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DirtyMartini

Over 90 days ago

Male, 64

United States

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15 Nov 2011

Quote by Magical_felix
What? Does the cop breathalize the kids cooters and asses?

Lol...yeah, I guess if the cop thinks you've been drinking that way...they make you bend over and stick the breathalyzer tube up your butt...your breath might not smell of alcohol, but your farts sure do...

Gives new meaning to the phrase "Drunken assholes" if you ask me...

I wonder if this could be the start of a new business idea...you know, a new type of bar...

Happy Hour would be something like "$3 Imported beer, $2 Jello Shots and Butt Shots"...

Don't get me started here... dontknow

dontknow

15 Nov 2011

Quote by Archadia
Mainly just the openness of everybody, especially about sex and ect,

What the heck is "ect?"...it doesn't even come up in Google... dontknow

dontknow

15 Nov 2011

Quote by nicola
Brubeck always reminds me of a Chartered Accountant or something like that, definitely not a Jazzer!

Can't see him toking on a fat... Regaeman Man

Regaeman Man

...eh Nic?

Not only is this a great song, but that really is a classic album...Al Green... happy8

happy8

15 Nov 2011

Hey Gav...I think I may have found another bug...

Oooops...never mind... happy8

happy8

15 Nov 2011

First off, I'd like to thank MOW for sharing this over on Facebook...

This article should be absolute required reading for anyone actually looking to get published...

I've said before, I really don't like to give advice, but in the last fourteen months or so I've spent probably too much time reading writing blogs, joining writing groups, and I've actually met in person and talked to actual published authors...like Caridad Pineiro, an erotic author who writes for Harlequin and others...and I can tell you they will basically all tell you the same things...

Plus, I've managed to make a bit of headway myself in recent months...

What Happened To My Submission? The Chance You Take When You Don't Follow Directions

http://naughtynightspress.blogspot.com/2011/11/what-happened-to-my-submission-chance.html?spref=fb

There is the proverbial shitload of blogs out there by people who have self-published because "traditional publishers are no longer interested in the little author" or words to that effect...

Let me let you in on a fact...traditional publishers make their money finding new talent...

The people who don't get published either need to learn how to write...or learn how to follow directions...or worse yet, some combination of both...

Don't be one of those people my writing Lushketeer friends...

Just saying... happy8

happy8

12 Nov 2011

Quote by Lisa
I started writing a multi-chapter story that fizzled out into nothing and throughout the process I learned it's better (for me) to not post any chapters until I've finished writing the whole series. It put too much pressure on me to keep going and I lost interest in the story.

I think that's a lesson too many learn the hard way, and too late...you're either forced to rush the next chapter to keep up the continuity, sacrificing quality in the process...or worse yet, I think...the next chapter doesn't post for months later after everyone forgot what the story was about in the first place...

Mostly all of the experienced multi-chapter story writers I've talked to write the whole story first and then post the chapters...it also allows you to change something in an earlier chapter if you find it necessary later on...

It really is the better way...

12 Nov 2011

Hey Gav...I know it was mentioned some time back about improvements to the PM system...I recall being able to sort messages by sender mentioned as being in the works...and not a moment too soon, if you ask me...

Don't know if it was brought up before, but I was wondering if we could add other features to the messaging system...notably the ability to forward messages, and add multiple member names to a single message...

Right now it seems we can either send a message to a single recipient, or our whole friends list...it would be nice to able to send a single message to a few individuals...

My My 2 cents

My 2 cents

for today...

12 Nov 2011

Oh Gav...yeah, it's me again...

I heard somebody here say that the reorder story feature actually works now...well, I went up to "Account"..."My Stories" did a little reordering...then checked my profile, and of course, no change...

However...when I went back to "My Stories" they still appeared in the new order I wanted them...so, it's letting me do the reordering, it's just not showing up in my profile in the new order...

Just add it on to your "To Do" list...

