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RumpleForeskin
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 79
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Curvy Galore has invited whatever lifeforms are still around to join her in a celebratory drink to -- you know -- celebrate her birthday. Now I make it a rule to only drink to excess, but for Curvy that's just one more rule made to be broken. Tell ya what, since you say Lyf is buying, why don't I just line the bar with pints of Curvy's favorite beer (one that's free) and let everybody do what comes naturally to Rumplators? smile

HAPPY BIRTHDAY , MS C, -- even if it is after midnight in your neck of the woods.
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Greetings to all who gather to celebrate the birth of CURVY which I'm told occurred only, well, very recently.

In case anyone is interested, here's the skinny-dip on the morning coffee:

Jen took a look, laid an egg and said she was too chicken to even try.

Scald did her bit by invoking some occult occultisms and 'poof' there was coffee. Only problem was the first three folks to try that brew were turned into bunnies -- though it must be said they were very happy rabbits.

The Curvy showed up, had a long talk with Big Bertha and then proceeded to transform coffee and water into a pure, though coffee-tasting, ambrosia.

Me, I'm now gonna fill my mug with that ambrosia, then grab some brownies and doughnuts, fit a guide dog harness onto Tawny (who loves it 'doggie' style)and have her lead me into the stock room where we can practice some serious meditation.

So anybody wanna drink?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Greetings of a TGIF nature to all wishing to give thanks that this week is, despite well founded fears to the contrary, about to end before we have.

Big Bertha has been cleansed, loaded and set to work on some fine dark roast coffee and water from someplace called Love Canal, so it must be good. That same water was used in the tea kettle. Seems okay but someone has said something about there being a faint glow. No worries. There'll be no charge for that extra.

Kimmi brought doughnuts. Me, I'm gonna grab a couple, fill my 'Deep Hole Fluid Injectors' mug to the brim with Big Bertha's elysian elixir and hang around to find out what the hell happens next.

So who needs a drink?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Lyf, can't help you with that Tullamore D.E.W. stuff. It's way too trendy to make it onto the Rumplations' inventory. I'd offer you some of the Jameson Carl and James fuss over but my well founded fear of possible retribution makes me hesitate. Might still have a half-finished bottle of Bushmill if that is acceptable.

Jeff, thanks for the 'heads up' on that call for subs . Something like that might make a great theme for a Lush Ccontest. Would need some tinkering with the name and guidelines. Me, I like 'What's Love Got To Do With It?' for a title with no straight only requirement.

Anybody need a drink?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Greetings to the garrulous gang busy picking up the pieces following the celebration of all the contest win, place or show Rumplators.

And in other news of events worth celebrating, Donald Trump became to first President of the old U.S. of A. to be impeached for a second time. A suitable achievement to mark the end of his reign of terror next Wednesday.

Which reminds me, I've been thinking, in a manner of speaking, that Rumplators all over the world might be interested in a simultaneous celebration to be hel at noon (US east coast time) on 1/20 when the Donald ceases to be President. Still mulling over any details but wondered what y'all thought.

Anyway, time for me to fill my mug with Big Bertha's blessed brew, grab a brownie or two and join Coma and Tose at the corner table to eat and drink and discuss this weekend's NFL playoff games. So whadda you bottom feeders in the great slush pile of life wanna drink?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Greetings to all the casually carnal curious who enter, check out the joint, then decide to stay.

Thanks to the dynamic duo of Curvy and Big Bertha for today's hardly healthy setup.

Question to the assembled throng (note: that's 'throng' not 'thong' though any confused responses will be accepted) Is there a badge for top ten finishers? If not, it might be a nice companion to the well-deserved RR's. Also and in addition, when will Lush hold a contest for the talentless and/or never winners? ;)

Anyway, it's time to order drinks to celebrate the achievement of the talented winners among us. So whadd y'all wanna drink?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Mega-congrats to all who entered with a tip of the old sombrero to the top ten and podium trio.

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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Storm Dog, he wrote: Thanks, Rump, I'm blown away. I'd been secretly hoping for a Pulitzer, or maybe a little something from the American Literary Guild, but they pale by comparison. They'd just be cheap trinkets alongside this!

Thanks for the beer - now set up the house, on me.

To which, me, or is it 'I' replied: So true, SD, but your story deserved even greater praise, especially after your kind offer.

Okay, Da Dawg is buying.

