And on Twitter: @Exakta66
Feel free to add me...
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
I'm on Facebook as Alan Jankowski
And on Twitter: @Exakta66
Feel free to add me...
And on Twitter: @Exakta66
Feel free to add me...
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DirtyMartini
Over 90 days ago
Male, 64
United States
Forum
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Quote by Piquet
I agree with Crazydiamond, only the medium differs.
Yeah, well...as much as I tend to agree with Pete and Crazy-D, let's get real here...not all tattoos fall into the category of "fine art"...
I doubt anyone would mistake these creations for something Rembrandt did...
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Quote by nicola
I haven't seen those kind of ads for 10 years, are there really that many naive people hitting teh interwebs every day, thinking they've actually won something? lol
You trying to tell me I didn't actually win something?
So, you saying I shouldn't have sent them the $50 for postage so they can mail me the keys to my new car, and that I shouldn't have sent them my bank account info so they can deposit the $62mil my unknown relative in Kenya just left me after their bus accident?
Hmmm...I don't know...
You'll see, when I send you all postcards from the French Riviera you'll see who has the last laugh...
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
You had a regular used car lot, eh DLizze?
I really can hardly compete...haven't owned many vehicles over the years, and some years, like when I lived in Manhattan, I really didn't own a vehicle...
1. 1971 Mercedes-Benz 220 Diesel
2. 1980 Mercedes-Benz 300D
3. 1986 BMW 325
4. 1996 Volkswagen Passat VR6
5. 1961 Mercedes-Benz 190
6. 2003 Honda Civic EX Coupe 5-speed
I really can hardly compete...haven't owned many vehicles over the years, and some years, like when I lived in Manhattan, I really didn't own a vehicle...
1. 1971 Mercedes-Benz 220 Diesel
2. 1980 Mercedes-Benz 300D
3. 1986 BMW 325
4. 1996 Volkswagen Passat VR6
5. 1961 Mercedes-Benz 190
6. 2003 Honda Civic EX Coupe 5-speed
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Oh, I'm sorry...that was one that was actually verified...my bad, how could I be so dumb?
Yeah, I took a glance...what's that expression? "What can be seen cannot be unseen"...something like that...
Slide that bottle of moonshine down here...and a tall glass...
Yeah, I took a glance...what's that expression? "What can be seen cannot be unseen"...something like that...
Slide that bottle of moonshine down here...and a tall glass...
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Hey Rump...yeah, I'll take a shot of fresh brewed moonshine...
Where did you find that story btw? Latest contest entry perhaps?
We had a real classic over on the blue site earlier...you know when the first word in the story is not capitalized you're in for a bumpy ride...
I took one look at that giant paragraph, with the various quotes embedded in that massive block of text, and the lack of punctuation and capitalization, and did the one thing any noble moderator gentleman would do...
I backed out of it and left it for Lisa...
Pass me that drink, btw...
Where did you find that story btw? Latest contest entry perhaps?
We had a real classic over on the blue site earlier...you know when the first word in the story is not capitalized you're in for a bumpy ride...
I took one look at that giant paragraph, with the various quotes embedded in that massive block of text, and the lack of punctuation and capitalization, and did the one thing any noble moderator gentleman would do...
I backed out of it and left it for Lisa...
Pass me that drink, btw...
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Quote by HerSpriteness
pretty much, if someone is really interested in getting a famous story tag (and i'll be honest there, it would mean a lot to me, i try not to make a big deal about it, but yeah, i have an ego too) they'd pretty much have to - HAVE to - write a father-daughter story.
Here, let me help you out here...since apparently it has become painfully obvious to myself and no doubt everyone else on Lush, that you are completely lost without me...
As if you really needed another badge anyway...if you get anymore, poor Gav will have to create a separate site just to display all your badges...
But, anyway...it's really pretty simple, and this should be a piece of cake for you...when you write that father-daughter story, just make sure dad takes his daughter toy shopping, and I don't mean Toys 'R Us...and then stops off at the farmers market on the way home...
