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RumpleForeskin
3 months ago
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
(slides a mug full of hot chocolate with a mess of mini-marshmallows down the bar where it comes to a perfect stop no more than three feet past DD and near, but not over, the bar's edge. Enjoy.)

With all the recent cat discussion, no doubt many inquiring minds here in Rumplations have wondered what sort of past association your beleaguered blind barkeep has experienced. Well, wonder no more.

Back in my pre-Rumple, sportin' days, my family had a long line of cats of the Siamese persuasion. (note: numerous Siamese-related tales deleted to spare the reading public)

Lucky, I hereby give a big 'AMEN!' to DD's encouragement to keep praying. Me, I'll do my part now and then even though all my prayers were answered on the 20th day of January.

Now, anybody out there need a Hump Day type drink?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
TONYA! You burst back among us here at Rumplations like a ray of sunshine after a gloomy storm.

And greetings to the rest of you on this, Mardi Gras day. In addition to the beads the Tonya-unit left on the bar There are 'titty tassels' in a variety of garish MG colors for those wishing to dress like a '50's era Bourbon Street stripper. There are models for both sexes. use your imaginations, creeps).

As for goodies, the giant King Cake has barely been touched and no one has claimed the small baby baked inside. BTW, the tradition is the person who finds the baby must buy the next cake. However, time being what they are, the prize will be free drinks all day and the granting of three wishes.

Me, i'm gonna wear my beads with pride as i fill my mug with coffee au lait, then grab a beignets or two, a slice of king cake and go join in the festivities at the corner table with Coma and Tose.

eta: Ill save Curvy's brownies for my second helping of goodies. These beignets won't keep worth a darn and the powdered sugar gets everywhere. ;)

Anybody else need a drink?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
DD, here's your hot chocolate with a mess of those mini-marshmallows you ordered. Stay warm.

Any more orders?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Greetings to all Moanday mourners to include either those just getting up or possibly still up or maybe somewhere in-between.

Many thanks to Curvy for the setup and to Carl for just showing up and for the doughnuts, of course. Was becoming a tad worried that you might have gotten all 'froze up'. The old cliche' 'Colder than a well digger's ass in Idaho may need some geographical additions.

Just for the record, tomorrow is Shrove Tuesday, that is to say, Mardi Gras Day. All true blue Rumplators are encouraged to misbehave accordingly. The playing of Mardi Gras & New Orleans related music is officially encouraged..

Time to fill my mug with some of Big Bertha's blessed brew (mercy buckets, to Curvy), then grab a few doughnuts and brownies and head for a spot near the heater.

Anybody else need a drink?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
James, that story by CSJ is a keeper. That one you did a few weeks ago about two snowbound lovers was also top notch.

Here's your beer or should a save it for Carlton in case he shows up? Any

Speak of the devil! Carlton's back and no doubt enjoying, or at least enduring, some of Rumplations famous brew.

BTW, Big C, since there are no stinkin' rules around here, any category is a go.

James, you want a beer of your very owny? ;)


anybody else need a drink or two?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Way to go, Clum. Here's your beer.

Muse, you won't do, well, not much, but what you do-do (so to speak, is prime, LOL material. ;)

Here's your scotch. Just between us, I gove you nip of single-malt instead of the house bar scotch, Safeway Select Brand scotch. Hope you don't mind.

Any other drink orders?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Me, I have done gone and had a honest to goodness idea. Stop laughing, youse guys. It does happen, though admittedly less often than one might prefer.

Anyway, there's now a semi-challenge on V-Day for Rumplators to post a link to their favorite story in the Love Story category here at LUSH. Feel free to mention why you picked the story. While there are, of course, no stinkin' rules, I'd strongly suggest you post the link to a story written by another Lush writer. To help jog your memory, go to the category list, click on 'Love Stories' then the 'Popular' link. Any will do but there's a whole host of Rumplators on that one.

Just a reminder for newbies that due to the Lush copy-protection feature, posting a link around here is a two step process. That is to say, after making your original post, you'll need the edit the post and replace the broken link with a copy of the same one that will (probably) work.