12 Nov 2011

Eric Clapton, Jack Bruce, Ginger Baker...The Cream...from their first album "Fresh Cream"...

12 Nov 2011

Hey Cardinal...you got to admit though, heaping the SOS on the donuts might soften them up a bit...

I tried dunking one in that coffee Busty made, and it just sort of bounced off the top...I guess their resemblance in size and hardness to a hockey puck does lend them a certain amount of charm, I suppose...actually, I'm not sure which is more solid, those stale donuts or the coffee Busty makes...

Scootie, Chef...nice to see you two...

What we got to drink here? You still got that gallon of wine for a buck special going on?

Hey Scootie, Chef...I need to borrow fifty cent from each of ya'...you know I'm good for it...

12 Nov 2011

Quote by RumpleForeskin
Just so y'all know, I paid that nominal fee for my Cardinalship back in the mid-80's. Kirby Hensley, who founded and ran the outfit, would make you, your pets, or about anything else, whether organic or not, anything you wanted.

Actually, my mother is some sort of mail order ordained minister or something...and if I recall correctly, she has a framed document hanging on the wall to prove it...

And yeah, there's probably some connection with that Gallo wine thing...

11 Nov 2011

Quote by flytoomuch
Well personally I don't think "Pope DirtyMartini" or "Pope Alan" really works very well.

What do you mean "Pope DirtyMartini I" doesn't work very well? Sounds fine to me...

Jeez, picky aren't we...

11 Nov 2011

Good Morning Lushkins...Good morning Cardinal Rump and everyone else...and yes, Happy Veterans Day to all...

And yeah, congrats on your Cardinalship there...to help celebrate all the festivities this here fine morning, I felt compelled to offer my own contribution by bringing in a box of donuts...

Help yourselves, they should be pretty edible, they were fairly near the top of the dumpster behind Dunkin'...well, let's just say I didn't have to dig too far...

Anyway, I'll take some of that fine caffeinated beverage...and what is that mess again, chipped beef? Hmmm....sounds pretty chippy and beefy...pass it on over...

I'll be back a bit later...not sure if that's a threat or promise, I'll let you figure that one out...
Cheers,
Alan.
occasion5

occasion5

11 Nov 2011

Quote by nicola

Take a look at DirtyMartini's excellent post on the subject of editing, it might help you realise what the industry expects these days: http://www.lushstories.com/forum/yaf_postst20166_Interesting-document-on-editing-from-DWB-Publishing.aspx

Yeah, thanks Nicola...and thanks even more for paying towards my tab at Rump's place...don't know if you saw the contract I posted over in the mod forum on Big Blue, but I did some quick calculations on my slide rule the other day, and I figure the book only has to sell 59.298,361 copies and I'll be able to pay down nearly a quarter of my tab over on Rumplebations...

Yeah, that document makes some good points...and they do insist on space after a period, as Morgan has stated, and a few other things...I thought it was a good checklist for anyone submitting a story here, or anywhere for that matter...

I think some of the things are a bit basic, personally I think if you don't know the difference between "their" and "they're" you probably shouldn't be submitting stuff to traditional print publishers...but, again, just my opinion...I should feel flattered that they actually accepted my story...and btw, they had rejected it Oct. 23, saying she liked the story but was told there was no room in the anthology, and then she sent me a note a couple of days ago saying she needed to speak to me "asap"...so, I sort of snuck in at the last minute on this one...

And looking at the last part of that doc, with the "edits, line edits" and "Errata"...a word I had to look up btw, I can see why writers have a reputation for heavy drinking...no doubt something to do with dealing with editors...

But, the book will be out soon in time for holiday gift giving...just saying... happy8

happy8

11 Nov 2011

Quote by RumpleForeskin

BTW, I paid five dollars American for a certificate from the Universal Life Church of Modesto, CA, making me a Cardinal in that bastion of spiritual sanctification.

See, that just proves that money really can buy anything...