When they get home, just make sure the daughter invites all her cheerleader friends over that night, and there is plenty of tequila in the house....oh, and most important...make sure there is a fully equipped dungeon in the basement...
So...listen up now, this is really quite simple here...post the story in the " " category...and make sure you include all of the following tags, and this is very important..."oral, anal, gang-bang, girl-girl, orgy, cheerleaders, father, daughter, bdsm, bondage, spanking, dominant, submissive, liquor, high school party, toys, more toys, big toys, fresh ginger"...
My guess is you'll hit the big 50k view mark within three to four hours after posting...
Good luck...
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Good afternoon Lushketeers...I'm sorry, didn't even realize it was Al's birthday yesterday...I can't recall where I was at the moment, but I have no clue how I could have missed that...
And howdy Chef and Sharon...
Btw, Reverend...hate to tell you, but it seems once again we are plum out of communion wine (hiccup)...that stuff just seems to evaporate...
And let me be among the first, or second to tell you what a fine, inspirational, timely and profound sermon that there fine talk of yours surely be...
Oh, and um, did I mention that the collection plate seems to be missing as well...I bet that Mr. Scooter pawned the darn thing again...I thought I heard rumors he had a few dollars in his pocket and was up to no good...
So...um, if you could be so kind as to give me a ten spot out of the register, I mean shoe box, I could walk down the street to the pawn shop and get the collection plate back...again...
In the meantime, let me get a drink for the road...it's a long walk you know, at least a hundred feet...you wouldn't want me to attempt that sober now would you?
I'll be back...
Cheers,
Alan.
And howdy Chef and Sharon...
Btw, Reverend...hate to tell you, but it seems once again we are plum out of communion wine (hiccup)...that stuff just seems to evaporate...
And let me be among the first, or second to tell you what a fine, inspirational, timely and profound sermon that there fine talk of yours surely be...
Oh, and um, did I mention that the collection plate seems to be missing as well...I bet that Mr. Scooter pawned the darn thing again...I thought I heard rumors he had a few dollars in his pocket and was up to no good...
So...um, if you could be so kind as to give me a ten spot out of the register, I mean shoe box, I could walk down the street to the pawn shop and get the collection plate back...again...
In the meantime, let me get a drink for the road...it's a long walk you know, at least a hundred feet...you wouldn't want me to attempt that sober now would you?
I'll be back...
Cheers,
Alan.
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Quote by gypsymoth
Snicker! Same goes for Moderators are other story sites Alan.
Nudge nudge, wink wink, know what I mean, know what I mean?
Yeah, think I might have an idea as to what you mean...I've been around here long enough that I'm actually starting to get a clue how the place works...
And B-Stallion and C-Brights...I think it's great you two want to volunteer to be editors, and I'm surprised your inbox hasn't filled up with requests already...there are always people looking for help, and they often posts requests in the forum...
I just don't see it ever being made into an actual program here...
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Quote by charmbrights
The volunteer editor may even advise that there may be a problem with the moderators.
Oh, that'll go over well...just saying...
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Quote by gypsymothQuote by Anarchist
My favorite so far has been True Confessions. I'm not Catholic, I know very little about priests, but that story just wrote itself.
That story is brilliant, Catholic or not.
Damn...I haven't seen this thread in like, years...that was one of the first stories I read on Lush, before it became re-titled and got an Editor Pick...
And I agree with Miss Moth btw...but, don't tell anybody...
Wonder what happened to her anyway...Anarchist, not Miss Moth...
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Quote by imhapless
I agree completely with Sprite. Except for DD, and perhaps a few others, no non- story will ever get to 100,000 (at least not in our Lush lifetimes)
Lol...you think that's bad, what about non-erotic stories?
I was just checking over on SS, and if we do what Nicola had suggested and use the top 1% most viewed stories in each category...hmmm, we'd still have a lot of stories that would be about 49,860 views short of the 50k mark...
Maybe we just need to add an " " category over on the blue site...you know, to increase viewership...
What do you think Nic...should I suggest it to Lisa later?