That's a lot to ask of a notoriously lay-about crowd of lethargic ne'er-do-wells, but there isfree beer for all who give it a try.

BTw: Anybody wanna drink before returning to your usual malingering?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Greetings and happy Valentine's Day your Curvyness. A mug full of Big Bertha's ambrosia enhanced with a generous slug of Beaver Breath Brandy is heading your way. Enjoy.

Anybody else in need of some fluid fortification?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Greetings and glad tiding of great joy to all who celebrate Valentine's Day. For the rest of you, well, sorry about that.

Curvy is, of course, everyone's Valentine. Thanks to her efforts, Big Bertha now contains that vital essence so in demand around here and which will soon fill my mug. Along with some of her brownies, it'll make for a scrum-dilly-umptious (sp?) breakfast.

So who else needs a flagon filled with some of the good stuff?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
All this foodie talk brings to mind the old joke about Little Red Riding Hood being accosted by the Big Bad Wolf who says he's going to eat her up. She drops her basket, puts her hands on what passes for hips,, gives him a disgusted look and says, 'Eat, eat, eat, doesn't anyone around here wanna fuck anymore?'

That's all folks, except to ask if there are anymore drink orders.
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Speaking of cold, out in the great American mid-west, where the buffalo no longer roam but Carl and Larry still do, today's high is expected to hit +10f. The current temp is 0, which is about -18c. Please allow me to be the first to say, 'BRRRRR!'

Anybody feel the need for a warming, restorative drink?

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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Annie, I've checked the Rumplations' rulebook under 'Decorum, and lack of the same' and discovered there's a reg that requires patrons to ONLY wear one-piece swimwear. Here's your beer, my dear. ;)

Anybody else want a drink or two?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Greetings and a massive multitude of thanks to Curvy and Big Bertha for the setup. Michelle gave it a try but there's something about this joint in the early morning that can get to a sensitive soul, at least that's what I've been told. Anyway, judging by the sounds coming from the ladies powder room, she's still at some ill defined point between good health and death.

Martin, there's no rest for the wicked writer. Love to your lady and coffee to you.

BTW, today's Bloody Mary's and Screwdrivers (to include Harvey Wallbangers) are being crafted using the bar's own special brand, Verisimilitude Vodka: the vexation of Valdosta (Ga). So who wants something the drink?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Curvy, you are a real keeper. Thanks for those heads-up.

For the benefit of newbies and my fellow forgetful oldies, the pimping of stories and poems is not only allowed at Rumplations, where dang little ain't, but encouraged.

Now let the TGIF celebration continue or slide deeper into weekend wantonness as the latitude dictates.

Lucky, did you get your hot chocolate? Curvy, here's your well deserved beer. Now, anybody else need a drink? And speaking of drinking, don't forget that the house winter special drink,Rumplations' Revenge', a mixture of Big Bertha coffee, hot chocolate and our infamous, Beaver Breath Brandy, is available at a most nominal charge.

So whadda ya bottom feeders in the literary slush pile of life wanna drink?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Liz, she queried: Mr Rumps, I've always been curious... what Lush username would you have picked if you were Jewish?

Me, I replied: Liz, having been short-changed in the imagination category, probably, Rumple Foreskin. It's my understanding that the foreskin of any flaccid penis (ie - limp dick) will appear a bit rumpled whether it be a 'modified model ' or an original design.

BTW, at the request of the powers that be over on Stories Space, that handle was transformed into, Rumple deWriter.

So whadda ya wanna drink? ;)
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Greetings to all the assemble and dis-assembled lifeforms who enter.

Any news on Kimmi's son? Last I heard he was in ER and while able to phone home, was not ready for a triathelon. In addition to positive vibes and prayers, the addition of crossed fingers and toes (eyes and legs are optional but not recommended) would seem to be a goodness.