Jeff you gonna stick to straight water? And scott should I still draw a pint for you or are you gonna upgrade. Of course Curvy and Susie will crave evening beers. Hot chocolate with a really big bunch of mini-marshmallows are still coming up for Sarah, of course.

So whadda the rest of you dwellers in the lands of Lush wanna drink?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
James, he wrote: It buggers the imagination...

To which I pedantically note: It's BEGGARS (not 'buggers') the imagination...

No doubt that was an inadvertent Freudian slip or possibly the product of wistful wool gathering-- right? ;)

Sweat not the Jameson's. Tawny just negotiated with her cousin Bubba at the liquor store for a package deal that included two cases of Jamesons.

Don't thank me. Tawny's the one with a sore bottom today.

Now who wants a drink?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Making a Yuk-A Flux is a snap, but only if the Yuk-A really wants to Flux. At least that's what I've been told.

Kimmi, the idea of Shatner inspiring your vampire stories make some of us wonder if the stories should go into Supernatural, Fantasy or Horror. ;)

Storm Dog's new story 'This Too Shall Pass' has just received the coveted, Rumplations Recommended Read (RRR) award. As such, it is highly recommended that it be placed at the top of your 'Must Read' Lush story list.

Anybody want a drink?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Greetings to all Rumplators who enter seeking a little piece, so to speak.

Best I recall, the ETA for announcement of contest winners was on or about the sixteenth. Any word on that timetable?

For those of us who follow the pigskin, the University of Alabama won yet another national championship in college football last night, whipping third ranked and undefeated Ohio State, 52-34. It'll be over half a year before the 2021 season kicks off but spring practice will soon be with us. ;)

Meanwhile, there's pro and college basketball, hockey, and both pro and college baseball to go along with recreational sex as ways to past the time during lockdowns.
It's Tuesday so there's a 'one for the price of two' special on salted peanuts.

Now pardon me while I grab a bag of fried pork skins and fill my 'Deep Hole Fluid Injectors, Inc.' mug with Big Bertha's elixir of life.

So whadda you licentious literary lovers whanna drink?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
And now for some really big news: The kickoff of the national championship college football game between unbeaten Ohio State and unbeaten Alabama will be in about three hours (8:00pm et)

Larry, he wrote: And for any Rumplators who have not read your last story on that site be reminded, this is it:

https://www.storiesspace.com/stories/general/-a-winters-day-.aspx

Give it a comment and a vote.

Me, I gushed: Approximately one million thanks for that kind pimp. smile

Don't know if you caught James' thoughts on the lassitude that seems to be afflicting many Lushers. Me, I've just come up with another possibility, seasonal affected disorder (SAD). This side of the equator, the further north you go, the shorter the winter days which tends to screw around with our circadian rhythms. That happens every year, of course, but toss in the lockdowns, travel restrictions not to mention the deaths of hundreds of thousands from Covid19, along with current events and you get the idea that anyone not feeling down in the dumps would have to be as crazy as Trump. ;)

Now who needs a stiff one, drink, that is?.
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Greetings on this Moanday mourning in Lushland. Big Bertha has been cleansed and filled with dark roast coffee from New Orleans and water from the mighty Mississippi. That was the same source for the fluid now filling the fast heating tea kettle.

Larry and I did a bit of late night musing on why things seem a tad flaccid, so to speak, in the lands of Lush (outside of Rumplations, of course) these days. Any thoughts or, even better, suggestions on possible cures, will be much depreciated.

Until Curvy and/or Tonya come in, you'll have to get by on our usual breakfast menu of such delicacies as: fried pork skins, Slim Jim's,, salted peanuts (Tuesday is only a day away) and other tempting treats.

Me, I'm gonna brab a mug full of Big Bertha's ambrosia, a bag of fried pork skins and then stumble over to the corner table to discuss life and the NFL playoffs with Coma and Tose. So before I make that transition, whadda ya products of a misspent youth wanna drink?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Curvy, here's your beerS. Enjoy.

Larry, one Virgin Hannah coming up. Last time I checked her profile,she claimed to be hanging out with Frank Lee on Malta. If so that's one more reason to be jealous of him. ;)

As for the contest blahs, something tells me the post-holiday, ongoing lockdown, and the Trump's coup have combined to give most folks the old 'Been Down So Long Bottom Looks Like Up' blues.

