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PhilU

19 hours ago

Straight Male

0 miles · Sydney

Profile Stories

Forum

26 Feb 2017

Quote by sprite
I just read PhilU's comp piece and was very impressed. hopefully the rest of his stories are as good, cause really, made me want to read more.

What the? Probably the other (two, so far) stories are not as good, but then I didn't think the comp piece was all that good either, so what would I know? dontknow

dontknow

Bit embarrassed to have my name mentioned amongst the others on this thread...but trying to get better at receiving compliments, so...

Thanks so much for the kind words, sprite (and browncoffee too)!

Now, to settle in and watch where the "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" ends up icon_smile

icon_smile

25 Feb 2017

Ah well, time to tell this story.

I guess my answer to the original question is a definite 'yes'...

In my early 20s, I started exchanging emails with a woman who was probably 19 or 20 at that stage. This was ~20 years ago, so not through Lush...I think it was originally through posting on the same Usenet newsgroups (youngsters - look that up on wikipedia). She was in a different city, and so we exchanged emails for a long, long time before meeting. It was like we knew just about everything about each other.

Then I finally got the time and money together to hop on a plane to meet her...and...nothing. No spark, no chemistry. It was like we looked at each other, and both simultaneously thought, 'Let's be friends!' That was not my usual response to women at that age...

Then some time later, she sent me a nice email explaining how she had finally decided to come out. I read it, and thought, 'Come out where....oh, hang on...ohhhh!'

So the few friends I'd mentioned her to decided that I'd turned her off men for life; I preferred to claim that she'd been forced to admit that she wasn't at all into men after meeting such a fine specimen of manhood and still not being interested. icon_smile

icon_smile

The moral of the story, though, is - don't assume that you know everything about someone based on some emails, and don't wait too long to meet!

25 Feb 2017

Quote by sprite

stealth submission modded at the stroke of midnight by ninja fairies!

I shouldn't read threads out of order while half awake. I read this as sprite's answer to the original question involving submission and being stroked at midnight by ninja fairies. Although, I may just choose to believe that... f-hihi

f-hihi

21 Feb 2017

Quote by kiera

Because back in the day it was much simpler. You set up your vid cam on a stand and taped yourself.

Now you have to hold your phone and do it almost impossible to get decent footage.

Or you could get someone else to hold the phone and do the filming...perhaps we could see if anyone will put their hand up to volunteer?

wave

wave

wave

wave

wave

wave

wave

wave

wave

wave

18 Feb 2017

Quote by kiera

What if the girl had dual nationality? English mother, Australian father. The possibilities are endless.

Yes, indeed. Which is why I may need to spend some time on this research. I just need to sort out some funding for travel - maybe sponsorship would help. How does the Lushstories.com Blowjob Research Centre sound?

Then I can start designing the free t-shirt for all participants - I was thinking "I'm a sucker for science" as a slogan. f-hihi

f-hihi

18 Feb 2017

I think my issue with Steak & BJ Day is similar to the issue I have with Valentine's Day. If your partner likes receiving flowers, then surely buying her (or him) flowers on a random day (just because you want to, or just want to make her smile) is better than buying them because you feel obliged to by a gigantic industry that's blown up around one day. Similarly, if your partner likes receiving blowjobs*, then surely giving one now and then (every day or two should suffice), is better than giving one on March 14th because it says on the internet that that's what you should do.

* If you're uncertain if your partner like receiving blowjobs, then see if they match all the elements on the following checklist:
1) Does he have a penis?
2) Does he have a pulse?

16 Feb 2017

Quote by kiera

Willing to sacrifice himself for the greater good. Somebody buy this man a beer.

Hi Phil, Hi Will

Sorry, the judge must stay impartial - no attempts to bribe him with beer will be tolerated. This is an important principle which will have to be maintained if we expand onto other more controversial research topics - like, are English women anywhere near as good as Australian women at blowjobs?

Hi Kiera! Big Hugs

Big Hugs

16 Feb 2017

I've been pondering this question, and I don't know the answer. So I think it's time to set up a simple experiment to find out. I just need 100 female volunteers of all different body shapes...I guess it had better be a double blind experiment, so I'll have to wear a blindfold (yes, I'm putting myself forward as the judge, because I'm the kind of guy who's willing to do that...you know, for science).

So, if the ladies would like to form an orderly queue... laughing6

laughing6

13 Feb 2017

Quote by kiera
I am no longer going to respond to the word "Mum" or "MUM" or any version of it ever again. I QUIT I can't fucking believe it's possible to find THAT many trivial things to fucking fight about, boy was I wrong and my children are masters at it.