Read reports late last night that Larry Flynt had died. In addition to his 'Hustler' skin mag, he was a supporter of all types of homosexual rights and most famously for his actions on behalf of freedom of speech. While checking out his bio on Wiki, I learned he had joined the Army when 15 thanks to a fake birth certificate and received an honorable discharge. After a few months of civilian life, he joined the Navy, was a radar operator on the old Enterprise aircraft carrier when it fished John Glenn out of the ocean, and would later be honorably discharged. Things may be a bit quieter now that he's gone, but not as interesting.

Me, I'm gonna toast his memory with a mug full of the coffee Big Bertha and Curvy have co-produced, then grab a brownie or two and find a spot near the heater to contemplate life, its consequences and inevitabilities. Anybody need a drink?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Kimmi, as a guy who believes in covering all his bases, you and your son are getting both good wishes and the prayers of the Right Rev. of Lush, honest.

Buz, my thanks to you and Sarah for the 'atta boy'. It was undeserved but appreciated.

Just heard it's snowing in Austin, Texas. That's not in the 'hell's freezing over' league, but it is impressive. Anyone interested in some hot rum toddies?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Greetings and heartfelt best wishes for a meaningful Hump Day, especially to those standing in the open door,gawking in stunned silence at the costumes of our relief third shift barkeep and James the Super-Greeter-in-Chief.

(Bumps into Michelle, grabs some of her goodies, so to speak, then fills his mug with Big Bertha brew as blessed out by the new barkeep, and retreats to the corner table where a heated debate on quantum quantums is underway.)

BTW, who in the pluperfect hell amended the bar's name. While it is a most admirable addition, I'm sure, back in my day, a petting zoo was the parking lot behind the sorority houses at dear old 'What'sDa Matter U Institure of Lower Education.
Anybody need a drink?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Carl, here's that bottle you ordered. Soliel, good it is to have you back among us.

What follows is an excerpt of my first post of the day -- which showed up about 14 hours ago.


* Approximately a million thanks to Michelle for her early morning bar duties. I'm thinking of offering her the totally undignified but massively dis-respected title of -- Ass't Relief Third Shift Barkeeper. Curvy and Tonya are our two primary backupp barkeep specializing in the morning shift. (Curvy is in charge of UK operations while Tonya has the same job description for the US east coast. So far, Fuzzy has been doing a remarkable job of tending bar as needed while tending horses the rest of the time.)

Anyway, this is a call for all good Rumplators to share their opinion of this personal personnel move. BTW the position comes with the traditional Rumplations salary of zero but there are many opportunities for overtime.

And while on the subject of staffing moves, the Rumplator known as James has been doing notable work as, Greeter-in-Chief, on a strictly volunteer bases. What's y'all's thinking, if any, on making that a permanent unpaid position? *

I'm relatively certain most will agree that excerpt was more than enough info and requests for input. So sic 'um, Rumplators.

BTW, is it just me or does it seem that with all the bugs, and cats, and spiders (either with or w/o live mice) we may need to change the name of this joint to, Animal House.

Anybody wanna drink?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Greetings on this memorable Hump Day eve. Approximately a million thanks to Michelle for her early morning bar duties. I'm thinking of offering her the totally undignified but massively dis-respected title of -- Ass't Relief Third Shift Barkeeper. Curvy and Tonya are our two primary backupp barkeep specializing in the morning shift. (Curvy is in charge of UK operations while Tonya has the same job description for the US east coast. So far, Fuzzy has been doing a remarkable job of tending bar as needed while tending horses the rest of the time.)

Anyway, this is a call for all good Rumplators to share their opinion of this personal personnel move. BTW the position comes with the traditional Rumplations salary of zero but there are many opportunities for overtime.

And while on the subject of staffing moves, the Rumplator known as James has been doing notable work as, Greeter-in-Chief, on a strictly volunteer bases. What's y'all's thinking, if any, on making that a permanent unpaid position?

Now to fill my 'Deep Hole Fluid Injectors' mug (for the newbies, yes, that's areal company). Then I'll gladly yield to the temptation of carrot cake. Since Michelle seems to have the situation well in hand or maybe just under her thumb, I'll go consume my goodies at the corner table. Anybody else want a drink or two? It can be either the coffee or tea Michelle and Big Bertha provided or something from the bar's lineup of bleak beers, whiney wines, and our ever popular fine lickers.
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
And now for something completely different:

“The worst 90 seconds of my life, for sure, because it just made me hate myself.”