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
That link to Aphrodite doesn't seem to work...not a huge surprise there...but, on other sites it says the app has over 20k stories...
http://www.androlib.com/android.application.com-aphrodisiac-wmwwF.aspx
http://www.androlib.com/android.application.com-aphrodisiac-wmwwF.aspx
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
The Teacher...
I want to teach my dog,
Some tricks that are new,
Like sit, fetch and heel,
As a dog’s expected to do.
But after many hours,
Things are not going good,
For despite all my efforts,
She won’t do as she should.
She can’t fetch to save her life,
And it’s just a little ball,
But instead of carrying it back,
She’ll just let it slip and fall.
My nerves are starting to fray,
It seems that I’ll never win,
Far from concerned with her failures,
She’ll just stand there and grin.
I’ll take her out for a walk,
Hoping by my side she’ll stay,
But she’d rather sniff the flowers,
That grow along the way.
And if I try to get her to sit,
And stay until I call,
Now she wants to play,
And go and fetch her ball.
As if having fun is more important,
Than doing what you should do,
Sometimes I have to wonder,
Who should be teaching who?
10-17-11b.
I want to teach my dog,
Some tricks that are new,
Like sit, fetch and heel,
As a dog’s expected to do.
But after many hours,
Things are not going good,
For despite all my efforts,
She won’t do as she should.
She can’t fetch to save her life,
And it’s just a little ball,
But instead of carrying it back,
She’ll just let it slip and fall.
My nerves are starting to fray,
It seems that I’ll never win,
Far from concerned with her failures,
She’ll just stand there and grin.
I’ll take her out for a walk,
Hoping by my side she’ll stay,
But she’d rather sniff the flowers,
That grow along the way.
And if I try to get her to sit,
And stay until I call,
Now she wants to play,
And go and fetch her ball.
As if having fun is more important,
Than doing what you should do,
Sometimes I have to wonder,
Who should be teaching who?
10-17-11b.
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Does this fall under the category of "Name fail?"...
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Good Afternoon my Lushketeer friends...good luck Mr. Scooter getting up the $123k to get that red Indian...we could take up a special collection after one of the Reverend's sermons, but I have a feeling we might come up a few dollars short...
You're probably better off praying to the patron saint of lost causes there than try to get money out of this crowd...
Is it really PeskyScottishGal69's last day in the States? Don't tell me you got kicked out of the country...what did you do now? Actually, we were surprised you lasted this long...just saying...
A Bloody Mary with Guinness, eh? Hmmm...now that sounds interesting...you'll have to post those pictures...
I would order one of those here, but I think we might be missing a few ingredients...like tomato juice, Guinness, hot sauce, and of course a clean glass...
What we got today that might be drinkable Mr. Rump? Any of that Sams Club Absinthe left? That might do the trick...might not be the smoothest liquid consumable on the planet, but it does have a certain kick to it...
Pass the bottle over here...
Cheers,
Alan.
You're probably better off praying to the patron saint of lost causes there than try to get money out of this crowd...
Is it really PeskyScottishGal69's last day in the States? Don't tell me you got kicked out of the country...what did you do now? Actually, we were surprised you lasted this long...just saying...
A Bloody Mary with Guinness, eh? Hmmm...now that sounds interesting...you'll have to post those pictures...
I would order one of those here, but I think we might be missing a few ingredients...like tomato juice, Guinness, hot sauce, and of course a clean glass...
What we got today that might be drinkable Mr. Rump? Any of that Sams Club Absinthe left? That might do the trick...might not be the smoothest liquid consumable on the planet, but it does have a certain kick to it...
Pass the bottle over here...
Cheers,
Alan.
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Quote by sprite
so, did we decide on my place this time or yours?
Maybe Nicola will let us use that cabin in the picture...I'll let you ask her...
Not sure if I want those four other people around though...what do you think?
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Quote by sprite
so, did we decide on my place this time or yours?
Maybe Nicola will let us use that cabin in the picture...I'll let you ask her...
Not sure if I want those four other people around though...what do you think?