So, you're Cardinal Rumpskin now? Hmmm...I guess it's worth the five bucks...btw, how much did they want for Pope?

11 Nov 2011

Quote by flytoomuch
We fall into a deep discussion of "Norwegian Wood" over a glass of 94' Dominus as a Blue Ray collectors edition of Casablanca plays on the TV ignored.

That's funny...I actually wrote a story where that line in "Norwegian Wood" triggers the sex scene...you know the line..."and then she said, it's time for bed"...

Btw...haven't decided yet if I'm actually entering this one...been sort of busy lately...

And btw Miss Sprite...how much did you have to bribe Nic with to get your, um, "Royalty" status?

10 Nov 2011

Did you ever wonder where the phrase "Fuck like a rabbit" came from?

9 Nov 2011

Quote by sprite
This is so cool! i think i heard about this once, but it didn't stick to my brain. i love learning new stuff and it kind of makes me wonder what other things are out there... it also kind of makes me wonder if there's a female version of sounding... hmmm...

I heard something about slicing ginger into thin strips and...

Um, only kidding...don't go trying anything and blame me if it goes wrong... Shhh

Shhh

9 Nov 2011

Quote by sprite
This is so cool! i think i heard about this once, but it didn't stick to my brain. i love learning new stuff and it kind of makes me wonder what other things are out there... it also kind of makes me wonder if there's a female version of sounding... hmmm...

I heard something about slicing ginger into thin strips and...

Um, only kidding...don't go trying anything and blame me if it goes wrong... Shhh

Shhh

9 Nov 2011

Quote by swollen

You really do get an education on Lush, doncha !!

Yeah, I have to more than agree with that one...I feel very edumacated at the moment...

So...let me get this straight...there are people whose job it is, is to bleach butts all day?

What is this occupation called btw?

"Yo, Butt Bleach Boy...you got another customer..."

Actually...forget I asked... dontknow

dontknow

9 Nov 2011

Quote by Catnip

You can follow a topic in the forums already.

Not to sound too dumb, bear with me I'm new here...but, how the heck do you do that?

Through the RSS feed thingy? Or is there yet something else I don't know about?

9 Nov 2011

Quote by nicola
Here's the 1080p HD version:

[/youtube]

What's the high def version for, big screen TV? Cinema?

I just watched it again...the only thing I don't find believable is that she actually has to type "Lushstories.com" at the beginning...

I mean, she should at least have it bookmarked...or better yet, a shortcut on the desktop like the rest of us...jeez...

9 Nov 2011

Quote by nicola
Sprite can enter any competition she chooses, she's royalty after all!

Wait a minute now...I thought there was a rule that after you win a contest you can't enter another one for six years...or is it six decades, can't really remember at the moment... dontknow

dontknow

9 Nov 2011

Now I can understand having to be drunk for karaoke...but how drunk to you have to be to not notice your head is on fire?

9 Nov 2011

Quote by sprite

oh... i didn't know that, thank you, Alan. that would have been kind of embarrassing *hugs* you're a good friend for point it out.

Hey...that's what friends are for... happy8

happy8

9 Nov 2011

Quote by sprite
omg, i am such a dope, i was staring at the picture of the cabin wondering where the four figures that were mentioned were, not even realizing there was a second photo just below... *blushes*

What are you worried about? You won last year...you're ineligible to enter another contest for six years...

Really...read the rules...

9 Nov 2011

In a pretty good mood at the moment...just saying... happy8

happy8

8 Nov 2011

Here's an interesting document on editing sent to me by DWB Publishing...I have a story coming out in a book soon, and they sent this along with the contract...