I am sometimes grateful to be a part time parent. I am also missing my kids this morning. dontknow

dontknow

Hang in there kiera! Big Hugs

Big Hugs

13 Feb 2017

Quote by Emerson501
After reading her submission today, I have to say browncoffee. I'd bet money on that being a top contender for the contest. On a related topic, it's not cool to give someone a hard-on while at work, brown. Not cool at all.MtlMCD1bGxmdh6Gs

I'd have to say that, in general, Lush stories are NSFW. But I do definitely agree that that particular competition entry...ummm...raised the bar.

Lfunny

Lfunny

Ahem...anyway, I haven't been here all that long, so not sure I can add much to the lists above. Except perhaps to say thanks to all those who have contributed and given me a long, long list of authors to check out. I may be some time...

13 Feb 2017

Quote by Emerson501
You just won the lottery...what's your first BIG purchase

This doesn't count the crate of champagne or fleet of hookers/gigolos on the first night.

What do you mean? That was just supposed to be the first night?? I wonder how many nights before it becomes a substantial purchase?

"I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered." - George Best.

10 Feb 2017

Not believing kiera...

Quote by kiera
Young, innocent, tall

10 Feb 2017

I really liked your story kiera, but a couple of minor aspects made it difficult for me to suspend disbelief.

1) This guy sounds a bit small for an Australian Whistle

Whistle

, and
2) This bit would never happen:

Quote by kiera
Then he will tell me how much better at Cricket us Brits are than them....

f-hihi

10 Feb 2017

Quote by browncoffee
that i live in a house near the beach, some days it's hot, some days it's stormy. i write all the time. i eat ice-cream 24/7 and never get fat. i don't work out but still have abs. and while i'm not writing, i'm having crazy sex with my husband.

Oh no, not another one of the stories on this site where you have to wade through all this stuff about location, characters and plot before you get to the good stuff...and then find out it's only one man and one woman. laughing8

laughing8

9 Feb 2017

Quote by Liz

Don't forget 'flimflam'. That's another favourite of mine.

Dammit, I've been using 'front lady flappage' (from Liz's altogether excellent https://www.lushstories.com/stories/oral-sex/subliminal-boobage.aspx) all through my competition entry, and now I might have to change. laughing6

laughing6

Another non-gal's opinion, but I always find 'vagina' distracting, since anatomically, that's only the internal part. I read a story somewhere which said something like, "she had waxed her vagina", leaving me thinking 'wow, that sounds even more painful than what he meant to say. Now, what was this story about again?'

But I'm guessing there won't be too many votes for 'vulva'?

9 Feb 2017

Quote by Necho
If only someone said "oo I find the bastard child mix of south african and kiwi sooo sexy" I wouldn't be so self conscious ??

You know, I was just thinking, 'I've left something off my list of sexy accents. Oh of course, the bastard child mix of south african and kiwi - one of my favourites!'

Honest! Lwinking

Lwinking

7 Feb 2017

There was a new guy on Lush called PhilU
Who told the girls he was hung like a kangaroo
But they got a big shock
When they first saw his cock
And found that that meant it split into two.

Author's Note:

If I ever change my avatar, then there used to be a kangaroo over there
<-------

And apparently some kangaroos do have "bifurcated penises"...

6 Feb 2017

As I write, the votes are 7 to 16, or 30% to 69%.

Part of me is offended that 16/23 ~= 69.57% doesn't round up to 70%.

Fortunately, I'm immature enough to just think "it says 69...hehehe..."

4 Feb 2017

Listening to Elvis Costello now...

Accidents Will Happen...in my pants. Errr...
Almost Blue...in my pants. Nope, keep trying...
Pump It Up...in my pants. Getting there.
I Want You...in my pants. Ah, that's the one!

Hi Kiera Big Hugs

Big Hugs

3 Feb 2017

Wide Open Road...in my pants (The Triffids...slightly obscuse Aussie band) Great song, but so wrong here laughing6

laughing6

3 Feb 2017

Quote by kiera
Cricket.

You're just fantasising about English people being pounded by Australians again, aren't you? Lwinking

Lwinking

2 Feb 2017

Quote by Lauradj
Not many people have put in NZ accent, which I don't blame them, we have a horrendous way of speaking.

I know I'm replying to an old comment here - sorry, but I'm a newb

newb

. Anyway, I thought I'd add that I really, really like Kiwi accents. Oh, and there's a surprisingly large (to me) number of people mentioning Aussie accents, and since quite a few people from outside Australasia can't tell the difference, I'm sure there's lots of others who would like Kiwi accents too.