— Stormy Daniels, quoted by the Associated Press, on having sex with Donald Trump.

James, thanks for giving Erin a fine welcome & orientation to this den of depravity. To Erin and Lucky, big HUGS from your old blind barkeep. Just remember, we blind 'see' with our fingers so accept our hugs with caution. ;)

So who wants, needs, craves a drink or two?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Greetings to all who enter whether walking or crawling.

Violet Vixen, she wrote: We can always use more coffee. Caffeine is the god of creativity.

Me, I replied: Not only, yes, but hell yes.

With that in mind, Big Bertha has been scrubbed and rubbed then rinsed off. She then graciously accepted a load of dark roast coffee and a load of water from nowhere in particular. The same goes for the tea kettle, except it didn't get scrubbed and rubbed.

While it is true that today is yet another 'Mournful Moanday' it is still a better choice when the alternatives are considered.

Time to fill my mug, grab a bag of fried pork skins and go sit with Coma and Tose to discuss the mysteries of life such as the infield fly rule in baseball and pass interference in the NFL version of football.

Anybody want a drink or two?

.
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Chiefs -- 9

Bucs 31

8:00 minutes left in the 4the quarter of the Super Bowl

In the immortal words of Willie Nelson and interperlated by Don Meridith: Turn out the lights, the party's over."

Drinks are on someone else. Later, Rumplators.
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
So it's halftime at the Super Bowl with the Bucs leading the penalty prone chiefs, 21-6. Kimi and TG are, no doubt, celebrating. I'm guessing Carl is not.

Who is in charge of the popcorn popper, and who needs a drink?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Greetings to all on this august Super Bowl day that in actual matter-of-fact comes in February.

Martin, doubt sweat the double post. Lush was a bit squirrelly earlier today.

As for the unfinished stories, give 'em a once over and if some of them seem to have possibilities, give it a shot.

Big Bertha is now doing her thing as is the tea kettle. Someone left a box of day-old doughnut holes out by the dumpster hot tub. Tawny brought the half-empty/full after her morning skinny dip. Give em a try. What you got to lose beside that midnight snack you shouldn't have gutted down anyway.

Big Bertha has finished producing a quantity of quality coffee. Me, I'm gonna grab a bag of fried pork skins, then fill my mug and go huddle with Coma and Tose to discuss whether Carl's Chiefs can cover the three point spread over TG's Bucs. Anybody need a drink first?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Martin, great opening lines that would hook any reader into staying with the story. BTW, your alternative choice of exercise sounds like a rainy winter winner.

Michelle, imo, you done did a good job on giving JJ the intro orientation. Sorry something I'd written was so bad it made you cry. Give me a title and I'll send it to that great sluch pile in the sky, or cloud, as the case may be. ;)

Carl, what's the line on the Super Bowl? Me, I'm not a betting man but Coma wants to know.

Anybody need a drink?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Greetings to all who enter ready to watch the Super Bowl, only to realize that takes place tomorrow, but decide to stay anyway.

Morning, Martin and Inez. There may be worse ways to spend a rainy winter day in Paris than going for a run in the rain -- but for the life of me I can't think of one. May I suggest spending the day on, in around, etc.. your bed as a possible alternative? ;)

Big Bertha is now cleaned and primed to put out as only she can, and the tea kettle seems determined to be productive. Don't forget the bars renowned collection of beers, wines and fine lickers.

Anybody need something to get you started or end your day? Me, I'm gonna fill my mug, grab a bag of fried pork skins and go sit at the corner table with Coma and Tose to discuss this and/or that.

