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MrNudiePants
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male
0 miles · Savannah
Forum
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I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite. I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth. I tried this a few more times with no success.
All the while, my wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything. She opens the window and yelled to me, `You need some tail!`
I turned with a confused look on my face and said, `Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite...`
All the while, my wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything. She opens the window and yelled to me, `You need some tail!`
I turned with a confused look on my face and said, `Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite...`
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Sitting here butt-ass nekkid in the quiet of the morning. Before all the insanity starts.
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When people dash around you to get ahead of you in the "10 Items Or Less" line. Really? All that effort and rudeness to be out of the store a whole minute ahead of me?
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A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew`s refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.
Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in New York , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?"
Not one hand went up ... So she took them home and ate them.
Two lessons here:
1. Lawyers aren't as smart as most folks think.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folks think.
Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in New York , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?"
Not one hand went up ... So she took them home and ate them.
Two lessons here:
1. Lawyers aren't as smart as most folks think.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folks think.
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Baked fish (tilapia) and garden pasta with steamed broccoli. Nice and light for these hot summer days.
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A man applying for a job a Maldura Lemon Orchard seemed to be far too qualified for the position.
The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this: Have you ever had any actual experience at picking lemons?"
The man replied: "Ive been divorced three times, bought a Leyland P76, a Beta video player and took up all the Telstra floats. Then I voted for Keven Rudd and Julia Gillard."
"How am I doing so far?"
The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this: Have you ever had any actual experience at picking lemons?"
The man replied: "Ive been divorced three times, bought a Leyland P76, a Beta video player and took up all the Telstra floats. Then I voted for Keven Rudd and Julia Gillard."
"How am I doing so far?"
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It's good to see someone that's found his ideal, and is committed to it. I'd buy from his store on a regular basis.
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Hell. A small pack of English Hooligans could make those "rioters" look like the pussies they really are.
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Easy. Invisibility! Snap my fingers and "poof", I'm gone. Go anywhere, do anything and nobody would ever be the wiser. I do believe that I'd have a regular (invisible) spot on the bench in the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders locker room...
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Now why do you suppose Nikki would do such a horrible thing to such a nice-looking dog...?
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Looks like it's been bracketed. I forget the term, but that's when you take three photos - the first taken short, the next dead on, and the last taken too long. Then you combine the three pics in yon computer and see what comes out. Images done this way can be really breathtaking.
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That's just what you have to do to get in. Don't ask what you have to do to graduate. My martial arts instructor was a SEAL. As badasses go, he was one of the best I've ever known. Lot of fun to hang around with, too. Why is it the most dangerous guys are always the funniest?
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Quote by sprite
come on, we ALL know what Mongo really means... i 'mongo' to stories here ALL the time...
Damn... is that what you kids are calling it these days? No wonder I've been striking out so much lately...
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Quote by Cheltenham
I don't like when people get too close. Unless I know them from my inner circle, I don't need them breathing my air. My personal space is a good three or four meters in every direction. Some people want to get up in front of whoever they are talking and I can't tolerate it.
We'll take a walk outside and have a chat about a few things
But I do make exceptions for the occasional lady
Three to four meters!? Good Lord, however do you give the bartender your order?
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It depends on the situation. I've let strangers handle my balls, and I've told family members to say their piece from across the room. I'll usually let people get to within arm's distance if I know them. Passing strangers a little farther off. I figure if you're close enough to touch me, you're too close. Unless you're a person I want touching me.
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Doth language not change, mayhaps, couldst all still be speaking thusly? Yea, verily and forsooth, methinks...
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1. The first time I ever went skinny-dipping was when I was 13 years old, with the rest of my Boy Scout Troop in an ice-cold stream in the Sangre de Cristo mountains.
2. The 2nd time I ever went skinny-dipping was when I was 16 years old. It was around 8:00 pm on Miami Beach. I almost got arrested, but I got dressed before the cop had a chance to drive his old-school cruiser up the beach that far. I lost my eyeglasses in the sand.
3. The 3rd time I ever went skinny-dipping was when I was 17 years old. Some friends and I hopped the fence into the pool area of a condo, and proceeded to get wasted on Bacardi and fruit punch. Some hundred-year-old condo commandos must have heard us and came out bitching. One of my "friends" took my wallet out of my pants and stashed it on another table, so I would be sure to get busted the next day. Fucking assholes everywhere.
2. The 2nd time I ever went skinny-dipping was when I was 16 years old. It was around 8:00 pm on Miami Beach. I almost got arrested, but I got dressed before the cop had a chance to drive his old-school cruiser up the beach that far. I lost my eyeglasses in the sand.
3. The 3rd time I ever went skinny-dipping was when I was 17 years old. Some friends and I hopped the fence into the pool area of a condo, and proceeded to get wasted on Bacardi and fruit punch. Some hundred-year-old condo commandos must have heard us and came out bitching. One of my "friends" took my wallet out of my pants and stashed it on another table, so I would be sure to get busted the next day. Fucking assholes everywhere.
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Quote by swollen
Come on guys ! Us women are easy to understand - all you have to do is follow our instructions. How hard can that really be ?
It would be a helluva lot easier if you wrote the instructions in our language...
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I, for one, welcome the coming of our new robotic overlords...