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Quote by RoyalSpriteness
oh! LOL - you really ARE excluded from entering a competition for 6 months! i thought Alan was just giving me a hard time! oh, well, i'm going to submit my story anyways, cause really, it turned out pretty good.
Oh, it has to be Alan giving you a hard time...for the record, just to make sure there is no misunderstanding here, you're the one who gives me a hard time...it's never the other way around...
Just to make sure we're perfectly clear here...and I really did think it was the six year rule, not six months...
Let me go check with Gav again...
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Quote by sprite
oh! LOL - you really ARE excluded from entering a competition for 6 months! i thought Alan was just giving me a hard time! oh, well, i'm going to submit my story anyways, cause really, it turned out pretty good.
Oh, it has to be Alan giving you a hard time...for the record, just to make sure there is no misunderstanding here, you're the one who gives me a hard time...it's never the other way around...
Just to make sure we're perfectly clear here...and I really did think it was the six year rule, not six months...
Let me go check with Gav again...
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Quote by nicola
So, messages (in your inbox or sent box) older than say 3-6 months will be automatically deleted. Those that people wish to keep, can be placed in a storage folder.
Hmmm...I can understand that Nic, but would there be a warning before they're going to be deleted? And could they be "archived?"...
I realize I probably have way too many messages I really don't need, but there are older ones that I'd like to keep...discussions that led to story ideas, that sort of thing...
Don't tell me I might actually have to clean out my inbox...jeez...
Drive me to drink...
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Quote by sprite
omg, just as i was finally getting close to 30,000 it changed? *sighs* even my stories don't get that kind of viewership... and that means that in order to get a badge, you have to be read by more people then are actually ON lush, am i right?
LOL...a minor technicality...jeez, you really have to make an issue out of everything don't you?
Btw Gav...I just have to ask...is it now 100,000 views over on Stories Space as well?
Because according to my calculations...hmmm, if all 415 members were to invite everyone they ever met to the site, and...um...
Let's just say I think it might take a while before anyone gets that badge over there...I would not recommend sitting around waiting...just saying...
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Quote by Buz
And knowing my friends they would probably love it but I still prefer to keep this as my own little secret world away from all of them.
I've put a couple of friends in my stories, but so far only in non-sexual roles...it's a way to get them to read the stories, btw...
And what "writing secret" btw? Just saying...
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Quote by LadyX
Tell you what, cat-boy, why don't you go for the Smirnoff enema, then we'll trade notes.
You know, it does seem like a way to save money when you think about it...I mean, hardly seems worth buying Grey Goose...
Really doubt you could "taste" the difference...
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Quote by scooter
Your going to wanna watch the drinks with little umbrella's too DM
Lol...yeah, I would skip the umbrella...if it opens up you're in trouble...
Btw, if you do tequila shots, can you still eat the worm?
Hmmm...and where does the salt and lime come in?
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Morning Holly...you look like someone I was just talking to, if I recall...still working on waking up...I'll know for sure in a little while...
And that might work for a first cup, btw...
And that might work for a first cup, btw...
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Good Morning my Lushkin friends...ahhh, feel like I just woke up after a two day nap...who spiked the communion wine?
Btw Cardinal Rump...looks like you need to re-stock the communion wine...just saying...
That stuff really seems to go fast, not sure where it goes...
Anyway, let me get some type of caffeinated liquid that may or may not resemble coffee...need to wake up, though why I'm not really sure at the moment...
Cheers,
Alan.
Btw Cardinal Rump...looks like you need to re-stock the communion wine...just saying...
That stuff really seems to go fast, not sure where it goes...
Anyway, let me get some type of caffeinated liquid that may or may not resemble coffee...need to wake up, though why I'm not really sure at the moment...
Cheers,
Alan.
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Speaking of classic songs and albums...I think this by Marvin Gaye more than qualifies...
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Quote by naughtynurse
and it gives a whole new meaning to dirty martini
Lol...yeah, hold the olives...especially those big "Queen olives"...
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Quote by FtLMale
ECT - Emission Computed Tomography
A popular topic in the Forum...
Lol...you know, that's what I thought at first too...just wanted to confirm that...