On the other hand, it might just be that everyone is awaiting the next wet t-shirt pole dancing competition here at Rumplations. So whadda ya think?

My Saints just rolled over the Bears of Chicago. Their reward will be to face the Tampa Bay Bucs and 'All World' quarterback Tom Brady for a third time this season. Beating them twice was tough enough. Three times could be a challenge.

Now who else wants a drink?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
The dueling-duplicate posts of recent memory threatened to trigger flashback to 'Groundhog Day'. A blessing on Sprites pretty little punkin' head for breaking up the back and forth.

Think it's time for a libation. Anybody else want one or maybe just a drink or two?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Judging from some of the recent posts, Rumplations official, 'Jane Austen Literary Lyceum and Inventory Society has either broken up or maybe down. I'm sure a good time was had by all.

Now who needs a drink or two?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Greetings to all seeking a warm, dry place to come in from the cold and also to those in search of a cool, shady place to get in out of the heat.

Xander, hang in there. Your longed-for-lady may be a head taller but consider the success Mickey Rooney had with the ladies out in Hollywood and know that there is hope. ;)

Three surprisingly good NFL playoff games yesterday with three more games scheduled for later today. Since my New Orleans Saints will be hosting the Chicago Bears, I'm gonna be a tad busy in a few hours.

Checking on Big Bertha who seems content with the coffee and artesian spring water she got a bit earlier and has almost finished converting into caffeinated ambrosia. The tea kettle has been turning its allotment of water from that same spring into hot spring water so the tea and coco crowd need fear not.

Me, I'm gonna fill my mug to the brim with Big Berth's blessed brew then sneak over to the Inspirations Coffee Shop on Stories Space for some of Sarah's cookies. All drink orders must await my return unless someone wants to take on the fearsome responsibility of tending bar during my absence.
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Gill said: I'll take something strong. I'm done being responsible for the day.

Me, I replied: What, I say, what about a nice seasonal drink? What I had in mind was a Colada 151 (pina colada with 151 proof rum) garnished with a bunch of pineapple, coconut, etc. and topped off with several cocktail umbrellas. Then all ya gotta do is crank the heater up to bake, turn on the overhead fans, put some Jimmy Buffet on the old Victrola,t slip into a slinky sarong and prepare to spend the rest of the evening reading Lush stories. Just a suggestion.

Curvy you wanna give that a try or stick to your evening beer?

Anybody else need a drink?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Mega-congrats to Kimmi on her achieving AWESOME status.
It's just one more proof that even a mod can get something right ever now and then. ;)

And I'll drink to that. Y'all be making your orders while I'm preparing a large mug of hot chocolate for AWESOME Kimmi.
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
CARL!

Welcome back old hoss. It's not that we've missed you so much as your doughnuts and reports on the Horse with no name. ;)

Anybody wanna drink?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Kimmi, she wrote: I wanna see what happens when Rump gets turned on.

To which I replied: Me too, Kimmi. ;)

Anybody else need a drink or two?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
It's mourning in America. (sigh)

Here's hoping this joint/thread can serve as a place for lovers of democracy from all over the world to meet, exchange feelings, and grieve for what was lost yesterday. While ventilating emotions and expressions of solidarity against those who hate freedom is important, the best medicine might be the usual teasing, flirting and what passes around here for humor. I'm open to damn near anything.
Y'all do the best you know how while keeping on keeping on.

Rumpled old Bill
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Greetings to all and a blessing on the head of Curvy and the top of Big Bertha for today's ration of caffeinated ambrosia. Of course I'm sure the tea sippers are also singing the praises of you two. And lest we forget, Curvy's brownies are a major goodness.

Glad to hear that Carl is okay even if he's just fair-to-middling.

Me, I was feeling even better than that due to the Senate election in Georgia. Then came news reports about the fast spread of the Trump Plague, especially the situation in L.A. where I have a man-child and #1 daughter-in-law hunkered down for the duration.

Time to stop yakking and start swigging coffee and eating brownies. Anybody need a drink?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Greetings to all who enter in search of learned discourse, notice the professor is Jeff (Verbal) and decide to stay anyway. ;)

Now about the bar's 'fine lickers' -- well, let me tell you, to use a 21st century cliche', 'it is what it is'

And in other news, Sprite has posted another chapter in her version of 'Alice's Adventures in Venality' or something sorta like that. And Frank Lee has a new 'flasher' ready for your perusal. In case some of the newbies aren't acquainted with Frank Lee, he's one of the top writers on Lush. Check out both new stories.

