DANTE
These are my opinions based on my
experiences with the few women who
were good enough to sleep with me.

VERONICA
How many?

DANTE
How many what?

VERONICA
How many girls have you slept with?


DANTE
How many different girls? Didn't we
already have this discussion once?

VERONICA
We might have; I don't remember.
How many?

DANTE
Including you?

VERONICA
It better be up to and including me.

DANTE
(pause to count)
Twelve.

VERONICA
You've slept with twelve different
girls?

DANTE
Including you; yes.

Pause. She slaps him.

DANTE
What the hell was that for?

VERONICA
You're a pig.

DANTE
Why'd you hit me?

VERONICA
Do you know how many different men
I've had sex with?

DANTE
Do I get to hit you after you tell
me?

VERONICA
Three.

DANTE
Three?

VERONICA
Three including you.

DANTE
You've only had sex with three
different people?

VERONICA
I'm not the pig you are.

DANTE
Who?

VERONICA
You!

DANTE
No; who were the three, besides me?

VERONICA
John Franson and Rob Stanslyk.

DANTE
(with true admiration)
Wow. That's great. That's something
to be proud of.

VERONICA
I am. And that's why you should
feel like a pig. You men make me
sick. You'll sleep with anything
that says yes.

DANTE
Animal, vegetable, or mineral.

VERONICA
Vegetable meaning paraplegic.

DANTE
They put up the least amount of
struggle.

VERONICA
After dropping a bombshell like
that, you owe me. Big.

DANTE
All right. Name it.

VERONICA
I want you to come with me on Monday.

DANTE
Where?


VERONICA
To school. There's a seminar about
getting back into a scholastic
program after a lapse in enrollment.

DANTE
Can't we ever have a discussion
without that coming up?

VERONICA
It's important to me, Dante. You
have so much potential that just
goes to waste in this pit. I wish
you'd go back to school.

DANTE
Jesus, would you stop? You make my
head hurt when you talk about this.

VERONICA stands, letting DANTE'S head hit the floor.

DANTE
Shit! Why are we getting up?

VERONICA
Unlike you, I have a class in
forty-five minutes.

A handsome young man (WILLAM) is standing at the counter.
VERONICA reacts to him.

VERONICA
(surprised)
Willam!

WILLAM
Ronnie! How are you? You work here
now?

VERONICA
(locks arms with DANTE)
No, I'm just visiting my man.
(to DANTE)
Dante, this is Willam Black.
(to WILLAM)
This is Dante Hicks, my boyfriend.

DANTE
How are you? Just the soda?

WILLAM
And a pack of cigarettes.
(to VERONICA; paying)
Are you still going to Seton Hall?


VERONICA
No, I transferred into Monmouth
this year. I was tired of missing
him.
(squeezes DANTE'S arm)


WILLAM
Do you still talk to Sylvan?

VERONICA
I just talked to her on Monday. We
still hang out on weekends.

WILLAM
(leaving)
That's cool. Well-you two lovebirds
take it easy, all right?

VERONICA
I will. Take it easy.

WILLAM
Bye.
(exits)


VERONICA
Bye
(to DANTE)
That was Snowball.

DANTE
Why do you call him that?

VERONICA
Sylvan made it up. It's a blow job
thing.

DANTE
What do you mean?

VERONICA
After he gets a blow job, he likes
to have the cum spit back into his
mouth while kissing. It's called
snowballing.

DANTE
He requested this?

VERONICA
He gets off on it.


DANTE
Sylvan can be talked into anything.

VERONICA
Why do you say that?

DANTE
Like you said-she snowballed him.

VERONICA
Sylvan? No; I snowballed him.

DANTE
Yeah, right.

VERONICA
I'm serious...

A moment of silence as DANTE'S chuckles fade to comprehension.

DANTE
You sucked that guy's dick?

VERONICA
Yeah. How do you think I know he
liked...

DANTE
(panicky)
But...but you said you only had sex
with three guys! You never mentioned
him!

VERONICA
That's because I never had sex with
him!

DANTE
You sucked his dick!

VERONICA
We went out a few times. We didn't
have sex, but we fooled around.

DANTE
(massive panic attack)
Oh my God! Why did you tell me you
only slept with three guys?

VERONICA
Because I did only sleep with three
guys! That doesn't mean I didn't
just go with people.


DANTE
Oh my God-I feel so nauseous...

VERONICA
I'm sorry, Dante. I thought you
understood.

DANTE
I did understand! I understand that
you slept with three different
guys, and that's all you said.

VERONICA
Please calm down.

DANTE
How many?

VERONICA
Dante...

DANTE
How many dicks have you sucked?!

VERONICA
Let it go...

DANTE
HOW MANY?

VERONICA
All right! Shut up a second and
I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't
freak like this when you told me
how many girls you fucked.

DANTE
This is different. This is important.
How many?!

She counts silently, using fingers as marks. DANTE waits on
a customer in the interim. VERONICA stops counting.

DANTE
Well...?

VERONICA
(half-mumbled)
Something like thirty-six.

DANTE
WHAT? SOMETHING LIKE THIRTY-SIX?


VERONICA
Lower your voice!

DANTE
What the hell is that anyway,
"something like thirty-six?" Does
that include me?

VERONICA
Um. Thirty-seven.

DANTE
I'M THIRTY-SEVEN?

VERONICA
(walking away)
I'm going to class.

DANTE
Thirty-seven?!
(to CUSTOMER)
My girlfriend sucked thirty-seven
dicks!

CUSTOMER
In a row?

DANTE chases VERONICA down and grabs her by the door.

DANTE
Hey! Where are you going?!

VERONICA
Hey listen, jerk! Until today you
never even knew how many guys I'd
slept with, because you never even
asked. And then you act all
nonchalant about fucking twelve
different girls. Well, I never had
sex with twelve different guys!

DANTE
No, but you sucked enough dick!

VERONICA
Yeah, I went down on a few guys...

DANTE
A few?


VERONICA
...And one of those guys was you!
The last one, I might add, which-if
you're too stupid to comprehend-
means that I've been faithful to
you since we met! All the other
guys I went with before I met you,
so, if you want to have a complex
about it, go ahead! But don't look
at me like I'm the town whore,
because you were plenty busy
yourself, before you met me!

DANTE
(a bit more rational)
Well...why did you have to suck
their dicks? Why didn't you just
sleep with them, like any decent
person?!

VERONICA
Because going down it's a big deal!
I used to like a guy, we'd make
out, and sooner or later I'd go
down on him. But I only had sex
with the guys I loved.

DANTE
I feel sick.

VERONICA
(holds him)
I love you. Don't feel sick.

DANTE
Every time I kiss you now I'm going
to taste thirty-six other guys.

VERONICA violently lets go of him.

VERONICA
I'm going to school. Maybe later
you'll be a bit more rational.

DANTE
(pause)
Thirty-seven. I just can't...

VERONICA
Goodbye, Dante.

She exits in a huff. DANTE stands there in silence for a
moment. Then he swings the door open and yells out.


DANTE
Try not to suck any more dicks on
your way through the parking lot!

Two men who were walking in the opposite direction outside
double back and head in the direction. VERONICA went.

DANTE
HEY! HEY, YOU! GET BACK HERE!

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