It's a good checklist, I think, for any story...though the first couple of sections here pertain to their specific requirements, the rest is sort of a condensed version of a lot of the stuff Morgan went over, and the usual rules..."show don't tell"..."Number formats consistent"...that sort of thing... happy8

happy8

Editing Checklist

Step 1: Main Document
Font: Trebuchet MS 12pt
First Line Indent: ½ inch
Line Spacing: 1.5
Properties: Title and Author Name
Margins: 1” left & right, ½” top & bottom

Step 2: Changes
Tabs removed
two spaces to one space
... to … (symbol)
One space after end punctuation, not two
Step 3: During Edits for full length mss only
MAKE SURE THAT "TRACK CHANGES" IN THE "REVIEW" TAB IS ON AND THAT WORD IS USING THE CORRECT DICTIONARY THE U.S. DICTIONARY

Speech
verbal speech is to be in quotation marks (" "), telepathic speech in quotation speech and italic (" "), and written words to be italic with (' ').

Action tags separated from speech with a period, not a comma
If not using action tag, try to stick with said

Restructure where necessary to remove: that, it, had, was. Make sure they are only where necessary as these words tend to be overused. eg. "She was tall" changed to "When she walked into a room, her head nearly brushed the top of the door frame".

Content
Dialogue: natural sounding? with contractions? without? correct word usage for period?

Information Dumps: too long? show don't tell

Head Hops / POV: too many? confusing? Best kept to minimum every 300 words. I find is best with each chapter, but some authors are able to do it more often.

Flow
Realistic?

Ellipses are to signal trailing off of speech of thought. Ellipses are to be displayed as "…"
Dashes are when something is cut off abruptly.
Emdash: use —
Hyphens do not have a space before or after them, em-dashes (—) do.

Commas after every item. eg, Picking up the leash, biscuits, and collar, I started looking for the dog. If it was Picking up the leash, biscuits and collar, I started looking for the dog. it would imply that the biscuits were attached to the collar.

A centered ~ * ~ is preferable, although sometimes a double space between paragraphs will indicate a short passing of time for the same POV.

Time: Write it out three o’clock p.m. or a.m.

Toward/towards: Do not use "towards", you either go toward something or away, there is no plural when you go toward a person or thing

If you are not sure if a word is hyphenated, one word, or two words, check a dictionary! eg: never the less is actually nevertheless. Alright is correct but if you are asking if someone is all right, it’s two words.

Number formats consistent throughout document. eg. time format the same for all times, weight numbers either spelled out or in numerals (only one format in document), AM & PM as a.m. not "am" through document. Generally lbs. is pounds, kg. is kilograms, etc. I prefer you do not abbreviate, except when using Ms., Mr., or Mrs. unless these words are used in speech. We do not speak in abbreviations. "Thank you, Mr. Smith." NO! Write it out as, "Thank you, Mister Smith." Mr. Smith walked down the road – is fine because "Mr." is not being used in speech and may be abbreviated.

Get rid of words like has, had, just, that, it. If you can read the sentence without the word, you don’t need it.

Your and you’re are two different words. There, they’re, and their are not interchangeable!

When in doubt, use these references:
http://www.grammarbook.com/
http://thesaurus.com/
http://dictionary.reference.com/
http://en.wikipedia.org

Process:
1. Author submits manuscript
2. Manuscript is accepted/rejected
3. Accepted manuscript is sent to Editor with estimated publishing date
4. Editor does first edit, sends to Author, with corresponding edits until both are happy with final product. (This is the line edit stage). All correspondence between editor and author should CC the EIC.
5. Editor sends manuscript on to EIC who then sends it to a proofreader to check it.
6. Proof Reader returns manuscript to EIC who then checks the MS for changes made and again corresponds with the author for and necessary changes.
7. Errata is sent to author. Once author finishes Errata, it is returned to editor.
8. Once editing is finalized, EIC sends it on to CEO for the galley edits.
9. Manuscript is published.

EIC: (Editor In Chief) Jeff

8 Nov 2011

Quote by WellMadeMale

Oh, that's funny..."Enemy Requests"...I like that... evil4

evil4

8 Nov 2011

Hmmm....so, we got to include those four people in the story eh?

Btw...are they all related? You know, like brother and sister?

Just asking... happy8

happy8