Curvy, thanks for setup. You and Big Bertha have done right by this crowd. BTW, has anyone touched base with Carl (Fuzzy) recently?

Now does anyone want a drink of something or maybe a slug of other?

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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Over on Stories Space 'Sacre Bleu' in the 'Contests and Calls for Subs' forum, I've posted a list of 28 calls for themed subs that pay. Many of the themes would make a Rumplator feel right at home. Here are just a few.

Mermaids Monthly
They want short and micro fiction, nonfiction, poetry, comics, and artwork on the mermaids theme. “Everything should in some way relate to merfolk. We are loose about how you want to define that, and we will consider other aquatic fantastical creatures to be on theme”, according to guidelines. For nonfiction, they accept pitches as well as submissions. They also accept reprints.
Deadline: 9 January 2021
Length: Up to 5,000 words for fiction; poetry of any length
Pay: $0.10/word for short fiction and nonfiction, $50-100 for poems
Details here.

Planet Scumm: Snake Eyes
For this submission call, they want stories only by cisgender women, transgender women, transgender men, non-binary people, and genderqueer people.The anthology theme is ‘Snake Eyes’. They want hard sci-fi, soft sci-fi, speculative fiction, weird fiction, and slipstream.
Deadline: 10 January 2021
Length: 2,000-6,000 words (one story or a collection of flash stories)
Pay: $0.02/word
Details here.

The Other Stories Podcast: Lost Civilizations; Government Experiments; Newly Discovered Creatures
This is a horror fiction podcast by Hawk & Cleaver. Currently, they’re seeking work on three themes: Lost Civilizations; Government Experiments; and Newly Discovered Creatures. They ask you to submit work if it can terrify, scar, and haunt their audience. The link to download guidelines is on the submissions page.
Deadlines: Lost Civilisations – 11th January; Government Experiments – 25th January; Newly Discovered Creatures – 8th February 2021
Length: Up to 2,000 words
Pay: $5
Details here.

Channel
This Ireland-based journal takes submissions of fiction, poetry, and nonfiction from all over the world. They publish work that engages with the natural world, and have a particular interest in work which encourages reflection on human interaction with plant and animal life, landscape and the self. They also accept translations. For nonfiction, they accept both completed work and pitches.
Deadline: 15 January 2021 for fiction and poetry; ongoing for nonfiction
Length: Up to 6,000 words for prose; up to 4 poems
Pay: €40/poem, €40/page of prose up to €120
Details here.

Women Artists Datebook: Activism and/or Healing
This is a call for submissions of poetry by all women and femmes (LBTQ2IAA) – they want work that promotes activism and/or healing. They can be in any style or language (please provide an English translation). They are also looking for artwork.
Deadline: 15 January 2020
Length: Up to 30 lines; send up to 4 poems
Pay: $70 for poetry; $70-200 for artwork
Details here (scroll down).

Alpennia: Lesbian Historic Motif Podcast Fiction Series
They want short stories in the lesbian historic fiction genre, to be produced in audio format for the podcast, as well as published in text on the website. The editors want to see actual historic culture and the plot and characters should be firmly rooted in that time and place. Stories must be set before 1900; the editors would like to see stories that reach beyond the popular settings of 19th century America and England. Romance is optional – meaning story lines focusing on the establishment of a new romantic relationship – and romance stories should have some other strong element in addition to the romance. Stories may include fantastic elements that are appropriate to the historic setting. For example, they can include fantastic or supernatural events or beings that people of that era considered to be real. Or stories may be modeled on the fantastic literature of a specific historic era and culture. No time-travel or past memories, erotica or tragic endings.
Deadline: 31 January 2021
Length: Up to 5,000 words
Pay: $0.08/word
Details here.

Mysterion: Christian speculative fiction
They want science fiction, fantasy and horror stories that engage meaningfully with Christian themes, characters or cosmology. The stories need not teach a moral or be close to an approved theological position. Nor do they need to be pro-Christian – see their detailed guidelines on the kind of work they see too often, and what they would like to see. They are especially interested in stories that show Christians from cultures beyond those of the United States, Canada, and Western Europe. They also accept translations and reprints, and art submissions. Art submissions are open year-round.
Deadline: 31 January 2021
Length: Up to 9,000 words
Pay: $0.08/word
Details here.

