by quicker...though it does make for awkward moments at year end review time...and don't ask me how I know that btw...
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DirtyMartini
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Alright, made the little local papers in the area...the paper I had an article in last year...

Suburban
http://sub.gmnews.com/news/2013-08-29/Bulletin_Board/Poet_to_read_tribute_to_911_attacks.html

And the sister paper serving East Brunswick and surrounding areas...

Sentinel
http://eb.gmnews.com/news/2013-08-29/Bulletin_Board/Poet_to_read_tribute_to_911_attacks_Sept_10.html

And the prestigious South Amboy Times...actually, I don't think I even knew there was a South Amboy Times until my name came up in a Google search...but yeah, there is...I'm on page 12 btw...

South Amboy Times
http://www.thesatimes.com/SATaug13FINALsmall.pdf

And now New Jersey Monthly...

New Jersey Monthly
http://njmonthly.com/events/28341.html

And the Amboy Guardian got my middle initial wrong...but, the rest looks decent...

Amboy Guardian - Summer Winners at Dowdell Library
http://www.amboyguardian.com/2013/09/06/summer-winners-at-dowdell-library/

Alright, we now have flyers for the event...and these look pretty cool posted around the library btw...

Dowdell.org - Flyer
http://dowdell.org/flyers/Alan%20W.pdf



Just had a video interview with the Eva Abreu, a columnist for MyCentralJersey.com, about my upcoming event...it concentrated mostly on the 9/11 poem btw...

Believe it or not, I actually mentioned Lush Stories...to find out how that worked in, you'll have to watch it...should post on the internet later btw...
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DirtyMartini
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Good Afternoon my Lushkin friends...hey, is that Mr. Scooter? Good to see you Dude...

Hey Reverend...I'm in serious need of a drink right now...yeah, I know, I say that every day...but, see those bottles there on the top shelf? Yeah, just pass those over...and no need for a glass, I'll just drink right out of the bottle...

I have an interview in a couple of hours with columnist Eva Abreu in front of City Hall about my upcoming author event...that be this, in case anyone here don't know...

Remembering Patriot’s Day – Meet Author Alan W. Jankowski!
http://engagedpatrons.org/EventsExtended.cfm?SiteID=9763&EventID=179960

I believe it's a video interview, so I'll post the link later...

I'm not saying I'm nervous or anything...but, I will be wearing dark colored pants just in case I do piss myself...just sayin'

Pass the bottles Rump...

Cheers,
Alan.
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DirtyMartini
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Great video...and the title perfectly describes how I've been feeling lately...

The Rolling Stones - Live 1966 - 19Th NERVOUS BREAKDOWN
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DirtyMartini
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Great video...and the title perfectly describes how I've been feeling lately...

The Rolling Stones - Live 1966 - 19Th NERVOUS BREAKDOWN
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DirtyMartini
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Yeah...who won? Was it me???

Oh wait...I didn't enter...never mind...
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DirtyMartini
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Quote by submissivemom72
They indicated that we should move our 'chat' to so we would be more secure.


That's a common ploy of spammers, here and tons of other sites on the net...Lush is no different in that respect...I got two requests like that this week alone over on Facebook...and I've seen it on poetry sites even...

Like Liz says...it's only as safe as you make it...my own rule is, don't post anything anywhere on the internet you wouldn't want everyone to know about...simple as that...
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DirtyMartini
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Actually, the problem is that you can't have a poem centered past a certain amount of lines...it may be centered for the first 12 lines or so...after that, it reverts to left justified, or whatever it wants...

This has been an ongoing problem here and the blue site for as long as I can recall...it has nothing to do with where the poem was copied from...

My best advice...skip trying to get a poem centered...it just don't work...

I'm a mod over on the blue site...and we have endless poems over there that end up looking like this...or worse...and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it, no matter how much time you put into it...take my word on this one...

Endless Sky
http://www.storiesspace.com/stories/poetry/endless-sky.aspx
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DirtyMartini
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Good Afternoon my Lushketeer Friends...those are some useful rules there Rump, but you know darn well that nobody here reads rules anyway...or even reads for that matter...

On a far more important note...what are the chances of me getting a drink here in this fine establishment?

(Reaches into pocket and pulls out a large piece of lint, a couple of worn peep show tokens, a couple of gum wrappers, and an expired White Castle coupon, and places all on the bar...)

Hmmm...that should be enough for a tall glass of Beaver Breath, me thinks...

On yet another note...speaking of writing-type stuff...my first ever book signing/author event is now less than three weeks away...and you're all invited...doesn't say anything about open bar, so I have to assume it's strictly BYOB...but, it does mention door prizes...so, I guess you have a chance to win a door...anyway, here be the link...and this whole mess starts at 6:30PM btw...

Remembering Patriot’s Day – Meet Author Alan W. Jankowski!
http://engagedpatrons.org/EventsExtended.cfm?SiteID=9763&EventID=179960

Notice also that my first author event is also the city of South Amboy's 9/11 memorial ceremony...and the local reporter already contacted me...not that there's any pressure here or anything...but, I'll make sure I'm well prepared to rise to the occasion...

Yeah, speaking of well-prepared...pass that Beaver Breath, will ya?

Cheers,
Alan.
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DirtyMartini
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Wasn't quite sure where to post this...but, this seems like an appropriate enough spot...
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