Mind you, I also really, really like some English accents, and Scottish accents, and Irish, and French, and eastern European, and... Hmmm, maybe I just like it when women talk to me. Well, except when they say "why haven't you put the bins out yet?" laughing6

laughing6

2 Feb 2017

Quote by browncoffee

i accept, but you'll need to log at least 8 hours a night.

Ah, perhaps I should have found out how demanding you were in the bedroom before getting into this. You see, last night, well, it all started very well, but I probably finished quite a long time before you would have wanted me to Embarassed

Embarassed

But, that doesn't usually happen to me - honest! So, I'm sure if you give me another chance, then I'll do much better this time. laughing6

laughing6

Ummm, and now, maybe I'd better let this thread get back to figuring out what's in the suitcase...

1 Feb 2017

Quote by browncoffee
okay, got an idea but no time to write it.

You don't need sleep, do you?

Whereas I have an idea and some time but probably not enough talent to do the idea justice. newb

newb

Still, I've been having fun coming up with crazy ideas for the model in the photo (who might get a bit of a shock if she ever logs in to Lush...), so maybe I'll submit something.

But maybe I could sleep for you (he says, carefully checking his preposition, because despite being Australian, he's not that forward) while you write?

31 Jan 2017

Quote by LikeToWrite

I have tried going to both of these links, and either they do not exist or they have been moved. If anyone knows their present location, maybe they could post it here. The words 'Dialog format' was a link in Naughtynurse's entry, but I don't know how to copy it and still keep the link. Sorry.

I'm guessing maybe they're referring to the page at https://bubblecow.com/blog/formatting-dialogue-a-quick-and-dirty-guide (although maybe there used to be a less quick, or more dirty guide).

But yes, I'll second (or fourteenth) the thanks for Morgan for posting this, and indeed for all the other tips around here. Maybe if I'd read them all before submitting my first story, I would have caused less pain for the moderators. Embarassed

Embarassed

29 Jan 2017

I made rather a habit of falling for unavailable women in my teens and early twenties. I also made a bit of a habit of having sex with available women who I hadn't fallen for. This was absolutely fine when they also hadn't fallen for me, and it was just about sex for both of us. But it wasn't fine at all when they thought I was falling for them, and I didn't quite correct their misapprehension Embarassed

Embarassed

I did eventually figure out that part of the reason it was happening, was that I was trying to stop anyone from getting too close to me. I don't think we have much control over who we're attracted to, but we do have some control over how much time we spend pining over them when we could be going out and seeing if we could meet someone else. And we do have some control over whether we look at the good points of someone we meet, rather than automatically thinking "not as wonderful as x". Not total control...our thoughts run off in their own direction sometimes, but some control.

And then I met and fell for someone who was available...and it ended really badly, so I'm not sure if anyone should listen to me. dontknow

dontknow

Oh, and I still do pine a little for a friend who was going out with a mate of mine when we met (and then married and had children with him). But that's at least partly because we never had the opportunity to drive each other mad with our annoying habits!

28 Jan 2017

I have a wide range of tastes, but, well, I'm a child of the 80s, so I have more than my share of guilty pleasures.

But I would nominate this one, which was by an American, but not very big there and, for some reason, a huge hit in Australia dontknow

dontknow

Not only is it so 80s that it hurts (so good), the lyrics are...umm...not exactly romantic or poetic laughing6

laughing6

Paul Lekakis - "Boom Boom (Let's Go Back to My Room)":
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXMrDu7374Y

EDIT: Seems I'm not allowed to embed videos yet....

28 Jan 2017

I voted Daphne, but I'm a little disappointed there's no "both" option. The three of us could steal some of Shaggy's weed, lock ourselves away in a room in the "haunted house", and forget about solving any silly mysteries...

26 Jan 2017

Well, in some ways better than porn. Stories exercise the imagination...making the biggest sexual organ (the brain) work a bit (I think the OP's husband is missing out). Porn mostly is a more instant stimulus. I look on it as being the difference between fine dining (with a huge variety of different flavours to savour and enjoy), versus fast food. But sometimes, I just have a hankering for McDonald's dontknow

dontknow

25 Jan 2017

Quote by BethanyFrasier
Apparently, the usage started with the Kinsey Report, but basically originated the way patokl suggests.

Apparently, it was at least partly down to a misunderstanding on the part of Kinsey, who thought that some native tribes referred to it as "missionary position" when they most likely didn't. Still, I think I prefer the name to "English-American position".

I read it on Wikipedia, so it must be true...