Room Magazine: Indigenous Brilliance
This is an international feminist magazine publishing work from marginalized genders, including women, trans men, Two Spirit, and non binary creatives. They publish fiction, creative nonfiction, poetry, and art. They’re reading for the Indigenous Brilliance issue. They have extensive guidelines, including, “This issue is to hold space for Indigenous writers to tell their stories. Indigenous is used to refer broadly to peoples of long settlement and connection to specific lands who have been adversely affected by incursions by industrial economies, displacement, and settlement of their traditional territories by others. We acknowledge this is not limited to Turtle Island and the America’s, and welcome Indigenous experiences from around the globe, who share histories of European colonialism, genocide, enslavement, subjugation, resistance, sovereignty and liberation.”
Deadline: 31 January 2021
Length: Up to 3,500 words for fiction and non-fiction; up to five poems
Pay: CAD50/page, up to CAD150

x s s

These were all copied from the free online newsletter of Authors Publish magazine so the links will not work. To get more info just google a site and check it out.

Yet another fine, free, unasked for service from the cracked Customer Service Dept. here at Rumplations.

Anybody need a drink?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Greetings from your cranky old blind barkeep. This place is working alive today. Me, I'm worn out just from reading all the post. Keep on keeping on, y'all.

Anybody want a drink or two?

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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Greetings to all as we gather here together to wish Sarah, a big...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

The posting of even larger Happy Birthday wishes to Sarah, either here or on the Occasions thread, is hereby authorized and even encouraged.

James, let me commend you for convincing VV to give this joint a try. You've been on a streak of conning (coaxing?) smart, charming, fine writers into giving us a try. Must be one of those 'opposites attract' deals. ;)

But James, while you are a fine writer and something of a human bean,if you call this crowd 'Rumplies' once more you'll face the distinct possibility of and extended session as the target of Sprite's taser 'Quick Zap' practice and/or up-close and personal interrogation by our head of security, Terrance the tarantula. ;)

Coffee's on, Big Bertha got tired of waiting on me and took care of her needs. She also kicked the tea kettle into gear (don't think she was too happy about having to do that DIY thing)

No treats, y'all gutted down all the fried pork skins and salted peanuts last night. So whadda ya wanna drink?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Sarah, you ready to switch from iced tea to hot chocolate w/mini-marshmallows?

Me, I've spent the day following college football bowl games and reading newest Lush stories. Off the top of my pointy little hard head, I'd recommend the ones by Saucy, James, and Natasha. Several others are well worth a read but you'll have to discover them all by yourself, he says, covering for yet another memory lapse. ;)

Now there's one more game to go, the Orange Bowl with Texas A&M taking on North Carolina. So y'all better belly up to the bar for any pre-kickoff drinks you crave.
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Greetings, oh ye struggling scribblers of smut. For the benefit of those totally confused by time in this never ending year, here's the deal. Today is:

Saturday, January 2, 2021 -- probably.

Big Bertha has been given a rinse though the sludge was left to help fortify today's offering. She was then loaded with dark roast coffee and pristine tap water and is well on her way to converting all that into cavveinated ambrosia. Meanwhile, the tea kettle has been activated. Of course our selection of beers, wines and fine lickers is available for a most nominal charge which you will, no doubt, put on the tab of someone else who will then 'forget' to pay. Some things never change no matter what the year.

Congrats to Ohio State for pounding Clemson 49-28 to earn a ticket to the national championship game where they'll face Alabama which inflicted a 31-14 beating on Notre Dame.

Coffee's ready, so's the water in the kettle. We got individual bags of fried pork skins for those too hungry to wait for more traditional breakfast goodies. So whadda ya wanna drink?
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RumpleForeskin
The Right Rev of Lush
Greetings to all on this, the first day of 2021.

Curvy, you and Big Bertha have done gone and produced another morning setup goodness. Thanks to both of you. ;)

James, your way-too-kind comment is much appreciated. Rumplations has been blessed over the last few months with the presence of newbies who have made a solid contribution to whatever is this joint reason for being.

With the contest now closed and the announcement of winners days away, is it time to start heckling Nic and Co. with suggestions for the next contest theme? Just asking.

Time has long since passed for me to shut up and call out for any orders of a fluid nature. So whadda ya hardly working human-types wanna drink?
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