Y'all do the best you know how.
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
What we need around here, besides free love and Rumplations beer, is a way to recognize some of the great openings to LUSH stories.
What follows is an LUSH-related excerpt from my revered (reviled?) 'sticky' thread in the Writing Resources forum with the catchy title: How To Be A Happy Hooker. Those wishing to peruse the entire epistle might try this link.

https://forum.lushstories.com/yaf_postst5411_How-To-Be-A-Happy-Hooker.aspx

...That’s all well and good, you say, but what about erotic stories? Glad you asked.

Writing, is writing, no matter the genre. That includes erotica. To quote the great Dooley Wilson, “The fundamental things apply.” Still, when writing fiction intended for Lush or lesser sites, there are a couple special items you might want to consider when crafting the opening.

note: The examples that follow are all taken from stories I’ve inflicted on unsuspecting readers here at Lush. I did this to avoid the challenge of trying to pick good examples from the works of the host of much more talented Lush writers, well, that and as an an act of outrageous authorial hubris.

Shorter works seem to do best when they have a strong, active opening. There are many, award-winning, money-making exceptions to that rule-of-thumb and the opening does not necessarily have to be in a sex scene. For instance the first example hints at what may or may not be about to happen, while the second (Wife Lovers) opens in the middle of all the action.

“Horny, nervous, and half-naked, Kelly Layton peeked through the open bedroom door. Inside, her step-brother lay stretched out on his unmade bed, reading a paperback.” Feels So Right It Can't Be Wrong ( )

“Donna Faircloth, newly minted nurse and young wife, was getting gloriously fucked. Waves of ecstasy surged through her writhing body as the powerfully built man lying between her long, outstretched legs hammered his demanding cock in and out of her very willing cunt.”
Nurse Made (Wife Lovers)

Meanwhile, in categories such as Novels and Love Stories, readers don’t seem to mind openings that are more involved and/or less explicit. For instance:

“Sensual and seductive, she lay amid the rumpled sheets of the bed where we'd just made love—relaxed and at ease within the golden skin of her petite, perfect body. Not posing, not looking at the camera so much as through it, into the photographer, into me, waiting with an expression of amused tolerance for me to finish and rejoin her.”
Special Photo (Love Story)

Me, I'd be happy to leave this here, maybe start a similar thread on the Writing Resources forum, or something else requiring even less work and thought. On this one, try to limit post to micro-fiction length (100words) or thereabouts. Posting another writer's opening would seem more sporting, but the Lush copy protection scheme might make that a chore so anything goes.

No need for thanks Just another fine free, unasked for and probably unwanted product of the crack minds of the brain-trust at the Rumplations think tank.

The bar is open for business in case a mental stimulus is desired.
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Greetings of a TGIF nature to all who wander in only to be gobsmacked by the sight of a comely maiden tending bar, then try some of her witchy brew and decide this is the place to be.

Michelle, many thanks for your setup this morning. Me, I'm gonna fill my mug, grab a few doughnuts and go join Carl at the corner table with Coma and Tose to contemplate life and the upcoming Super Bowl.

If you need a drink, yell for Michelle. We need to get as much work out of her as possible before she melts down, or burns out, or whatever.
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Greetings and best wishes for a great TGIF blowout tomorrow -- if Friday ever comes.

Jeff, the only thing more foolish than LJ marrying you would be you not marrying her. That is, of course, just my most humble opinion. ;)

Scott, congrats on becoming a father-in-la, and may you have as fine an experience as I've had with my daughter-in-law.

Tonya, glad I am you dropped in.

Kimmi, I've been checking you out, little lady. All is well, of course, except for an outdoor story posted back in 2018, 'Going Down on the Farm'. I'm even more bewildered than usual by it having only six votes. (It now has a seventh.) Not sure if you were aware and/or gave a shit about that vote total but thought you might like to know.

eta: Since your story is outdoor sex positive, I feel compelled to post a link to my anti-outdoor sex cautionary tale:

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/humor/looking-for-sex-in-outdoor-places-a.aspx

I had a semi-brilliant post earlier today but it vanished. Odds are it didn't in actual matter-of-fact get posted and was lost somewhere on the great info highway. No doubt my bad -- as usual.

Anybody else need a drink?
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